The Gift of Forgiveness
by GGraYY27
Summary: Sequel to TGoRecoveryReVamped: After years of no contact with anyone from her old life, Leandra's life is turned upside down once more when it all comes back to remind her why she can never have a normal existence. After all is said and done, can she ever survive picking up the pieces of what's left? (Direct sequel- I suggest reading through my previous stories first.)
1. Chapter 1

**Here we go, guys! Opening notes!  
It's been so long. Let's see if I can remember how this is supposed to go.  
First off, let's start with the everlasting:**

 **DiSCLAIMER!  
No part of Twilight is mine, and I don't claim it to be.  
Leandra, or any other of my characters are not real and never have been. Only products of my way-too-active imagination.  
**

 **Next, let's move on to the rating warning:  
This story is rated 'M' for reasons I haven't decided yet. It's just best to be safe. There will be cussing. Probably violence.**

 **A few more things worth noting.  
One, this is my first story after a huge life change. I can already tell you right now that this won't be up there on the same level as my previous stories. Mainly because my mind is now split two ways. Always partly on the little 10-week-old creature I created currently sleeping in his crib. Please bear with me on this. I'm still learning how to do both at once.  
These chapters will be shorter. I don't think I have it in me to add enough content to each chapter to result in 15k+ word counts again. At least not at the moment.**

 **Two, this deals with a subject I've never really gone into in detail. Not to this degree, anyway, so this is also new to me. A friend/previous beta had suggested it to me, and I've debated about whether or not to go this way. I guess I've decided to, so we'll see how it goes over.**

 **If these two points don't bother you, by all means. Let's get on with it. :)**

 **Here we go!**

 **Chapter One**

 _Sitting there, my room was silent. As it should have been, considering what time of night it was. Just passed two in the morning, I did ache for sleep, but I was awake. It wasn't a rare occurrence lately. I sat up, waiting for something. For what, I didn't know. I had nothing worth waiting for, but the last few nights, I'd been up. Sitting upright in my bed, listening to the sounds of a silent house. A creak here, a click as the thermostat in the hallway reached the temperature required to turn on the heater._

 _Part of me wished I had my own personal thermostat. I was always cold these days._

 _I'd never forget the way my heart hurt. The pounding in my head only intensifying that. A constant, aching reminder of the fact that I had no reason anymore. For anything. Crushing depression stealing any thought of sleep, any hope of light. Thoughts crossing my thirteen-year-old mind that shouldn't be crossing my mind._

 _I never slept anymore, despite being more exhausted than I'd ever been. I no longer found the point in eating, and I no longer felt thirsty. I'd lost it all. I'd reached the lowest point I'd ever been._

 _A numbness that accompanied the crushing depression stole any sort of surprise when I finally looked over to realize that I wasn't alone in my room anymore. The dimly lit corner of my room nearest my window was now occupied, but I showed no reaction. Though I was a bit surprised to see him, as he felt like a dream. I just stared. My deeply wounded heart tried to beat faster, but in habit, it just continued on auto-pilot._

 _"Leandra." Aro greeted me calmly, as if he didn't take any notice of my obviously numb state. It was like a dream. A dream I'd had so long ago that had suddenly showed up again. I hesitantly let myself vaguely remember who this person was, and what his presence could mean. What he was here for._

 _"Hi." I finally greeted back, my voice hardly making a sound._

 _"I believe you remember why I'm here." He replied just as quietly, "I'm here for your decision."_

 _To be honest, I hadn't thought about it at all. Only just now reminded of it, I slowly struggled to sit up straighter. He was here about Josh, the favor I asked him for years ago. A part of my life I'd forced myself to forget. It really didn't take much thought to decide that I really couldn't go through with it. Josh was such a needed part of this family, and selfishly, I knew I couldn't make it through any of this without him. Not for a reason like that._

 _"I can't." I mumbled, "I'm sorry." Immediately, he nodded. As if he'd expected that._

 _"I understand." He said, "I can't say that I didn't expect this." Just the thought, though, of having to live without him brought on my too-sensitive tears. Something I could no longer control._

 _"If I may," Aro spoke again, "I must admit. You don't look as if you're doing too well, my dear."_

 _"I'm not." I sobbed almost silently._

I bolted upright in my bed, groaning loudly as I startled awake. Whimpering as I struggled to keep my tears back. I could easily tell that I'd been crying in my sleep, but that wasn't the only reason I cried now. I actually had a pretty good reason for crying.

Once again, I'd woken myself up only minutes before my alarm went off beside me. The second the sound started, I reached over and slammed my fist against the clock. Shutting it up, and immediately feeling bad for reacting that way.

I hated waking up like this, but as with every other time, the survival part of my mind forced me to move the entire memory of that dream to the back of my mind. It was a skill I'd learned long ago. Bury it deep so I can continue with my day.

Just like I did with the other first twelve years of my life.

Once I'd gotten myself under control, I roughly flipped the blanket back. Standing up and crossing my bedroom to the large mirror on my sliding closet door. Just like every other morning for the passed few weeks, I inspected myself. Starting at my long, auburn hair, I briefly fluffed it as I gathered it out of my face and over one shoulder. Meeting my own reflection's green eyed, red and puffy gaze, I could hardly tell anymore that the now-familiar worry had ever faded.

Here I was, fifteen and staring at myself like an idiot. Turning sideways, gathering my baggy pajama top against my side until the fabric was tight around me. Biting my lip, I sighed as I realized that I would soon be facing a problem. A problem that would soon make itself known, whether I wanted it to or not.

I jumped a little as my bedroom door suddenly opened, dropping the fabric I had bunched in my hand as I looked sharply toward the door.

"Hey," I sighed loudly at Zack's greeting, "Mom wants to know if you need a ride to school today."

"First," I grumbled, "Learn how to knock. Second, tell her no. I'll grab a ride with Josh again."

"Sorry." He laughed a little, "I heard the floor creak, so I knew you were up."

"Well, just because I'm up doesn't mean you can just barge in." I countered, giving my reflection one more glance before sliding the door open. Not taking the hint, Zack walked in. Crossing the room, he sat himself down on my bed.

"Andrew and I were going to see a movie today after school." He said conversationally, "Wanna come?"

"No thanks." I replied, pawing through my shirts hanging in the closet.

"Aw, come on." He sighed, "You never want to come with us anymore. I think the last time you were with us was that weekend in Seattle. What's with you?" I didn't really know how to answer that. He was right, of course. I'd been strategically avoiding Andrew for awhile. A few months now. I did feel a little bad for doing so, but I also had my reasons.

"Homework."

"There's not even a week left of school." He countered, "And I don't have a shred of homework. How do you have any?"

"Just lucky, I guess." I replied, "Now get out."

"Fine." He groaned, standing up, "So I'll let Josh know not to leave without you."

"Thanks." I muttered gratefully. I sighed as he closed the door behind him. Taking a moment to breathe deeply before continuing on to find my shirt of choice. I decided I'd go with a plain white t-shirt today. Nothing flashy.

The smell of food had me taking the stairs two at a time, more than hungry enough to eat. Josh was already halfway through eating, and Heather was already dressed for work when I reached the kitchen. Hunter, as usual, was kneeled in a kitchen chair picking at his food.

Hunter, now five, had just officially started his school career this year while Josh was about to end his. Josh would be starting his senior year in the fall, and after that, he still had no clue. I had a feeling it had a lot to do with him wanting to be here to help his mom out while Mike was working so much.

Both Heather and Josh watched me as I packed my plate and sat down. I couldn't help glancing over at Josh more often this morning. After the dream I'd had.

"I'll give you a ride to school," Josh spoke up, "But I've got half a day today, and I'm working until six. I'll try to cut work to pick you up, but no promises."

"Crap." I sighed. I'd forgotten about that. I shook my head, "Nah, don't worry. I'll just walk home."

"I'm glad to see your appetite has finally picked back up, sweetie." Heather told me, smiling as she stood up.

"You sure?" Josh asked me, continuing our conversation, "Because I don't think it'll be a problem."

"No, it's okay." I assured him, "Walking home doesn't sound too bad."

"Okay." He replied, his tone a bit skeptical, "Just text me if you change your mind."

Josh had been quite protective of me for awhile now. Since he saw how hard of a time I was having years ago, he picked up his protective nature pretty much overnight. All the more reason for me to avoid Andrew. For his own safety.

I looked over as Mike finally entered the kitchen. He had just gotten up, as he didn't need to be at work until after nine. Since his schedule so closely fit Hunter's schedule, Hunter was essentially his responsibility. Dropping him off at school on his way to work, and picking him up on his lunch break to keep him with him at work. I wondered if that would change during the summer, but Hunter seemed to love spending so much time with him.

"Bye, mom!" Zack called from the front door.

"Hey." She immediately started his direction, "Where you off to so soon? Come eat."

"I wanted to get to Andrew's before school." He replied, "We'll grab something on the way." Instead of focusing on that, I focused on Hunter next to me. Urging him to keep eating since he'd hardly touched his eggs.

Months ago, I would have been joining Zack. It was pretty drastic how much I'd changed my preferences of company, but I couldn't help it. It bothered me to a point, just writing him off, but then again, I had plenty of practice breaking ties with anyone I really cared about.

It wasn't much later that Josh and I were on our way too. Seated in the passenger seat of Josh's small truck, I watched out the window at the street passing by. It had been years since I really looked for anything familiar in the traffic around us, and today was no different.

"So.." Josh spoke up, "Spill."

"Spill what?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Can you tell me with any amount of honesty that you believed I wouldn't notice?" He asked in return, giving me a brief look, "One day you're fine, and the next, you're hiding away like some old lady with twenty cats. You used to love going out every weekend. You used to go everywhere with Zack."

I looked down with a slight shrug.

"Is it just a thing?" He asked, "If it is, that's all you gotta say, but I know something is bugging you." I knew what he meant. "It has been for a while now."

"I've just been distracted." I replied, "It's not a thing." 'Thing' was what we called my bad moments. My depression and anxiety that I used to fall under all the time. I would have gladly used that as an excuse, but I really didn't want him to worry about me. He'd worried enough about me.

"You know you can talk to me."

"I know." I sighed, "But trust me. It'll be a lot easier when I have a chance to figure it out on my own first."

"Mom's been getting worried again." He admitted, and I winced, "I've been doing what I can to calm her down, but that's hard to do when I don't even know what's wrong."

"Well, just tell her that it has nothing to do with them." I suggested, "That should help." 'Them' being the obvious.

"Are you sure it isn't about them?" He asked hesitantly. I should have figured that that would cross his mind.

"I'm sure." I rolled my eyes a little, "I moved on a long time ago." As with every other time I'd said the same thing, I felt the tell-tale pang of nervousness, the common sense part of me telling me that that was a blatant lie. I ignored that.

"Okay." He muttered, "I'll quit bugging you. I just worry.

"I know." I replied honestly, "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Well, start clearing all that out." He joked lightly, "Summer vacation starts next week. You're supposed to have fun."

"I'll see what I can do." I laughed more for his benefit than mine.

It wasn't a long trip to the high school, but I still managed to let my thoughts wander. Back to the difficult part of the conversation we'd just had. Josh had every right to be worried about where my thoughts had gone.

Almost five years ago, I would have thought that the Cullens would still be part of my life. After all, that was how it was supposed to be. How stupid I was back then. I'd never even considered the possibility that things had changed so much. Too much.

The night they left, I died. Despite promises to visit, I wasn't stupid. I read between the lines. I wasn't going to waste my time hoping, waiting for the day they came back, and the fact that they thought I believed them hurt worse. If that was possible.

Not having seen any of my family now for years, somehow, I was okay with that. I was only okay with that, because I had yet to fully let myself sit and think about it. It was a daily struggle, despite how I denied it. To push that pain back, the pain I fought with so hard in my younger years.

I tried my hardest not to think about my younger years. I did what I could to bury all that too. Everything that happened to me before now was like a terrifying nightmare I'd woken up from once, and something I tried really hard to forget. My family being part of that.

Moving in with Heather was the one step I never should have taken. It was the green light I'd worried so much about before.

We'd just moved into a bigger house the last time I saw my family. Mike's business had just begun to pick up, and now they could afford it, they figured they needed more room. I didn't mind the move so much, because I stupidly thought I'd still see my family all the time since we were technically still in the same town.

That wasn't the case.

The last I saw my family, I was just less than half-way into my eleventh year alive, and now, I was tip-toeing ever closer to my sixteenth year alive.

I hardly thought about them much anymore. I accepted that. It wasn't like there was really anything else I could do. I had no clue what went so wrong and it wasn't anything I wanted, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't expect that to happen.

I'd made my choices, but so suddenly I was on my own, I nearly couldn't bear it. It was either stay stuck in the never-ending downward spiral of depression, or accept it and move on. I was now stuck in a boring, normal human life, and of course it wasn't easy, but I'd struggled along this far. Now it was almost easy.

Growing up with my brothers, the ones I never actually considered to be my brothers, had definitely been a trip so far. Zack and Josh had both been used to having a sibling. Me, not so much. The Cullens were all plenty older than me, but when it came to Josh and Zack, there were many times when I hated them both. There were no fights like sibling fights, and it had taken work to build the relationship from friendship to more than best friends. More work than I thought it'd be.

I'd swear to this day that Zack was younger, just by how he acted sometimes. There was no way he was sixteen. Josh was more responsible than both Zack and I combined, about to start his senior year of high school, and holding two part time jobs just fine. Moments away from turning eighteen himself, he was definitely someone bringing pride to his parents.

Zack had no job, only choosing to wander off with his friends most of the time. It was rare I saw him without one of those morons hanging around. Andrew, mostly, but I didn't mind him so much. It was the other morons I didn't like.

Me, I had a few friends here or there, but nothing to write home about. No job as of yet, but that was okay with me. I didn't need money to be happy, much unlike Zack who was constantly borrowing money from Josh or Heather. He knew Mike would make him work for it, so he never asked him.

Heather and Mike both kept doing what they do. Heather was an amazing nurse who excelled at her job, but had way too many crazy hours to be considered too reliable at home. Others depended on her relentlessly to cover their shifts, and she was too nice of a person to tell them no. She never held it against them, but I hated them for it.

Mike ran his own construction company, telling dozens of men what to do, and how and when to do it. He'd built that company from the ground up with his own two hands, and now it really was something to be proud of, but having more than one location kept him away from home a lot as well. It was a rare sight these days to see Mike and Heather together other than the morning, and I knew for a fact that bothered Heather to no end. They were a team. Partners, but nowadays, it was one or the other keeping us alive.

I found that what bothered Heather, bothered me. They'd both taken me in, and right from the start, treated me like one of their own. Raising me this far without giving up on me. There were a few close calls, especially in the beginning, but they never lost hope in what I could become. Never losing hope in me even when I'd completely lost hope in everything, especially myself.

Things got much better when I learned to live in the present. It took me almost two years to figure out how to rely on myself to piece myself back together, but I did it. I worked hard at getting where I was, and I was proud of it. As far as I was concerned, I'd built the life I had now with my own two hands, just like Mike had done with his business.

I adjusted, taking every easy moment I could get my hands on and trading that for the harder moments of figuring out who I was and where I was. Facing things I didn't want to face, sorting through things I didn't want to sort through. Taking countless hours of sitting alone in my room, just zoning out and thinking. Taking a good, long look at myself in the only way I could. I took what I could get. I did what I could to turn things around and to understand what I could about me and what I could do. I took what I'd been handed, laid it out in front of me, and studied it hard.

Once I'd figured that out, and once I learned to let go, I started the life I never thought was possible. By then, Josh was old enough to have his own friends and his own interests, so that left Zack and me to find ways to entertain ourselves. Between Zack and Andrew, we were all pretty inseparable. Taking up most of what I considered to be the best years of my life, and most of the time, it didn't even involve anything special. Just hanging around and talking. I'd always be grateful to Zack for letting me tag along so often. For being so indescribably patient while I was still fragile.

However, the more I got out and did things around other people, I got to experience more of what I was missing before. The more I got out and did things, the more I saw. The more family outings to places I'd still never been before, the more I could see that the kindness of other people was everywhere. I just didn't know where, or even how to look before. People weren't that bad, I discovered. They were just people.

That was a huge turn for me. Something I never knew to consider before. A smile my direction was, more often than not, just a smile. A friendly greeting. A stranger asking how my day was going was just that. A compliment was just that. A compliment. No hidden meanings or sinister motives. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I trusted anyone, but I didn't have to be afraid of them, either.

Once I discovered that, things got even better. I could go more places without Heather beside me, and explore a little more on my own in an attempt to find my own footing. To drop some roots, and start settling in.

Now, however, everything was different.

Months ago, Josh decided that he was missing us so much since we'd grown too far apart for his comfort, so he convinced Heather to let us all go to Seattle for a weekend concert thing he'd found cheap tickets for. Since it wasn't too far away, she easily agreed. Since we were all old enough to behave. Supposedly.

It was supposed to be something that brought us all closer again, but because of one stupid mistake, it had done the opposite. For me, anyway. Since that weekend three months ago, I'd pretty much cut off all ties possible with Andrew, which left Zack open to find new friends for me to hate.

I didn't hate Andrew. Not in the least. I just thought it would be better for me to avoid him. My life was about to change enough. I didn't want to do that to him, too.

"Leandra?" Josh's voice shook me out of my thoughts and I looked over at him, "You sure you're okay?" I realized we'd been sitting the parking lot for awhile too long.

"Yeah." I sighed, "I'm fine. Just thinking."

He sighed as well, "I don't know what's got you so distracted, but I don't like it."

I didn't blame him.

"I don't like it much either." I admitted, forcing a small smile and opening the door.

Typical for the end of the year, not much happened at school. Though I was pretty sure that even if it had been eventful, I wouldn't have noticed. My mind was constantly reeling, and I walked through most of the day without paying any attention to anything around me. That was one thing I'd kept from my younger years. The ability to be so worked up emotionally and mentally, while sitting physically still. Calm on the outside, a complete wreck on the inside.

I did often wonder if this whole situation would be any easier if I wasn't the only one in on it. I'd waited and waited, hoping for some sign that things would be different, but it wasn't possible to deny anymore. Maybe if someone else was in on it with me, I'd be allowed to freak out.

I made it to the end of the school day without an issue, but I should have known that wouldn't last.

"Leandra?" Once again, a voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Outside the school, before I could get too far, Andrew had found me. I couldn't exactly pretend I didn't hear him, as I'd instinctively turned to look at him.

The first time I'd met him, despite him being there so often in the vision, was outside a school. He used to be such a good friend of mine, both this time and in the vision. His shaggy brown hair was almost as long as Zack's was, but somehow, Andrew carried it better.

Instant nervousness fluttered in my stomach as I looked down. He arrived at my side, probably a little surprised that I didn't immediately walk away.

"Can we talk?" He asked when I didn't say anything.

I sighed, looking around myself for any sort of excuse, "I can't right now. I've gotta get home."

"I'll walk you." He offered, "Please."

"Aren't you supposed to hang out with Zack today?" I asked, but I started walking anyway.

"Please." He insisted, lightly catching my arm and stopping me. I sighed, heavier this time as I turned to face him. I avoided his gaze, though. He spoke again, "I think.. I mean.. To me, anyway.. What happened-"

"I don't want to talk about that." I immediately shook my head.

"Was it really that bad?" He asked, and I hesitated, "I mean, I can kind of get why you're mad at me, but I think we should at least talk about it."

"I'm not mad at you." I replied quieter, "I was in on it as much as you were, and it wasn't _bad_. I just.. I don't know, okay?"

"If it wasn't bad, then what's the problem?" He asked, almost desperate now, "Why are you avoiding me now? What did I do?"

"It's not you." I said, "Okay? It's me. I just have a lot on my mind that I need to sort through. What happened.. That's not me. I mean.. That's not something I do."

"Come hang out with us." He suggested, "If it's what you want, then let's just pretend it never happened. It'll be like it was before."

"No it won't." I countered, "I.. Can't just pretend it never happened."

"Try." He pleaded quietly, "Come on. Zack and I are going to meet up with Lucas and his brother after the movie." I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I knew exactly what he was getting at. Our favorite pastime used to be sitting around Lucas' attic for hours, just hanging out.

Naturally, we'd get into some stuff we really shouldn't have, but it was nothing we couldn't handle. A few shared drinks now and then, maybe some smoking, but we always stayed out of any major trouble while we were up there. Going over there always guaranteed a good time to unwind.

I laughed, mostly humorlessly, "You don't know how awesome that sounds right about now, but I can't." I hated the disappointed look on his face, so I sighed. Stepping forward, I hugged him. Of course he returned it.

"Really." I said, "It's not you. I've just got a lot of stuff on my mind." I hated letting him down, but it really was for his own good. I did care about him.

He sighed as well, "Okay."

"Thank you for talking to me though." I added, stepping back and looking at him again, "I'm glad we did. Maybe.. We can talk a little more again sometime."

"Anytime." He replied, his hope suddenly restored, "Just let me know."

I nodded, "For sure. But hey, have fun for me today, okay?"

"Yeah." He laughed a little, "Will do."

Truthfully, I did feel a little better after talking to him. I'd been feeling bad for just abandoning him the way I did, and now that I had a chance to tell him that it wasn't really anything he did specifically and he seemed to understand, I didn't have to feel bad anymore.

I wasn't stupid. I knew that what I'd done wasn't something I could hide forever. As much as I wished I could, I knew it wouldn't let me. I just needed time to figure out how to tell Heather without getting disowned or kicked out.

I honestly had to admit, though. Living a plain life up until now hadn't been all bad. It seemed that making the decision to live with Heather was just the solution I needed. It had worked, but in exchange, I'd lost my family. For whatever reason, they chose to focus more on their own lives and next thing I knew, I was on my own.

I was confused at first for sure. That confusion only made the rest of the emotions worse. Those over two years after they left were definitely hard. I'd been thirteen for half a year before I started to figure it out.

After that, I was pretty much open to everything, and it was just like before. Things got better, days got lighter. The only difference was that I no longer had the option to chicken out and run home.

I didn't try to wonder anymore. I didn't expect them to ever be back. Of course I'd always be grateful to my family for all they'd done for me, dragging me through those two years with them when I most certainly would have given up. I just wished it had ended differently.

But the rest of the last almost three years had been better than I could have expected. It still amazed me how I could fit into the role of normal without even really trying. In a way, by doing this, I'd been given far more than I knew my family was capable of giving me.

Shaking my head, I refused to let those thoughts move any further. I paid attention to where I was walking instead. The early summer breeze moved my hair and the branches of the trees lining the streets. The light, subtle, airy scent of rain clearing my head better than anything else I knew.

I wasn't too sure about going home to be the only one there, though, so I took my time. I could always keep going and pick up Hunter from Mike's work, but I didn't want to ruin that for him. Josh and Heather were working, and Zack was out with Andrew. That left me the only one with no plans. As my luck would have it, I didn't appreciate alone time that much.

I made it home uneventfully, which I fully expected, and let myself into the empty house with the spare key. With a sigh, I laid my backpack to the side and wandered to the couch. It was nice to walk, but it sure took a lot out of me sometimes.

As soon as I laid down on the couch, though, I closed my eyes and was out cold. It felt too good to rest my eyes after waking up the way I did that morning.

I startled awake, though. Disoriented, I looked around the empty living room, searching for what had woken me up just as I heard the front door open. I instantly sighed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I realized the sound of a car door was probably what woke me up.

"Hi, honey." It was Heather, tossing her keys on the table just beside the door with a sigh.

"Hey." I greeted in reply, looking over, "I thought you were working until six?"

"Laura is covering my last hour." She answered, coming in to sit next to me. I glanced at the clock in surprise. I'd been asleep for two and a half hours. That was a surprise to me, but she continued, "I think she could sense that I was three seconds away from strangling Beth."

"Hospital is the perfect place to do it." I muttered, sleepily staring at the coffee table in front of me. She laughed a little, but the sound was tired, "Long day?"

"Long week." She laughed again with a quiet sigh.

"You've gotta stop covering for everyone." I pointed out, "It's running you down."

"Don't you worry." She patted my leg lightly, "I have tomorrow and Sunday off. I intend to take full advantage of that." I laughed a little this time, nodding. I was happy to hear that, "I'm shutting off my phone, and if anyone comes to the door, tell them I'm in Texas."

"You got it." I smiled with a nod.

"How was school?" She asked, and I shrugged.

"Long." I answered, "Boring. I talked to Andrew, though."

That seemed to surprise her, "Good. I'm so glad to hear that."

"Yeah." I sighed, "I figured I should."

"You've seemed so down a lot lately." She pointed out, "I've been worried."

"I know." I admitted, "I didn't mean to worry you, but I'm working on it."

"Honey, you know if you need to talk, I'm always listening." She said, "I wish you would talk to me."

"I know." I admitted again, "I will. I just.. I have to figure some stuff out on my own first."

"Fair enough." She nodded, "I get it, honey. I do. You're at a pretty confusing age, and I understand more than you think. It can't be easy for you."

"I'll be okay." I assured her, despite how I wasn't too sure of that myself, "I always am."

"I hope so." She murmured, reaching over and hugging me into her side. Oddly enough, the tone she used made me want to cry. Maybe because I hated making her worry about me, but coming to her with the truth was too hard, so there wasn't much I could do until I figured out how to. Unfortunately, I couldn't help the few silent sobs that escaped, alerting her to my emotional state.

She looked over, "Oh, honey. What's wrong? I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'll be fine in a minute." I blubbered, fiercely wiping my eyes. I just needed a minute.

"Sweetheart." She laughed a little, hugging me again, "I'm sorry." She hugged me for the few minutes it took for me to compose myself before she spoke again, "Come on. You can help me with dinner."

I nodded. That sounded good to me.

Mike and Hunter got home just before Josh did. I focused on keeping Hunter out from under foot while Josh kept me company at the kitchen table. Hunter seemed more than happy to stay seated on my lap, content with the pen and pad of paper in front of him.

It was moments like this that I highly appreciated small talk. Especially the positive small talk Josh kept me occupied with. Heather now and then adding something in. Mike was off in the other room, working on some paper work until dinner was finished, but that was normal.

Zack came swinging in the front door just in time, maybe ten minutes before dinner was ready. Thankfully, it was just him. Andrew's dad must have wanted him home for dinner. As distracted as I always was these days, I lived for this. For now, things could still be normal. I lived for normal. Light-hearted, when everyone was together under the same roof.

When the kitchen got too crowded, the back door was opened to let a breeze into the adjacent dining area. A simple fix for an issue that nobody minded.

I helped clean up after dinner since Heather did most of the work and I figured she deserved some time with Mike. Josh helped me while Zack kept Hunter busy in the fading evening light out in the backyard.

As crappy as the day had started, it was ending on a very positive note. Josh and I sat out back while Zack volunteered to get Hunter ready for bed. Listening to the evening insects making noise in the trees around the backyard, it was nice to just sit there.

It gave me plenty of time to think about one of the more pressing issues. Ignoring Josh's worried glances in the silence.

 **A/N: There we have it. First chapter in. :)  
I think I got most everything in that I needed to get in. I hope it was worth the read.**  
 **Short A/N this time. Hopefully I'll have more to say at the end of chapter two. ;)**  
 **I have a lot planned for this story, my friends. It's up to me to sort it all out.**  
 **Chapter two shouldn't take very long to come out. I'm hoping, anyway, but getting this chapter out is a step in a productive direction. :D**  
 **Until Two, my friends!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

I was rather grateful when I woke up a little better than I did the previous morning. It also could have been the two trips to the bathroom I'd had to take during the night that kept me from delving too deep into any buried memories, though. Whatever the reason, it was nice.

It being Saturday, nobody had school so Hunter stayed home when Mike left for work. Unfortunately, Hunter deemed it necessary for me to be awake as soon as possible, so sleeping in was a bust. That part wasn't as nice, but I was used to it.

Zack, of course, left pretty early to go find something to get into with his other friends, and Josh went right after him to head to his weekend job repairing cars. Leaving Heather and I to watch Hunter ourselves and lounge around the house. Hunter was such an easy-going kid, it wasn't such a chore to watch him. Especially when all he really needed was either access to outside, some puzzle or pad of paper to keep him happy.

Between watching some movie marathon on TV, we watched him kneeling beside the coffee table with his coloring book and pile of crayons spread out everywhere. He minded his own business, focusing on his crayons.

"I worry." Heather broke the silence while the commercials were muted and I looked over.

"About what?" I asked.

"Him." She answered, nodding toward Hunter, "I guess I shouldn't say I'm worried, but I am a little concerned."

"What about him?" I prompted, leaning back and lounging more comfortably on the couch, "He's a good kid."

"He doesn't have many friends." She replied, "The only time he's really around any kids his age is at school." I immediately waved it off.

"He's fine." I told her, "He's only five. Give him time. He's probably just being smart about who he's friends with." She laughed a little.

"You really think?"

"He's a smart kid." I said, "When most kids are making friends based only on the fact that they're the same size, he looks at people differently. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I'm not saying there's anything wrong." She replied, "I'm just a little concerned."

"Don't be." I smiled a little, "You have enough stuff to worry about. Watch." I looked over at Hunter, "Hunter, what do you think about the kids in your class?"

"They're nice." He replied easily, not bothering to look up from his page, but that was really all he offered.

"Maybe he's just shy." I suggested, laughing again as I looked to Heather once more, "At least he's not as bad as I used to be. Trust me. If he was, then you'd have something to worry about."

"Look." Hunter said, standing up and bringing our attention back over to him. He lifted the page he'd been scribbling on, and I noticed that he'd been scribbling on the blank backside of one of the coloring pages. He handed me the page with a beaming smile.

It was a pretty decently drawn teddy bear. Decently drawn for a five-year-old, anyway. At very least I could tell what it was. I couldn't help smiling at it.

"Aw." I smiled at him now, "That's really good, Hunter." Even if it had looked like undecipherable trash, I would have told him that it was good. I learned awhile back that making him happy oddly made me happy. I didn't quite understand it, but I also didn't question it much.

"It's a teddy bear." He said proudly, "I learned how to draw it yesterday, and I made it for the baby." It took me a second to wrap my mind around what he'd said. When I finally did, my stomach dropped and it took me another second to remember to take a breath.

"Oh?" I managed to ask in an almost casual tone, but my mind was too blank to come up with much else. Only one question was able to cross my mind.

How did he know about it?

How did my little half-brother know about the pregnancy I hid even now? The result of that night three months before in Seattle with Andrew. The reason behind my constant distraction. How did he know about it when nobody else did?

"You're the baby." Heather laughed, but he shook his head.

"Not me." He said, "The other baby. He's not born yet." Nervously, I looked over at Heather, but her eyes were still on Hunter. Her smile still in place.

"Oh, the other baby." She played along, though.

"Yeah." He replied just as proudly, directing his next question at me, "Do you think he'll like it?"

He seemed so sure, and it caught me so far off guard, but I knew I had to play it down.

"Yeah." I answered him, "Yeah, I think so." Obviously pleased with that answer, he gave a firm nod and turned around. Heading back to his spot at the table, and getting right back into his coloring.

"Strange kid." Heather laughed quietly, "He's been going on about that baby for a month now." I still felt like I couldn't breathe, and that was freaking me out. I needed to get a hold of myself.

Placing the picture carefully on the table, I stood up.

"I'll be right back." I mumbled before she could ask. I couldn't even look at her now. Afraid that if I did, she would read my expression like an open book.

"Okay." She seemed a little puzzled, but not quite suspicious.

I walked as calmly as I could for the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I took a deep breath, turning on the water in the sink. It wasn't too hard to calm down. It just took me off guard to hear him talk about it like that.

Really for the first time, despite having plenty of opportunity, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. A deep sense of shame keeping my gaze averted. It really began to occur to me right then. I let myself down just as much as I let everyone else down. That was a hard concept to face.

I always used to consider me to be the only one on my side. I'd never let myself down like this, doing something like this for seemingly no reason. I was better than this. At least I liked to think so.

Hunter, in his innocence, had just made it far more real than it had been before.

I took my time in there, focusing on my breathing and calming down. I couldn't believe how close I'd just come to completely blowing it. Sure, it took me off guard, but I needed to cool it before my reaction raised suspicion.

Heather looked over as I returned, "You okay?"

"Yeah." I replied, sitting back down next to her, "Just feeling off lately."

"Maybe you're pregnant." She laughed, and though it was a joke, I still felt myself pale again.

I forced a humorless laugh, and that was apparently response enough. I was grateful for that, though, because I really didn't want to outright lie to her. Especially because I knew she'd have to find out the truth sooner or later.

I couldn't help thinking through the rest of the day, though, that I'd just missed an opportunity to tell her without having to outright say it. To me, that was going to be the hardest part. She needed to know eventually. That much was obvious, but outright saying it was going to be so hard because I'd already waited so long.

Having known for sure for over two weeks by now, it'd taken me this long for it to begin sinking in. The free clinic was at least good enough to give me the answer I was looking for. Nothing more. I went in, peed in a cup, and waited. Before they even told me what the result was, a nurse was coming in with a folder full of pamphlets all about pregnancy.

That thing went straight into the trash can outside the second I left.

In my defense, I thought, the first few months of waiting was just waiting for my period to show up. Pregnancy didn't even cross my mind until this month. When it failed to show up for the third time in a row, I decided I needed to look further into it.

It wasn't even the first thing I thought of, since I didn't have a whole lot of the symptoms. The things I'd heard mostly involved a lot of sleeping, crying and throwing up. I slept my normal time, and was maybe a bit queasy now and then. I had yet to throw up at all, and I only really lost my appetite when I found out. That certainly took me off guard.

Other than being a bit more emotional than normal, I still didn't have many symptoms, which was making this whole thing almost easy to ignore. When my little brother didn't decide to point it out.

Even what I remembered of being pregnant last time, which wasn't even fair to compare, this time was so different. Last time, it was obvious almost immediately. This was far more subtle and so far had been pretty easy to hide. I did what I could to forget that as well.

The issue now was coming to terms with it myself, and somehow coming around to telling Heather. I wanted her to know first because she would have to be my ally when it came to telling Mike. I was so afraid of telling him for multiple reasons. Mainly, I just didn't know how he would react. Either way, he would be really disappointed. I wanted to put that off for as long as I could.

I wasn't even sixteen yet. I knew that that would be one of the first things to be brought up.

What would Josh and Zack think? This wasn't me. I wasn't the type of person to ever find myself in a situation like this, which was why I was having such a hard time with this. I didn't blame Andrew in the least, though he was definitely in on it. We were paired in the hotel room together, and on the last night of the really amazing weekend, one thing led to another..

Realistically, Andrew would need to know. I knew that, but in my mind, I didn't want to ruin whatever kind of future he would have by somehow making him think he needed to help me out with whatever decisions I needed to make. I cared about him too much.

The issue was that I really wasn't even sure how I felt about him. Yeah, I cared about him, but I wasn't really sure if I loved him. It was just an opportunity that we both took. One time on a night I didn't want to end, I pushed the boundaries and it burned me.

Whatever happened, though, the first and most obvious solution wasn't going to happen. That wasn't an option for me, because I'd made the mistake. It was on me, not the baby. I didn't really care what I'd have to go through.

There was, of course, adoption, but what kind of family would the baby go to? Adoption hadn't worked that well for me in the past, and if I could spare it that kind of heartbreak, I really wanted to spare it.

"Leandra?" Heather finally noticed my distraction, "You okay, honey?"

"Yeah." I muttered, shaking myself out of it, "Just thinking." Her expression softened in concern and she sighed. I sighed as well, "I know what you're thinking, but no. It's not about them. I promise I won't wind up like that again."

That had been a horrible, dark time. Losing them the way I did left its mark on not just me, but everyone. I wasn't the only one who suffered immeasurably, and I'd never forgive myself for hurting Heather the way I did, but it certainly brought us closer.

Heather's concern was certainly warranted.

I was a little surprised as she shut off the TV, "Let's sit out front."

I was definitely up for that. The front porch had a padded, painted white swinging bench off to the right, and it was an awesome place to sit and people watch as we wasted time. The front yard was also gated and fenced, making it easier for Hunter to be out there when we might not have been.

Of course he followed. We'd been inside all morning, and nearly all afternoon. He'd built up an impressive bit of energy that he needed to get out while we sat there watching him. It was pretty amazing to remember how not that long ago, he was just a baby that I hated. Unfortunately, it was also pretty depressing to look at him.

Every time I looked at him, a part of my mind thought back to my mom. How one decision on her part could save him from ever knowing what it meant to have a hard life. Her sacrifice for him, dropping him off here, was the best thing she ever could have done for him. He was just a baby then, so there's no way he could remember her, but I always vowed to tell him when he was older what she was like.

After about an hour of sitting there, chatting about this or that, I helped her get a quick dinner started, while we waited for everyone else to get home from their various activities.

It wasn't the most exciting life, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. The early summer breeze upsetting the sweet scent of rain that seemed to permanently linger over the area. Despite it being a pretty clear day.

"Are we going anywhere this summer?" I asked, ending the momentary silence between us. It was a normal question. I ached for normal. It comforted me, sitting side-by-side here with her like I had so often when I was younger. Even if she had no idea what I was going through.

"Oh, I don't know." She sighed, "Maybe. Depending on how much time off work we can get, I don't see why not."

"Let the guys stay here." I suggested, "We can just go." She laughed a little, looking over at me.

"That doesn't sound too bad." She admitted, "Road trip without the hassle."

"That sure sounds nice right about now." I nodded, lightly resting my head on her shoulder. She allowed that, patting my hands. One hand coming up to gently smooth the side of my head.

"Where would you want to go?" She asked.

"Anywhere." I replied after a few seconds of thought, "It doesn't matter to me. Somewhere warm, but not too warm, and with lots of stuff to do."

"We could go visit Rochester." She suggested.

"And take our time getting there this time." I smiled. I knew it was a long shot, but it was nice to make plans like this anyway. I honestly didn't mind the thought of visiting Mike's sister and her family. I liked them.

A brief thought of Alyssa crossed my mind. Just like it did whenever New York was brought up. I wondered how she was doing, not having spoken to her in quite a long time. I stopped those thoughts there, though. I really didn't want to let them wander too far.

More silence softly took hold, and my heart pounded faster as I realized I needed to fill it with something. Was now really the time?

"Um.." My voice was hesitant, and she immediately caught on. Looking over as I spoke again, "I have to tell you something. Um.. Can you wait until I explain before getting _super_ mad?"

Concern crossed her features as she turned a little to face me better, "What is it?"

My nervousness tripled, and I fell quiet as I stared down at my hands.

"Honey, you know no matter what it is, you can tell me." She read my hesitancy like an open book.

Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Mike chose that time to get home, pulling up into the driveway. Taking our attention, and completely changing my mind about coming clean right then.

She glanced to me, and I shook my head with a small laugh.

"It's okay." I told her, "I'll tell you later."

I knew that this wasn't going anywhere, and it could wait. Seeing that I believed what I told her, she offered a smile of her own and patted my cheek gently.

I watched Heather as she stood up to go greet him at the gate. I was glad to see that he didn't have much paperwork with him this time, and greeted her without seeming too distracted. Naturally, Hunter ran over to greet him as well, and Mike wasted no time in picking him up. Mike seemed to be in a pretty good mood, and for the briefest moments, I considered whether or not now would be the time to come clean to both of them. I had an opportunity staring me in the face.

I shot that idea down just as fast as it crossed my mind. I didn't want to ruin his good mood. It was almost rare these days to see him in a good mood. I watched them as they stepped closer to the house together. Ascending the porch steps.

"Hey, kiddo." Mike greeted me easily, and I smiled in response. Though that smile couldn't have been too genuine. I was so afraid of letting him down, I avoided him a lot these days.

Josh got home right then as well, giving me an excuse to focus on something else.

"I've got something to talk to you about." Mike spoke, but he was looking at Heather.

"I'll watch him." I offered, reaching for Hunter. Mike gratefully handed him to me with a light nod of thanks and Hunter settled on the swing next to me. Somehow, I doubted there would be very much talking going on.

"Dinner's in twenty." Heather said as Josh reached the porch, "Go get cleaned up." He nodded, hugging her briefly as he wandered inside, "Leandra, please find out where Zack is, and tell him to get his butt home."

"Will do." I replied, pulling my cell phone from my pocket as she went into the house with Mike. The screen door thumped shut behind her, among Josh's exclamations of appreciation for the way dinner was smelling. I sent a quick text message to Zack, relaying the message requested of me. I hadn't seen him all day, so I knew he was up to no good.

Once that was out of the way, I continued to sit there. I wasn't ready to get up yet, far too comfortable on the porch. Hunter jumped up and went back to playing, having found a half flat basketball in the bushes to kick around. I watched the old guy across the street come out to refill his bird-feeder, and listened to the kids three houses down play on the trampoline in their front yard.

"'Kay." Was the responding text I received from Zack. I rolled my eyes, setting my phone to the side. I couldn't exactly blame Zack for looking for adventure during his weekends, but it bugged me that he never told anyone where he went and what he was up to. I always knew he was fine, that he'd never really found trouble, but it still bugged me.

I watched across the street as the old guy bunched up the half-full bag of bird feed, taking a minute to look over his wife's garden of flowers on his way back into the house. The freshly watered rich, manicured lawn glinting in the left over sunlight. Some kid usually came by from up the street every Wednesday to help them take care of that lawn for an extra ten bucks, since they were getting up there in age.

It was a quiet neighborhood. Nothing ever really going on. The kind of neighborhood where ninety percent of its residents knew each other, and asked about one set of kids or another when paths crossed. Curious, but not really the gossiping type. This was where I'd done most of my growing up. Where I'd lived for the second longest portion of my life so far. It wasn't bad. Just boring sometimes.

I sat there, zoning out like I usually did, waiting for Zack to come around the corner. Across the street, the old guy had just gotten back inside when I noticed something odd. The speed limit for people driving on this street was a comfortable twenty miles per hour, considering nearly every household on this block had kids. Some younger than others, obviously. Typical small town neighborhood.

They didn't want them getting run over by some crack-head going sixty, and most people stuck to that speed limit, but the car that drove by this time was going, at most, ten miles per hour. As if looking for a certain residence that they'd never been to before. It puzzled me, because that wasn't something that normally happened.

The car itself wasn't too fancy, but somehow different than the ones I normally saw on this street. Something about it seemed out of place, and I couldn't deny that it'd definitely caught my attention. I sat further upright from where I lounged on the bench as if that could help me see it better.

It just kept going.

I waved it off as some brand new pizza delivery guy, looking over as Zack arrived, rounding the end of the hedges next door. Now distracted by his arrival, I stood up, picking up my phone as I did so. Descending the porch steps to his side as he approached the gate.

I glanced up the street, easily spotting the car again, but that was the last bit of attention I gave it.

"Where the hell have you been?" I had to ask him that every time I saw him. He stepped through the gate with me following suit.

"Places." He answered, throwing his arm around my shoulders and leading me up the front walk. Typical answer. I shook my head, sighing as we ascended the porch steps together. Releasing me, he went into the house on his own.

"That smells _good_!" I laughed, though, at his exclaim the second he was in the house. I smiled a little, hesitating by the front door as I watched Zack make his way into the kitchen.

"Hunter." I rounded to look at him in the yard, "Come on, buddy. Come get cleaned up for dinner." Of course he willingly came toward the door. He was such an easy kid, hardly ever arguing anymore.

I followed him inside, letting the screen door thump shut behind me as I led him toward the hall bathroom.

"Wash your face too, kid." I told him as he walked into the bathroom.

"'Kay." Was his response as he walked in. I couldn't help laughing a little at how he'd probably learned that from Zack.

I continued on into the kitchen to check on dinner to make sure it was doing okay. I was glad I did, because it was done. I pulled it out of the oven and set it to the side to rest for a minute while I got to work on setting the table. Nothing fancy, just the necessities.

I'd learned quite a bit from watching Heather. I wasn't really surprised, though. I'd looked up to her from the time I first saw her.

I also lived for the mundane tasks of day-to-day life. Lazy days, or chores. Little things, tasks to keep me distracted. Those were what kept my mind busy enough to stay put, and not let my thoughts wander.

I listened to Zack run into Hunter in the hallway, and Hunter's giggles as Zack flipped him off of his feet on their way through the kitchen doorway made me smile a little.

"You know." Zack spoke, letting Hunter back onto his feet, "You're driving Andrew nuts."

"How?" I asked, suddenly defensive. Accidentally setting a plate down a little too hard. What had I done now?

"You told him yesterday that you'd text him." He replied, "Poor kid has been looking at his phone all day."

"I said I'd text him when I was ready to talk." I clarified, "I guess I should have said it probably wouldn't be for awhile."

"Probably." He nodded a little, "What'd you do to him, anyway? He never used to be this obsessed with you."

"Nothing." I muttered, setting the last plate in place. I averted my gaze when I noticed him looking harder at me. Suspicion clear in his blue eyes.

"And you've been acting so weird." He went on, and I began to get nervous, "Avoiding him for no reason.." He was looking further into it. I could almost hear him trying to figure it out.

"Zack." I grumbled a warning, glaring at him briefly as I turned for the cups, "Leave it alone."

"Oh God." He sudden gasped a laugh, "Tell me you didn't." I set the cup down roughly, turned and pinned him against the refrigerator by his shirt in one smooth movement. He just continued laughing, though, despite the magnets that slid free and hit the floor.

"You tell anyone.." I started, "So help me-"

"If you're going to kill him," Heather walked in, "Please do it outside. I just mopped the floor."

"Relax." Zack laughed, lightly pushing me away and freeing himself, "I'm not going to, but you still should talk to him. You can't just do that." Stepping around me, he got to work on my abandoned task of gathering the cups.

"Who?" Heather asked, checking on the pan holding dinner, "Andrew? I agree, honey. You should talk to him."

"I agree, too." Josh led Mike into the kitchen, "I feel bad for him. If what I think happened between you two happened, it's kind of discouraging when she stops talking to him right after."

"What?" I gasped this time, suddenly humiliated. He knew?

"We're not stupid." Josh laughed this time, "Did you really think we didn't know? If I had known that this was what you were so worked up about, I would have given you this advice a lot sooner."

"You knew?" Zack asked, "Well, damn. I just now figured it out." Surprised, I looked to Heather who only returned a sheepish smile.

"Sorry, sweetie." She said, "It wasn't hard to figure out."

"Common knowledge." Mike added.

"How am I not grounded, then?" I had to ask.

"Well, you're fifteen." She replied, "Things are bound to happen. As long as you're careful and taking precautions-"

"Oh God." I groaned, turning to face the counter and covering my face.

"I'm not happy with it," She went on, "And I do wish you'd have waited, but you're a big girl. I'm not going to sit here and tell you everything you already know. _That's_ a big step. I just hope you were prepared-"

"O- _kay_." I whined, still unable to look at anyone.

"I didn't want to embarrass you by bringing it up before." Heather admitted.

"A little late for that." I muttered into my hands.

"Oh, come on." Zack smiled beside me, turning me around and putting his arm around my shoulders again, "It's not that bad. Look at the bright side. Now that you know everyone knows, maybe you can stop moping around like your goldfish died."

I had to have been ten shades of red by then, nearly in tears, but he did have a point. It was a little useless being embarrassed over something everyone had known for awhile now. It would also make telling them the other half of the news a bit easier. At least I hoped.

"So what was it like?" Zack asked, and without hesitation, I punched him in his arm.

"Now, stop." Heather scolded lightly, "I think we should change the subject."

"I agree." I grumbled, glaring at Zack rubbing his arm.

"I'll be grocery shopping tomorrow." Heather went on, "Anyone have any requests?"

"Thank you!" Zack sighed, "You really should buy food more often, mom. We've been living on dust mites and fumes."

Everyone, including Zack, knew that wasn't true, but it was funny nonetheless. It even had me laughing. Which I wouldn't have thought possible right then.

"Not true." Josh defended her anyway.

"I swear," Zack countered, "I saw Hunter chewing on a dead battery the other day, just to stay alive."

"Nuh-uh." Hunter piped up, obviously unhappy with the partial blame being put on him. He didn't fully understand that it was all a joke.

"Stop." Heather laughed, lightly smoothing Hunter's hair.

Zack did bug me sometimes, but he always managed to make up for it with humor not long later. Especially when I didn't want to forgive him.

I was silent all through dinner, despite how the subject had changed fast, and it felt like my blush never faded. I tried hard to comfort myself with the thought that they'd known for awhile, but it was difficult. Just because I now knew that they knew.

Maybe it was made harder by the fact that they didn't know the full story. There was one big issue that they didn't know.

I was so used to being honest with them. This really did prove that they knew me better than I thought they did. Holding this back from them was killing me, and had been since I found out, but I was stuck. I hadn't the slightest clue how to tell them. I just figured it would be easier when I could come to terms with it on my own first, but the pressure was squeezing me.

Why was this so hard? Sure, I was worried about disappointing absolutely everyone I cared about anymore, but I knew they wouldn't disown me over it. Heather wouldn't let them.

I had to really wonder. There was a pressure squeezing me, but for the first time, I questioned whether it was all about this problem. For the first time, it didn't seem like that was the only problem. For the first time, it felt different. Heavier than it should be. That made me edgy.

I managed to make it through dinner, hardly touching anything on my plate. Without a word of explanation, I left the kitchen and slipped outside through the front door. By now, the sun had set, but the sky was still holding a small bit of daylight. Enough to see around myself.

I headed up the walk, toward the gate. Of course I wasn't going anywhere, stopping at the gate to lean against it. I'd been feeling just a little bit claustrophobic in there, and the slow evening breeze felt nice.

"Leandra?" Of course Heather had to follow me. The quiet support in her tone only tried to stir up emotions I didn't need stirred up. I kept my eyes down as she approached my side. "Honey, what's wrong?"

I shook my head, hoping she'd accept that as an answer. Thankfully, she did, only reaching over to hug me with a sigh. It was like she knew. Of course she knew. She knew full well that I'd tell her when I was ready to. I just really didn't want to lose the support she'd always given me.

I was so afraid of losing her too, but I felt like the longer I waited to tell her, the closer I came to getting just that. Yet, I couldn't.

"I was worried about this." Heather murmured as I pulled back, just to look down again.

"About what?" I sniffled quietly.

"You weren't ready." She replied, and I understood where her thoughts were. I shook my head again.

"It's not that."

"Then please." She said, "Talk to me. What's bothering you so much? If it's-"

"It's not about that either." I insisted, "Why can't you guys just leave me alone?" I instantly hated myself as I turned around and headed back for the house. I just needed some time, and nobody was giving me that.

I made it up the stairs and into my room, thankfully. Standing just behind my closed door, covering my face and taking a breath. I knew they were all just worried about me, and with the way I was acting, it was easy to see why.

I just needed time, I told myself. Only time.

 **A/N: There we have it. Chapter two down. :)  
THANK YOU to my amazing reviewers! You're AMAZING!**  
 **I know there isn't much going on yet, but we're still pretty early in the story. I know it's been pretty boring, but it'll pick up soon.  
Another short A/N here. I just hope this chapter was worth the read. :)  
Chapter three will be along soon, without too much of a wait.  
Until three, my friends! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

I descended the stairs the following morning almost hesitantly. I felt horrible for the way I snapped the night before, but Heather obviously wasn't going to hold it against me. After only a brief mention of it and my attempt to apologize, she waved it off.

"No need to be sorry, sweetie." She told me, shaking her head and sitting at the table with me, "I understand. You're growing up. You just need a little space."

"I shouldn't have snapped, though."

"I get it." She laughed, "Really, honey. It's okay." I could tell by her tone that she was being truthful. Taking a breath, I nodded a little. Relieved.

We let the conversation rest there, and I found myself watching her. Maybe just to be positive she wasn't hurt over my words the night before, but I watched her. I couldn't help thinking about how much I'd been through with her. Even the forbidden memories of my younger years were allowed through.

It was amazing to me to think back at how much she'd nearly single-handedly dragged me through. I should really have known that she had feelings of steel. A little snap from me wasn't going to ruin her week.

"So," She spoke again, smiling, "Two more days of school left. Are you excited?"

"Not really." I replied with a small laugh, "It doesn't matter to me."

"You've always done really well in school." She allowed, but I looked down.

"Not always." I pointed out, and we both fell quiet again. It wasn't often I mentioned anything about the previous years. She lightly shook her head.

"You've always done the best you can." She countered, "I've always been nothing but proud of you. Nobody in their right mind can hold what happened against you, sweetheart."

I appreciated her words. She knew full well how badly I felt about my younger years. Both for how I acted, and what exactly I put her through. It would always be a sore spot for me.

Thankfully, the rest of Sunday allowed for a lot of down time for me. Somehow even more than the day before. Nothing notable happened, and that was what I was used to. I felt more normal than I had in a long time.

Waking up for school on Monday, I really wasn't feeling up to it. Some part of me was just begging to roll over and go back to sleep, but I couldn't say that I didn't expect that.

Peeling myself out of bed, I whined to myself. Rubbing my eyes and strongly considering telling Heather I was sick. I honestly felt like I could sleep for a week. I managed to live through taking a shower, and getting dressed. By then, I felt only slightly more awake, but I still had a feeling that today would be pretty difficult.

I dragged my sorry butt to each of my classes, snoozed at lunch, and barely survived until we went home. I'd expected to at least perk up by the time we went home, but I didn't. Thankfully, Josh was there to give me a ride back home because I wouldn't have been able to make it without him.

"Are you okay?" Of course he'd noticed.

I waved it off with a shake of my head, "Just tired. I guess I didn't sleep that good last night." Thankfully, he believed me because I was being truthful.

"Well you can take a nap before mom gets home." He said, "She texted me earlier saying she'd be working late tonight, and it'd be leftovers for dinner."

"Working late again?" I whined, looking over at him.

"She didn't text you?"

"I don't know." I admitted, "I haven't looked at my phone all day. What about Mike?"

"As far as I know, he'll be home at six like usual." He replied, "But you know how he is in the kitchen."

"His cooking isn't that bad." I muttered, "Leave the poor guy alone." We both laughed a little.

"I just don't get how he could be so good at grilling things, but when it comes to cooking in the kitchen.." He trailed off, shaking his head. I laughed again.

"It must take practice to be that bad."

"I think it's a patience problem." He said, "You can pretty much burn anything on the grill and it still tastes good."

"True." He had a point.

"I'll be working until eight-thirty tonight." He said, moving on, "So it'll be up to you to make sure Zack's home on time."

"Got it." I replied, "He's usually good about getting home on time, though."

"Just in case." He muttered, "If he's over at Lucas' today, you know he'll lose track of time."

Just like always, Josh would leave straight from dropping me off to go to work. I jumped out of the passenger seat, pulling my backpack along with me.

"Get some rest." He told me before I shut the door, "Really."

"I will." I assured him with a quiet laugh, "Don't worry about me so much."

I hesitated on the driveway, watching him leave. It was quiet out this afternoon, thin clouds covered the sun, but had no hint of rain in them. Instead of going straight inside, I chose to walk over and sit on the porch swing.

Plopping myself down, I let my backpack drop onto the porch as I laid to the side with a sigh. That, essentially, was how it'd been for me the whole day. It felt good to just sit for a minute without having to pretend to be paying attention to anyone or anything.

Staring up at the porch ceiling, I chose this time to let my eyes close. I felt that I had enough control not to fall asleep right where I laid, so I wasn't worried. It did feel nice to rest my eyes, though.

"Leandra?" I opened one eye, looking over at Zack's arrival, "Whatcha doing?" I hadn't heard him approach.

"Laying here." I answered, closing my eye again, "No Andrew today?"

"Nah," He replied, "He had to get home to help his dad with something, so I thought I'd come see what you were up to." I felt my foot nudged so I took the hint and lifted my feet. Zack sat down, and I placed my feet on his lap.

"Don't you have other friends?"

"I do." He said, "But I guess I feel kind of bad for abandoning you like I have been. We used to hang out all the time. I hate that that stopped."

"Me too." I admitted with a sigh, "I wish it could be like before."

"Why can't it?" He asked, "Just because you and Andrew-"

"Ah." I cut him off, glaring down the bench at him.

"You know what I mean." He rolled his eyes a little, "It's not that big of a deal."

"Yes it is." I sighed again, sitting myself up.

"Why?" He asked again, "Just give the guy a chance. He told me that he's willing to forget about it if you are."

"I can't do that." I replied again, "And besides. It's not that I want to forget about it. It's just.. Harder than that."

He sighed this time. Shaking his head with a shrug.

"Sometimes I don't get you." He admitted, "But what else is new?" I shrugged in response. I didn't know what to tell him. He just laughed again, "Want to go get something to eat?"

That actually sounded nice. Maybe a good walk would wake me up.

"Sure." I replied, peeling myself off the swing, "Just let me put this inside." I lifted my bag, and he nodded. Already moving for the door.

He unlocked the door for me, took my bag, and threw it inside before quickly shutting the door again. I couldn't help feeling that he was worried I'd change my mind if I let myself go inside. That worry was justified, so I allowed this.

"Nice throw." I laughed as we descended the porch steps together.

"Thanks." He replied, "I'm pretty sure I broke something."

"Oh, great." I said, "I'll get blamed for it."

All the way into town, we managed to find the topic of 'remember when'. Memories, things we'd get into when we were younger. A lot of the things he brought up, though, I didn't remember.

"Dude." I finally said as we both laughed at my apparent memory loss, "You've gotta skip those first two years because I have no idea what you're talking about."

"That stuff is too recent, so of course you're going to remember it." He replied, "You _can't_ tell me you don't remember me falling out of that tree and spraining my wrist that summer when we were twelve."

"The summer I turned twelve?" I asked, "Or while I was twelve, right before I turned thirteen? Because that's two summers."

"Ugh!"

"I was born in the summer, dumbass." I reminded him unnecessarily.

"It was just before you turned twelve." He answered, "I was already twelve, Josh was about to turn fourteen, and we were on that camping trip for your guy's birthdays. It was the summer after we moved." I frowned a bit, thinking back. I vaguely recalled what he was talking about.

"Was that the camping trip that Josh found that snake?"

"Yep." He replied, obviously happy that I remembered that, "That big ol' fat one, and we both joked that it'd just eaten a dog, and that you were next." I couldn't resist laughing at that thought. I really wished I could remember that part, but truthfully, I'd been in the beginning of a very heavy fog of depression at that point. There was very little that I remembered of that whole year at all.

"I remember the snake?" I offered, hoping that would be enough.

"You've gotta remember that joke." He whined a little as we finally made it into town.

"I'm trying." I laughed defensively, "That whole year is a pretty big blur, except for that first psychiatrist visit." He winced.

"That didn't go well." He recalled.

"It didn't." I agreed, "But I'm thankful for it. If it wasn't for those meds, I probably would still be like that." He winced again.

"Then I'm thankful for it, too." He said, "But let's not get onto that. That's one memory I don't want to revisit."

"I don't blame you." I admitted. That whole time had been really rough on everyone. Even Zack, and there wasn't much that affected him.

"How long's it been since you had to take them?" He asked, and I knew what he meant.

I was twelve when I'd been prescribed two anxiety medications. One I was supposed to take every day, and another, stronger one for when I needed an extra boost. I was only on the daily one for about a year before I was allowed to stop taking it, but I kept the others for when I needed them. For those days that I couldn't handle anything anymore.

"Almost a year." I reported proudly, "The last time I had to take it, it was during that party Mike had thrown for all those people from his work."

"I remember that." He nodded, "You said it was all the people."

"I think I'm doing pretty good."

"I'm sure Lucas has helped." He laughed, "But that is pretty good. I'm proud of you." He dropped his arm around my shoulders like he usually did. He was taller than me just enough to make it comfortable. It was a comforting gesture, it was normal by now. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. No matter how many times I'd heard it by now, I never got tired of hearing that someone else was as proud of how far I'd come as I was.

I placed my arm around his waist, like I always did when I accepted his hugs. As silly as Zack was, he was never afraid of letting me know how much he supported me. He did so in an easy way. Josh was more intense about his support of me, but Zack did it in a way that wasn't so overwhelming. I appreciated both, of course, but Zack's was easier to reciprocate.

We finally made it to our fast food restaurant of choice, and he only released me so he could pull open the door for me. I hadn't really realized before just how much Mike had been teaching him. He'd demonstrated that a lot before, but I fully noticed now.

"Shit." I muttered as soon as I stepped in. That heart sinking feeling of realizing that I'd just remembered something I shouldn't have forgotten.

"What?" Zack asked.

"I forgot my wallet." I said, "It's in my backpack."

"It's okay." He replied, "I got it this time."

"Thanks." I sighed, "I can't believe I forgot it." I'd been so forgetful lately, but him covering for me was nothing new. We covered for each other all the time.

We got our food and decided to sit outside to eat. I didn't feel like being cooped up in an uncomfortable chair with people coming and going. Out here we could see the traffic going by, and it made it feel a lot less crowded. As crowded as this town could ever be.

There wasn't much to do, but we always found something to do. Conversation was our best form of entertainment, and it never got old, but I couldn't help noticing how it really did seem like something was missing this time. Making things right with Andrew and getting back to the way things used to be was pretty tempting.

No matter how often I reminded myself that it'd never be the same again.

With a sigh, though, I reached over and pulled my phone out.

"What are you doing?" Zack asked around the french fry he'd just eaten.

"Screwing everything up." I replied, quickly typing out a text message.

Just after sending it, I looked up from my phone to spot the same car I'd seen the other day driving slowly outside our house. This time, it' was parked across the street. The car, dark in color, was a little strange to be sitting outside a locksmith. Maybe whoever owned that car needed something from the dollar store right next to it. It wasn't too fancy to be driving down our street, but it still seemed even more out of place stopped where it was.

The fanciest cars we had were restored old ones that usually came from the shop Josh worked at. Not many people around here felt the need to go out and pick up nearly brand new ones like this one was.

The tint on the windows seemed deliberately dark, but I could have just been taking notice of things I usually tried not to because they were too similar. I shook my head a little, looking to Zack again.

"So if he's done helping his dad," I said, "Andrew's coming by."

"See?" He grinned, "I knew you'd come around."

"Easy." I laughed as well, "I'm just testing the waters. I want things back to how they used to be as much as you do, but if it doesn't work out, I'm beating you with my milkshake."

"Beat away." He replied confidently, "Trust me. It'll work."

I rolled my eyes, but laughed again and chose to drink a bit of my milkshake instead.

"What made you come around?" He asked.

"I don't know." I admitted, "It just felt like something was missing. Like.. I guess I was missing someone. I might be going crazy."

He threw a french fry at me lightly, giving me a look. I knew he hated it when I talked like that. Instead, though, the way it flew, hit me in the forehead, and plopped into my lap made us both laugh. I picked it up and threw it back at him harder. He barely managed to catch it around his laughter, eating it.

"Remember the marshmallow?" He asked, and I looked over.

"Which one?" I asked, "Another camping trip?"

"The trip two years ago." He confirmed. I thought back that far, finally recalling it. I immediately laughed.

"Heather was so mad about that one." I nodded, "Even though it was Mike that got hit with it."

"We need another slingshot." He laughed as well, "That fucker _flew_. It was probably dad laughing so hard that kept her from throwing that slingshot into the fire right then."

"So are you going to work for Mike this summer?" I asked, curious as I played with the straw in my milkshake.

"I don't know." He replied, his tone doubtful and leaning back in his chair, "I mean, I know the pay is good, but man.. That's hard work."

"You're sixteen." I pointed out, "Josh got his first part time job when he was fifteen. You're slacking."

"So are you." He countered, "Where's your paycheck?"

"I spent it already." I joked, and he gave me a look. My phone vibrating, indicating a text message, had me looking down at it. It was Andrew with a reply.

"On my way." Was all the message said. I laughed a little, imagining how quick he must have sent that.

"He's coming." I informed Zack, "So we should move to another place." He laughed.

"You're mean." He said, but he knew I was joking. I shook my head a little, but stood up.

"Watch my stuff." I said, "I have to pee."

"Kay." He replied easily.

"And _don't_ let the birds get it like you did that one time." I pointed at him. His excuse had been that he was watching my stuff just fine. He just didn't keep anything from happening to it.

"Scout's honor." He laughed in reply.

Unfortunately for me, the women's restroom here was closed, with a 'sorry for the inconvenience' sign stuck to the locked door. I rolled my eyes at it, but it was nothing new for this place. Considering people came here all the time, and this restroom had only one toilet. Instead, I just turned right around and went back outside.

"Closed again." I informed Zack, but I was already on my way across the street. The store over there had a better bathroom anyway. I couldn't exactly jog without bouncing it out, so I speed walked across the street. Passing right behind the car that was parked there, purposefully refusing to even look at it despite not even knowing why. I made it up onto the curb and into the store.

Thankfully, this restroom was open. It had more than one toilet, so it'd be rare for it to be closed.

Before I left, I paused. Looking at myself in the mirror. Wiping the slight smudges of my light eyeliner away, and running my fingers through my hair a bit. I wasn't even sure why I felt the need to do that, since Andrew had seen me a lot messier. I contemplated tying my hair up, but I decided against it. It was fine how it was, despite its length reaching the middle of my back.

I stepped out of the store, but paused. The car was still there, and in one glance, I managed to find my reflection in the dark tint and flawless paint. I couldn't see anything passed the tint, but I still hesitated.

I was being stupid. Taking a breath, I tore my gaze away from it, and moved on. I needed to get my head right. I wasn't sure where my head had gone, but it definitely wasn't right today. Just because someone around here had a nice car didn't mean I needed to undo everything I'd worked so hard for in the last almost five years by getting my hopes up that it was anyone other than some stranger lost in a small town.

Why was I even bothering to think something like that anyway? I had my own plans to deal with. So with a shake of my head and deep sigh, I went on my way. Moving on, I stepped off the curb, pausing just behind the car long enough to let the mini van drive by before crossing safely.

Zack was still seated right where he was before, and thankfully, no birds had eaten my food. I immediately noticed that while I was gone, Andrew had shown up. He didn't live far from here, so it wasn't a surprise. He still must have sprinted the whole way, though. He stood beside our table, and I couldn't help looking up at him before he chose the seat beside Andrew. I also couldn't help noticing something.

"Have you gotten taller?" I asked him, almost surprised.

"Me?" Andrew asked, "No, I don't think so. Why?"

"Just seems like it." I replied, shaking my head. I let it drop, despite being convinced that he had. Being pretty short myself, I noticed stuff like that. He was always taller than me, but the difference now was more pronounced.

"I thought you ran away, so I fed your food to the wildlife." Zack joked, and I reached over and smacked him lightly upside the head.

"Long line." I lied, sitting back down in my seat. I greeted Andrew with a small smile this time, which he returned with a hopeful smile of his own. So far so good.

"This is weird." Zack joked lightly, looking between the two of us.

"God, shut _up_." I growled his direction. Unfortunately for me, that just made both of them start laughing. Thankfully, though, Zack took the hint.

Conversation evened out from there. Involving summer plans and the last day of school the next day. So far, none of us really had any plans. It was nice just being able to talk like old times. The more we talked about random things, the less awkward it was feeling. The more I relaxed, and the less I felt like throwing up.

As time went on, though, I found myself focusing more and more on the car that sat across the street. I hadn't seen anyone get out, but then again, there had been opportunity for someone to leave it while I'd been getting a french fry thrown at my face.

Every person that left the buildings around us, I watched to see if they were the owners of the fancy car sitting there. So far, nobody had approached or claimed it.

Eventually, I was the one that stood up first.

"Come on, guys." I said, "Let's go. It's getting crowded here." I tossed my trash in the can provided.

"There's like nobody here." Zack frowned, glancing around, but I was already walking. I needed to move on if I was going to focus on anything else. Just as I figured, they both followed. We headed up the street, in the opposite direction that the car was facing.

Glancing back, it was still sitting there, so I could comfortably chalk it up to my anxiety playing up again. It wouldn't have been the first time I'd been paranoid.

Once I got away from that spot, it made it easier to calm down even more. I didn't see that fancy car again all the way back to our house, so I allowed myself to unwind. I was actually now glad I'd decided to skip taking a nap. This was much better, despite how tired I still was.

Not once did Andrew bring up anything to make things uncomfortable. It made it even easier to get back into the swing of things. I knew it was an unavoidable conversation, but the pressure wasn't there yet.

We made it back to the house just as Mike got home, and I kept Hunter entertained as Zack helped Mike bring in a few groceries he had picked up on his way home. Hunter chose to kick around the half-flat basketball again while I watched him from the corner across the yard. Naturally, Andrew stuck by me.

"I have to ask." He said, and I looked over at him, "What made you text?"

I rolled my eyes a little, "Can't I just text?"

"Of course." He replied, "I'm just curious."

"I'm really not ready to talk about what happened yet." I admitted quietly, "But I missed you. Is that okay? To want to be around you, but not want to talk about it?"

"That's perfectly perfect." He smiled a little, "Whatever you want." He really did seem satisfied with that. It was a step in the right direction with him.

"Okay then." I sighed, relieved.

Truth was, Andrew was one of my best friends. I owed a lot of my success today to him and the way he was always there for me. Just as much as Zack or Josh had been, but it was different with him. Maybe because he wasn't considered 'family', but I knew it was more than that.

I was terrified of losing him as a friend over what happened, and more terrified by what was now living in me because of it, but right then, I refused to think about that. Right then, I just wanted normal. I knew it couldn't last, but it was a craving I couldn't turn down anymore.

I did know, however, that things were about to change. Just looking at him told me that. I had no idea how much they'd change, but I knew it was coming. I knew better than to doubt that this feeling was caused by anything other than my gift. I'd gotten to know it enough to know that it was something that was definitely going to happen. I also knew better than to think that there was anything I could possibly do to keep things from changing. Whatever was going to happen was already in motion.

Yet somehow, it felt wrong for him to not be the first one to know. It suddenly felt wrong to hide this from him. No, I corrected myself. I had to tell him.

I took a breath. Now was as good a time to tell him as any. We were alone, and Hunter was preoccupied. It would be good practice for telling Heather, and I might not get another chance.

"There's something.. Something you need to know." I mumbled, and he looked over again.

"Oh?" He prompted.

"I know.." I hesitated, "I know I said I didn't want to talk about what happened.. And I still don't, but.. Do you remember what happened?" Smooth, I chided myself.

"Uh.." He paused, "Yeah. I'm pretty sure I do."

"Well.." I sighed, "Something happened."

"I know it did." He laughed a little, obviously not getting it.

"No." I said, " _Some_ thing happened. Because of what we did, something happened." I couldn't even look at him, somehow too ashamed. He was silent for several long moments, probably trying to figure it out. I waited, knowing he would get it eventually.

"Oh." He muttered after a minute, and I could tell by his tone that he understood what I was telling him, " _Oh_." He paused again, "Wait.. Are you..?"

"Yeah." I mumbled as well.

"Oh _shit_." He sighed this time, turning slightly on the spot. I was quiet this time, letting him have his moment to freak out. When he finally spoke again, his tone was a lot quieter, "Who else knows?"

"Just you." I sniffled a little, hating my emotion. That was all the sign he needed to turn and hug me. I wasn't even sure why I was crying this time. I was so sick of crying.

"You've been going through this alone?" He asked as I returned his hug tightly. I nodded a little. He sighed, "Well, you're not alone anymore, and I know you don't want to talk about it, but we definitely need to talk about this."

"Later?" I requested quietly, "I just.. Need some time.."

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?"

"Mostly." I whimpered, "I just didn't want to ruin your life."

"Leandra, you aren't ruining my life." He said, "I don't know why you'd think you would be."

"It felt like it." I replied quietly, closing my eyes. He pulled back a little to look at me.

"Nobody else knows?" He asked, "Not even Heather?"

"Nobody else." I answered, "I've been.. Sort of trying to get my head around it myself before telling anyone else. I don't even know where to start."

"I'll be there." He offered, "I'll be there with you when you tell her. If you want me to be." That was a huge offer. Not only should he be running for the hills when I told her, but there was Josh. He knew as well as I did what Josh would probably do to him when he found out. Even if it was half my fault.

"I'll think about it." I finally murmured, and he nodded. Respecting that.

"That gives me time to think about how I'm going to tell my dad." He muttered, and if possible, he lost even more color from his face. He sighed, "He's gonna kill me."

"I'll be there too." I offered this time, and he shook his head.

"You probably don't want to be there." He replied, "He's going to be _pissed_."

"And you think Heather won't be?" I asked, "If your dad doesn't kill you, Mike might."

"I'll still be there." He murmured, "It's the right thing."

"Just.." I sighed, "Don't tell your dad yet. I'm not ready for him to call Heather."

"No problem." He easily agreed.

"Look at you two." Our attention was taken by Zack crossing the yard toward us, his grin very evident. One glance between Andrew and I was enough. A silent confirmation that our conversation was now over.

Andrew hesitated at first, but gave in and hugged me again. I didn't even mind it this time. It was actually very relieving to have him know. I wasn't alone in it anymore, and it was one less person I had to hide it from.

 **A/N: Woohoo! More progress.  
As I mentioned before, I know these chapters aren't as long as I've released in the past. I'm sort of trying to slow things down a bit. Keep it simple. Instead of having everything happen at once in a single chapter.  
Anyhoo..  
THANK YOU! To my AMAZING reviewers! I've certainly missed your feedback! :D  
Four won't take much time, as I'm eager to get that one out. ;)  
Until four, my friends!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

It was the last day of school the following morning. It was only half a day, and I knew most of the school wasn't going to show up. Once again, I debated even going. I didn't like anyone there enough to want to see them one more time before the summer stole everyone. The only ones I cared about were ones I'd be seeing pretty much every day.

However, I was promised pizza at the end of the half day, so that got me out of bed. It was a little childish to let pizza be a motivator, but nowadays, I was pretty much ruled by what my stomach wanted or didn't want. It wanted that pizza, and who doesn't give in to free pizza?

Zack hitched a ride with Josh and me today, which wasn't a huge surprise. Since it wasn't raining, both Zack and I chose to ride in the back of Josh's truck. I had my hair pulled back in a messy bun, so I wasn't worried about the wind messing it up. It was a warm enough morning for us to both sit back there comfortably, and it helped wake me up a little more, so I wasn't exactly complaining at Zack's idea. It was actually pretty nice.

To my slight surprise, Andrew was waiting for us in the parking lot when we pulled up. Right at Josh's usual parking spot. Normally, he gave me my space, but I gathered that he figured it was okay to approach me. He wasn't exactly wrong. Especially after our talk the day before. He was in on it, so that made me okay with him again.

Climbing out, however, my hand wasn't braced right and it slipped on the edge of the bed. I started to fall backwards. Before I could panic too much, Andrew managed to catch me around the waist. Once my brief moment of panic was gone, I looked back at him as he looked to me. Seeming just as surprised as I was.

"Good catch, bro." Zack laughed, shocked, "That could have sucked." What was so strange about it, is that Zack had been closer to me than Andrew had been. From what I could tell, both had reacted at the same time, but Andrew reached me first.

Andrew was still holding me, though, despite how my feet were now safely on the pavement. He seemed to be studying me, and it only just occurred to me that his hands were fully braced against the top of my stomach. Right over top of the defined bump I was getting.

He might not be able to fully tell yet, but my stomach was definitely firmer than it should have been. I knew that because I'd pressed and poked so much myself just to see how noticeable it was now. He gave the slightest bit of pressure against my stomach, as if figuring that out himself.

Realizing that, I stepped forward. Out of his embrace.

"Yeah." Andrew finally replied to Zack, "That would have sucked." He laughed, but the sound was tense. I cursed the thinner shirt I wore today. I should have worn a sweater or something.

 _Shit_. That had to have freaked him out. After all, it was the first real proof he'd been given.

"Thanks." I muttered to him, and he nodded a little in response. I could only guess what was going through his mind.

I couldn't help the fact that I was blushing, and of course, that's all that Zack saw. Giving me a knowing smile. Josh just shook his head, laughing a little as he went on his way. I took his lead, heading toward the school and leaving both Zack and Andrew to watch after me.

"You okay?" Josh asked before we parted ways inside. He really didn't have to show up today, but he chose to. Probably more for me than anyone else. Knowing that I'd been having a hard time with something made him react protectively.

"I'm fine." I replied, but I was getting tired of saying that, "Just a little clumsy today, I guess."

"Okay." He sighed, a little skeptical. I wasn't usually the clumsy type. I gave him a look, and hugged him. He returned it, of course, standing with me in the middle of the hallway.

It really was times like this that I was more than glad I'd made the decision that I'd made to leave him here. More so when I thought back over the last few years. How essential he was to my recovery. I knew that I truly couldn't have moved on and gotten as far as I did without him. It was a tough one, but I knew I'd made the right choice.

"See you after school." He said, pulling back, "I'm free until three." I nodded, smiling a little.

"Josh, you big softy." Zack chuckled, and I finally noticed that both he and Andrew had caught up, "She'll be fine." I distinctly noticed Josh's very brief glance toward Andrew, so I knew what he was thinking.

"Yeah, well.." Josh shrugged, "Can't be too careful."

With that, we all pretty much parted ways until later. I didn't have any classes with either Andrew or Zack, so I had a few hours to myself. We wouldn't see each other until the last hour before school was 'out', when the whole school would apparently meet in the cafeteria for pizza and be dismissed from there. All thirty of us that had decided to actually show up.

Of course there was no real work to be done. Every class was about socializing. Signing yearbooks and making sure everyone had updated phone numbers of everyone else. While everyone around me discussed summer plans with their friends, the noise level in the room almost too loud for my patience, I stared out the window. Daydreaming about sleeping in the next day, and yawning now and then when my boredom nearly put me to sleep.

It wasn't until my last class before that final hour that that daydreaming was interrupted. From this window, I could see the parking lot. That wasn't a big deal.

It was the car that pulled into the parking lot that caught my attention.

I fully recognized it this time as the same one that I'd been preoccupied with the day before. I slowly raised my head from where it'd previously been rested in my palm, narrowing my eyes as I watched it park just on the other side of a larger truck.

I could only see the top of it now, but I could see enough to get my heart sprinting in fear. It was then that the last bell decided to ring, indicating that it was time to head to the cafeteria. It startled me into standing up, but I was grateful for that.

I immediately jumped up, striding straight for the door. Just my luck, I managed to somehow spot Zack in the small crowd of people filling the hallway outside. Joking with a couple of his other friends as he was walking away.

"Zack." I called, thankfully getting his attention over the noisy hallway. He paused, turning to look back as I pushed my way forward. I made it to his side, easily seeing his concern now.

"We'll see you later." Apparently, his friends didn't feel like waiting for him. He gave them a nod before looking to me again as they walked away.

"What's wrong?" He asked, immediately picking up on my mood. I wasn't even sure. I was having trouble getting my mind around what that car could possibly mean, much less expressing it without sounding crazy. Around us, students flooded by.

Giving a quick glance around, Zack lightly grabbed my arm and tugged me off to the side, standing us against the wall next to a water fountain. Out of the middle of all the people.

"What's wrong?" He asked again.

"I don't know." I managed to gasp out. Why was this upsetting me so much? "I think someone is stalking me."

Maybe it was my younger years of constantly being hunted that freaked me out so bad now, but I'd found a pattern in that car showing up where I was, and it was now more than I was comfortable dealing with.

He frowned, obviously confused, "What are you talking about?"

Over the sound of the rest of the students walking by, and through breath that was thinning by the second, I explained what I meant. I wasn't able to give him much information, because I wasn't even sure what was going on, but I did tell him what I knew.

"Relax." He finally told me, "Calm down. Nobody's stalking you. That could be anything. It's a small town, Leandra."

"It's not that small." I countered, "I'm freaking out."

"I can see that." He replied, "You're just freaking yourself out. Breathe. Remember what mom always told you?" He was right. I knew he was right, and I definitely didn't want to mess up my record by having a stupid panic attack now. Especially over something, as Zack had put it, that was probably nothing.

"Come here." He insisted, pulling me into a hug. I accepted it easily, fighting with my racing heart. I fought as hard as I could, but I could feel it. I'd had enough panic attacks to know when one wasn't going to let me win. It was the hardest thing. Knowing full well how stupid it was to feel this way, but having no control whatsoever over what I did.

The other students continued to walk by, and I knew that wasn't helping. Tears burned on their way from my eyes as I struggled with them, but I couldn't stop them. The passing glances and stares we got only made things worse.

"Shit." He muttered, also knowing this wasn't helping, "Outside?" I nodded, gasping for what breath I could, "Okay. Come on." Turning with me, he kept his arm over my shoulders and led me away from the wall. Walking quickly with me along the group of students, toward the only exit along this hallway.

We made it outside, and the second the cooler air hit me, I sobbed. He led me forward and over off to the side. Finding a stone bench for me to sit on. I took his lead, sitting immediately and continuing my fight with my emotions. It wasn't so much the sobbing that always scared him, or me for that matter. It was the fact that my heart beat way too fast, and that I couldn't breathe to accommodate my racing heart. Which in turn made me panic more. Something about suffocating usually prompted panic. Go figure.

I _hated_ this.

"Just breathe." He told me, already pulling his phone out of his pocket. One glance told me he was texting Josh.

It wasn't three minutes after he sent that message before Josh was approaching quickly. Since we were so close to the cafeteria, he must have already been in there. He landed on the bench beside me, reaching over and hugging me into his side. Zack allowed that.

"In the center console of my truck," Josh told him, "There's her meds. I always have some on me. Go get them." Before he could even dig his keys out of his pocket to hand over, I shook my head. That was medication. I wasn't sure if I could safely take them. My thoughts immediately going to the baby. I didn't want to possibly hurt it.

"Don't be like that, Leandra." Zack said, but I just sobbed.

"No." I insisted, "I-I just need a second-"

"Go get them." Josh repeated, tossing Zack his keys, "Hurry."

"I can't take them." I said, but Zack was already off running.

"It looks to me like you need to." He replied, "Just breathe, Leandra."

" _No_." He wasn't listening, "You're not getting it. I _can't_." He didn't reply this time, knowing full well how I was when I was like this. I used to fight taking them all the time, but back then, it was mostly Zack that had to take care of me.

Instead, I just focused on getting a breath. That was always the first step. The very first step to regaining control over myself was focusing on breathing. The second was focusing on slowing my tears. Just calming down.

When several minutes passed without Zack coming back, I counted my lucky stars that I had a chance to calm down a little bit. Unfortunately, though, I was calm enough to notice his tension when he did come back.

"What's wrong?" It was my turn to ask him that.

"Nothing." He replied, but I knew instantly that he was lying, "Josh?"

Taking the hint, Josh stood up carefully and walked over. A few steps away, they turned their backs to me so they could talk. I couldn't focus on them if I was going to keep calming down.

I took a deep breath, holding it against my still pounding heart. I hated that the simplest thing could set me off. My racing thoughts refused to slow down, however. What if it wasn't simple? There were so many things I had to be afraid of.

One thought that I kept coming back to was all the times Jack had tried to get someone to take me. That hadn't happened since then, but I had no idea if he was even still out there or not.

I forced my thoughts in another direction. I hadn't thought about Jack, as much as I could help, in so long. He was part of that time in my life.

"Fuck that." I finally overheard Josh say, "No, that's not happening. Stay with her." And I watched as he walked away, back in the direction of the parking lot. Jerking the keys away from Zack as he did so. I suddenly got very nervous.

I decided not to ask. If it was enough to piss him off like that, I didn't want to know. Zack took his place next to me instead, also watching his brother walk away. I kept my eyes down, focusing more on my breathing, until I noticed Zack wave at someone. Looking over, I spotted Andrew coming our way. He must have come looking when we didn't show up.

Seeing me like this was nothing new to him either, so I didn't exactly mind him coming over. He'd been a part of calming me down for almost as long as Zack had.

"What happened?" He asked before he even made it to us.

"Long story." Zack sighed, "Sorry. I should have texted you."

"No, it's okay." He said, sitting to my other side as he looked at me, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I mumbled, "I just thought.." I trailed off with a sigh, "I don't even know, but I don't need those meds. See? I fixed myself on my own."

"It's still better to take them, Leandra." Zack countered, but I shook my head, "So it doesn't happen again. You know that once you have one, you could have another soon."

"I'm not taking it." I snapped lightly this time, hoping to get my point across.

"You _really_ might want to reconsider." He replied, "All I'm saying-"

"It's done." I said, "I took care of it. I don't need it, so I'm not taking it, okay?"

"What happens if you get stressed out later?"

"The only thing stressing me out right now is you." I sighed, standing up. I always had to pace away nervous energy after a panic attack like that. Shaking out my tense arms before crossing them tightly. I still trembled, my breathing now and then still sticking in my throat, but I could breathe.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I felt so stupid. I'd just started rationalizing with myself, making up reasons for whoever that was to be here. It wasn't me they were after. It was just coincidence.

I looked over, though, at Josh's return. Shaking his head to himself, he seemed tense too, but he had the small bag holding a few small pills of my anxiety medication in his hand. It'd been a long time since I'd seen that expression on his face.

"Okay." I muttered at his approach, "What's going on?"

"I texted mom." Josh spoke to Zack, ignoring my question, "She should be here soon."

"You should have texted dad." Zack said, standing up.

"School's over in like half an hour." I frowned, "We could even leave now if we wanted to. I'm fine now. Why would you text her? You know she's just going to worry about me."

"Trust me." Josh looked to me, "She'll want to be here. In the meantime, we'll just sit here and wait."

"Okay, now you're freaking me out." I said, "What is going on?"

"You were right." Zack mercifully answered me, "About that car." I was right? About what? That it _was_ here for me? I didn't know how to respond at first.

"What car?" Andrew asked, standing up as well.

"The one that's been following her." Zack explained quietly.

"Do I know them?" I had to ask. Had what I'd been refusing to think about been true? The way he hesitated, looking to Josh had me thinking yes. Nobody answered, so I spoke again, "Zack? Do I know this person?"

He looked down, "Um.."

"Unfortunately." Josh grumbled, "But-"

"Wait." Andrew said, "Is it _them_?" All four of us knew exactly who he was asking about. I was glad he was asking, because I couldn't breathe enough to ask.

"Yes." Josh replied again, "But-"

"They're back?" I asked, breathless again. It felt curiously like I'd just been punched in the stomach.

"Don't worry." He said, but that only confirmed it, but it was still so hard to wrap my mind around it. I was stunned. He spoke again, "They're not-"

"No." I shook my head, "No, no. I can't see them."

"They're not going to get to you." He assured me, "Especially not after the day you've been having. Mom's going to talk to them, and I'm going to get you home." He was trying to give orders in a way that didn't sound like giving orders. Even in my distraction, I noticed that.

"I don't want her to have to leave work." I muttered around a deep breath, "She shouldn't have to."

"She wants to." Josh replied, "Don't even worry about her. Just keep your eyes down, and you'll be fine."

"What do they even want?" Andrew asked, frowning, "They run off for how long, and suddenly come back?" All three of them knew the story well.

"They never said." Zack answered that one, "They just said it was important. That, um.." That they needed to see me. My numb mind registered that just fine.

"I don't give a fuck how important they say it is." Josh countered, "They can't just do that."

"It's weird, though." Zack muttered, "Isn't it? I mean.. They look just the same as they did before they left-"

"I can't do this." I whimpered, turning and walking back toward the school. I couldn't deal with this right now. I thought I was done with that part of my life. I'd done everything humanly possible to get away from it, and move on. I'd done everything I could to forget.

It completely destroyed me when they left without more than a goodbye. No explanation. It completely destroyed me when I was dropped like yesterday's trash, and that left Heather to put me back together as much as she could. It left everyone to do what they could for me, so Josh and Zack's hatred of them was very earned.

Now suddenly, all of that was being dropped back onto my shoulders.

"Come on." Josh caught me, "Just stay for a few minutes until we know it's safe to leave." He turned me around and walked me back over to the bench, "For now, though, take this." He handed me the bag containing a few pills of mine.

"I can't take that." I immediately said, but I held onto the bag. If it was in my hand, I knew I could control it.

"Here we go." Zack sighed.

"I'm serious this time." I replied, "I have a reason. I actually wish I could this time, but I can't."

"Why don't you just pick her up on the other side of the school?" Andrew asked, gaining our attention, "That way, she doesn't have to see them at all."

"I like that idea." I immediately said, pointing at Andrew.

"Me too." Josh replied just as his phone vibrated in his hand. He looked down at it and nodded before he turned, "Meet me out over there in five minutes."

Thankfully, that plan actually worked. All he had to do was drive around the main building, and I could get to him. I had both Andrew and Zack with me every step, but I wasn't wasting time either.

Once we were on our way, me sitting low in the front passenger seat, I had a chance to think. After everything I'd been through, I never thought about what I'd do if this ever happened. I never thought about how I'd feel if they ever came back.

I had problems convincing myself that they were really gone at first, but that didn't get me very far. Then I had problems believing that they were never coming back, but that just made it worse.

However, seeing what the rest of the family was going through was what gave me motivation to get better. They'd put up with my depression, anxiety, and insomnia for two years. Giving me nothing but support the entire time, but one day, I saw how badly it was hurting them. So it clicked. I had to let go of the family I had before if I was ever going to get passed it.

So I forced myself to move on, growing bitter while I did so.

Heather wasn't far behind us when we got home, but I didn't take that as a success. I knew that if _they_ were here, it was for a good reason and they wouldn't stop until they had a chance to talk to me.

I just wasn't ready to see them. I wasn't sure if I ever would be, and they'd just have to accept that. I had moved on.

I looked over from where I stood pacing in the living room as Heather walked into the house with a heavy sigh. I wasn't sure what to ask first. I had so many questions, but I had to admit. As curious as I was, I was positive that I didn't want to know.

"What'd you tell them?" I finally asked.

"The truth." She answered, closing the front door behind her, "That it was probably best if they gave you your space. I asked them to leave you be, and told them that I didn't think it was a good idea for them to contact you. I was polite about it, as hard as that was for me to do."

I shook my head, sighing as well.

"So what's this I hear about you refusing to take your medication?" She asked, and I immediately turned my glare toward Josh.

"By the time it got to her, she'd calmed herself down." Andrew explained for me, "I think she did good."

"Oh." Heather muttered, obviously accepting that. She sighed again, "Well, that's that, then. Are you staying for lunch, Andrew?" I tossed a grateful glance his way. He knew my reasons.

"Thanks," He said, "But I think I should get home. I'm not feeling very good." I couldn't blame him. I wasn't very hungry either, but I had to wonder if that was just an excuse to get away from Heather.

"I'll give you a ride." Josh offered quietly.

"Thanks." Andrew said again, accepting his offer. I stepped forward and hugged Andrew tightly with another sigh.

"Sorry you had to deal with this." I told him.

"Nah." He replied, returning my hug, "I'm just glad I could help. In whatever way I did."

"Text me later?" I asked, as if I was unsure. He really did seem a little run down. I worried that he might have a fever, as I felt the heat through his clothes. Maybe he was just worked up, though. Or maybe I was just cold. I did tend to get that way when I was like this.

"Will do." He smiled a little at me. That made me feel a little better.

Once they were both gone, I could afford to let myself feel like crap. Immediately after the door shut, I turned to Heather with a whimper and hugged her.

"I know." She murmured to me, hugging me back. I still didn't know how to feel. My life was already complicated enough right now without this, but Heather had no idea about it.

The rest of the afternoon, I debated. If I remembered right, they were never the type to accept 'no' the first time. If Heather was going to block their way outright, they'd find another way. I had to decide whether or not I would sit there in my room that night and wait for a visit when everyone else was asleep, or if I would choose to sleep in Josh's room instead.

I knew that if I were to choose to do that, he wouldn't ask questions. It would, however, piss him off that I had to resort to that again to feel better. I used to sleep in his room all the time while I was trying to get better. I hadn't done that in awhile.

I really didn't know.

I hated this so bad, because I was torn. So long ago I'd made myself believe that they were never coming back. I'd never let myself even consider what I would do if they ever did. Now I was forced to consider that, and I didn't like it.

Again, I had so many questions. Who all was back? Was it all of them, or just a couple? If it was just a couple of them, then where were the others? Why would they come back at all? What reason, after all this time, did they feel they had to return and completely ruin any sense of closure I'd built?

I sat there in my room that night, heavily debating.

I normally had my window wide open during the last hour before I decided to go to sleep. Tonight, I had it open hardly an inch or two. Just enough to be able to hear the crickets outside and to allow a soft breeze into the room. Seated on the sill, I stared out into the darkness outside. I knew better than to believe that I wasn't currently being watched. I tried not to think about that.

My mind was spinning. I had no idea what to think or how to feel. It was very deeply overwhelming, so the only thing I could really do was sit there.

A soft knock at the door startled me a bit, but I turned to look back at it.

"Yeah?" I called quietly, watching as the door opened. I tried to offer a small smile as Josh stepped into the room, "Hey."

"Hey." He replied gently, offering me the same small smile, letting the door close behind him, "I came to see how you're doing."

I hesitated, "Not good."

"I see that." He admitted with a sigh. Crossing the room to stand behind me, looking out the window as well. Reaching forward, he hugged my shoulders lightly. I appreciated the casual embrace, reaching up and resting my hand on his wrist.

"What do I do?" I whimpered, unable to help it.

"Absolutely nothing." He answered, "You don't have to do anything. Leandra, you don't owe them anything."

"Well.." I trailed off. When he put it like that, it swayed me.

"No." He spoke again before I could finish that thought, "After what they did to you?"

"After everything they did _for_ me, Josh." I pointed out.

"Don't do that." He murmured, gently turning me around to face him, "Don't do that to yourself. I _know_ you haven't forgotten what happened." I looked down, "You deserve better than what they did. Don't believe for a minute that what they did was okay."

"I know." I muttered, "I know it wasn't okay. I'm just.. I'm _so_ confused."

"I'm not going to stand here and tell you what you should do." His tone softened, "But know this. No matter what you choose, I'm with you. If you don't want to see them, then you won't. If you choose to see them, then.. Well, I won't like it, but I promise I won't let them hurt you that way again."

With a quiet, appreciative whimper, I stood up and hugged him. He returned it easily, giving me the support I really needed right then.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" He asked, and I pulled back to look at him. It never failed to surprise me when he always knew. He knew me too well. I honestly wasn't going to ask him, but now that he offered, I couldn't help nodding.

"It'll be like old times." He smiled a little, and I had to return it.

And for the most part, it was. Just like old times. Just like before, when I couldn't let myself fall asleep. Having him here was good for loneliness, but not much else. I still laid awake, staring at the window. Honestly nervous about what wanted to come through it.

Not for my safety, but for my sanity.

 **A/N: There we have it. :) Now we know.  
As always.. THANK YOU! To those that left their review! I honestly wish I could hand out cookies. :}  
So many questions! But don't fret, my darlings! A lot will be answered next chapter. :D  
Chapter five also won't take long to come out. It's mostly finished, and just needs a bit more attention before I hand it to you. For now, however, there's a baby demanding my attention.  
Until five, my friends!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

I continued to sit awake.

Josh had stayed, just like he said he would, but had fallen asleep long before I managed to. I didn't hold it against him. It _was_ just like old times. I used that time wisely, however. I knew with Josh in here, they'd never attempt to come inside.

Sometime passed midnight, I returned to the window. Not only was it pitch dark outside, but dead silent as well. Aside from an occasional breeze rustling the early summer leaves in the tree outside my window, I couldn't hear a thing.

Sitting back down on the sill, I kept my gaze outside. It was a habit of mine to sit here when I had to think. It gave me something to look at besides my own four walls. It usually helped me to know that the world went on outside my room.

Tonight, however, it didn't help as much.

"I know you're out there." I whispered, "What do you want from me?"

Of course I wasn't answered. I half expected to be, but nothing but silence followed.

I knew I'd have to face this now if I wanted to avoid having to hide for the rest of my life, but it was actually doing it that would be the hard part. I just had no idea what to expect. It was like being forced to face a part of me that I'd turned away from.

With a deep sigh, I stood up. Crossing the room, and making it out into the hall silently. I'd had so much practice when it came to sneaking around, I wasn't worried about waking Josh up. I questioned my sanity all the way down the stairs. Not only because I was going outside in just my pajamas, but because I was going outside at all. About to face something I really didn't want to face.

I would have given anything to keep letting myself hide, but I knew they wouldn't give up.

With everyone else already asleep, slipping outside was easy. I chose to step out into the backyard, as it was more private. If they were anywhere nearby, they'd find me. I used that time to steel myself. Bracing myself against whatever emotion I might find during this little meeting. I was so mixed up, even I couldn't tell how I was feeling.

The night wasn't too cold, yet I shivered. I wasn't sure why. I wasn't exactly afraid, but I knew this wouldn't be easy. It was like facing a memory I didn't want to face. Digging up an old part of me that I'd fought to bury a long time ago.

My bare feet made almost no sound on the grass passed the concrete of the back patio. We had a pretty decent sized back yard, so coming to stand a few feet from the house was more than far enough.

The yard was almost pitch dark, so it was pretty hard to see anything beyond two feet in front of my face. Not many of the neighbors chose to leave any outdoor lights on at night, and we were no different. Somewhere down the street, a single dog barked but that was it for the sound.

Listening to the dog barking, the voice coming from just ahead of me in the dark startled me into jumping a little, looking sharply in that direction.

"Leandra."

It was Carlisle. I'd expected that, but as my eyes adjusted more to the darkness out here, I could see more.

I closed my eyes against the emotion that instantly tried to overwhelm me, but I couldn't speak yet. This was a voice I hadn't heard for almost five entire years. The last of their voices I'd ever heard. A voice I tried not to let myself hope to hear again in the beginning, hoping to hear that it all had just been a huge misunderstanding.

When I opened my eyes, the yard in front of me was crowded. I felt like I'd suddenly been punched in the stomach, complete with dizzying nausea at exactly who stood there, crowding the spot in front of me. Maybe feet away.

As prepared as I thought I was, this was a lot.

The Cullens. All of them. All at once. I was expecting maybe one or two.

Emmett, Jasper, Alice. Rosalie, and Mikah, off toward the back, staring at the grass. Even _Edward_ , for fuck's sake. I even recognized Bella standing beside him looking around. It was Carlisle and Esme I'd seen first, maybe half a step ahead of everyone else.

I was speechless. I wasn't sure what I expected, but this was hard. Facing the ones I would have given everything for just a few years before, a lot of the memories I fought against for so long suddenly came back. A lot was happening in those few silent seconds.

They were probably waiting for me to speak, or even to show any kind of reaction to seeing them. As it was, I hadn't really done much.

"Look at you." Emmett broke the silence with a quiet laugh.

"Look at me." I agreed breathlessly, nodding a little. Last time I'd seen them, I'd been probably over a foot shorter than I stood now. Far from as grown-up as I looked now, still just a kid then. Maybe just a hint of what I was to become in my features.

"I'm sorry if we surprised you." Carlisle spoke up.

"No." I mumbled, "It's okay. I just.. I.." I forced a breathless laugh, "I don't even know." It seemed like I'd forgotten how to speak as well. I couldn't even look at them, somehow feeling ashamed and nervous. My voice quieted, and my forced smile faded as I glanced up, "What are you doing here? Of all places?"

"We wanted to come see you, shorty." Emmett replied, and I closed my eyes briefly, looking down.

This was really, _really_ hard on me. None of them had changed whatsoever in the nearly five years it'd been since seeing them last. I hadn't exactly expected them to, but looking at them now was like looking straight at a memory. A memory I'd fought against since they left.

It made me feel strange. An odd sort of vulnerability that I couldn't describe. Seeing them last when I was eleven years old, after such a horrible time in my life, the fact that they hadn't changed made me feel that small again. Despite doing a whole hell of a lot of changing myself, I couldn't help finding myself wanting to regard them the same way I did back then. It was difficult, to say the least.

"Really." I mumbled, crossing my arms insecurely, "Why are you here?" I was starting to see that I'd be choosing the angry emotion over all the others, "How- I mean.. I know _how_ , but.. I guess.. _Why_ did you find me?"

"We wanted to see you." It was Alice that replied this time.

"Now?" I asked, " _Now_ you wanted to see me? It doesn't work like that. Maybe it does for you, but not for me. You can't just show up out of nowhere like this, and expect me to not be suspicious."

"You're mad." Emmett pointed that out.

"Mad." I replied incredulously, "Yeah, I'm mad. I'm _pissed_ , actually." I paused, listening to the silence for a moment, "I-I'm pissed, and I.. I'm.. Confused, and _really_ hadn't expected this. That should really tell you something. _Now_.. After _how many_ years, _now_ you want to see me? That's bullshit."

More silence.

"What's the real reason?" I asked, quieting my voice with a whole lot of effort, "I think I deserve a real explanation on why you all just decided to show up out of nowhere just to-"

"Hold on." I shut up at Alice's quiet request. I wasn't sure why, but her request was enough to stop my rant right in its tracks. They all seemed to be listening, but studying me at the same time, but it was Alice that stepped forward. I watched her approach, puzzled but admittedly curious. It was even weirder to see her this close. Across the yard was one thing, but this close was different.

How much time had I spent looking up to her? Both figuratively and literally. Now we were about the same height. It was pretty even, and I was perhaps a little taller than her, but just as slight. I'd always been pretty thin, so I knew that wasn't a surprise.

She came to stand in front of me, frowning a bit in thought as she looked me over.

"What?" I asked defensively. I didn't like being inspected this way. She spoke again, this time surprised.

"You're pregnant?"

Right off the bat. Straight to the point. I wasn't used to that forward sort of questioning, so I didn't know how to reply.

"Two heartbeats." She explained when I stared at her in surprised confusion, "It's faint, but it's there." That, I understood, and I looked down immediately. Not only was I embarrassed, but I was scared.

"Yeah." I muttered, "Yeah, but.. T-That's none of _your_ business." I was fighting to keep that anger I'd just had. It was all I had to keep me strong.

"Does Heather know?" She asked, and once again, I fought to remember how to speak.

"You're not answering me." I snapped quietly, "This isn't about me. O-Or.. The other thing."

Hesitantly, she looked over at Carlisle. I chose not to, but I thought about it. What if they decided to ask her about it? That couldn't happen. I wasn't ready for that.

"No." I spoke up again and she looked to me once more, "No, she doesn't know. Neither does Josh, Zack or Mike, and I want to keep it that way for now."

"Leandra." Esme's disappointment sounded just like it did before. I held back a physical cringe.

"No." I countered, unable to help it as I shook my head at the ground, "You don't get to do that. You don't get to just show up here and make me feel bad. That's not-"

"How far along are you?" Alice asked, shutting me up again. I fell quiet, hesitating before I answered.

"Eighteen weeks." I muttered, "I was almost exactly four months when I got looked over at the clinic two weeks ago."

"And you know who the father is?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes, "No, I had a gang-bang in the back of a van." The sarcasm in my tone was heavy before it evened out, "Yes, I know who the fucking father is, and he knows about it. I'm not that stupid."

"I'm just making sure." She replied, trying to calm me down. It worked, as I took a breath.

"Leandra," Carlisle spoke up again, but instead of looking at him, I looked back down, "Please. I know we have no right to ask anything of you, but I-"

"Damn right you don't." I grumbled bitterly. I couldn't even look at him. As far as I was concerned, both he and Esme had let me down the most. Out of everyone there, they'd hurt me most by being the ones to decide to leave me there.

Alice reached gently for my hand but I jerked it away once I saw her start to move.

"No." I told her firmly, "This isn't okay."

"Okay." She replied, obviously trying to ease me, "Just please. Listen."

I snorted, "Why?" I turned sharply, looking toward the others while carefully avoiding looking at Carlisle or Esme. I crossed my arms again, tighter this time, "Why should I listen to anything any of you have to say?"

"She's overwhelmed." Edward murmured.

" _Don't_ you do that." I snapped at him now, "I'm not _overwhelmed_. I'm pissed. You all left _me_ , remember?" Seeing them all, I was having a hard time reading their expressions. The only movement from any of them was Mikah. He shook his head at the ground in much the same way I had before.

"I know." Carlisle spoke again, and I looked down, "I understand that we have no right to ask anything of you, but I must ask for just a small moment of your time, and a chance to explain."

I didn't know what to say at first. Anger silencing me until I could sort my thoughts enough to reply.

"I don't need your excuses." I mumbled, "I don't need anything from you." My heart beat too fast, and I hated that they all could hear it. I was angry, but there was more to it. A whole lot to it that even I had a hard time figuring out.

"I know.." I went on, "You made your choice. Y-You made your choice, and I didn't like it much, but what could I do about it?" I needed to end this before I lost it. I waited maybe thirty seconds for any kind of response, but other than that, I wasn't waiting any more. The longer I waited, the harder it was not to cry.

"I don't know." I finally muttered with a shrug, my quiet voice heavy with emotion, "Why don't you try again tomorrow? Or better yet, how about in five more years? Ten years? I might decide to come around by then."

I almost couldn't make myself turn around, but I managed to. Walking away with another shake of my head. I was grateful that my emotion was able to be held back until I had my back turned to them. Holding my breath against the sobs that ached to rip free. The scarring where my heart was forced to heal crumbled, breaking all over again.

The eleven year old in me, the one that never had a chance to recover, wanted to stay there talking to them for as long as I could, but the fifteen year old knew better. The eleven year old wanted to know exactly what was wrong with me, while the fifteen year old knew that this was for the best. To walk away now in an effort to protect myself.

The fact that they'd show up now, out of the blue for no apparent reason bothered me. Like they expected everything to be okay again after they left me.

I got back into the house, slamming the door behind me before turning and slamming the heel of my palm against the wall beside the door roughly in an intense increase of emotion. An angry noise leaving me loudly as I did so.

I hated this emotion. The ripping, tearing pain in my heart that I thought had, until right then, been healed. Despite knowing full well that something like abandonment left wounds in a person that could never be healed, but now it clenched my entire chest in unimaginable pain. The worst part was they acted like it was no big deal. They just didn't seem to understand exactly what it was they'd done to me.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that they thought I was over-reacting, as they did seem to understand that this was warranted, but they expected me to be okay with this? They really didn't know me at all anymore. Sure, maybe I would have forgiven them a few years back, but now, it wouldn't be so easy.

I knew my tears were coming, but they left little chance to fight them. I moved my way forward, finding the closest dining room chair to sit in. It was better to be sitting when I got like this. I'd learned that the hard way. My trembling, the physical evidence of the emotion I fought hard against, left little choice.

"Leandra?" Heather had found me just as my sobbing really started. No doubt having heard me slam the door.

The kitchen light flipped on, and I closed my eyes around my tears, covering my face with my palms in a feeble attempt to hide them from her. I listened to her sad sigh as she came forward, quickly pulling another chair closer to mine and wasting no time in sitting down and hugging me to her.

I couldn't stop the sobs. I'd learned by now that it was pointless to try when they got like this, and Heather had too. The only thing she could really do to help was be there. I'd cried myself out this way so many times in the past, over this same thing.

I'd been doing so well. Now I was unraveling right in her arms again exactly like I used to, and it scared me. I wasn't just upset for me, though. I was upset because I was upsetting everyone else. Just as I'd noticed it myself, they were noticing it too. All their hard work was being undone.

One glance told me that Heather hadn't been the only one woken up. Josh stood watching, leaned against the kitchen doorway, his arms crossed over his chest tensely. The worst expression in his eyes that I'd seen in a long time. Zack beside him, both arms behind him, braced back against the refrigerator. He stared at the floor, and he looked miserable as well.

Mike stood just behind Josh, watching as well. Hunter sleepily rubbing his eyes in his arm.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed shakily into Heather's shoulder.

"Sweetheart." She murmured in reply, "Don't be sorry. Don't apologize." I broke again, "It's okay." I clung to her and her words. Right then, it was all I had. The pain, the emotional damage physically hurt me. I'd learned the hard way a long time ago that being so broken could cause physical pain.

I remembered this pain well.

Once I managed to calm down, emotionally exhausting myself, I went right back to bed. Back into the shelter of my room, which only tried to upset me again. Before tonight, this room was the last place I'd ever seen them.

After a brief visit with Josh, and a request to be alone, I was able to sleep a little while. When I woke in the morning, however, I found it hard to even want to leave my room. I knew for a fact that if today had been a school day, I wouldn't have gone.

I was falling back into my old rut.

The time I spent in there was used to think about where I was. It was a defensive move at this point to do that. I did it when they first left me, and I did it now that they seemed to be back. For whatever reason. I just really hoped that this didn't put me back into the same spot that I'd been in when it all started.

I couldn't go back to that.

They had to know how upset I'd been. I knew they didn't leave as soon as I walked away. They'd stuck around. That was pretty embarrassing, and something I hoped they'd never bring up. Heather at least had the decency not to bring stuff like that up when it happened. She never treated me any different because of it.

That morning, Mike had come to see me before he left for work. He'd been so busy lately, it was a visit I hadn't expected but welcomed all the same. He offered to take me to work with him to give me a distraction. Something he hadn't done in awhile, and I had to admit that I was tempted. I used to love spending that time with him, but I passed on it today. I wanted a chance to recover a bit before I went out again.

Heather took the day off work so she could stay with me. I now found the benefit of her accumulating so many favors for those she worked with. It was easy to find someone to cover for her.

It was never a good day after a night like the night before. I was always emotionally sore, which was also nearly a physical pain. That was something I needed time to recover from. Time I always spent in my room. Withdrawn.

It was times like now that I wondered if a heart could break hard enough to bruise it. Of course, I knew a heart doesn't actually break, but it sure felt like it. It sure felt broken. Almost hesitant to keep beating, and it was also a feeling I knew well.

It definitely would have been a better idea to have kept the group last night to a minimum. Seeing absolutely everyone at once was most definitely what overwhelmed me the most, and it wasn't a good idea. I might have been more agreeable last night had only one or two of them been there, but then again, I doubted it.

Seeing anyone would have caused the same reaction. There was no way I couldn't react this way. They had been such a huge part of my life back then. To have them all turn their back that way did something to me that I had yet to find the words to describe.

I made it out of my bed long enough to cross the room to the window once more. As paranoid as I was about someone possibly watching me, I always felt better by watching out the window. Especially when the window was open, and I could let in a damp breeze.

I really wasn't at all surprised when, around noon, the now-familiar fancy car pulled up in front of the house. I didn't have it in me to leave my perch by the window. I just watched, shaking my head a little as Carlisle stepped out first. Esme not far behind.

Really looking at them for the first time, I was really grateful for the time I spent numbing myself. How much time had I spent looking up to them the most?

"You shouldn't be here." I muttered, mostly to myself, but I knew they'd have no problem hearing it. Proving that, Esme looked up at my window, and at me. For really the first time, I met her eyes. The sad emotion in her eyes tried to hurt me too, like it would have before, and I knew she saw that. I looked away.

As they approached the front door, I found myself curious. Not curious enough to make any sort of appearance, but curious enough to want to listen in. I wanted to know what Heather would say.

I carefully opened my bedroom door just in time for the doorbell to ring. I stepped out into the hall, but I paused outside my bedroom. Well out of sight, but I could still listen in to what was being said downstairs. I'd already figured that out long ago. Turning around, leaning back against the wall and sitting down to listen in, just to solve my own curiosity.

"Carlisle." Heather greeted almost bitterly, "What a surprise."

"I know it's unexpected," I clearly heard him say, "But I'd like to come in and explain."

"Leandra isn't exactly up to visitors right now." Heather replied, "I've just gotten her calmed down, so if you wouldn't mind maybe coming back another time-"

"I meant that I wanted to explain to you." Carlisle insisted, "Please."

I listened to silence, and then her sigh. Moments later, the front door closed, but I didn't have the chance to hope she still refused.

Heather spoke again, "I wish you would have called or something first. I really wish you had. Something like this would have been better with a little bit of a heads up. To give her a chance to prepare for it. Knowing you've come back knocked her right off her feet again."

"Understatement." I mumbled to myself, and though I knew they heard that, they couldn't reply to it.

"Again?" Carlisle asked.

I heard Heather sigh, as she knew as well as I did that this explanation wasn't going to be an easy one. They did deserve to know, though. They needed to know what happened, what them leaving actually did to me. Somehow, I knew they really didn't know. They didn't know what I'd lived through.

When Heather spoke again, her voice was a little further away. I recognized the direction. She'd led them into the front room, off to the left of the front door.

"When you all left her before," Heather explained, "She didn't handle it as well as you seemed to have."

"We've noticed." Esme replied, and I clearly heard the sadness and regret in her tone, "We never wanted to upset her."

"If that were true," Heather countered, "Then you wouldn't be here right now. You never would have left her in the first place." It was silent for a moment, and I knew Heather was just gathering her thoughts.

"Leandra.." Heather went on, "She amazes me. I've never, in all my years, seen anyone come back from being shattered the way she was. Not in the way she has."

More silence, so Heather spoke again.

"It was pretty touch and go there for awhile." She murmured, "Sleepless nights, days she wouldn't even get out of bed, much less go to school. We pressed her, getting her to go to school, only to get called thirty minutes after school started, with the school nurse or counselor telling us that we needed to come get her."

"Fighting?" Esme asked quietly. I shook my head. That was the old me. Someone that didn't exist anymore.

"I wish." Heather replied, "Fighting, I could handle. Anger, I could handle. No. It would be a panic attack." Given the brief pause, I knew they were surprised. They really had no clue.

"She'd get so scared, for no reason." Heather explained, quietly now, "She couldn't catch her breath, and when she couldn't catch her breath, she'd panic and make it worse. It was so humiliating for her, and she begged me not to send her back."

"How terrible." Esme whimpered. I shook my head again. Though she did sound sincere in her emotion, she had no right to feel pity for me.

I wasn't exactly sure why they were surprised. They'd seen that kind of behavior from me while I was living with them. Not to the degree Heather had, but it was still the same. Carlisle _had_ to remember the times he'd try to get me to go to school.

"Her anxiety had gotten too heavy for her to handle anymore." Heather continued, "She couldn't leave the house without having one of those panic attacks. The ones that usually scared the hell out of me. It scared the hell out of me to know she was suffering so much that she couldn't breathe, and to know she was so scared.. I couldn't do anything, but go and pick her up.

"I thought if we waited, if we were patient with her, that it would get better, but it never did. It only got worse. Worse by the day, by the hour. It was consuming her, and the hardest part of all of that was watching her let it. To see her give up, to see that light in her grow dark, it was the hardest thing I'd ever seen." And that was saying something.

"It got to the point where I couldn't leave her side either. Any time I tried to leave her, for any reason, she'd throw herself into a panic attack. Often resulting in her getting sick. She refused to eat, and never slept longer than necessary. Staying awake for days at a time.

"She had developed a pretty decent case of separation anxiety and depression. She was so scared, terrified all the time, the slightest thing would break her down."

I listened to the silence that followed. She was letting that sink in for a moment. Hearing her explain it this way, to fill them in and hearing the emotion in her voice just made me feel bad all over again, but they needed to hear it this way.

Heather continued, "So I did what I could for her. I stayed with her as often as I could, but I could see that that was only making it worse. I had to put her back together again, which unfortunately involved taking her to see a specialist when she was twelve. Oh, she hated me for it, but it wound up being just enough of a boost to get her over that snag.

"She was prescribed two anxiety medications. One was a long term, every day. Low dose, but it kept it in check through school days. The other was for days when she needed a little bit of extra help calming down. I saw immediate improvement. It no longer felt like she was falling." I heard the small smile in her tone, "It felt like I'd caught her. Like I'd finally done something right regarding her, and we could start helping her climb back up."

Hearing all this from her was nothing new. I was there. I knew all this.

"She took the first medication for about a year and a half, before she wanted to stop taking it. Her psychologist said she could, so I'm not complaining too much. She tapered off of that. Though there was hardly any risk of addiction or dependence, it was still better to slowly ease off of it in her case. To give her a chance to build up her own defenses, so to speak." Another brief pause.

"She did well on her own for about three months, before I got another call. Thankfully, it wasn't anything like the ones I'd get before. She was willing to stay at school, but she needed her secondary medication. She'd forgotten it at home, and needed me to bring it to her. She was thirteen at this point, and with the pressures of eighth grade, I could understand where she was coming from.

"It was then that I knew. I didn't dare hope before, but after that, everything changed. She was willing to live again. After.. _So_ long of not knowing if she'd ever be okay again, she was okay. It was all I could have ever asked for. Just to know she was okay."

It was silent for a moment after that. They were getting to know what leaving had done to me. Though I doubted they'd ever fully understand, they were beginning to see. They didn't know before. The picture Heather was painting for them was probably really different from what they'd imagined. I honestly hoped that hearing this was hard for them.

Heather went on, "It took.. A lot of hard work to get her passed all that and to get her to this point. She'd been panic attack free for almost a year by now, and when I got that text message from Josh yesterday, I knew it had to be something big."

"Was she okay?" Esme asked, obviously concerned, "Yesterday?"

"Last night wasn't a very good night for her." Heather answered, "As you can imagine, after finding out you came back, I guess all those old emotions sort of started back up again. She has medication for times like this, but Josh told me she refused. She hates taking it, I think because she sees it as cheating. It does help her, but I can only pressure her so much to take it. She's delicate. When she cries the way she did last night, and can't breathe like that, it scares me to no end."

"Of course." Carlisle replied, "I apologize. We never expected her to react like that."

"How could you not?" Heather asked, "To someone like her, it takes a lot to not only count on someone, but to trust them the way she trusted you, and to her, you threw that trust in the garbage the moment you told her you were leaving. Every other person in her life has proven to fail her, and that didn't mean anything to you when it came time to drop her and leave the way you did. I can't even imagine the pain that must have caused her, and I was here the whole time she was going through it."

I smiled sadly. I was glad she was on my side, and telling them like it was.

"I assure you, we had a reason for leaving her the way we did." Carlisle replied.

"Care to explain?" She asked in return, "What reason in the world could ever be good enough to cause her that much pain? To hurt her, to break her that badly?"

"We wanted to give her the best possible chance at learning to live her life." Esme explained instead, "With us in the way, she was holding onto all the fear associated with that time in her life."

"I see." Heather didn't buy it either.

"We thought it best to let her go, though now we know what it must have been like, and I can't apologize enough." Carlisle added quietly.

"Do you?" Heather asked him, and though her tone wasn't a loud one, it was heavy, "Do you know what it's like watching someone you love go through being abandoned that way? To not be able to answer her when she asks what she did, because you don't even know the answer to that? She was safe here, but to hear the way she cried during the night, or when I needed to leave her for thirty seconds to use the bathroom, you wouldn't know it. It killed me. I felt so helpless, not having the ability to help her through this. You obviously had no possible clue what you meant to her, did you? And then, to just show up out of the blue like you did, it was very, very inconsiderate and I worry deeply that it just destroyed her again."

Heather paused, taking a breath.

"Personally," She went on, "I think she deserves better than that."

"Absolutely." Esme spoke up, "I agree one hundred percent. She does deserve better than uncertainty. She deserves better than not knowing exactly where she stands. She deserves the stability that can only come from having a single family. Five years ago, we made the choice to let her go. Surely you know what it would mean for her if we had allowed her to have it both ways."

"I get it." Heather replied, "Believe me, I do. All I'm saying, is you have to understand. I'm not standing between you and her to be mean or bitter. I'm doing it to protect her and because it's what I think she needs. If she showed the _slightest_ interest in seeing you again, I would step aside. Of course I would.

"You should have gone about leaving her in a different way, because it tore her apart. Her being torn apart like that tore not only me, but my boys apart, and I'm sure I don't need to reiterate what I turn into when my babies are hurting." She gave a tense laugh, so I knew she was trying to lighten the mood, "I'm mama bear. I don't take kindly to anyone hurting my cubs, and I've always considered Leandra one of mine. I've known her since she was five months old, so she's my cub too. I'm _always_ going to do what I think is best for them. Especially her."

"Of course." Carlisle replied.

"Mike will be home for lunch in about ten minutes." She went on, "I'm sure he'd like to know what's going on, and to give you his side before I talk to him about letting you see her."

Whoa. Somehow it surprised me to hear Heather using that tone against them. It must have meant more to her than I thought before.

"We'll be happy to wait." Esme replied, "I'd like to get this sorted."

Heather sighed again, "Me too. Leandra.. She's a fighter. All those sleepless nights, all the nights she cried herself sick.. She's worked so hard to get to where she is. Rather, where she was two days ago. I don't want to see all her hard work mean nothing."

Just hearing all this from her made me want to cry. I was definitely in a delicate state, and very emotional. I debated whether or not I should go down there, but I decided against it. Let them handle themselves for a moment. I wasn't up to seeing anyone just yet.

I looked over, though, at Zack's approach. Him having just left his room. He offered a small, supportive smile as he sat down next to me in the hall.

"This has to be so weird for you." He murmured quietly. He was obviously aware of what was going on.

"It is." I replied, sniffling a little, "I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel. Like.. Part of me wants to see them, but.. The other part just doesn't want to deal with that again, you know? I thought it was over."

"I was going to see Andrew today." He said, "I haven't heard anything from him since yesterday when he went home, and wanted to see if he's okay. I could stuff you into a backpack and sneak you out with me if you want."

I had to smile a little at his offer, "Thanks, but nah. I kind of just want to hide out today."

"Fair enough." He replied, "I hope you feel better, Leandra. Text me if you want me to bring you anything back." That didn't sound half bad.

"Hold on." I said, pushing myself to my feet. He followed suit, watching as I rounded into my room. Heading over to my dresser and grabbing my wallet, I pulled out the only $5 bill I had.

"Anything chocolate." I requested and he laughed, "Please."

"You got it." He replied, accepting the money I handed him. I trusted him with it, so it wasn't a big deal to let him have it.

"And maybe a pack of those little peanuts." I added and he laughed again. I knew that he'd know what I was talking about. I got them occasionally while I was out with them.

"Should I make a list?"

"It might help." I admitted.

"So anything chocolate, and those little peanuts.." He smiled, "Anything else?"

"Just the peanuts." I replied, "And the chocolate. And let me know how Andrew's doing." He nodded.

"Not a problem." He said, "I'll be back later." I nodded this time. Accepting his hug before he left my room, descending the stairs. I moved toward my door, but hesitated in closing it.

"Hey." I heard him say in greeting to Carlisle and Esme, "Where's everyone else? Or did you leave all them on the side of the road somewhere?"

"Come on, Zack." Heather corrected, but without an apology, the front door opened and closed. I had to smile a little, shaking my head. Leave it to Zack to say what's on his mind.

 **A/N: Nice place to leave it. :)  
As you can see, this one is a bit longer than the others. I had a lot of description to add. Hope nobody minds. :)  
I absolutely love it when a reviewer gives their thoughts/suspicions. No joke, totally makes my day! Of course, I absolutely love any review you guys are willing to leave, but it's fun when I see you guys guessing. THANK YOU to my wonderful reviewers of last chapter. You're amazing!  
As with all the others, chapter six probably won't take too long. Little KNeu sleeps through the night now, so I'm able to get a lot done. Literally through the night lol about 8-10 hours at a time. Sometimes more, if I'm willing to leave him alone.  
Anyhoo.  
Until six, my friends!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

It was only a few minutes after Zack left that Mike got home. I decided then to stay in my room and let them handle it. I didn't know what Carlisle thought he was doing by coming here, but I could almost guarantee that this talk with Mike wasn't going to be a good or easy one.

Maybe he thought that by making good with Heather and Mike, they could get to me easier. I had enough confidence in Heather, though, that I knew that if I didn't want to see them, I wouldn't have to. So I closed my bedroom door, and I turned on some music. Not too loud. Only loud enough for me to listen to comfortably and I laid on my bed. I was in the mood to listen to hard rock, so that's what I put on.

Sighing heavily, I winced as I stretched. I'd been getting increasingly achy as the weeks went by. It wasn't unbearable, but I could definitely do with a massage or something. Laying on my back, my hands lightly rested over the reason behind my discomfort.

My hands gently patted along with the music that played as I stared at the ceiling.

I had yet to really focus much on it. As much as I tried, my mind stayed foggy when it came to the baby. Like I couldn't face it. I was drawing a blank, and honestly wasn't any closer to a solution than I had been when I first found out. Every time I tried, my thoughts shied away from the subject, moving onto something else. I knew I still had a few more months to figure my shit out, but really thinking about it, that wasn't very much time.

Currently, those thoughts seemed obsessed with what was going on downstairs. Despite how I tried not to think about that.

This was supposed to be my recovery day, dammit. Couldn't they respect that? It was bad enough they showed up at all. They could at least respect recovery days.

It was the weirdest thing. Seeing them clearer this time shook me.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I was trying really hard not to think too much, but also trying really hard not to throw up. It was a careful balance.

I jerked awake, however, not even noticing I had fallen asleep. Startled out of sleep by something as I looked sharply around the room. I hadn't been asleep that long, as it wasn't really that much later.

"Leandra?" Oh. It was Zack outside my bedroom door. That was what woke me up. Rolling to the side with a grunt of effort, I turned the music down.

"Yeah." I replied, rubbing my face. Letting him know he could come in. The door opened, and he stepped in. Closing the door behind himself before he crossed the room to sit with me.

"Were you sleeping?" He asked, and I shrugged.

"I might have been." I admitted. He laughed a little.

"I hope you're not getting sick too." He replied, handing me a plastic shopping bag. The contents of the bag caught my full interest.

"Too?" I frowned a little as I immediately reached into the bag.

"I guess Andrew's sick." He answered, "Richard said he's been sleeping since last night, and he's got a fever that's through the roof. He wouldn't even let me in to see him."

"Aw." I muttered, "That sucks. I hope he's okay." I sincerely did. Being sick was no fun. I sighed as I ripped open the little pack of peanuts I retrieved from the bag, "No, I'm not getting sick. Just tired."

"Might as well sleep." He allowed, "They're still here." I frowned, looking over at him. That was news.

"Still?" I asked in disbelief, "Wow. Mike didn't throw them out?"

"I guess not." He said, "They're just talking now. Didn't even notice when I got home."

"Weird." I commented, dumping out a palm full of peanuts into my hand, immediately dumping them in my mouth. Zack watched me, surprised.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Don't choke." He laughed a little.

"I've been craving these." I admitted, and thankfully, he didn't seem too suspicious of that statement. It was fairly innocent when he didn't know about my current condition. That made me think, though. As I dumped out another palm full. I stared at the peanuts in my hand, a thought suddenly crossing my mind.

What could they possibly have to talk about that would capture Heather and Mike's attention that much? With a sinking heart, my mind answered that for me.

How did I just now think about this?

 _Shit_.

Setting everything on my bed, I stood up fast enough to startle Zack and headed for the door. Yanking it open and jogging carefully down the stairs until I reached the bottom. I knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it. I needed to listen in. I reached the room, nearly skidding to a stop in the open doorway.

I honestly wasn't going to make an appearance, but I had to.

"Leandra." Heather noticed me immediately, and I knew by her tone that she was unhappy. The conversation stopped as Heather's attention captured everyone else's. Even Hunter's, who sat coloring at the table against the wall minding his own business.

Open on the table in front of Heather was a folder, papers inside it. Mike, from where he sat, had to turn to look at me. I quickly understood what that folder was.

I should have known they could get a hold of that from the free clinic. Easily.

" _Really_?" I snapped in both Carlisle and Esme's direction, "That was low!" Esme only looked down.

"Come in here, please." Heather requested quietly, "I think we need to talk."

"What?" Zack seemed confused, having come to stand behind me.

"You just couldn't leave it!" I snapped at them again.

"I'm glad they didn't." Mike answered instead, "Come on in here." I cursed under my breath, turning a little on the spot in disbelief. Hunter sat, watching wide eyed at my outburst.

"What'd you do?" Zack recognized Mike's tone, obviously nervous for me. I was in trouble.

"Leandra." Mike prompted again, and that got me moving. I dragged myself into the living room with everyone else. Zack tried to follow, but Mike spoke again, "No, Zack. You go on upstairs. Take Hunter with you."

He stopped, but hesitated with a look to me before he did as Mike told him. Hunter didn't need to be told twice. Easily getting up and moving to Zack's side. I felt a little bad for scaring him, but I couldn't help it.

I found a tense seat in the other chair on the opposite side of the couch as Mike. To Heather's left. It was silent in the room until we heard Zack's bedroom door close upstairs. I doubted he was really in his room, probably listening at the top of the stairs like I always did.

"Well?" Mike spoke first and I flinched a little. He wasn't exactly loud, but he was definitely not happy, "You obviously know what this is." He snatched the folder up off the table, closing it roughly. As if that would erase what was inside it.

"I know." I muttered, looking down, "I know."

"Why didn't you tell us about this?" Heather asked me, "Do you have any idea how serious this is?"

"I _know_." I repeated, "I didn't even know until two weeks ago."

"You knew that long?" Mike asked sharply.

"Shit." I sighed. Taking a breath, I went on, "I took a couple home tests because I stopped getting my period-"

"And they were positive." He already knew, "Because you waited so long."

"I didn't know that that was the reason." I defended myself, "I-I thought it could have been something else. It was just once."

"Goddammit, Leandra." Mike sighed, roughly tossing the folder back on the table. It landed with a sharp sound and I flinched again, "You're smarter than this. _Pregnant_?"

"Mike." Heather finally spoke up, stepping in for me, "Yelling at her isn't going to fix this."

"Whose is it?" I fell quiet at Mike's next question, keeping my eyes down.

"Leandra?" Heather prompted next.

"I don't want to get him in trouble."

"Uh-uh." Mike barked "None of that. It takes two to get into this mess. You didn't do this on your own. If you're going to be sleeping around, you're not going to take all the blame, so who is it? Who's the father?"

"I haven't been _sleeping around_." That pissed me off too, "I said it was just once! One time!"

"I don't care if it was a hundred times." He countered, "This is serious."

"I _know_."

"Please." Heather's calmer voice silenced us both, "Just tell us." She hesitated, watching me in my silence, "It was Andrew, wasn't it?"

"Andrew?" Mike asked.

"She just told us it was only the once." Heather replied. He grunted in response, frowning in thought, "Honestly, Mike. You should start listening more."

"I'm just not so sure I believe her when she says it was only the once." He admitted, "I mean, she lied about this, didn't she?"

"Other than this," Heather gestured to the papers, "When has she ever lied to us? And this wasn't even technically a lie. You have no idea what this kind of thing does to someone."

I just sat back. I'd let them argue between themselves for a minute. It took the focus off of me, at least. I tossed a heated glare to the side, and I knew Carlisle caught it. My first real look at him was a glare.

"That proves she was using that head of hers now, at least." Mike countered, "But why wasn't she thinking before? How hard is it? We wouldn't be in this mess if she'd just stopped to think for a second."

"Did you forget how old I was when I had Josh?" Heather asked, "I wasn't much older than her."

"You were way more responsible." He argued, "That's different."

"Living on my own didn't make me near responsible enough to support a baby." She said, "I'd rather she be here than out there on her own, trying to make it work. I wouldn't wish that on anybody."

"You weren't on your own. I was with you."

"You know what I mean." She shook her head, "Would you rather her have run off? I agree to a point that she should have been a little smarter, but these things have a way of taking someone off guard. I'm saying I can understand how everything went wrong, and if you'd take a breath and think, you'd understand too."

He took her advice, though. Standing up, taking a deep breath and running both his hands through his hair as he sighed out that breath. He stayed quiet, staring at the floor for probably ten seconds before he shook his head.

"I need a drink." He grumbled, turning for the door before he paused again, looking back at Carlisle and Esme, "Anybody else want one? A drink?"

"No thank you." Carlisle replied.

"I need one." Mike muttered to himself, leaving the room.

Heather sighed, shaking her head.

"That went well.." I mumbled awkwardly.

"Okay." Heather spoke again over the sound of the liquor stash in the pantry being raided. The clanking sound of a glass bottle hitting a glass had me shaking my head as well.

"I was going to tell you." I said in my defense, "I just.. I didn't know how, because I know someone was going to freak out, and I didn't want someone else freaking out while I was freaking out because that would just make me freak out more.."

"I'm not freaking out." She replied, "I'm disappointed. We've been over this. I know you know. Not only have we been over this, but now, you've got an incredibly difficult decision in front of you. Have you given any thought whatsoever to your options?"

"Uh.."

"Well, keeping it would be the worst decision." She said.

"You kept Josh." I frowned, surprised, "I'm _not_ just going to-"

"I'm talking about adoption." She assured me, probably knowing where my thoughts had gone, "By the time I had Josh, I was used to living on my own. I had a mostly steady job and had income for myself. With Mike there, we were stable enough to handle it. Even then, it was hard. It was very hard."

"I _know_." I sighed again.

"Don't get me wrong." She murmured, "It's not that I don't think you're mature enough to handle it, but I know that with a baby, your life is going to change. You can't even imagine how much. Of course you'd have help, but I know you're not the type to want to be dependent on us. You've got to think about things like school. How would you go about continuing your education, while holding a job that pays well enough to support the both of you on almost no sleep? Not to mention how time consuming a child is."

I kept my head down the whole time she was talking. She wasn't telling me this out of anger or to try to scare me. I knew that by her tone. She was trying so hard to make me see what she was talking about. I appreciated the way she spoke to me. It made me feel less like I was in trouble, and more like she understood.

"You're fifteen years old." She murmured, "Honey, babies are very time consuming. You have to be ready to get moving at a moment's notice. Every two or three hours all day long." I looked over, surprised, "Yeah. Around the clock. Including at night. There are diaper changes, feedings, cuddling, soothing.. It's work. A lot of work. You'll be tired, but babies don't wait for you to be rested."

I looked down again, trying to imagine what she was telling me.

"Now, can you imagine doing all of that," She went on, "After a full day of school and work? You'll have help, but I'm not raising this baby for you. Honey, I know you're not ready for this." Her tone softened, "There are people out there that are. Adoption is a wonderful option."

"Because it worked so well for me?" I pointed out, "What if whoever adopts it changes their mind too? What if it goes its whole life with nothing but broken promises? Being tossed from house to house, and nobody wanting it either?"

It was clear that she didn't know what to say, given her expression.

"I might have made a big mistake," I muttered, "But I don't want my kid to have to pay for some mistake I made by going through that. It's the worst feeling in the world."

"Is it better to throw the rest of your life away?" Mike had returned, standing in the doorway. I didn't exactly appreciate his tone.

"My life isn't worth much." I stood up, "But I think it'd be worse if I gave it up just to make it easier on _you_."

"Leandra." Heather sighed, "That's not-"

"I messed up." I went on, ignoring Heather, "I admit that now, but how would I live with myself if I knew my kid was out there somewhere, going through God knows what, because you couldn't handle it?"

"We're heading into the closest adoption agency tomorrow." Mike replied firmly, "You might not like me for it now, but you'll thank me later."

"The _fuck_ we are." I said, surprised. Heather stood up as well, rounding the table to come stand beside me.

"You're fifteen." Mike stressed, "You're not old enough-"

"I'll be sixteen before it's born." I snapped, "You can't make me give it up."

"Now, wait a second." Heather held her hands out, as if trying to calm us, "Both of you, just cool it. We'll talk more about this later when you've both had a chance to calm down."

"Right." I scoffed, already striding toward the door. I was too pissed, and I needed to calm down.

"Tomorrow." Mike told me firmly, "Nine A.M. sharp."

"Have fun going on your own." I countered, but I paused. Turning in the doorway, I looked back at Carlisle and Esme. Both having sat there silently.

"I hope you're happy." I told them, "Really. Thank you _so_ much for all this."

"Don't be blaming them." Mike said, "It's not their fault you were so irresponsible."

"I'm not saying it was!" I shouted this time at him, and he really didn't like that, "If they'd minded their own goddamn-"

"Watch your tone." He snapped in reply.

"Or _what_?" I asked. I honestly wasn't afraid. Normally, I would have been at least a little nervous yelling at him like that, but right then, I wasn't. I would have hit him myself had Heather not spoken up.

"Leandra," Heather stepped in again, "Upstairs. Now."

I scoffed, shaking my head as I rounded again, "Fuck all of you."

Instead of going left toward the stairs, I didn't hesitate in heading straight for the front door. I wasn't going to calm down by pacing around my room. I needed to take a walk. I was already having a bad day before. Now it was a disaster. A complete nightmare.

I slammed the front door behind me as hard as I could, my heart pounding too hard not to. Striding down the porch steps, heading for the sidewalk.

Why were they doing this? I was doing just fine until they showed up, but they just couldn't leave well enough alone. Nobody asked them to show up again, much less blab everything to Heather and Mike.

"Leandra." I paused on the sidewalk, looking back in the direction I'd just come at Zack's call, "Wait up." Thankfully, he ran to catch up to me. I wasn't waiting there long. Once he reached my side, I continued on. Of course, he followed, but I didn't mind that. His company was welcome at that point.

At first, we walked in silence. I wasn't even sure where I was going, but that didn't slow me down. I just needed to walk. To move.

"So." He spoke up, but I didn't look over, "Pregnant. Wow." He had been listening.

"Yeah." I muttered, taking a calming breath.

"That explains the peanuts, at least." I had to smile a little at his attempt at humor. He sighed, "Dad's _pissed_. I'd give it a few hours at least before you go back."

"I plan to." I replied evenly.

"I don't think he'll kick you out." He went on as we rounded the block, heading for town.

"He won't have to." I said, "I'll find some way to live on my own before I let him make decisions for me."

"Now, hold on." He replied, surprised, "You probably don't want to do that. He's just mad. Mom will talk to him, and he'll calm down." I took another, deeper breath. Of course he was right. He spoke again, "Besides. If you leave, I'll have to go with you, and I kind of like my room."

I forced a small smile, but shook my head. I didn't know what to say.

"So if you don't want to give it up for adoption, what?" He asked, curious, "You want to keep it?"

"I don't even know." I admitted, "That's the whole thing I was trying to figure out. I mean, of course I want to keep it, but I know I'm not parent material. I wouldn't have anything to offer it, but at the same time, I'm afraid of letting it go. What if it turns out like me?"

"I think it's different when someone adopts a baby." He said, "Lots of people are looking for babies to adopt. No bad habits, and they can train them the way they want to. Like puppies versus dogs."

"Nice." I snorted.

"But it's the same idea." He defended his point, "Someone adopts a baby when they don't want to let them go. It's the really brave ones that go for the older kids. All I'm saying, is don't give up on the idea. I'm sure you'll have a say in what family it goes to."

"That's true." I muttered.

"You could be as picky as you wanted." He went on, seeing that I was calming down, "It could be one of those types of scenarios where.. What do they call it? Like where they send you updates and pictures, and whatever, and you could still see the kid all the time?"

"Open adoption." I wasn't even sure how I knew that.

"Right." He said, "One of those. You could still hang out with it if you wanted. They do that. Or if you just wanted to be rid of it, then you wouldn't have to." I gave him a look, "Just an option. I heard that sometimes, parents that want it will even pay you for it. Not like.. Buy it, but like pay for like medical bills and things you need while you have it in you."

"I'm not looking for money." I shook my head, "And I think I'm fully covered insurance wise." I was curious one day, so I looked into it.

"Just give it some thought." He nodded to himself, "It's not such a bad idea when dad's not yelling at you. And it's better than being up to your elbows in baby shit while trying to _not_ drop out of school. They barely let you come back here the first time without being held back two grades, remember?"

"I remember." I sighed heavily. I'd missed so much school, it was off and on a lot in the beginning. Not to mention how much school I'd missed before then, while I was living with the Cullens.

"I'll even go with you." He offered, "To pick a family. I mean, if you wanted. I know Andrew would want to be there, but I want to too. I'm pretty good at telling when people are good."

I was incredibly grateful for his immediate and whole-hearted support. I glanced over at him, "Why did I wait so long to tell you?"

"I have no idea." He replied, "I'm freaking amazing." I had to laugh a little at that one. He spoke again, "But seriously, though. Dad doesn't mean to be so hard on you."

"I know." I admitted, looking down at the sidewalk, "I just.. I didn't like that he thinks I don't have a say in what happens. I got mad."

"I heard that happens." He mused, nodding, "But you really made an exit, didn't you?"

I didn't reply to that. Now that I'd calmed down, I had a chance to feel bad. I only felt bad for how I treated Heather. Everyone else in that group could go to hell.

"Where are we going?" He asked, probably trying to change the subject. I suddenly made up my mind, despite being headed there the whole time.

"To see if Josh has a minute to talk." I answered, "I'd rather he hears it from me. Since the stupid cat is out of the bag at home, I know they're not going to keep it quiet."

"A bag is a horrible place for a cat, anyway." He replied easily, "Cats don't belong in bags."

"I agree." I sighed, "It's too exhausting, and usually, they hurt someone on their way out of it."

We got to Josh just as his break was beginning, as luck would have it. He was surprised to see us, to say the least, but actually telling him was harder than I thought it would be. We stood around near the corner of the parking lot, closest to the sign out front.

It was difficult. Hard for me to figure out where to start.

"Just spit it out." He laughed after several minutes of me stalling.

"Trust me." Zack muttered, "It's big." He looked to me, "Want me to tell him?" Despite how it seemed so much like taking the easy way out, I couldn't help being tempted.

"Someone should tell me." Josh replied for me, so I nodded, giving Zack permission.

"Well," Zack started, "Remember what mom said about her and Andrew? As long as they're careful?"

"Yeah?" Josh frowned. He obviously wasn't sure where this was going.

"They weren't."

He only frowned a little more, "In what way?" His arms crossed and I looked back down. I hated this. I was really hoping to be able to tell him in a better way. On my own terms.

"Okay," Zack muttered, "Let's put it this way. Remember when Lucas' dog was in heat a few months ago? I guess Leandra was, too." He gestured to me. I rolled my eyes, cringing at the horrible example.

"Okay?" He still wasn't getting it.

"She's gonna have a puppy." Zack grinned, and I slapped my palm against my forehead.

"A baby." I blurted out, "I'm not an animal, and I'm pretty sure Andrew isn't one either."

"You're pregnant?" Josh finally gasped out, surprised. His crossed arms tensed.

"Very much so." Zack confirmed for me, but I gave a nod of my own, "What was it? Four months?"

"How?" Josh asked, still stunned.

Zack had this one covered, "Well, you see, when two people love each other.. Or at least like each other kind of a little bit-"

"Shut up." Josh barked at him, before he looked to me, "I mean, how have you been pregnant for four months without anyone noticing? Much less, mom?"

"Yeah." Zack frowned, "How'd mom not notice? She's a nurse, for crying out loud."

"Very carefully?" I shrugged, "I don't know. I guess she's just been so busy, and I never really got sick or anything. Maybe it was because I didn't even really know until a few weeks ago. I usually get my own period stuff, so she couldn't have known that I wasn't getting it."

"Ew." Zack's nose wrinkled at the mention of 'period stuff'.

"You weren't getting your period, and that didn't tip you off?" Josh asked.

"I didn't even think about that." I defended myself, "I thought it was stress or something. That's happened before. Come on. I've already been yelled at enough today."

He took a breath, closing his eyes as he held it. When he sighed, I could see he was a little calmer.

"Okay." He said, "I'm sorry. What did mom and dad say?"

"Dad wants to drag her to the nearest adoption agency tomorrow." Zack said, "Mom tells him to just calm down for a second."

"Why?" Josh asked.

"I haven't figured out what I'm going to do yet." I replied evenly.

"Well, you can't keep it." Josh snorted, "It'll ruin your life." I narrowed my eyes.

"Let's not get into that right now." Zack said quickly, "Sore subject, and I don't want you two fighting too."

Josh and I stood there in silence for a moment, before he sighed, "How did they find out? I'm assuming you didn't tell them."

"I was going to." I grumbled, "But I didn't have a chance."

"Carlisle did it for her." Zack added, and Josh's eyes narrowed as well.

"That's pretty fucked up." At least he agreed with me, "Wait.. How did he even find out if you weren't telling anyone?"

"Duh," Zack rolled his eyes before I could even start to get nervous, "He's a doctor, remember? He can find out anything he wants to."

"True." Josh nodded, looking down, "Right." He took another deep breath, holding it a second before letting it out. He looked to me, "I have to get back to work, but we'll talk more about this when I get home. Deal?"

"Deal." I muttered, giving a slight nod.

"Okay." Josh sighed again, stepping forward and hugging me. I appreciated this hug. It told me that despite how much he disapproved, he still cared about me.

With that, we parted ways. Zack and I wandered off, looking for something to do to pass the time. My stomach rolled uncomfortably, despite no longer having to hide anything. It was probably the nerves.

"Don't you find it weird, though?" Zack asked as we headed up the street.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"I can't be the only one who's noticed." He said, "They haven't changed. At _all_."

I hesitated for a moment. Gathering my best lie.

"Yes they have." I mumbled, "I can't say anything about the others, because I haven't seen them yet, but those two have. Trust me. I'd know."

"Huh." Zack frowned, obviously in thought. Probably doubting his own memory.

"Besides." I went on, "It probably doesn't look like it because it's only been a few years. How much can they change?"

"True." He allowed, his tone still thoughtful. He sighed, "Well, they still look the same to me. Like.. Exactly the same."

"Who was it you saw?" I finally asked, curious, "At the school?" I could finally ask that, since I already knew who all was back.

"Alice." He answered, kicking a rock into the street, "And what's-his-face."

"Jasper?" I asked, and he nodded. So it had been her that showed up there. That only brought up more questions.

Were they all in on it? Or just her? Was she the only reason they decided to come back? She _was_ pretty pushy. If that was the case, what reason would she have had to come hunt me down?

I had to admit, though. I _was_ relieved it was only them, and not someone out to get me. It just didn't make any sense to me, but I did know for sure that there was more to it than they'd told me yet. I wasn't sure, though, if I wanted to know.

It seemed risky to me. To show up here where people could potentially recognize them. Had the rules suddenly changed? Or was whatever this was about more important than some stupid rule?

One thing was for sure. They had no idea what they were coming back to. I was positive they weren't expecting me to react the way I did. They'd still seen me as the same person as I was almost five years ago. They expected me to be _happy_ to see them? Right.

As they found out the night before, they sure had another thing coming.

 **A/N: Holy moly. That was kinda fun. :D  
THANK YOU! To those AMAZINGLY AWESOME reviewers! EEEEEEE! :D!  
You're awesome!  
Chapter seven won't take long either. Hopefully. I do need to get to work on continuing later chapters, though. I'm catching up rather quickly lol  
But, for now..  
Until seven, my wonderful friends! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

I put off going home as long as I could, and Zack stayed with me the whole time. When we finally did go home, it was way passed dark and it was only because it started to sprinkle rain. He went inside while I stayed outside. Sitting outside on the front porch swing, listening to the quiet patting sound of the rain hitting the already damp grass and sidewalk.

Naturally, I was nervous about going back inside after how I'd acted earlier, and that must have been okay, because nobody came outside to bother me. Everything had been fine, for the most part, just a few days ago. It astounded me how fast things could go down in flames.

I closed my eyes, just taking a breath.

"Princess?" Listening so close to the silence, I was startled at the sound of Mikah's quiet voice on the porch next to me.

" _Shit_ you scared me." I couldn't help laughing, though, at the sound I made. Looking over, I saw him up close for the first time in a long time. Other than the night before, the last time I'd seen him, he was one of the ones standing in my new room to tell me goodbye.

Looking up at him now, I wasn't quite sure how I felt. I wanted to hate him as much as I hated the others, but somehow, I didn't. Perhaps it was because he used to have such a different connection to me.

From what I could see in the dark, he smiled. Probably relieved when I didn't immediately yell at him to fuck off.

"Do you mind if I join you?" He asked quietly. I hesitated as I thought about it. Did I really care? Everything was already destroyed.

"Sure." I answered with a calming sigh and a light shrug, "Why not?" He didn't waste a moment, coming forward and taking the open seat beside me carefully.

We sat in silence for a minute or two. I wasn't sure what to say to him, and I had a feeling that he felt the same way. It'd been so long since we talked, and that was the whole problem, but it felt different with him. I didn't doubt that they knew this, and that was the reason they sent him in to talk to me instead of anyone else.

Lightly, I shook my head. I wouldn't tell him to fuck off yet.

"So." He finally muttered, "How've you been?" It took me a second to believe that I'd heard him right. I didn't know whether to laugh or walk away at his question as I looked over at him. He read my expression, "What?"

"How have I been?" I asked, unfortunately laughing anyway.

"What?" He asked again.

"Okay," I muttered, turning a little in my seat to face him better, "Many things are wrong with that. First off, that's not a question to ask someone who's sitting here, holding whatever is left of the life they used to have after it's been burned to the ground and the ashes stomped on."

He winced, "True."

"Second," I went on, "That's not a question you want to ask someone that you abandoned, and haven't seen in four-and-a-half years out of what that person could only think of as spite."

"Well, damn." He sighed, "I don't know. I'm so nervous."

"Why are _you_ nervous?"

"You're kind of mean now." He answered.

"Oh, come on." I rolled my eyes, "I'm not that mean. Just because I have a few hurt feelings doesn't make me mean. Now, dousing you in gasoline and setting you on fire would be mean. As much as I want to, I'm not that mean."

"Ouch."

"That would be the only way I know of to hurt you like I was hurt." I replied, quieter now, "But.. It's whatever now. It doesn't even matter." I turned my gaze stubbornly out over the dark front yard.

"We didn't leave you out of spite, Leandra." He said, "Have you really thought that this whole time?"

"What else am I supposed to think?" I asked, looking over at him, "You can't sit here and tell me that you've forgotten the way it all happened. You all said you'd always be there. You weren't there."

"I guess four-and-a-half years seems a lot longer of a time to humans than it does to us." He muttered, "But honestly. Give it some thought."

"Nothing to think about." I grumbled.

"Remember." He replied, "Remember how it all went the first time you tried to live here? You gave up after a month, and came home." I stayed quiet, "As hard as it was for us to leave you, we had no choice. We couldn't let that happen again, so.. We took away that option for you. It was the only way to make sure you stayed where you were safe."

Hesitantly, I looked over at him.

"And it worked, didn't it?" He asked, quieter now, "You did everything you were supposed to. Never spent a moment away from home without either Josh or Zack. You built the attachments here where you were supposed to. You pulled yourself up on your own, and believe me. I couldn't be prouder of you for that."

"You could have just said that."

"It wouldn't have worked." He shook his head, "If we had told you that, it would only have made it harder on you than it already was."

"But you were gone."

"None of us trusted our willpower enough to stay around, but leave you alone." He explained, "I stuck around for a few weeks, and I can't tell you how many times I nearly blew it. We all came back periodically to check on you, but this is the first time we've ever let you know that we were around."

I didn't know what to say now.

"I still would have rather had you here than be safe." I would settle for that.

"We knew that." He murmured, "So someone had to be thinking about your safety for you."

It was quiet for a few moments while I really thought about it. It certainly seemed like a truthful explanation, and definitely something they would do. Especially considering the way they'd left Bella behind that time, but I doubted she had this much of an issue.

Eventually, though, I shook my head.

"That doesn't fix anything." I admitted, "It doesn't change what happened. It doesn't change how I felt for _so_ long, or how I still feel sometimes. It doesn't fix all those nights I spent ruining not just my own life, but everyone else's, or the days I spent wishing I was dead, just so I could stop feeling like I did. You don't know what it was like. You don't know what it's like, having no control over how you feel or what you do. Being stuck in a mind and a body that doesn't work the way it should. Being stuck in a body that tries to suffocate you because of a _memory_ or a _thought_.

"After _every_ thing I'd just been through, you thought running off and leaving me behind was a good idea? I mean, I get it now, but that doesn't change what happened because of it. I didn't get this far because I wanted to or because I eventually forgave you. I got this far because I had no choice and because I was tired of watching everyone else lose a little more hope in me every time I turned around.

"Whenever Heather would leave the house, for an errand, or to keep herself from losing her job, I'd cry the whole time she was gone. I'd cry until I threw up, because I was _so_ sure she wasn't coming back, and that scared the hell out of me. Mike was getting tired of me. Josh and Zack didn't know how to help me, but they never stopped trying. Because of me, they lost a part of themselves. _Every_ time they look at me, there's always that worry there. They don't think I see it, but I do."

The silence dragged on as I fell quiet for a moment, and I had to glance over at him to make sure he was still there.

"They gave me something to live for." I spoke again, quieter now, "When I was at my lowest, thinking thoughts I knew I really shouldn't be thinking, it was the thought of losing them that made me want to move on. It wasn't because I forgave you for leaving me. It was them, and the thought of what I was doing to them by being the way I was, and the thought of what it would do to them to find me if I gave in to those bad thoughts. No matter how much I wanted to." I paused to take a breath and look over at him again, "So yeah. I guess you're right. Four-and-a-half years can seem a lot longer to me than it did to you. It sure does seem like a long time when I'm rebuilding myself from absolutely nothing."

"That certainly explains a lot." He finally mumbled, sounding breathless. I knew it wasn't easy for him to picture me like that, but coming back periodically wouldn't have given anybody the full story. Even explaining it now didn't give him the full story.

"What about your dad?" He asked.

"Boy." I muttered, "There's someone I haven't thought about in awhile." That obviously interested him, so I went on, "He moved back to Idaho right before I started to get better. I guess he gave up. I couldn't blame him much."

"I'm sorry." He replied quietly.

"I know you were listening in earlier, so I know you know about Andrew." I added quietly, and that really got his attention, "Andrew.. He was a part of me getting better. When I was better enough to leave the house, Zack would let me tag along with him when he and Andrew would go do things. Neither of them treated me like a lost cause, even when I felt like one, and I guess I liked that. I can't tell you how often they'd change their plans when I wasn't okay with doing something, but I got better.

"I don't even know what I was thinking that night. I'm not even sure if I love him or not. It was just something that happened. Something we did, and now look where it's got me. Mike thinks I'm a slut, and I guess in a way I am, but once again.. That doesn't change anything."

"I don't think you are." Mikah offered, "For what it's worth."

"Thanks." I muttered, but it didn't have much feeling in it, "It's not like I'm proud of it. I know what I did was stupid. I just.. _Really_ wish this whole thing had been handled better, you know? I mean, I knew I was going to have to tell them soon, and I was going to, but.. I just wanted a chance to figure out how to do that. I guess this is as good of a way to tell them as any, though. No matter what, they were going to be mad, so maybe Carlisle thought he was helping by telling Heather for me? I don't know."

"Not to change the subject," Mikah murmured, and I looked over again, "But you said it was the thought of losing them that made you get better. In what way?"

What could it hurt to tell him?

"Do you remember when Aro helped me?" I asked, "With whatever Jack had done?"

"I remember." Of course he did.

"Well, that day, I asked him for a favor." I said, "I wanted to know if he would one day turn Josh for me. Like before. So I could maybe have my son like before." Instead of telling me how stupid that was, he just nodded, "Well, that day, he gave me the chance to change my mind. He showed up one day, when I was thirteen, and wanted to know if I still wanted that. I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't do it without him, so I told him no. That I needed him here, as he was, if I was ever going to get better. I'm glad I changed my mind."

He nodded again, obviously in thought.

"Have you seen Aro since?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No." I replied, "That was the last time I've seen anyone.. Like that. Until now, at least. Even that feels like a dream. I was _so_ out of it back then, it's hard to remember things or figure out what was real."

He fell quiet for a minute, before he spoke again.

"How do you mean?" He asked.

"It doesn't matter." I muttered quietly.

"Don't say that."

"Why not?" I asked, "Mikah, all that stopped mattering a long time ago. I'm not the same person you left behind. There's no way you could have believed I would be. You're smarter than that."

"I was hoping you would be." I knew that was a huge confession, and it took a lot for him to admit that.

"Sorry." I murmured, "The only reason I'm sitting here at all is because of Heather. Mike, Zack, Josh.. I owe them my life just as much as I owe Carlisle. Maybe even more. I mean, I haven't forgotten. As much as I wish I could, I haven't forgotten about what everyone's done for me. That's probably the only reason I'm talking to you at all right now. I just really don't know how long my patience will last."

"We're not giving up, Leandra."

"Again?" I countered pointedly, "You're not hearing what I'm saying. You say you had reasons. Well, I do too. I have my reasons. I'm not falling for that shit again, so you'd all be better off just walking away now." I hesitated, "What are you even doing here anyway? And _don't_ tell me it's because you wanted to see me. I'm not that stupid."

He was silent for a moment before I felt him tense beside me.

"Whoops." He said, "Speaking of Josh.." I gathered that he was on his way home, "I've gotta scoot, but thank you, princess. For talking to us." I also gathered that he wasn't the only one listening to me talk just now. I wasn't surprised in the least.

I had no doubt that I'd get to ask that question again soon.

"You're welcome." I muttered, "But no more freebees." I couldn't help smiling a little, just so he knew I was joking. Given his returning smile, he understood. He was gone just as I clearly heard Josh's truck round the corner up the street. Our house was only two houses down from said corner, so Mikah was right to make haste.

I stayed sitting there as he pulled into the driveway. I glanced over and noticed the thoughtful look in his eyes I was hoping not to see.

I kept my eyes down on the porch as Josh approached with a sigh.

"Have you been out here the whole time?" He asked.

"Yeah." I answered, "I'm kind of afraid to go inside. I'm so tired of fighting."

"I know." He said, taking the seat Mikah had just vacated, "But I'm pretty sure they already know you're out here. Otherwise, they'd be freaking out."

"Probably." I allowed, "But nobody's bugged me, so I see no reason to move. Are you still mad at me too?" He'd had a few hours to think about it.

"How can I be?" He asked quietly, "I feel like this is my fault somehow." He leaned back with a sigh. Frowning, I looked over at him.

"How do you figure?"

"It happened on that trip, didn't it?" He asked, and I sighed, "It didn't take a genius to figure that out. Both of you stopped talking to each other right after that."

"It's not your fault." I murmured, "I made a stupid choice. It had nothing to do with you."

"I should have been smarter about it, though." He said, "I know I never would have taken advantage of you like that."

"He didn't-"

"He did." Josh stopped that argument, "And I want to punch him in the throat because of it. What he did was give in when he shouldn't have, just because it seemed fun at the time. He didn't think twice when he should have. Just because it was your idea doesn't mean it's your fault, Leandra."

"Then whose fault would it be?" I asked, "Yours? You didn't know I was going to do that. I'm not like that. That's not something I would usually do."

"Like I said," He replied, "I should have been smarter. I should have made sure you were safe. I'm supposed to be looking out for you. You were vulnerable, and I should have known something would go wrong."

Before I could reply again, I flinched a little as the porch was suddenly bathed in light from the porch light being turned on. Josh and I both looked over as the front door opened. Thankfully, it was just Zack.

"There's still some pizza left." He informed us, "I think it's safe to come in now. They've been talking in their room for the last hour." If there was pizza, it meant that Heather wasn't up to cooking. Which was a bad sign.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't say that I wasn't hungry. I was starving. With a glance to me, Josh stood up before offering me his hand. I sighed, accepting his help in standing up. I wasn't big enough around the middle to have a hard time getting up yet, but I still appreciated it.

"So wait." Zack muttered as I made my way inside, "That weekend in Seattle was only three months ago. Why are you saying it's four months?"

"They're actually counting ten months." I explained as we found the kitchen, "The month before I first missed my period is the first month. The month I missed my period is two. Get it?"

Without even bothering to get a plate, I grabbed the first slice of pizza I found sitting in one of the two boxes sitting open on the table. There was no time for a plate.

"Why?" He frowned.

"Makes it easier to figure out the baby's age." I shrugged once I'd cleared my mouth, "They're not taking my word for it when I tell them what day it was that I.. Y'Know. I guess it just gives them leeway. So _technically_ , it's only three months."

"Can you tell yet?" He asked.

"Tell what?"

"That you're pregnant." He clarified, "Like are you showing?"

"Have you been able to tell?" I laughed a little, but I decided to humor him. Holding the piece of pizza in my mouth, I gathered my shirt and pulled it tight against my stomach.

"Barely." He laughed, "Turn to the side, fatso." I gave him a look, but did as he asked. He nodded, "Yup." Josh smacked him upside the head, much to my appreciation, but I had to admit that it was funny.

"Okay." We all turned, looking toward the kitchen doorway at Heather's sigh as she came in. I dropped my shirt, continuing to eat. She seemed so stressed, but she went on, "First things first. I called Andrew's father. Nothing will be decided until Andrew is well enough to deal with all of this. It's his right too."

I sighed in relief. I wasn't being forced to choose yet. I felt a little bad that Heather had called Richard, but I would be lying if I said I didn't expect it. I wondered how much trouble Andrew was going to be in when he felt better.

"Second," She went on, "You, young lady, are coming with me into the hospital tomorrow so I can get you properly checked out. I'm not convinced that clinic did a very thorough job. I want blood screens done, ultrasound, the works, and I want no complaining out of you. I want to make sure both you and the baby are healthy. Deal?"

"Deal." I could agree to that.

"We'll go over everything else tomorrow in regards to vitamins and diet changes."

"Diet changes?" I asked.

"As much as it sucks," She said, "You can't just eat whatever you want. Right now, more than ever, it's important to watch what you eat. Cravings are fine to indulge in, but moderation is key. The baby needs nutrients more than he or she needs ice cream."

"But I can still have ice cream, right?" I had to ask.

"Of course." She replied, "But not a whole gallon." I nodded a little. I understood what she was saying now.

She sighed, moving on, "For now, everyone agrees on these terms." By 'everyone', I assumed she meant Mike agreed too, which was another huge relief to hear. I nodded again, and she gave me a nod as well.

"Good." She said, "So as soon as you're done eating, go to bed. I've already spoken with the obstetrician who will be handling you tomorrow, and luckily, she's free all morning. I trust her completely, and from there, she'll probably give you information on the kinds of classes you should be taking later on depending on what you decide. You will be going."

I was already starting to get overwhelmed, but I nodded once more anyway.

We all looked over as Hunter wandered into the kitchen, already in his pajamas as it was pretty close to his bedtime. He seemed hesitant to come near me, but I fixed that by stepping forward and picking him up.

"I'm sorry I yelled." I told him, and his small pout lessened a little bit.

"Were you mad?" He asked, and I sighed.

"A little." I replied, "But not at you." That seemed to help a little more.

"The baby's okay?" He wanted to know, and I suddenly remembered. He'd apparently been talking about the baby since before I even knew for sure. Glancing over, I could see that Heather was reminded as well. She seemed surprised, but she wasn't saying anything.

"The baby's fine." I answered quietly, "Better now."

"Good." He smiled a bit, leaning down a little and pressing his hand over my stomach, "Baby boy."

I know Heather and I weren't the only ones to notice how weird that was, but I didn't particularly feel like looking around.

"If that kid turns out to be a boy," Zack muttered, "I'm going to freak out." I laughed, trying to play it down as I let Hunter back onto his feet.

I dreamed about the past that night. Thankfully, not too far into the past. The first camping trip we all took after I started getting better. It wasn't technically a camping trip, since Mike rented a cabin in the mountains somewhere, and his sister brought her family to stay with us there for a few days.

I was glad she came, because I got quite a few good laughs out of that trip. Seeing them also made me a bit sad, though, because the last time I'd seen them, it was while we were in New York. Everyone had changed so much, so it was tolerable.

There were many occasions that I got a good laugh, but one in particular stood out.

 _Heather was seated, balanced on Mike's shoulders, trying to change a light bulb in one of the three overhead lights. Heather was plenty light enough for Mike to hold steady, but not quite tall enough to comfortably reach the light without having to stretch. Robin and I were standing below, watching her while Mike made some joke, telling Heather not to get her head stuck in the ceiling fan._

 _"This is safe." Robin teased sarcastically, "If you can't reach it, I can toss Leandra up there."_

 _"No way." I laughed a little, shaking my head._

 _One of the other kids made a sudden noise outside, startling Heather, who dropped the light bulb and sent it shattering onto the hardwood floor._

 _Instead of jumping, like I did, Robin just laughed._

 _"That sounded cool!" Robin joked. Heather grinned sheepishly, and Robin moved for the broom while I moved to pick up Hunter, who was drawn toward the pile of glass. He was two and a half at the time, so he really didn't need to be anywhere around a shattered light bulb._

 _"Leave it to Heather to start throwing light bulbs everywhere." Scott joked next, fishing another light bulb out of the package._

 _"Let me do it." Mike had offered, "I can climb up-"_

 _"No," Robin immediately said, "That would be too much man up there. You'd probably break more than just a light bulb, and that wouldn't be good for anyone to see."_

 _"Are you calling me fat?" Mike whipped at her._

 _"And old." Robin smiled at him._

I woke up just passed three in the morning. Not sure why, but I was glad I did, because I really had to pee. I flipped the blanket back, leaving my room in a decent hurry.

That dream had been one of the first positive memories I had of this whole thing. One I deeply cherished, because it was uphill from there. That whole trip gave such a feeling of family, one I hadn't bothered to see until then. That was when I first started to really admire Mike for the way he was and everything he stood for. He loved his family, and would do anything for them. It showed in everything he did, every interaction he had.

That was a lot of the reason why I hated to let him down so much. He'd sacrificed so much for me. He'd tried so hard to raise me this far the best way he knew how. I always knew I'd never be able to make it up to him, but this was worse than anything I'd ever imagined for myself. How could I be mad at him? He was right to be disappointed in me. He'd always done everything he thought he was right for me. This was no different.

I returned to my room, more than ready to go back to sleep, but I was startled into looking up at the sight of someone standing over by the window. I instantly sighed, though, as I recognized Mikah. I quickly closed my door, shaking my head.

"I guess I should get used to that again, huh?" I muttered, returning to my bed. I crawled up onto it with another, calming sigh. Reaching over, I turned on my bedside lamp, just so I could see him better, "You're _so_ lucky I don't sleep naked." That was only partially a joke.

"Sorry." He replied, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay." I said, "It's not hard to scare me. I guess that's something I never really got over."

He looked down as he took slow steps further into the room.

"So." I mumbled, "What brings you by this early? Or late, I guess, depending on how you look at it.."

"I just wanted to see you." He replied, and I immediately gave him a look. He sighed, "Okay, so maybe I wanted to talk to you about a few things. I just couldn't leave it where it ended when we talked outside."

"Finally," I snorted, "An honest answer."

"Look, I get it." He murmured, finally making it to my bed and sitting down, "I know why you're mad, but.. For what it's worth, it was never our intention to leave you for good. We always knew that one day, we'd come back for you. It was just a little tough deciding on when."

"What made you decide to come back now?" I asked, "I mean, seriously."

"That's the problem." He admitted hesitantly, "That.. Is something I can't really tell you."

"Right." I rolled my eyes, looking down at my lap.

"No," He said, "I mean, I can't. It's not my place to tell you."

"Oh." I muttered, "Well, at least you're honest."

"I can tell you, though, that there's more than one thing that brings us back here." He went on, "And I'm glad we did come back when we did. Right in time, I'd say."

I hesitated this time before I spoke again, "Then whose place is it to tell me?"

"Do you really have to ask that?" He asked, and I sighed.

"Then forget it." I muttered, "I don't need to know that badly. I'm not talking to them."

"But you're talking to me?"

"You're.. Different."

"Leandra," He sighed, "They had the same reasons I had."

"I don't care." I replied, folding my legs to sit cross-legged on the bed, "I can't explain it. You used to leave all the time, so I guess I was used to it."

"I hate this." He admitted, "This isn't like you."

"This is exactly like me." I corrected immediately, "A lot changes in five years, Mikah. This is just one of those things. Why would I go running back to something that broke me so bad? That'd be really fucking stupid, and it's _really_ not fair of them to ask me to do that."

"Nobody's asking you to go running anywhere." He said, "All they want is for you to hear them out."

"I don't need excuses."

"You heard their reasons." He pointed out, "If you had had the option, you would have changed your mind. After everything you'd been through, you deserved to have a solid place to land. A normal life, without having to worry about the things you worried about with us."

"I deserved to believe that they gave up on me?" I asked, "Wasn't it up to me to decide where I wanted to be?"

"Not in that case." He replied "If it had been up to you, you would have gone home before you could even get settled here, and you know it. They gave you something by leaving that they couldn't give you by letting you give up. It's the _same_ reason why I never went back for Alyssa, and _just_ as hard on them, if not harder."

I sat silently for a moment, unsure what to say. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say.

"It was hard on you." He went on, quieter now, "We knew it would be. It was bound to be hard on you, but can you imagine what your life would be like now if you'd spent those five years with us? Facing the same issues every single day that you had been facing? What would you be like now, if you hadn't had the chance to live your life the way you have been living it?

"We saw what living the way you were living was doing to you. It was mostly what led to the decision to leave you. We _couldn't_ let you give up like that. It was out of the question. It was what was best for you." I was about to protest, but he spoke again, "Yes, it was hard on you, but it would have been a lot harder had you continued on the way you were living."

Once again, I sat in silence. Shaking my head, staring down at my hands. He just didn't understand how badly they'd let me down. It wasn't that easy.

"Look.." He murmured, and I glanced up, "Nobody's asking anything of you, but to just listen. You know where we stand, and we know where you stand, but we all need to talk. There are some things you need to know."

Eventually, I sighed.

"Alright." I mumbled, "Okay, fine. I'll listen, as long as nobody tries to bring up anything that happened back then. I don't have anything else to say when it comes to that."

"At some point, it's going to be brought up." He reasoned, "That's part of what we're here to talk about." I winced a little.

"Just keep it on that subject then." I said, "If it's not important, then don't bring it up."

"Deal." He replied after a moment.

"Heather's dragging me into the hospital tomorrow." I went on, "So I'll probably be busy most of the morning, or however long these stupid tests will last, but after that, I should be free."

"Right." He said, "Because of the, uh.." He gestured to me.

"Don't pretend you haven't wanted to talk about that the whole time you've been in here." I gave him a look.

"Two heartbeats _are_ pretty distracting."

"Then I'm glad I can't hear it." I replied, "I'm already distracted enough these days."

"It'll probably be tomorrow night before we can talk." He said, "It'll just be easier on everyone that way." I nodded, agreeing with that.

He was quiet for a bit, just studying me.

"What?" I found myself asking, and he shook his head.

"It's just.." He murmured, "How do you find yourself in this situation?" It was an honest question, not a scold. He wanted to know, which made me more open to answer.

I sighed, "I don't even know. I know. I know that's no excuse, but.. It's true. I have no idea. It's not like me. It's never been like me to be _that_ impulsive. Normally, I have to think things through at least a hundred times before I do anything, but.. He was there, I was there..

"We were supposed to go home the next day. It was our last night in Seattle. We'd just gotten back to our room after all four of us got dinner. We were sharing rooms because booking two rooms between the four of us was cheaper than four. Obviously."

He nodded a little.

"We'd been sharing a bed since we got there." I went on, "I mean, there were two beds, but I chose to share his because I.. Well, I still don't do well in the dark, and I got lonely. Not that he minded."

"Of course he didn't mind." Mikah grumbled a bit.

"Don't hate him." I replied gently, "It really was my idea. I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. I got us into that whole mess. I wasn't even sure what I was doing, but he got the idea."

"He shouldn't have."

"He even asked me, several times, if that was what I wanted." I countered, "He made it very clear that I could back out at any time, and a few times, I almost did.. But I didn't. I mean, really. Would I be sitting here defending him if it wasn't my fault?"

"Honestly," He replied, "I don't know. Like you said, Leandra. Five years changes a person."

"Trust me." I said, "I wouldn't be going through any of this if it hadn't been my idea. I still care about him."

He sighed this time, but he nodded.

"Okay." He mumbled, "I believe you." He went quiet, but glanced toward the window.

"They're out there, aren't they?" I asked, quieter now.

"Do you have to ask?" He asked, giving me a small smile.

"Go, then." I sighed, "I have to get some sleep anyway. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow, so I'd like to not be a zombie."

He stood up, "Get some rest, princess."

"I wish you wouldn't call me that." I grumbled, laying down.

"Sorry." He smiled again, "Habit. Goodnight, Leandra." I had to smile a little as well. It was so strange. I was far more open with him than I was with anyone else. Despite knowing he was the one they'd be sending in to talk with me. Despite knowing that he was just working for them.

I was awake for a while after he left. Against my will, my thoughts ventured back. I couldn't think about Mikah without remembering the closeness I used to have with the Cullens.

When I first met Mikah, it was in the middle of the move to New York. It was a hard time in my life, but he made it bearable. He made it okay. He taught me so much about seeing things differently.

I wanted to be mad at him, but I couldn't deny that it was different.

I fell asleep to those thoughts, for once actually embracing a memory from my past. I actually slept decently, thankfully not having to get up again until I woke up in the morning.

During breakfast, I minded my own business. Ignoring the boys' playfully heated arguing, focusing to my music instead and trying to breathe through the tension while avoiding looking at Mike sitting across the table. From what I could tell, he was avoiding looking at me too.

I was doing a pretty good job ignoring the boys' arguing, until Josh reached over and shoved Zack out of his chair. He hit the floor, rattling the table and all of the dishes on it. As the orange juice in the pitcher swayed a bit, Zack got back up, and Josh was up. Running off toward the stairs with Zack close behind.

Like they always used to, the play fight was on just as the doorbell rang.

"I should probably stop Zack from killing him." Heather muttered as Mike moved to stand up, "But I'm going to finish my breakfast instead."

I couldn't blame her, but it was oddly refreshing. Normal. The ceiling above us, which also doubled as Zack's bedroom floor, thudded and creaked alarmingly. Which clearly announced Josh's capture of him.

"Cool it, guys." I heard Mike call up the stairs from near the front door, but I doubted that would work.

"Eat." Heather insisted, pointing out that I was slacking off, "Don't skip the orange juice this time." To show my cooperation, I took a big drink of the orange juice in question, and she nodded, "And take this." I frowned at the giant pill she scooted closer to me from the center of the table.

"What is that?" I wasn't even sure I could swallow that.

"It's a vitamin." She replied, "You should have been taking it from the _beginning_ , but it's better late than never." Shrugging, I took the pill she handed me. Surprisingly, it wasn't too difficult.

I looked over as Mike reentered the room, curiously inspecting a huge arrangement of flowers that he carried with him. I couldn't believe the size of the bouquet in his hands, and it looked like he couldn't either. It looked like every possible type and color of rose sat in the large glass vase.

"Wow." Heather was impressed as well, "Goodness. Who sent that?"

"There was no card." Mike replied, "But I have a pretty good guess." So did I.

"They are beautiful." Heather admitted as he set the vase on the table.

"I'm done." I muttered, rolling my eyes and rising to my feet, "I'll meet you outside." I'd eaten most of what was on my plate, so Heather couldn't get mad at me. I left the kitchen without another glance at the roses on the table.

I descended the front porch steps in a huff, plugging the other earbud into my other ear and turning up the music I had playing. I wasn't sure why I was surprised, or even why I let it get to me. I had agreed the night before to meet with them. This was probably their way of confirming that meeting. It was something simple.

I stared at the grass beside the driveway as I stood leaning back against the side of Heather's car. My heart pounded a little too fast, but that had more to do with anger I had trouble ignoring than anything. I took a breath, closing my eyes for a moment.

For the first time in a long time, I had no idea how I was supposed to feel. That confusion was something I certainly did _not_ miss.

 **A/N: Well, here we are again. Another chapter down. :)  
I know it was mostly talking in this one, but I figured it was needed. Next chapter should be a little more interesting. I hope lol but I'm going to have to proceed with caution. There are many ways the next few chapters could go, so chapters might start taking a few days between releases. Just a heads up.  
I apologize for this one taking so long. It's been a bit busy around here lately, plus taking care of Little KNeu, who's been anxiously trying to learn to roll over. (Oh _god_ , he's learning how to become mobile..)  
Anyhoo.  
Chapter eight shouldn't take too long, guys.  
Until then, my lovely readers! :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Thankfully, Heather didn't take too long to come outside. I stayed pretty quiet during the trip to the hospital, and I hoped she didn't feel like it was anything she did. I just sincerely had too much on my mind.

Once we got there, Heather offered to stay with me, but I declined. I was nervous, but I didn't want her to think I needed her to hold my hand through everything. Despite the fact that when I was first led into a smaller room, enough pictures and diagrams littered the walls to make me want to vomit into the nearest trashcan or sink basin. I was one dry heave away from meeting my orange juice again.

My queasy stomach was only caused by being nervous. I knew the difference.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but the exams themselves were easy. It was basically just answering a bunch of health questions, questions about my daily habits, and doing what I was told to do. Height, weight, last period, the works. It was an adventure, finding all the places I needed to be. They had to have taken six vials of blood from me, for some test or another. Thankfully, it was all at the same time and they didn't need to keep sticking me.

I really appreciated how friendly this doctor seemed to be, since it wasn't Heather that was doing the exams. It mostly involved a whole lot of waiting, which wasn't my favorite part.

She saved the sonogram for last, since that would take the most time. I was also most nervous about that part. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep myself from watching it, despite how nervous I was to see the creature inside me for the first time. Proof, solid evidence of what I'd done.

For once, I wasn't overreacting. It was something I really wasn't prepared to see. No amount of mental preparation could have been enough to make this something simple. Not only did it look like a tiny human, but it was moving. Kicking its little legs, and squirming away from a decent picture. I couldn't feel it, but I could see it.

I just laid there quietly, struggling not to cry while the technician did her job locating all the little body parts and organs she needed to locate and snapping pictures of them. Getting her look at the baby and how it was growing, assessing its health in a thorough way.

She didn't once comment on my age, thankfully. Just going on about how great everything seemed to be going in there. I could easily tell that she loved her job, but I wasn't much for conversation. I was in the middle of going through something huge.

As corny as it sounded, I was amazed. Completely stunned how one night could result in this. One night, one moment. One lapse in judgement, one simple mistake, one decision not to take the precautions I knew we should have taken. If one decision had been made differently, this little creature wouldn't be there. It wouldn't exist.

I knew how babies were made, but actually seeing it in front of me was something unimaginable.

One part of him, and one part of me. Tiny, minuscule, microscopic parts of the two of us made this squirming little creature with a heartbeat. With fingers, with toes. It had been so, so busy in there, growing and building its own life source connected to me while I was stuck out here in denial. It knew exactly what to do. My body knew what to do. Taking my blood to make its own. Taking my nourishment as its own. Absorbing anything and everything I ingested. Turning from those two parts into its own person. Turning me from one individual person, into two separate people in the same body.

I'd been pregnant before, in the vision, but that had somehow been so different. That was something surreal in itself, just dragging me along for the ride. This was something I participated in. Something I was doing, building with the tools I'd been given, whether I realized it or not.

It was such an impossible thought, something out of some science fiction movie, but it was real. I was facing the reality of it now. Seeing the proof right in front of me for the first time. Seeing the proof, other than a swelling belly. Seeing the reason behind that swelling belly. It was something I just couldn't take lightly anymore.

Out of all of this, at the end of it all, I got my due date. The one date that would change my life forever, no matter what I decided to do with it.

October 10th. And the countdown began. With that countdown, the pressure really began to mount.

In October, there would be a separate living, breathing part of me out in the world. Something I did, something I made would exist outside of the cozy little spot it was in now.

Heather was still working when I was done with everything, and I really didn't want to just leave without filling her in, so I chose to sit. The closest seat I found to sit in was where I sat, a sturdy envelope filled with pictures in my hand. I wasn't even sure what I was supposed to do with them. I didn't even want to look at them.

I stared at the wall across the hall from where I sat. I felt sick in a cold sort of way, as the reality of it began to crawl over me. As much as I'd already faced, I now began to understand. I was in way over my head.

This was somehow way different than how it'd happened before. Much different. One, the baby wasn't half vampire. Which made it fragile. Vulnerable. Innocent, with no knowledge as to what it was being born into. As real as that part of the vision had been to me, this was far more real.

I tried to deny it, but seeing it today sparked something in me. A sort of protectiveness over this little life inside me that scared me. It scared me because I wasn't sure how long I could deny that. It changed me, seeing it, and I felt restless and numb at the same time.

I was aware when the seat beside me became occupied with a quiet sigh from the one that took it, but I didn't have it in me to protest or get up and move. I really wasn't surprised to see Carlisle here, and to be honest, I was okay with not sitting alone anymore.

"Are you okay?" He finally asked, no doubt noticing my blank stare at the wall.

"Huh?" I asked, glancing over. I gave a forced laugh, "I don't know how to answer that. Yes, and no. I guess."

"How do you mean?" He asked.

"Physically, I'm fine." I replied, "Everything is great, but.. I don't know. It's a big deal."

"Understandable." He nodded a little. Without replying, I reached over. Holding out the envelope of pictures to him. He took the hint, gently taking the envelope from me. I sat in silence as he opened it, pulling out the strip of pictures and looking through them.

"She wants me to come back in a few weeks." I muttered after a minute, "For a better look, and so she can tell the gender for sure. It's still a little early, but she thinks it might be a boy."

"Leandra, I'm sorry." He murmured, sliding the pictures back into the envelope.

"Don't." I shook my head, "I'm not ready to forgive you yet, so please don't tell me you're sorry. Because there's nothing I can do about it."

"I'm not referring to that, although it does apply." He replied and I finally fully looked over at him, "I'm sorry, because I know this isn't easy on you."

"I got myself into this." I said, "I can't even be mad at you for telling Heather and Mike, because they needed to know, and you kept me from having to figure out how to tell them. I'm just.." I sighed, sitting up straighter and leaning back, " _So_ confused. Too much is happening all at once. After _how_ long of nothing happening, but what else is new? It's always been that way." Shaking my head, I looked over at him, "Sorry. I don't know why I told you that. You didn't come back to listen to me whine about stupid shit."

"It's alright." He assured me, "I must admit, I'm just happy to be talking to you."

"Why?" I frowned, "After everything I've said to you."

"Everything you've said had every right to be said." He said, "You're absolutely right to be upset. To see you now, and how much you've grown, is far more than any of us could have asked for."

"That happens when years pass."

"I don't mean physically." He replied, "As a person, you've grown into someone to certainly be proud of."

"Yeah, well.." I muttered, "I'm not very proud of myself right now."

"Everyone makes choices, Leandra." He explained, "Both good choices, and some questionable ones. It's not our choices that mean so much. It's how we deal with the consequences of those choices that does."

I sighed, "Maybe, but if I had been smarter, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. That has to mean something too."

"Perhaps." He nodded a little, "But you are here. Taking responsibility for your actions and admitting that there was a mistake made. Although, I wouldn't exactly consider a life a mistake, no matter the circumstances." I looked over as he handed back the envelope.

"No," I said, "What I did was a mistake. Not the baby."

"I understand what you mean." He replied, and I nodded a little. Looking down at the envelope in my hand again, I lightly tapped it against my other hand. It felt heavier somehow.

"I have to see Andrew." I muttered.

"I don't recommend that." He murmured in reply.

"Why not?" I frowned, confused. Shouldn't he see these pictures too?

"He's.." He sighed, "Currently going through some things of his own. It'd be much safer if you gave him some space right now."

"What things?" I asked, "Is he okay?" I got the impression that he knew more about what was going on than I did. I hadn't seen him in days, and I was starting to get worried. Especially after what Carlisle had just told me. Was he sicker than I thought?

"He'll be fine." He replied, "He just needs time." I didn't like how vague he was being, but oddly, I didn't question it further. I just didn't have it in me to be difficult right then.

"Leandra." I looked over, up the other side of the hall at Josh's approach. He seemed tense, and I had a feeling it had a lot to do with who sat with me. He made it to my side, coming to stand with me as I stood up.

"You okay?" He asked me with a very obvious glance toward Carlisle.

"I'm fine." I assured him, "I haven't talked to Heather yet, so I was just waiting-"

"I'll wait with you." Josh insisted with a slow nod.

"You don't have to." I replied, "Thanks, but-"

"Have you texted her?" Josh asked.

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes a little, "She's probably busy. That happens at a place called 'work'. Speaking of work, aren't you supposed to be there?"

"I left early." He answered, "I didn't want you to be alone."

"I wasn't alone." I pointed out with my own glance toward Carlisle.

"You might as well have been." He countered, "Come on. Let's go get some lunch." For once, I wasn't sure about just walking away with him.

"It's alright." Carlisle said before I could debate too much, "I'll speak to Heather for you." That helped. I nodded a little.

"Thanks." I replied, ignoring Josh's look, "See you."

I just managed to see Carlisle nod in reply before Josh was leading me away by my shoulder. I couldn't really blame him, either, and I honestly wanted to feel a little guilty. I knew what he was scared of, so his behavior wasn't something I could exactly call him out on.

"Until Andrew starts feeling better," Josh muttered as we waited for the elevator, "I'll come with you to whatever appointment you have here."

"You don't have to do that." I replied, "He just wanted to talk."

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?" He countered, "I'm not sitting around to watch that happen to you again."

I shook my head, but didn't bother replying again. I refused to admit to myself that having that small conversation with Carlisle had actually helped. I just hoped that whatever talk they wanted to have later went as well.

The elevator finally arrived, and Josh's groan immediately pulled me from my thoughts and forcing me to pay attention. I was almost tempted to laugh out loud at who was in the elevator, being the cause of Josh's irritation.

"Dammit. You people are everywhere." He grumbled as Alice stepped from the elevator first, followed close by Jasper.

"Yeah." I answered before they could, "That's sort of their thing." It wasn't hard to see their amusement as well.

"We're just here to see Carlisle." Alice replied anyway, "Have you seen him?"

"Obviously." Josh said, "He's that way. Somewhere." He gestured vaguely behind him, up the hall.

"Thank you." She told him with a smile as if that had actually been any help, continuing on her way. Jasper only gave a nod, following her.

"You don't have to be so mean." I muttered to him, "I mean, I get why, but you can tone it down a little bit." He gave me a look, stepping forward into the waiting elevator. What was wrong with me? I followed Josh with a glance back, just in time to see Jasper looking back as well. I had the oddest feeling that he had very little to do with the way I could feel myself coming around.

Josh and I made it out without running into anyone else, which was probably a good thing, considering his mood.

I tried. _So_ hard not to look forward to nightfall. I tried not to give in to that small, fragile spark of hope I felt the entire rest of the day, but there was little doubt. That small spark of hope was melting through the ice of my contempt and resentment.

Time moved suspiciously slowly for me, and that was a pretty big give-away that I was, in fact, looking forward to that night. I knew they wouldn't dare show up anywhere that Josh could see them. Probably in case he was able to talk some sense back into me.

Just in case, I waited. Sitting up that night, long passed when I heard everyone else go to bed. I just wanted to be careful. The window across the room was wide open, letting in a subtle breeze. The sweet smell of rain calming me like it always did.

Sitting so still, I felt a fluttering in my stomach that I hadn't felt in a long time. Instead of focusing on anything around me, I chose to focus on the one thing that would be sure to keep my attention. My bare, rounding stomach. Poking, pressing lightly over my stomach, trying to see if I could feel the little creature inside.

It was still hard to think about exactly how I'd gotten myself into this mess, no matter how hard I tried. It still seemed so surreal, despite seeing the evidence myself just a few hours earlier.

"Princess?" I jumped, looking over sharply at Mikah's quiet voice beside the window. Slightly embarrassed, I quickly gathered the bottom of my bunched nightshirt and lowered it over my stomach. Despite knowing he'd already seen it. He offered a small smile, but didn't mention it.

"Hi." I greeted quietly.

"Everyone's asleep." He told me, "And everyone else is out back." He was here to let me know it was safe.

"I know." I replied with a sigh, "I just wanted to be sure." I moved anyway, tossing back the blanket from my lap.

"I just.." He spoke again as I moved to stand up, "I just wanted to make sure you understand. We'll do what we can to avoid bringing up what happened before, but a lot of what we're here to talk to you about has to do with that."

"I know." I muttered, "You said that already."

"And.. Try not to freak out, okay?"

"No promises." I replied, stepping into my shoes. I moved for the door.

"Um." Mikah's hesitant call for my attention had me pause and look over. He gestured toward the window, and I understood what he was saying. That would be faster and easier.

"Right." I laughed a little, "I forgot." Instead of continuing for the door, I approached his side. With his help, we made it outside without a sound. The darkness out here was just as comforting as the breeze had been all night.

I couldn't help being nervous, though, as Mikah set me on my feet outside. What exactly had prompted them to come back? What would I hear tonight?

Out in the backyard, further from the house, we found them. Standing around in a group I recalled perfectly from my time spent with them, looking our way expectantly. Almost exactly like the other night. I was a little more prepared this time.

"Leandra." Carlisle greeted first, probably to test my mood. I wasn't even sure.

"Hi." That was a good place to start, right?

"I'm surprised she showed up." Emmett chucked next.

"Me too." I admitted, looking down, "But I said I would, so here I am."

"Emmett." Esme's nervous voice had me looking back up. Just in time to be wrapped in a hug. I yelped in surprise, but was otherwise stuck as I instinctively returned it lightly. I wasn't sure if I should be okay with this hug from Emmett, but whether or not I was okay with it, I was letting it happen. Even returning it, tightening my hold by the second.

It was the strangest thing, but somehow so familiar. I fought with my emotions, torn between wanting to hate this but also feeling like I'd been waiting for a hug like this for _so_ long and I'd just been reminded of that.

Of course I started to cry. As hard as I tried not to, it was inevitable. I hadn't felt like this in a long time, and now that I was feeling it again, I didn't know how to keep from crying like a baby.

I wasn't sure if it was the way I actually felt, or if it had something to do with the pregnancy, but it hurt. A lot.

I pulled back, trying to play it off with a small laugh, but I knew it didn't work.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." Emmett laughed a little, but I shook my head. I couldn't speak yet without choking on a sob.

"You okay?" Mikah asked with a small laugh of his own. I was far from okay, an emotional wreck, but I just nodded. Hoping I would believe myself.

I managed to calm down a minute or two later, sitting on the damp grass.

"Okay," I muttered with a deep breath, clearing left over tears from my cheeks, "Now that I feel stupid, can we get this over with?"

"You don't need to feel stupid." Esme replied.

"But I do." I said, but I moved on, "So.. I have a few rules. I know Mikah said that whatever this talk is has to do with four years ago. I don't like thinking about that. I like talking about it even less, so let's just keep it simple." At the few nods of agreement, I went on, "And I didn't come out here to have my thoughts ratted out or whatever I feel changed, so none of that either."

The two in question gave their agreement, so I was satisfied. I wasn't asking for much.

"Good." I mumbled, "So let's talk. Why am I out here?"

"We'll start at the beginning." Carlisle offered quietly, and I looked to him, "Why we left." I didn't much appreciate that topic, but it was obviously necessary. I took a breath with a brief jaw clench, but I nodded. Preparing myself for the emotion of this specific topic.

"I know why you left." I muttered, "So I couldn't chicken out."

"Partially." Carlisle replied, "That was part of it, definitely, but there was another, more important reason." I frowned a little in confusion. What other reason could there be? "Almost immediately after you were moved in with Heather, things got more complicated regarding Jack, and the agreement we had with the Volturi."

I snorted, "How could things get _more_ complicated? I never once saw Jack after I moved in with Heather."

"He figured it out." Alice murmured, "It wasn't hard for him to find out what we'd done, so he took the coward's way out. He ran while having others keep us off his trail."

"I'm not surprised." I sighed, "He's good at that."

"He _is_ good at it." Alice agreed, "Because once he was gone, we never heard anything from him directly again."

That did surprise me.

"So he's still out there?" I asked, my surprise evident in my tone.

"That's not why we're here." Jasper immediately assured me, "Wherever he is, he's staying there."

Taking a deep breath, holding it as I closed my eyes and shook my head at the ground briefly. I'd thought sure that Aro had already taken care of him. If not Aro, than someone else. Anyone else.

"Okay." I muttered, sighing out that deep breath, "I haven't seen him, so I guess he's not so much a problem right now. If he's not the reason you're here, then what is?"

"Our job," Carlisle went on, "Was to ensure he stayed away from you. Guarding you right where you were was out of the question, because if he was already this close, it would only create an unnecessary risk."

"Good point." I had to admit. Waiting to protect me until I was already within his reach had proven to be stupid several times.

"It worked out." Mikah murmured, "Because I knew I wouldn't have been able to stay out of your life if we'd been close."

"None of us would." Alice added, her eyes on the grass.

"Especially not if we'd have known what you were going through." Mikah went on, "No chance in hell."

I did appreciate that.

"So..?" I prompted, "That still doesn't tell me why you're here now."

"We really did want to see you." Alice said, "We were just waiting for a less selfish reason."

"That reason was Aro." Mikah told me, "He wanted an update. He thought you'd do better seeing us first."

"He was right." I admitted next, "But I haven't even thought about him since I saw him last. I'm not any more interested in joining him now than I was then. Probably even less now. I mean, I still have my gift. That never went away, but I've grown up enough to know how to control it now. I spent enough time in my head to get that damn thing under control."

"I see." Carlisle nodded, "That is probably best in your condition."

"Yeah." I muttered, looking down briefly before I looked back up, "But Mikah said there was something else. Something he couldn't tell me, because it wasn't his place."

The way everyone looked to Carlisle told me it wasn't something easy. He took a breath, sighing heavily, and that only made me nervous.

"A few weeks ago," He began, "Jacob decided to return. Just to catch up with Sam, and to see how everything was going around the reservation." I nodded a little, letting him know I was following so far.

"With the wolves." I said anyway, "So.. When you all left, Jacob went with you?"

"Ness was too young to leave behind." Edward answered, speaking to me for the first time, "He wasn't willing to be away from her, so he decided to come with us." That made sense.

"Sam had been expecting a few more recruits." Carlisle went on, "One, maybe two that were nearly old enough to phase for the first time. Needless to say, our arrival back in town accelerated that."

"That's how it usually works." I recalled, and he nodded.

"It wouldn't be an issue," He murmured, "If one of those new wolves wasn't someone you knew." I frowned in thought. The high school I attended had a lot of kids that had moved into town from the reservation, so it wasn't a total surprise, but who would I know enough for it to be an 'issue', like he pointed out?

"Who?" I asked, still confused.

"One of them was Andrew." He answered quietly, and I blinked in surprise. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

"Andrew?" I asked, "He's one of them? Wait.. Are you _sure_?"

"I'm afraid so." Carlisle replied, "We weren't sure until we overheard Zack mention that he wasn't feeling well. We needed Jacob to confirm."

"That's why you wouldn't let me go see him earlier." I understood now, "I just.. He was fine. He was _fine_ until the day I last saw him. The last day at the school. You're telling me that between that day, and now, he..?"

"It comes on fast." Edward said, "Especially when it's forced forward."

I had to sit back down. I was fine talking about Aro. I was even fine talking about Jack, but this was a little much for me to handle. I couldn't imagine Andrew being anything other than one of the best friends I had.

"H-How?" I frowned, "I still don't get it. Andrew has always lived in town. He's not like them."

"His family moved to Seattle when Andrew was three years old." Carlisle explained, "His mother was very sick, and they needed to live closer to a hospital that could support her. Unfortunately, she passed away when Andrew was only five years old, and Andrew's father thought it best to move back here to help him cope. Considering his maternal grandparents lived on the reservation."

How did I not know this? More importantly, how did they know this when I didn't?

"How long until I can see him?" I asked next.

"He's in very good hands." Carlisle assured me, "They've handled this type of situation more times than I'm sure you're aware of, but I would give it a few weeks. At least."

"Weeks?" I couldn't help being disappointed.

"His entire life just changed, sweetie." Esme murmured, also speaking for the first time tonight, "I'm sure he would appreciate time to understand everything a little better." She had a point.

"Maybe I can just call him then." I muttered, "Not to pressure him or anything. Just so he knows we're all okay over here. I'll do what I can to keep Zack from bugging him, too."

"I'm sure that would be fine." Carlisle nodded, "And deeply appreciated."

"I just hope he doesn't forget about us."

"I highly doubt that would be possible, Leandra." Edward replied.

"Wait.." I frowned now, "Does this mean that this thing is gonna be like him?" I pointed to my stomach.

"It's possible." Carlisle replied, "But there is a way to tell for sure. Once it's born, I can safely tell you whether or not the baby has the gene. Until then, I wouldn't worry too much about that. It shouldn't affect the pregnancy at all." I took a breath, nodding a little.

"Speaking of which," Alice spoke up, "Have you decided what you're going to do?"

"Not yet." I muttered, looking down, "I mean, I know. I know what I _should_ do, but I don't want to decide on anything yet until I know what Andrew wants."

"Understandable." She replied, "I just don't want you to make this harder than it has to be." By her tone, I knew she expected me to get mad, but I couldn't really get mad this time.

"I know." I sighed, "Believe me, but no matter what I choose, I also know that it's just going to get harder either way."

"No matter what," Esme murmured, "You won't be alone."

I didn't know how to reply to that. As much as I wanted to argue with that, it would be breaking my own rules. Bringing up the past, no matter how it was done, was breaking my own rules. So instead of arguing, I just let it be.

It was silent for a moment, as I sat there listening to the breeze. I felt them watching me, probably waiting for me to speak. I watched the grass, my hands idly ripping at it as I tried to think straight.

"This is so weird." I finally mumbled, "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Like I shouldn't be out here. Like it should be over. I was done. Now it feels like I'm right back where I started."

I knew they could tell I was getting upset again. Even without looking at them.

"It was supposed to be over." I muttered to myself, shaking my head, "What am I even doing out here? What are you even doing here?" I glanced to them, but looked back down.

Alice spoke up, "Aro-"

" _Aro_." I grumbled, " _Aro_ is the reason I was sent here at all." I stood up with a sigh, "No. It's over. I'm done. I'm not playing that game anymore. You tell Aro.." I hesitated, calming my tone, "Tell him I'm done. This is my life now. I've moved on, and I'm not going back to that."

They obviously didn't know what to say, looking to Carlisle.

"I'll do what I can." He replied quietly.

"Thank you." I muttered. I actually appreciated that.

"Incoming." Emmett muttered, and I looked up, "Mike's noticed you're gone."

"Crap." I sighed, looking back toward the house.

"We'll return tomorrow night." Carlisle told me, "If there's still more you'd like to know." They had to go. I understood that. I nodded in response, taking a breath. I had to admit. It did go well tonight. As long as my rules were followed, I'd be willing to talk to them again.

I looked back toward the house as the back porch light flipped on at the same time the door opened. Glancing forward again, they were gone. I accepted that.

"Leandra?" Mike's frantic voice calling into the dark backyard had me turn fully around.

"Yeah." I called back, "I'm right here." I slowly made my way back toward the house as I clearly heard his deep sigh.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked once he spotted me coming forward from the darkness.

"I couldn't sleep." I replied, "And it's nice out here, so I figured-"

"You scared me, kid." He admitted, watching me ascend the porch steps, "I thought you'd run off."

"I don't run off." I pointed out, "Don't worry."

He took a heavy breath in, sighing it out, but he wasn't mad. He reached an arm out, "Come here." I accepted his hug, smiling a little.

"Sorry I scared you." I muttered, returning his hug lightly.

"No," He replied, "I'm the one that should be sorry. I was too hard on you the other day, and I'm sorry. I am sorry."

"It's okay." I said, "I get why you were so mad."

"That doesn't excuse my behavior." He shook his head as he pulled back to look at me, "Not in the least. I just saw your future being tossed in the trash, and I hated that image."

"I know." I muttered, looking down, "But Zack talked to me about what you said. It doesn't seem so bad now."

"Really?" He honestly seemed surprised.

"Really." I sighed, "I mean, if I get to choose the family it goes to, how is it bad? I guess I was thinking about it all wrong."

He sighed again, "Leandra, I don't want you to make this decision based on whether or not you think it would make everyone else happy. As much as I'm rooting for the adoption solution, this is your decision. Your life. You're the one that's going to have to live with whatever you choose. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like if we had put Josh up for adoption."

"Was that an option?" I asked, surprised.

"We were both so young." He replied, "Of course we considered it. In the end, she couldn't bear to let him go, so we went with it. Of course I wasn't going to bail on her, but I didn't understand where she was coming from until the day he was born. I do want to point out, though, that your situation is totally different. Heather was already long out of school, and essentially living on her own. She had the basic life experience she needed to make a decision like this." I nodded. I understood what he was getting at.

"I just.." He went on, "I _d_ _on't_ want you to feel pressured by others anymore. It was wrong of me to lose my cool like I did. I guess what I'm saying, is that no matter what you choose, we'll always have your back."

"Thanks." I couldn't help smiling a little. That helped.

 **A/N: Another chapter down. I think this one went a little better. :)  
I apologize for this one taking awhile. Little KNeu has been taking most of my focus these days. He rolls onto his stomach, gets mad that he's on his stomach, and gets even madder when I help him. Or he rolls onto his stomach, but keeps going, face planting into the chair. It's been interesting trying to keep one eye on him at all times.  
THANK YOU! To my AWESOMELY AMAZING reviewers! I'm so glad you guys seem to be enjoying the story so far.**  
 **I'll be working on chapter nine extensively, so it might take a bit of time, but I'll try to keep the wait short. :)**  
 **Until nine, my friends!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

I slept deeply that night. Thankfully, the dream I had was another good one. A dream memory that I wouldn't trade for anything. Yet another camping trip, but one more recent. Last year, Mike had chosen the perfect spot in the forest, just beside a lake for us to camp next to.

It was better than any cabin, and the best part about it, was that I wasn't trying to recover from anything. I could just be there and relax as much as everyone else. It was such a vivid dream, and I'd learned to appreciate that because of good dreams.

I could smell the water of the lake, the clean breeze. Especially during the evening and morning. The scent of a freshly lit campfire. I could hear the things I heard. The sound of the birds around us and the lake slapping the rocks on the shore. See the things I saw. The sight of the sun setting behind us, turning the hill and trees across the lake a fiery orange until it faded to pink. Feel the things I felt. The sensation of the cool water lapping at my toes, or the breeze taking my hair behind me and playing with it.

It was a good time then, and with as many things that were going on now, I wished we could go back. I probably appreciated it more now than I did when we were younger. Everyone was growing up, but it was nice having that time together.

I woke in the morning slowly at first, until I rolled over. Startled at finding Mikah seated on my window sill.

"Fuck." I whimpered, briefly covering my face, "Warn a person."

"I tried." He chuckled, "But you were out cold. So I figured I'd just wait." I considered that for a moment, before I nodded a little. I slept so deeply now, his response was more than plausible. He spoke again as he stood up, "What were you dreaming about?"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you were smiling." I sighed at his reply, stretching a little as I moved to sit up.

"Last year." I answered, "Last summer's camping trip. I think it was the first camping trip we took that I wasn't worried about anything, and I guess I miss that time. Before everything changed."

"Makes sense." Mikah nodded.

"There's something I don't get, though." I admitted, frowning a bit.

"What's that?"

"It doesn't make sense." I looked over as he was suddenly seating himself beside me on the bed, "It's been bugging me for awhile. Jack figured out what you guys did, by taking me to Aro and moving me in here."

"Yes." Mikah was guarded now.

"It's not like him to just.. Move on like that."

He sighed, "Jack isn't stupid. He might have been new, but he had plenty of other people there to tell him that when someone like Aro is on his tail, he needs to move."

He paused, both of us falling silent for a moment. I just couldn't help feeling a bit emotional sitting with him like this. It was so similar to how we used to sit together, and it made me sad.

For the longest time, I'd missed this. I'd missed just talking to him, hearing the things he had to say, and no matter how hard I'd tried, I couldn't get passed that. I managed to hide it well, however. Disguising my emotion right then with a brief sniffle, followed immediately with a light rub to the side of my nose and my eye.

"Sometimes things aren't completely black and white." He went on, quieter, "Sometimes things aren't completely bad or completely good. Sometimes.. It's worth the effort to find the good in bad situations, just to make them bearable."

"No kidding." I muttered, glancing over. I'd done that same thing more times than I could count. Searching relentlessly for the silver lining when everything got too hard. I took a breath, staring across the room at the window, "What the fuck happened?"

From the corner of my eye, I watched him look down.

"It really wasn't supposed to happen this way." I went on, "It wasn't. Everything changed too much when you all left. I was okay with that, because nothing was the same. Now that you're back, and nothing's the way it's supposed to be, I don't know what to do with myself."

"I know." He nodded, "Believe me, I understand. Leandra, we didn't come back to ruin your life."

"I know." I said as well, "But.. I don't think you know how hard it is for me to see you all now. How hard it is to remember those days. To remember my life with you. I spent so much time learning how to let that go."

Taking a breath, I turned a little on the bed to better face him.

"It was done." I murmured, "It was over. I'd made my choices, you all had made yours. There was nothing else to say. It sucked. It was really hard, but I did it."

He sighed, shaking his head as he looked back down, "Leandra-"

"You have _no_ idea." I shut him up, "How much I looked up to everyone. How much I needed you. How much I would have given, how badly it broke me to lose you. I told you. You say you had your reasons, and that might be true, but I also have mine.

"I had my family." I mumbled, nearly silent, "As hopeless as everything seemed back then, I knew I could get through it because I had so many people willing to be strong for me. I knew I could get through anything. I was where I wanted to be." I couldn't shake the emotion in my voice this time, "I mean.. Back then.. Everything was falling apart. My mom had just died, along with that shit with Jack. Then Aro. Then, I have to live with Heather, and almost immediately after moving in here, you all leave? Did nobody think about what that would do?"

He tried speaking again, "Of course-"

"I have my resentment." I went on, "No amount of explaining will change that. I loved you guys more than I can ever even begin to explain, and to.. Just be dropped like that by someone I loved so much, no reason in the world will ever fix that. So.. I don't know what you all are expecting from me, but no. It'll never be the same. It'll never be what it was supposed to be."

He didn't even try to speak this time. Staying silent as he stared at the floor. Looking over, I could clearly see that none of this was news to him. He already knew all of this. Just as much as I knew the others all knew.

He was quiet for a moment longer, before he spoke.

"Tell me about it." He requested quietly, "About your life. I want to know everything."

"Everything?" I laughed a little, skeptical.

"Everything." He confirmed, "People you know, places you've been, things you've done.. Everything."

"You're going to get really bored." I warned, laughing again as I moved to stand up. I had a feeling he was just trying to turn this around into something positive, and I wasn't entirely against the idea, but he had to know that my life wasn't very interesting anymore.

"Besides." I spoke again, fixing my pajama shorts as I got my feet under me, "I don't even know where to start."

"Wherever you want to." He smiled a little, standing up as well. I had to step back a bit to give him room, but I couldn't help noticing how much taller than me he still was. For the briefest moments, his eyes met mine again, and it didn't escape me how quickly I had to look away.

The way he watched me was also something that didn't escape me. Like he always used to. With a mix of pride and intense interest, like anything I had to say was the most important thing in the world. It appealed to me in the way it always used to. Despite what he'd done, that girlish crush I'd always had on him had hung around and I had a feeling it was being woken up with a vengeance. The only thing that had changed was the way it made me feel.

He was sixteen when he was turned. Barely sixteen. I was just a kid to him when I first met him. Someone that needed looking after. I could tell that things had changed as much for him as they did for me. It was subtle, but it was clear to me.

"Um.." I looked down, forcing a little laugh to myself, "You should go."

"Why?" He asked, surprised. He probably didn't expect that.

"I'll see you later." I muttered, turning and crossing the room to my dresser. My tone left no room for argument.

Though he still seemed confused, he did as I asked. Leaving the room through the same window in which he entered. The second he was gone, I took a deep breath and shook my head.

I really needed to get a hold of myself. Though these emotions were so familiar, they had changed. Morphed into something I'd never anticipated, and something I wasn't ready for. I wasn't stupid. I might have done some stupid things, but I wasn't stupid. I wasn't about to fall for that, or give in to whatever emotions might be dragged up from the past. My heart beat too fast, but I ignored that.

Confident I was now alone, I set myself to the task of getting dressed.

In the time it took me to gather my clothes, I found my thoughts slipping again. Heading quickly once more in a direction I'd avoided adamantly in the last few years. Back to memories of before. Both in the vision I still remembered, and this time around. The way things had gone so wrong, and even further back.

I'd missed them. There was no doubt about that, but I never let myself show it. The memories of my time with them had always been buried, but the talk with Mikah I'd just had refused to let them stay that way.

I was stepping into a brand new phase in my life. That, of course, was bound to bring up its own emotion. Pregnant or not, this emotion was almost overwhelming. I had my ability, but there was just no way to anticipate what something like this would bring.

There were also more pressing issues. Like what would happen if Aro didn't accept Carlisle's interference. I'd meant wholeheartedly what I'd told them the night before. I was done with that part of my life. At least for the most part.

I sighed heavily, reaching up and covering my face with my hands.

I wanted so badly to be done with vampires and werewolves, and everything that came with them. I'd been convinced, not long ago, that I'd escaped all that crap. Now the family I'd once considered myself abandoned by was suddenly back, the tyrant nobody could protect me from wanted me again, and my baby's father was probably running around on four furry legs.

 _Fuck_. Everything was crumbling again.

Taking a breath, I sobbed a strangled sound and left my room. I needed normal, but I knew Heather was probably working again. As were Mike and Josh. Zack was my only hope, but just my luck, he was gone as well.

Well, I thought. This sucks.

I returned to my room, heading straight to the window and slamming the lock in place and jerking the curtain closed. If that wasn't a blatant sign to leave me alone, I didn't know what was. My emotions were quickly getting the better of me, and I needed to sort them out. I could already tell that today was fucked. I was good at telling when my mood was no longer salvageable. All because of one sequence of thoughts.

I'd never been so thankful for my attached bathroom than I was right then. I locked my bedroom door before locking myself in said bathroom. Drawing myself a bath that I swore I wasn't getting out of until everything was okay again.

I was surprised this hadn't happened sooner. I was so mixed up, _so_ confused. I might have told them that I'd try, but nobody in any amount of honesty could tell me that I wasn't trying.

Of course I cried. I cried a lot while I was locked away. A self-inflicted exile that I didn't want to end. Nursing my newly-discovered broken heart with a painful tenderness only I could give it.

It wasn't easy to do. Sitting alone, in rapidly cooling bathwater while every memory that crossed my mind was another stab straight into the broken edge of my reluctantly beating heart.

Despite how painful it was, however, it still wasn't as bad as it was when they first left. I didn't have that amount of emotion left in me. I lost a part of myself when they left, and in a way, I was grieving for that part of me.

Maybe this needed to happen. If I was ever going to truly move on, maybe I needed to grieve for the part of me that died so long ago. Just like with the pregnancy, maybe my mind just knew what to do. Maybe my mind was just trying to fix me by refusing to let me bury it anymore. Maybe it just needed to get bad again to truly get better.

During one of my still moments, though, I felt the fluttering. Underneath the skin of my stomach, I felt the fluttering feeling that made me pay closer attention. I waited, but didn't feel it again. It rather quickly dawned on me that I'd just felt the baby move. I sat there breathless, locking the sensation to memory.

It was the oddest feeling. Like a gentle muscle twitch, but on the inside. I knew I wouldn't be able to feel it on the outside yet, but that didn't stop my hand from covering my stomach, right where I'd felt it.

It was that feeling that got me moving again. Breathing again, living again. It was the proof I needed that life didn't stop just because I was hurting. I knew I wasn't done crying, and I knew I wasn't done being upset, but for now, I could go on. Until something knocked me off my feet again, I could go on.

I left the bathroom, but I couldn't make myself leave my room. The furthest I got was unlocking the bedroom door. The way I was feeling, I didn't want to keep anyone from getting to me.

I was trying. I really was, but there was _so_ much I just couldn't get passed. It was like throwing myself at a wall. A wall I'd built myself. Every time I tried to look passed it, I'd run straight into it again. Sighing in left over emotion, I sat on my bed.

I stayed there for a few minutes before my eyes found the informative folder sitting on my dresser. Yet again, I'd been given information on pregnancy for me to look over. Things that would change, what was going on with the baby and what I could expect to happen to me.

I had to admit, I was curious.

So I only got up long enough for me to grab that folder and returned to my bed. It'd give me something to do while I waited for everyone to get home. It would distract my mind enough to recover a little.

And for the most part, it did. I flipped through the collection of papers in there, giving both information on the baby and classes being held in the area. Childbirth classes, breastfeeding classes, things like that. I wasn't interested in those, so I quickly threw that page to the side.

It had a list of pregnancy safe over-the-counter medications I could take and not affect the baby. It had information on feeling the baby move for the first time. Right around where I was in the pregnancy, the baby would be big enough to feel.

I put everything away when I started to feel overwhelmed. Curling up into a ball on my bed. I fought it this time, but I really couldn't help falling asleep.

This dream was the complete opposite of the one I'd woken up from. My mind stuck back in that time in my life, it was bound to happen eventually.

 _"Mikah." I turned for the window. More than happy to let him in. I'd been eager to show him my new room since I finished moving in a week before._

 _Ever paranoid, especially after everything I'd just gone through, I had to unlock the window before I could open it and let him in. I lifted the window, peering out into the dark side yard below. Sure enough, he stood there. Looking up at me from where he'd just been throwing tiny pebbles at the glass to get my attention._

 _Without waiting, I backed up. Making room for him to jump in like he'd done dozens of times before. Moments later, he did just that. Landing on the sill for just a moment before he was inside._

 _"Princess." He greeted me quietly, keeping his voice down._

 _"Hey." I replied, turning again, my back to him, "What do you think?"_

 _"Of?" He prompted._

 _"My room." I answered, "I just finished it today. See?" I glanced back at him before nodding pointedly at the wall I faced. A wall now covered in a board, filled with pictures that Alice had given me of my family and me._

 _He didn't reply right away, which made me glance back again. To my surprise, however, Carlisle had arrived. Finding his way into my room the same way Mikah had. That was new, but I didn't exactly mind, either._

 _"It's nice, princess." Mikah finally replied._

 _"I like it." I shrugged a little, facing the wall again, "When I go back home, I want this in my room too. I like looking at it."_

 _Admiring my handy work for just a moment longer before I turned away, crossing the room to my bed. I could feel their gaze following me, which was also new, but not exactly upsetting. Even if I could sense that something was wrong._

 _Since moving in with Heather, everyone had done everything they could to keep a positive attitude about everything involved with my living here. Though it'd only been two weeks since I moved in, their positivity was beginning to rub off on me._

 _"I like it," I repeated, scooting further back onto my bed, "But I might change it again. It doesn't feel exactly right. It might take a little while longer, but I'll show you when it's done. Maybe in a few weeks or something."_

 _I instantly spotted the look Mikah passed to Carlisle. It was hardly a fleeting glance, but it was enough. My tension immediately rose, and I felt myself bracing for something bad. The immediate reaction to anything negative, which I sensed this to be. My heartbeat sped quite noticeably, my breathing reacting ever-so-slightly. I swallowed nervously, looking between the two of them._

 _"What?" I asked, quieter now, "Something's wrong. What's wrong?"_

 _"Relax, princess." Mikah noticed the change in me, "You know it's not good for you to get worked up."_

 _"I can't help it." I mumbled, "What's wrong?"_

 _He took a breath, looking to Carlisle again, and I inspected their expressions this time. Not quite nervous, Mikah's expression seemed definitely concerned. Yet, I could tell he dreaded taking this conversation any further. Carlisle's expression told me he dreaded it even more, but it came with an undertone of decided resignation. A carefully constructed stoic expression that I'd seen a few times before. An expression that told me that I wouldn't like what they were about to tell me, but it had to be done._

 _"Just tell me." I couldn't help the slight plea in my almost silent tone. I needed to know._

 _Mikah sighed, "Leandra.." But he let that one word hang there, fading into silence. I wished he'd just finish that. What could be so hard to tell me?_

 _I stayed quiet also, watching them._

 _"Mikah?" I whimpered this time. I was getting scared._

 _"I can't." Mikah eventually mumbled to Carlisle, shaking his head. That didn't help._

 _"I understand." Carlisle replied, and Mikah took that as an okay to turn away. Biting his lip, as if struggling to hold back emotion. This wasn't like him. He was always the blunt one. The one able to say what needed to be said._

 _I saw that emotion, and it stuck with me. It burned itself into my brain like the hottest fire, the most potent acid. It reached me even before anyone could say anything. It ensured that this moment would always be one of the worst in my life. Right up there with my entire life with Jack, including the night my mother died._

 _I read that emotion as something that would signify the start of something very difficult. I would always remember that emotion as something horrible._

My eyes opened. My eyes were sore, tired, which told me I'd been crying in my sleep.

"Princess?" Mikah's hesitant voice over by the window caught me off guard, which only startled me into letting a sob escape.

"Go away." I rolled my face into my pillow.

I heard the frown in his voice next, "Wha-"

"I don't want to see you right now." I sobbed, only half angry, "I don't want to see anyone right now. Go away. Please."

"Are you okay-"

"No!" My voice raised again, "Just go away!" The pain of that memory was something that I hadn't faced in a long time. It was also what screwed me up so badly. More so now, because I knew what it led to. What it caused, what it changed in me.

I glanced over a moment later, and he was gone. Probably confused, but knowing I needed him to leave.

 _"Leandra." Carlisle's tone was both regretful, and unwavering._

 _I sat there quietly, needing to hear what he had to say before I would bother speaking again._

 _"We won't be here next week." He went on softly, carefully. It definitely took me a moment, but I figured out what he was saying. More importantly, I figured out what he wasn't saying._

 _A mix of emotions washed over me at once. Surprise, of course. I never would have expected this. Fear as well. Was he really saying what I thought he was saying? Sadness was stronger, but almost immediately, as I was programmed to do so, anger followed. To cover the pain of my sudden almost debilitating fear and sadness with anger. To reduce any vulnerability I might show._

 _"Oh." Was my response as I looked down, "Um.. You won't be here the week after next either, right?"_

 _I needed confirmation._

 _"I'm afraid not."_

 _"Or the one after.." It wasn't a question. It wouldn't have been this hard to tell me if they had any intention of coming back for any length of time._

 _I didn't get a response that time, but that was answer enough for me._

 _This had happened before. Not at this point, of course, but I'd been left behind before. I knew the feeling. I knew this emotion well, but it was different before. It took me several seconds to remember how to breathe, and I couldn't help hating the fact that I was breathing again._

 _"Okay." I finally muttered, standing up. My anger held the hand of another emotion. Indifference. A survival technique I also knew well._

 _Carlisle sighed, "Leandra-"_

 _"No." I shook my head, my back turned to them, "It's okay. You want to go, you can go." My voice quieted, "I'm not stopping you." I picked up a small stuffed animal Heather had given me off of the bedside table as I bit back another thought._

 _Everyone leaves._

 _"It's not that we want to go." Mikah finally spoke up._

 _I shrugged, "That doesn't matter very much, huh?" It really didn't make much difference. The result would still be the same._

 _Unfortunately for me, that anger somehow wasn't strong enough to keep the sadness, the pain of a breaking heart hidden for very long and I was crumbling fast._

 _"Um.." I tried so hard to steady my voice, "Can you leave now?" I knew they had to have heard the emotion in my tone. If my tone wasn't enough, the repetitive way I smoothed out the bear's fur would be._

 _"Princess, I'm sorry."_

 _"Don't be." I snapped in an attempt to save face, "You're gonna do what you have to do. If you're gonna go, then go. I don't need you anyway. I don't need anyone. I'll be just fine here on my own."_

 _Silence had me glancing back at them. They both still stood there, despite my request for them to leave._

 _"You'll.." I mumbled, "You'll come back sometime, right? I'll see you again..?"_

 _"As often as we can." Mikah was only too quick to answer me. Given the way Carlisle looked to him, Carlisle's answer would have been different, but given the tears both lingering in my eyes and trailing softly down my cheeks, I could understand why Mikah would impulsively answer._

 _I would have taken any answer at that point. Lie or not._

I looked over as my bedroom door opened, and Zack stepped in with a frown on his face. It quickly dawned on me that I'd been asleep longer than I thought. Long enough for him to get back.

"Who were you talking to?" He trailed off, finding the look on my face as his own expression fell, "Oh." He understood now. With a knowing sigh, he crossed the room to sit beside me on my bed just as Josh arrived in the doorway.

I didn't even bother this time to try to tell him I was fine. He wasn't stupid. He had eyes.

With a deeper sigh, he crawled over me and settled behind me on my bed. Just as he had done a thousand times before, he curled up behind me, his arm coming over mine to hug me from behind. In an almost desperate way, I brought my arm up and clung onto his arm as tight as I could. I shook. The pain resurfacing. He held me tighter, gently resting his head on mine.

He'd done this for me, knowing that this was really all I needed. Talking about it wouldn't help. Neither would attempting to comfort me by cheering me up. I just needed to cry. I needed to be held. It was the only thing that would keep me together.

"I hate seeing you like this." He murmured against my head. I knew that already. He hadn't told me anything new. Involuntarily, my eyes closed. Trying to ease the river now trailing from them.

 _"Wh-Who's gonna watch me at night?" I asked softly, unable to help it, "Who's gonna be there?"_

 _"I'm confident you'll be most safe here." Carlisle replied just as softly, "Your place is here."_

 _"What if I'm not?" I whimpered now, "Don't go."_

 _"I understand your-"_

 _"Don't go." I begged this time. I couldn't stop the sob from separating those two words. It tore free from a spot inside me I never imagined would see this kind of pain in my waking hours._

 _"I understand your worry," Carlisle repeated, "But you will be checked on. It isn't our choice to leave. There are just some-"_

 _"Please." I mumbled, "Don't go."_

 _"There are just some things we need to take care of." He murmured, "Circumstances that we cannot change."_

 _"You can stay." I argued, "You_ can _stay. You just don't want to."_

 _"That's not it at all." Mikah replied, his tone almost desperate._

 _"At least tell me what I did!"_

 _"It wasn't anything you did." Mikah shook his head, looking down._

 _"Don't go." I begged again, "Please-"_

 _I jumped at the slight knock at my bedroom door and looked over, "Leandra?" It was Heather, "Are you okay? I heard you yell."_

 _I fully intended to keep arguing with Carlisle and Mikah, but they were gone when I looked to where they'd previously been standing. This sadness turned into desperation. I strode across the room just as my bedroom door opened, and I peered out the window into the dark, empty yard below._

 _"Honey?" Heather found me, obviously worried about me as she stepped up behind me, "What's wrong?" It took me a moment longer of searching the darkness before I turned and looked up at her._

 _"They're gone." I knew saying those words would confuse her, but to me, it made it real. I knew, even then, that they wouldn't come back._

 _"Who?" She asked as I hugged her tight, "Who's gone?" I couldn't exactly explain it to her right then. I was too busy falling apart._

"Leandra?" Heather arrived in my room just behind Josh.

"She woke up." Was all Zack needed to say. Heather crossed the room, just as she had that night, and gently helped me sit up. That had been one of the worst nights of my life, and she'd done all she could do to get me through it. Plus the many that followed. She'd been there, so she knew. There was no need for her to ask. She already knew what this was about. She'd seen me after a Jack nightmare, and this was different. Just as painful, but in a different way.

"I was afraid of this." She admitted gently, smoothing my back as I cried into her shoulder. I also hated this, because I knew it hurt her to see me hurting, but there wasn't much I could do. It still hurt. Them being back now didn't change anything.

Part of me was willing to forgive, but another, more painful part of me wanted to hold out. To remember all the moments I was actually on my own. There weren't many, as Zack and Josh often accompanied me everywhere, but I definitely had them. Those lost moments, the rare times I'd let myself reflect.

The moments I'd sit in my room, or wander through the trees. During the night, or the quietest days. When there was nobody. Nowhere for me to be, nothing for me to be doing. Nobody to talk to. Not about this stuff.

This was probably what led me into this mess to begin with. Those moments I felt impossibly alone. Those were the moments I'd do whatever it took to get the attention I craved. The attention I was so used to. The attention my family was able to give me without even trying.

Despite the fact that all I'd have to do was ask, but no matter how hard they tried, Mike or Heather's attention was never the same. It was never the same. It would never be the same.

Those rare moments I'd wander off alone because that was what I needed at the time. Looking for some reason to keep trying, and it lasted. It was sometimes all I had. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen years old, nobody really understood but me. Nobody really understood that no matter how many people I had around me, I never lost that lonely feeling. No matter how hard I tried to lie to myself.

I wasn't really sure what I'd been looking for that night with Andrew, but whatever it was, I had no idea if I found it. One thing was for sure, though. Nobody was to blame but me.

"Okay." I sniffled, pulling back, "I'm okay."

She didn't seem convinced, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I forced myself out of bed around her. Standing, nearly stumbling a little as I headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Josh called after me. I didn't answer.

"Let her go." I heard from Heather just as I reached the stairs. Thankfully, they listened. Burned by those memories, fueled by the emotion, I left the house. Bare foot, I left the yard behind and headed right in the direction of the trees right at the end of the street.

The thickest trees were further from the street, and I headed right for them. This was always my refuge. The place I went to just listen. I was usually calmer when I came here, but that didn't matter to me right then.

I stood there for a long moment, closing my eyes and struggling to calm the violent turmoil in my heart. To ease the pain with silence I couldn't get anywhere else.

"Leandra?"

" _Shit_."

It was the worst possible moment for Carlisle to approach me. Absolutely horrible timing. One glance behind me told me that he was alone.

"Is everything okay?"

"No." I mumbled, "It's not. Please.. You shouldn't be here right now.. You should really leave me alone.." He stood in silence, probably hearing everything I didn't say just in my voice.

"I know you're upset-"

"What do you know?" I asked, unable to keep the tears from my broken tone, " _God_ , I'm trying, but I _can't_." I rounded, looking at him now, "There's no way. _No_ way you could ever know what you did."

"What can I do?" He asked, and that just pissed me off again. _Now_ he wanted to fix it? _Now_ he wanted to make it right? _Now_ it was too little too late, and it pissed me off that he didn't understand that.

"I told you!" I shouted, glaring at him through my tears, "Leave me alone! Nobody asked you to come back! I didn't want you to come back! I don't want you here! I don't want any of you here! What's it gonna take for you to get the hint? Just _leave_!"

Carlisle was quiet for a moment, studying me.

"I'm sorry," He finally said, "But we can't. We can't leave."

"Then don't let me see you." I countered, ignoring the river of tears down my cheeks, "I can't make you leave, but leave me alone. Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Not at all."

"I'm not going to just sit back and let you fuck everything up again. I'm not going to just let you come here and get my hopes up all over again." I shook my head, "No. _No._ Fuck that. Stay here, or leave, but get one thing straight. You stay away from me, you stay away from Andrew, and you stay the _fuck_ away from my family. Or I swear to God, I will spill _every_ thing I know to anyone who'll listen, and I'll make damn sure they believe me."

"If that is what you truly want." He murmured calmly. Sadly.

"That _is_ what I truly want!"

"Leandra-"

"I waited for you!" I sobbed, my voice breaking again in that confession, "I _waited_! I _waited_ for _all_ of you! You were supposed to come _back_!"

Words could never begin to describe the pain I was feeling right then.

"You left me!" I went on, "You _left_! And you _never_ came back!" It wasn't as hard to accept the fact that the others had gone with him. To me, he was the one to blame. To me, it was Carlisle's decision that taught me exactly what it felt like to be crushed so thoroughly every single day until I taught myself to let go. It was this pain I'd tried so hard to hide myself from, but it had suddenly become too much. Bubbling over like a boiling pot, and there was no way to turn it down.

Now I had the chance to blame him. To fling my anger right at him instead of keeping it in. Maybe that was what he was trying to do, but it didn't exactly matter to me.

"I still _needed_ you!" Words were just tumbling out now, "How could you not _see_ that? How _could_ you? Why would you do that to me? You broke every single goddamn promise you ever gave me. _How_ is that okay? Didn't I _matter_? Do you even know what it's like?" I had to pause at that point to breathe. Breathless in my emotion.

"Of course you mattered." He replied gently, "Your happiness was a large part of why we did what we did."

"Then you don't know me very well." I countered sharply, "You really don't know me very well if you thought it'd be okay if you came back. Like I said, I can't make you leave, but leave me out of it. I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want you in my life anymore. Just do what you do best, and _leave_."

With that, I rounded and walked away. Further into the trees, but I knew exactly where I was going. I'd been in these trees a number of times, and had never once gotten lost.

Of course, I knew I was being a bit harsh, but I felt I needed to be harsh to protect myself. If I was going to get my point across, he needed to understand that I meant what I said. Glancing back, he was gone, so I assumed he'd finally gotten the hint. With him gone, I felt like I could start calming down.

I took a single, deep breath in, but unfortunately, that ended sharply with a stabbing pain rolling across my abdomen. I choked on that breath, coughing out in pain as my hand instantly moved to cover my stomach. My other hand reaching over and bracing myself against the nearest tree just as my legs threatened to give out.

Squeezing my eyes shut, biting my lip to keep another cry back. My foggy mind started to clear enough to realize that I needed to worry about the baby. It quickly became apparent that I must have gotten way too upset just now. I'd put myself under way too much stress.

Those thoughts were put on hold as another stabbing pain shot through my stomach, and I had to sit down. Clutching my stomach in both arms this time, I leaned forward, curling around my stomach as nausea made my head spin. I started to cry, sobbing once more, but for a very different reason. The pain so intense, it radiated through me.

I was out here alone. My only hope of help was currently taking my advice, and leaving me be. I coughed and sobbed again, not having realized I was holding my breath.

"Leandra." I looked sharply to my left at Carlisle's arrival, and I was never so relieved to see him as I was right then. Only one moment even came close, and that was when he first came to pick me up in California. So long ago. Despite my pain, that memory wouldn't be ignored.

He spoke again, "I'm sorry. I know you don't want me to be here-"

I cut him off with another sob, holding tighter to my stomach at a third intense, cramping pain. I was stiff, unable to protest as he suddenly scooped me up.

I looked up at him as he started back the other direction, unable to do much else. Somehow I saw him differently so suddenly. He was helping me. After everything I'd just told him, he was helping me. I wasn't sure if that meant he was being stubborn, or if he just cared too much.

I just cried pathetically now, hating this so much. Hating having to rely on him, but knowing full well I had no other choice.

 **A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long, guys. Little KNeu has been extra fussy lately, and as always, he comes first. Plus, I'm not ashamed to admit that I just love cuddling with him.  
Also, this chapter was a little difficult. There were so many emotions I had to put in here, and I had a hard time describing them. I hope it came out alright.  
THANK YOU to those AMAZING REVIEWERS! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! :D You seriously always make my day!**  
 **Chapter Ten might take a little bit. Again, because it could go many ways. I must proceed carefully or I risk messing everything up lol**  
 **Until Ten, my friends! :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

I really couldn't have felt worse right then.

Carlisle had taken me straight to the hospital himself. Only sticking around to make sure I was tended to in the ER before leaving. Now here I was, stuck in a hospital bed with strict orders to stay put until absolutely everything was checked out. Some stupid oxygen tube thing bugging the fuck out of my nose. I was constantly fiddling with it, but I knew they wouldn't let me take it off. To make their job easier, I never tried.

Once I'd had a chance to rest, the cramping pains slowly tapered off. I wasn't there longer than fifteen minutes, in the middle of being given an IV of fluids before Heather found me. Rounding the edge of the curtain separating my little area from the one next to me. Josh and Zack weren't far behind.

"Leandra." Somehow, she sounded pissed and relieved at the same time.

"I'm fine." I immediately told her, "They already found the heartbeat, and said it's fine." Which was true. That was done first thing.

"What happened?" She asked.

"I think I got too mad." I sighed, focusing now on the IV stuck in my arm, "Is he still here?"

"Who?" She asked, carefully sitting on the side of my bed as the other nurse grabbed my chart and walked away.

"Carlisle." I replied quietly, "He brought me here."

"I didn't see him." She shook her head, "Then again, I wasn't really looking." Why did that disappoint me? I never had a chance to thank him. If I did have a chance, I wasted it by being stubborn.

I sighed again, shrugging a little. I'd just have to accept that.

"They're not letting me go for awhile." I muttered, "Just to be sure the baby's alright, but I'm starving."

"On it." Zack replied instead, immediately turning.

"Anything with chicken in it." I called after him. His responding small laugh told me he'd heard me. I knew he was going to get me something to eat.

"I'm going to go find someone who has some answers." Heather sighed, standing up next. I nodded, allowing that and watching her leave. Josh was left, but he hadn't spoken. He stood silently, watching the floor with an expression that worried me.

"You okay?" I asked him after a minute.

"No." He replied quietly, "Leandra, what the hell happened? It doesn't make sense. You were upset when you left, true, but what was he doing out there with you in the first place?"

I wasn't sure how to reply, but he went on.

"I thought you didn't want to see them?" He asked, "I think they very fucking least they could do is respect that."

"It's a long story." I sighed, looking down.

"You're falling for it again." He snapped.

"It's hard, Josh." I countered, "I at least owe it to them to-"

"You don't owe them anything." He pointed out firmly, "After what those people did to you? Don't be stupid."

I glared.

"I didn't mean it like that." He forced himself to calm his tone, "But you know what I mean."

"It's not that easy." I had to force my own tone to calm, "There's more to them than them leaving. You don't know what they did for me, Josh. You weren't there."

"Tell me." He insisted, crossing his arms, "What could they have done that could possibly make up for abandoning you like that?"

"They saved my life, for starters." I countered, "In every way. If it weren't for them, I would have had a really shitty life up until now."

"How?" He asked, "In what way?"

"There are things you don't know." I shook my head firmly, "Things nobody told you, and for good reason."

It was true. I never told him exactly what was going on back then, and I was pretty sure Heather hadn't either. I was fairly certain he had no clue exactly how deep Heather's and my bond went.

"What things?"

"Now isn't the time to ask me that, Josh." I snapped this time.

"Fine." He huffed, "Alright, but I'm not forgetting about this." Meaning, we'd talk about it later.

He was just about to turn to walk away, but someone else's arrival made him stop in his tracks. Andrew rounded the curtain swiftly, ignoring Josh completely.

To say I was surprised to see him was an understatement.

I noticed changes in him instantly. His normally lean physique had filled out just a bit more. Nothing outrageous, but enough to notice that he'd definitely put on a couple of pounds of muscle under his thin t-shirt. His normally slightly shaggy dark brown hair was now cut short. I wasn't sure I approved of that, but I wouldn't comment on that. He had always been tall, so I him getting a bit taller wasn't that abnormal.

The biggest change I detected was in his eyes. His normally open, friendly expression had been replaced by a cautiously guarded, tired one.

"Oh, hell no." Josh spoke first, taking our attention, "Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell-"

"Josh." I sighed, tired, "Just stop." Before Andrew could even reply to him, Josh shook his head and turned. Walking away, very aggravated by the growl under his breath.

Amused, Andrew watched him go.

"He doesn't like me much, does he?" He asked me quietly.

"Not really." I admitted sheepishly, "At least not right now." His small smile faded as he looked down. I would have looked down as well, but I couldn't stop staring. He'd changed so much.

"How are you feeling?" He finally asked me.

"I'm okay now." I mumbled, "Everything's fine, and believe me, lesson learned. They want to run some test while I'm here, but I don't want that, so they're bringing in the doctor to try to talk me into it."

He didn't reply to that, only nodding a little to himself.

"How did you know I was here?" I wondered quietly.

"Magic." He joked with a small smile, "Nah, Zack texted me."

"I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Don't be." He replied, but he sighed, "Look, I know I look different-"

"It's okay." I assured him, quieter now, "I know." I wasn't sure if he knew that I knew already, "I know what's going on."

He seemed surprised, "You know?"

"I know." I confirmed, "So don't worry, okay? If you have to be gone a lot, I get it. Take all the time you need to figure yourself out again. I'll be here. Well, not _here_ , specifically, but you know what I mean." His responding smile was a lot more like him. He'd been worried before, and I was glad I managed to ease that worry so easily. I could imagine that he thought I'd not want anything to do with him, and I imagined he'd been going over every possible way to tell me. Now that I already knew, it wiped that worry away.

"I can't believe they let you come see me." I admitted, surprised.

"They didn't want to." He replied, "But I came here anyway. I don't care if I have a babysitter."

"You have a babysitter?" I frowned, confused. To my surprise, some stranger poked his head around the curtain, finally making his appearance.

"Leandra, this is Ethan." Andrew told me, "My babysitter."

"Nice to finally meet you." Ethan smiled and I couldn't help smiling a little in response.

"Keep him out of trouble." I told him, much to his amusement.

"Of course." Ethan replied, "It's my job."

Neither of them stayed long. Just long enough to see me before Ethan was practically dragging Andrew away. I was pretty disappointed, though. I really didn't want him to go. I couldn't even have a hug from him. Ethan wouldn't let him come within five feet of me. Was he that bad? I couldn't exactly blame him, though. From what I'd heard, and what I remembered, the wolves were pretty unstable in the beginning.

I did everything I possibly could to not let myself focus on that again. Andrew was just Andrew to me. That was all he'd ever be.

I learned through that experience that the baby was tougher than I thought. It wasn't strong like a vampire baby would be, but tough. Sturdy. From what I was told in the ER, with my blood pressure the way it was, it should have caused at least a few problems, but I was released only a few hours after getting there, with strict orders to take it easy.

That didn't excuse me from bed rest, though. Heather went on the entire drive back that I'd be resting for at least a few days after this. I couldn't reach, I couldn't bend, I couldn't lift. The only thing I was allowed to do was exist for the next few days. Just to be sure. If it didn't involve trips to the bathroom, I was to stay in bed. I couldn't exactly complain, because I knew she was just worried, but I also knew that staying in bed was going to grate on my nerves. Maybe if I followed her other rules, she'd let me at least leave my room.

By the time I got home, night had fallen. Tonight would have been the night I would go back outside, but I doubted they'd be there. It didn't take me long to decide that I wouldn't even try. I left my window shut and locked, not even moving the curtains.

At Heather's insistence, I went straight to bed. I wasn't complaining, though. After the day I'd had, I felt like I could sleep for a week.

Not even just to immediately sleep. It felt so nice to just lay there for a minute. Curled up on my side, cuddled into the blanket, I felt comforted. If only for a moment. The time it took for me to start thinking.

I felt bad. I never got to thank Carlisle for helping me out, despite how much I hated him having to. I replayed over and over the words I yelled at him, and I shook my head. I'd been waiting a long time to yell at him like that, but I should have had a little bit of restraint. Now that I got it out, I could afford to feel bad.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled to the empty room.

I actually had nothing to worry about. I was downstairs the next day. Having had a chance to calm down, Heather agreed as long as I didn't try to do anything too strenuous, I'd be fine, but to limit my trips up and down the stairs.

It made me feel even better to know that she trusted me enough to watch Hunter while she ran over to the hospital to pick up some paperwork. She'd be gone thirty minutes, if that, so it wasn't a huge job, but it was enough.

Josh was, of course, working. Mike had finally talked Zack into spending the day with him at his work, and would probably put him to work there, so it'd just be me here watching Hunter.

I didn't mind that. Not in the least. We probably wouldn't even know she was gone. I turned the TV on to some cartoons for him while I pulled out my phone, and for the first ten-or-so minutes, we hardly noticed she'd left.

I then decided that I needed to go change out of my pajamas. I was feeling restless laying around all day in them. That might be as far as my productivity went, but it would make me feel better.

"Stay here." I told Hunter, who never even nodded, much less look away from the TV screen. He'd be fine.

I made sure to be extra careful on my way up the stairs. Taking my time, taking each step carefully as to not strain anything. I was still a little sore, but nothing I couldn't handle. I hadn't planned on being up here longer than five minutes, so I shut my door behind me quickly and moved for the dresser.

However, before I could even open the drawer, the mirror on the closet door beside me told me I wouldn't be leaving my room quite as quickly as I wanted to.

I turned sharply, spotting someone standing there that I really wished I hadn't.

Straight from my childhood nightmares, Jack stood leaning against the wall beside the window. Instead of reacting in fear, despite being completely terrified, I reacted in anger.

"Oh god." I snapped, "You again? Go die in a hole, you fucking bastard." The blatant tremble in my tone giving away my intense fear.

That deeply amused him, "Damn. Is that any way to greet me?"

"I fucking hate you." I countered, "So yeah. I think so."

"Oh no." He muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "You've really hurt my feelings. What ever will I do?"

I shook my head, turning my back on him. Against my better judgement. I did everything I possibly could to slow my racing heart. Staring at the top of my dresser in front of me.

"Nice digs you've got here." He said conversationally, referring to my room. He didn't sound pissed in the slightest.

"Yeah." I grumbled, "It's good. Now if you could kindly go fuck yourself, I've got somewhere to be."

I abandoned the idea of changing my clothes and turned for the door.

"Lookie here." He chuckled, blocking my path to the door as I stumbled back a step, "Is this you running away?"

"Get away from me." I muttered as firmly as I could.

"Got somewhere better to be?" He grinned, watching as I hesitantly stepped around him.

"Anywhere is better than staying here." I snapped in reply, finally reaching the door. I reached for the door knob, nearly grabbing it before his hand pinned the door shut.

"And where would that somewhere better be?" He asked quietly now, directly behind me. I squeezed my eyes shut, composing myself. Freezing with my hand on the knob.

"Downstairs." I answered shakily, "Watching Hunter and making sure he's okay."

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about Hunter." He smirked. He stepped around me and slid over, breaking my hold on the knob and standing in front of the door, "He's fine." Once again, I stepped back.

My anger was fading by the second, more fear taking its place. The way he was watching me made me very uncomfortable.

"Really, Jack." I mumbled, "What do you want from me this time?"

"So.." He crossed his arms, leaning against the door, "I heard you went and got yourself knocked up." The way he said that made me fully aware that he knew about it before ever setting foot anywhere near me.

Despite focusing on that, I had no idea how to respond.

"What a shame." He added, his smirk only widening.

I found my voice, "Is that really what you came out of hiding to talk to me about?"

"Oh," He laughed, "You really think I've been hiding?"

"How else have you stayed alive?"

"You _still_ underestimate me?" Every word out of my mouth seemed to amuse him even more. I really couldn't understand, though. If he hadn't been hiding, then where had he been? How was he not dead yet? I knew the Cullens probably gave up looking for him after he was no longer a threat to me, but from what I understood, they weren't the only ones looking for him.

"Enough games, Jack." I mumbled, my shoulders slumping tiredly, "For once in your life, just cut the shit. Just be straight with me. What do you want from me?"

He was quiet for a moment, just watching me with that infuriating smirk. It took a while before I realized he was just thinking it over. After that moment, he dropped the smirk and glanced down at the floor.

"Okay." He said, looking to me again, "Believe it or not, I came to help you out."

"I don't." I crossed my arms.

"Suit yourself." He replied with a slight shrug, "But I thought you'd like a heads up."

"On?" I sighed, quickly getting annoyed at his extremely vague answers.

"You've got the attention of someone.. Pretty fucking important."

"Oh, shit." I rolled my eyes, "Aro again?"

"You're not taking this as seriously as you obviously should." His tone held no hint of joke in it, "Don't be fucking stupid."

"I'm not scared of him." I turned for my bed, "I've had his attention for years. Between you and Aro, I'm pretty fucking used to being hunted down."

"Thing is.." He slowly stepped forward, "You live here now. Three guesses why that would bother me."

I hesitated, tensing. He had a point.

"So, what?" I asked, turning to face him again, "You think he'd really hurt Heather?"

"What the fuck did you expect?" He asked, scoffing.

"It was _his_ idea to put me here." I snapped lightly.

"You knew from the start what this was." He snapped in return, and right then, I started to get suspicious. I did what I could not to let on, though.

"Yeah," I said, "This was supposed to be something that would protect me from you."

"Oh, please." He rolled his eyes again, "You really think that would work? No. I'm not afraid to show up here. Obviously." He gestured around pointedly, "You really think coming here was something that was supposed to benefit you?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Surprise, fuck-stick." I turned sharply toward the window at Emmett's voice. He'd clearly made his way in through the window. The door behind Jack also burst open, and I hardly got a look at Mikah before he was running for Jack.

Impossible to follow, I flinched hard as Mikah was suddenly hitting the wall across the room. The shelving I had hanging on the wall had no chance of survival, the table under them even less of a chance. Everything, including Mikah, hit the floor with a deafening sound. Glass breaking, wood exploding into splinters.

"For fuck's sake!" I shouted, flinching again at Emmett's try. Instinct had me move forward, standing up on my bed and out of the way. I turned in time to see Mikah heading for the struggling pair in the middle of the room. Emmett was strong, but Jack was faster.

"Hey!" I shouted as loudly as I could this time, my voice breaking and gaining Emmett's attention just long enough for Jack to punch him back and run. Straight to the window, and out of it. Without bothering to open it back up from where Emmett had closed it. Shattering the glass outward, and taking a lot of the frame with him. Mikah immediately followed him out the window, his growl a deadly mix of anger and tension.

"Goddammit!" I shouted yet again in the silence of Emmett getting back to his feet. He strode for the window, but I jumped from my bed, "Hold it, asshole."

He turned, his expression as angry as Mikah's growl had been.

"Clean this shit up." I pointed around the room, "You guys made this mess. You're _not_ just leaving me to clean it up."

"In a minute." He replied roughly, but before I could even think of a reply, he was out the window as well. I strode quickly across the room, leaning out what was left of the window and searching the now empty yard.

"What the fuck?" I called outside, "Get your ass back here and fix my bedroom, you son of a bitch!"

Of course, I got no reply.

I was fully aware that the reaction I'd had was not the reaction I should have had. Focusing on exactly what I shouldn't be focusing on. Maybe as a defense against getting too upset. I wasn't sure.

"Leandra?" A small, hesitant voice behind me in the doorway had me turn. Hunter had obviously heard the commotion up here, and was no doubt scared out of his mind. Given his wide-eyed look around the room, he was pretty freaked out. Not that I could expect any less. Looking around again at all the devastation, it was easy to see why.

My bedroom door itself was destroyed, completely unusable thanks to Mikah kicking it in. The door was broken in half, save for one spot keeping it together, holding on by one hinge. Part of the door frame itself in splinters strewn across the floor from the force. Almost comically, the single hinge holding what was left of my bedroom door up gave out. Letting the door hit the floor with a thud, which allowed the door to finally crack completely in half, breaking apart on impact. Both Hunter and I flinched.

The floor across the room, in the corner to the left of the window was also littered with broken glass and wood from what was left of my shelves and table as well as everything that had been sitting on it. A lamp that once stood on that table was now in pieces, the shade caved in and cracked. The wall itself wasn't immune, either. A giant indent from I assumed Mikah's head and shoulders was left behind. The drywall completely destroyed, pieces of the wall itself mixed into the wood splinters.

The window was the most intact thing, which was amusing.

"It's okay." I sighed, "Don't come in here." I didn't want Hunter to step on any wood shards in his currently bare feet. The sound of Heather's return had me glancing back outside.

How was I supposed to hide all of this from her? Where would I even begin to explain? She was an understanding person, but not _this_ understanding.

Hunter, having heard her arrival as well, did what he always did when he was scared. He ran for her.

"Hunter, wait." I called, but it was pointless. He was way ahead of me. Being careful of where I stepped in my room cost me precious time. Nearly tripping over my useless bedroom door laying on the floor, I caught myself on what was left of the door frame. I followed him anyway, making it safely down the stairs and to the wide open front door in time to see him ambushing Heather as she closed her car door behind herself in the driveway.

She was puzzled at his obviously upset state, looking to me for answers. I had absolutely no answers to give her.

Behind me, on the couch, my phone sounded a text message notification. Curious, and more than willing to put off trying to explain, I turned for it. It was from an unsaved number, one I'd never seen before, and only had three words.

"Stall and lie."

It didn't take a genius to figure out who had sent that message, and I suddenly had hope. If they could pull this off, they'd save me a whole lot of tension. I sent a quick reply.

"The floor in front of the closet creaks. Be careful."

Almost instantly, I got my own reply.

"Give us 30 minutes."

Thirty minutes? I could do that easy.

"Leandra?" Heather spoke to me from the front doorway, "What is he so worked up about? Something about your room?"

"I have no idea." I replied easily, "I was just up there. He must have had a bad dream or something."

"Liar." Hunter sniffled, "It was wrecked. I saw it."

"I don't know what you think you saw.." I shook my head.

"I saw it!" He was getting mad.

"Now, that's enough." Heather told him gently, "Come on. Would it make you feel better if we went up and-"

"I was _just_ up there." I cut her off, my heart sinking, "I don't think it exploded between now and five seconds ago."

"I believe you." She laughed a little, turning for the stairs with Hunter in tow, "I'm just trying to calm him down."

Shit. Not as easy as I thought it would be. Thirty minutes had been requested. It had barely been two. I knew they were fast, but I doubted they could do much of anything in such a short amount of time.

I jogged forward, pushed passed her and blocked the stairs. Immediately, she was suspicious.

"You can't go up there."

She gave me a look in response. It was one of those what-are-you-hiding-from-me looks.

"I'm uh.." I searched my head, "I forgot to tell you.. Um.. I'm remodeling."

"Remodeling?" She asked skeptically.

"Yeah."

"While you're supposed to be on bed rest?"

Crap.

"Uh.."

"Leandra," She sighed, "Move aside, please."

"I can't." I said, "I'm stuck."

"Oh, for goodness sake." She gently but firmly moved my arm to the side, "Really. How bad could it be?" I couldn't exactly physically stop her as she and Hunter both walked by me. She made it three steps before her phone rang in the purse still hanging on her shoulder.

She paused to dig it out and answer it, and I prayed that whoever was on the other side of that phone call could buy those cleaning my room up enough time to at least make it somewhat orderly.

"Now," She spoke into the phone, "Hold on. Slow down." I recognized that tone. It was someone from work. She spoke again, "I realize that, but right now is really not a good time. Can I call you back in-"

She cut off, obviously interrupted. Listening while gently smoothing Hunter's hair beside her. With a sigh, she started back down the stairs. As she passed me, she gave me a very clear don't-you-move look.

"Let me check." She said into the phone, "Just hold on one second. You said three?" I stopped listening then, looking to Hunter still standing there. Without waiting much longer, I took his hand and led him up the stairs, ignoring his protests. Stopping just out of Heather's sight in the hallway, I turned him to face me. In the brief moment of silence, I could clearly hear movement up the hall in my room.

"Hunter," I spoke quietly and he looked up at me with a pout, "You have to tell her that it's okay."

"Why?" He asked.

"Because." I replied, "If she sees my room right now, she'll be _so_ mad at me. Do you really want me to get into big trouble?" When I put it like that, he actually stopped to think.

"But it's not okay." He reasoned, frowning.

"I know." I said, "I know it's not okay, but we need her to think that it's okay. Just tell her that I showed you my room, and that it's okay."

"But that's a lie."

"I _know_." I sighed, trying to keep my temper, "But-"

"I'm not supposed to lie." He went on, "Lying is bad."

"Sometimes lying is good." I explained. I paused to listen for a moment, vaguely hearing Heather still on the phone downstairs before I spoke again, "I promise. If you tell her that everything is okay, I'll give you four cookies every day for a week."

Of course, that was enough to get his attention.

"Really?" He asked, and I nodded.

"I promise." I repeated.

"But won't I get in trouble for it?"

"Not if she doesn't find out." I replied, and he paused in thought, "But you have to help me. Please." I hated negotiating with a five-year-old.

"Okay." He finally muttered, clearly skeptical.

"Okay." I smiled a little, not quite relieved yet. I'd save the relief for the moment I believed it worked. I took his hand again and led him back down the stairs, finding Heather in the kitchen at the table, just finishing up her phone call. She looked to us expectantly as she set her phone down.

"Everything's okay, mommy." Hunter told her, but I instantly didn't believe him. If I didn't believe him, Heather sure as hell didn't believe him.

"Really?" She asked, confirming her disbelief.

"Yup." He said, and looked to me, "Where's my cookies?" I hesitated before I sighed. Ignoring Heather's flat look at me as I turned to the pantry. I dug four cookies out of the package and handed them to Hunter.

"Nice doing business with you." He told me and walked away. That kid clearly needed a lesson or two about how to make a believable lie. He also needed to stop hanging around Mike so much while he was working.

"Cookies?" She asked me, having caught on and I sighed.

"It didn't work."

"No," She agreed, "It didn't." She turned to walk toward the stairs, but I grabbed her hand. She frowned, now worried, "Leandra?"

"Don't be too mad." I requested, "Please. I know it's bad-"

"What on Earth is going on with you?" She asked, "Honey, whatever it is you did-"

"Please." I requested again, "Don't kick me out."

"Kick you out?" She frowned even more, "Okay, come on." With that, she led me toward the stairs. This time, there would be no stopping her. I'd done everything I could think of to buy them as much time as I possibly could. Maybe ten minutes.

Her phone rang on the table behind her again, but she ignored it this time. Walking with me up the stairs, but I stopped following her when we reached the hallway. I couldn't bear to look. Covering my face with my hands, turning and facing the wall. I waited for it.

"Leandra." Her firm voice had me cringing moments later, "Come here. Now."

 **A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long. Little KNeu's quest to grow up is continuing. This week's episode: Teething! Oy.  
Anyhoo. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Even with the horrible cliffhanger at the end. I know it's not as long as my other chapters, but I got what I could into it.**  
 **THANK YOU! To my AMAZING reviewer of last chapter! EEEEEEEE! THANK YOU!**  
 **Chapter eleven has a lot of answers in it and I'll do what I can to make it longer, so hopefully, I can get it done faster than I got this one done. Fingers crossed!**  
 **Until Eleven, my friends!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"I know." I mumbled, not bothering to move, "I know. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" She called again, "Come here." Taking a deep breath, I turned. Sure enough, she stood there outside my room. Hesitantly, I approached.

The first thing I noticed was my bedroom door. It was completely repaired, including the door frame. I knew it had to be a different door, but I really couldn't tell the difference. I followed her stern gaze into my room.

Mikah smiled sheepishly right back at me, and it took a moment for my mind to start working again.

My window was perfectly fine now, all the wood on the floor gone. Everything picked up, a new lamp on the new table. New shelves sat on the floor, ready to be put back up, and the huge dent in the wall flawlessly repaired. A brand new color of paint covered the patch job. An open gallon of paint on the floor.

"One.." Heather spoke before I could fully form an excuse, "Why is there a boy in your room? Two, why were you trying to _hide_ a boy in your room?"

"I'm sorry." Mikah replied for me, "I know what you're thinking, but I'm just here to help her out. She said she wanted to change up her room a little, so I thought I should help." Holy _hell_ that excuse. He spoke again, looking to me, "Alice will be here soon with your curtains."

Curtains? I only then realized that the curtains I'd had up were gone as well. I briefly wondered what had happened to them, but shook it off as Heather spoke again.

"Oh." Heather murmured, calmer now, "Well.. Why didn't you say you wanted to paint your room?"

"I thought you'd say no." I answered.

"No." She laughed a little, "I think it's a great idea. You could have just said you had help. I was worried you were attempting this on your own."

"Alice isn't here yet." I said, "I knew what you'd think." I was just winging it at this point.

"Well.." She sighed, obviously calming down, "If he's going to be in here painting, I don't want you to stay in here too long. You don't want to be breathing in too many paint fumes. It's not good for you."

"Okay." I replied, "I'll be down in a minute." She took the hint.

"And you.." She pointed to him, "Please try not to ruin the carpet."

He laughed, "Scout's honor."

"Okay." She said again, smiling a little as she turned. I hesitated only a moment before stepping into my room and closing the door.

"I'm sorry." He said before I could speak, "We worked as fast as we could."

"No." I replied, "That was awesome. You just saved my ass."

"It was the least we could do after completely demolishing your room."

"So.." I muttered, sitting on my bed, "What the hell?"

"I'm really sorry." He said again, "I wasn't thinking. I heard Jack in here, and I completely lost it." I looked down, "And because I was such an impulsive idiot, we lost our chance."

"Is everyone okay?" I had to know that at least, "He didn't hurt anyone?"

"We're fine, princess." He smiled sadly.

"Good." I sighed, calming down a little more.

"Are _you_ okay?" He asked, obviously concerned.

"I'm okay." I confirmed, "Better now, at least." He nodded so I spoke again, "He wasn't here to bother me, anyway."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No." I said, "He has a point. If Aro is pissed, right here probably isn't the best place for me to be."

"He told you that Aro is pissed?" He asked, frowning.

"Not in those words," I said, "But pretty much."

"Huh." He mumbled, clearly puzzled as he looked down in thought.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly. He was silent for a moment longer before he finally looked to me.

"I think you need to come with me." That surprised me. When I didn't reply right away, he moved for the door.

"Wait." I said, and he paused, "Finish my room first, and I'll go with you."

Obviously reminded, he laughed, "Deal."

Just then, the doorbell downstairs announced Alice's arrival. Letting him get back to work, I left the room. Descending the stairs carefully, reaching the bottom step just as Heather opened the front door.

"Alice." She greeted almost tensely, "Jasper. How nice to see you two again." I made it to Heather's side, hesitantly peeking around the open door. To my surprise, Jasper stood there with her.

I could understand, though. He most likely didn't want her anywhere around here alone after an appearance from Jack. As a front, he carried two more gallons of paint, compared to the small shopping bag in Alice's hands.

"How are you?" Alice asked happily.

"Quite confused, if we're being honest." Heather replied, and I looked over at her. To avoid more awkward conversation, I gestured to the stairs.

"You guys can put those in my room." I mumbled, stepping back to let them in. Heather did as well, glancing to me. With a smile, Alice started forward first. Jasper followed her with a polite nod our direction. I couldn't help feeling like he still expected me to blow up at them.

Heather closed the door gently before she looked to me again.

"Honey, can I have a word?" She asked quietly, and I sighed. Nodding. I assumed she meant in private, so I turned. Heading into the living room.

I also couldn't help seeing the raw worry in her eyes as I looked to her again once we were far enough into the living room. It was a deep concern I'd seen on many occasions. There was something bothering her, so I'd let her speak first.

"Leandra," She started, "Let me start by saying that if this is something you want, I'll allow it. I also have to say that I'm concerned." She was obviously referring to the Cullens being here.

"I know." I muttered, looking down.

"Sweetie, I know what you've been going through." She went on gently, quieter now, "I've seen it. We got extremely lucky yesterday that nothing went wrong with how upset you'd gotten. Now you're inviting them back into your life?"

"I know." I repeated, my tone also quieter. She stayed silent this time as I looked back up at her. I could still easily read the concern in her expression, so I knew she could easily read the subtle, hesitant plea in mine. Without saying a word, I was asking her to understand. It was a lot to ask of her, to let me have this, and I knew that. The slow progression of her expression from concern to quiet, reluctantly understanding resignation told me she read me loud and clear.

Heather wasn't stupid. I never considered her to be, and it bothered me now to know that she was starting to see what was going to happen as if she had my gift as well. I was still partially in denial, and I could tell that, but she wasn't.

"Okay." She eventually whispered softly, "Okay, sweetheart. I'll step aside. I'll allow it. All I want is for you to be happy."

"I know." I said a third time, this time stepping forward and hugging her.

"If this starts to be too much again," She murmured, returning my hug, "I'm putting a stop to it immediately." I nodded as she kissed my head, "I love you."

"I love you too." I replied. It was also no secret that she did love me. She loved me very much, so I knew full well how hard this had to be on her. To allow me to have something that hurt me so badly before.

Her phone chose that moment to ring. Reluctantly, she released me to look at it. From where I stood, I could easily see that it was Mike calling, so of course she answered it.

"Hey, hon." She spoke into the phone just as Alice was descending the stairs. Probably in 'search' of me. I wasn't sure if Heather was done talking to me, so I waited where I was while Alice found my side. Heather offered her a polite smile of her own as she continued to listen to what Mike was saying on the phone. I watched her expression change back to concern at what she was hearing.

"Well," Heather sighed, responding to whatever Mike said, "Hon, I don't know if that's a good idea right now. After yesterday.."

She paused as Mike obviously replied.

"I know." She sighed again, "I get that. I do, but.. I really don't know if Leandra is up to traveling right now. In her condition? I don't want to haul her that far when she's supposed to be resting."

He replied again, given the quiet hum of the rumble of his voice through the phone. I couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, despite how I tried. Puzzled, I looked over at Alice, who offered a small comforting smile.

"Why don't you and the boys just go?" She suggested, "I can stay here with her, and it'll be a nice vacation for you all." She paused again, glancing to me and my confused expression before she spoke again, "Alright. Alright, I'll ask her. Hold on."

She pulled the phone away from her ear, and I waited.

"Mike's mom is in the hospital." She explained quietly, "And has requested he be there."

"Is she okay?" I asked, suddenly worried for her.

"She needs some kind of operation." She replied, "There aren't a whole lot of details right now, but he really doesn't want to go see her alone."

I saw the dilemma now. Mike and his parents didn't really get along that well.

"I can stay here." I offered, "You can go with him."

"Honey, that's a week." She sounded skeptical, "I really wouldn't feel comfortable with you staying here by yourself that long."

"What can go wrong?" I asked, "What am I going to do? Wind up pregnant?" She gave me a flat look at my sarcasm, "I'll be okay."

"We can watch her if that would make you feel better." Alice offered, gaining our attention, "She'd be in good hands."

Heather seemed torn. Not wanting to jump right into her offer, but not immediately turning her down either. This clearly meant a lot to her.

"See?" I said, "I'll be fine. I better start learning some kind of independence, right? I don't think a week is going to kill me." I could see I swayed her.

"You promise to call me immediately if anything goes wrong?" She asked, still sounding skeptical.

"I promise." I replied, "I think it'll be nice having the house to myself for awhile." I even added a small smile, which seemed to help ease her even more.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure." I confirmed easily.

"Alright." She murmured, hesitantly returning to her phone call.

She turned away then, leaving the room to finish speaking to Mike. Alice stayed with me, smiling again as I looked over at her.

"Mikah mentioned that you'll be coming home with us." She prompted, "Trust me. You won't regret it."

"I'm nervous." I admitted. Finally admitting anything about how I felt to her for the first time. Every word out of my mouth before had been about my thoughts. Never how I felt, and even I picked up on that.

"Why?" She asked, laughing a little.

"I'm not sure." I replied, "I'm not even sure why I agreed to go."

"Because it's important." She answered that one for me, "You know it's important. There's _no_ way we can leave you here alone now. Plus there are a lot of things we need to talk about."

"I know." I sighed, glancing over at Heather in the other room, still on the phone. She was now writing something down, her back to us as she leaned over the table.

Alice spoke again, "Jasper can help, if you want-"

"No." I replied, cutting her off, "No, I want to keep my feelings right where they are."

"Okay." She agreed, "Okay, that's fine. I just thought I'd offer." I took a breath, nodding a little. I liked that.

"I'm not going to back out, if that's what you're worried about." I mumbled, "At least I have no plans to back out."

"Okay." I looked back over as Heather returned with a heavy sigh, "Mike's on his way home now. I already spoke to Josh, letting him know what's going on. Josh is staying here, since he can't get time off from work, so you'll at least have _some_ company when he's home." I glanced over at Alice, but she didn't seem concerned in the slightest, "Zack and Hunter will be with us, so you don't have to worry about watching him."

"Okay." I replied, looking to Heather again.

"Here is a list of our estimated schedule." She went on, handing me a piece of paper, "That has a list of our numbers in case you lose your phone, and the number of the hospital Mike's mom is staying at. We'll be leaving in about an hour to the airport."

"You're not driving?"

"The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get back." She replied simply, "I know Mike doesn't want to miss work any more than he has to. We'll be gone for roughly five days or so. I think you'll be okay that long."

"I'll be fine." I assured her, looking over the piece of paper, "Don't even worry about me."

That really seemed to help. She didn't express her doubt again as she got herself and Hunter packed. Then again, I mostly hid away in my room once Zack and Mike got home, watching Jasper and Mikah paint my bedroom wall. From where I sat perched by the window, I couldn't even smell the paint.

I knew it was bugging them to go human pace, but they only had to keep up appearances for a little while longer.

I said goodbye to everyone by myself, knowing it'd probably be better to leave everyone hidden upstairs. I didn't need any more questioning right then. I could tell that Heather hadn't said anything, since Zack never mentioned it.

The house suddenly felt empty the second I watched them leave from the front porch.

"Are you ready to go?" Alice asked, suddenly beside me.

"About as ready as I'll ever be." I mumbled, glancing over at her. I couldn't even begin to express my nervousness. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous, and that made me even more nervous.

"The guys will finish up here and follow us." She explained, which helped. I nodded a little. I couldn't help feeling a little dazed. Tired after the morning I'd had, I was pretty much just along for the ride now.

I wasn't sure how I felt about seeing Jack again. Part of me was terrified, but another part of me wasn't surprised. He was always my normal. My one constant that I felt I could always count on. More constant to me than the sun rising. Somehow, just knowing he still existed was probably what made me so cooperative now.

I hated him, for sure, but there was also the part of me that looked for him to find my reset, my footing. As weird as it sounded, I knew I couldn't change that. Jack was a plague, but given that I'd spent pretty much my entire life waiting on him, it was as normal as breathing to me. I knew it was too late now to change the fact that Jack would always be a part of me. It had always been that way.

I took a breath and looked over at Alice.

"Okay." I said, "Let's go."

She didn't wait for another invitation. Giving me a small smile and leading me from the porch, heading for her car parked at the curb. I didn't even care that I was still in my sweatpants and a thin, pajama t-shirt. It didn't really matter to me, and truthfully, I just wanted to be comfortable right then.

I didn't need to wonder where they'd chosen to settle. I knew that there was one place they'd always go when they came back here. It really wasn't a long ride.

I eyed the house almost cautiously as she slowed in the driveway, aiming for the garage. I wasn't sure why. Maybe because it was exactly as I remembered it. My memories didn't do it justice. Like nobody had ever left it, it was like stepping foot back in time.

"I don't know." I finally announced my hesitation in the garage.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked as she stepped around her car to make it to my side.

"I don't know about going inside." I clarified, "Really."

"Okay." She replied gently, "Okay, we don't have to go in. We can talk outside." I nodded, taking a breath. She offered a small smile, and turned. Leading me out of the garage and toward the porch. I willingly followed, deeply appreciating the lack of pressure on me.

My bare feet were cold on each step up onto the porch. Each step carrying me upwards, straight into my memory. I had my fair share of memories on this porch, but it was nothing compared to what I knew I'd find inside.

Despite wanting to avoiding going there again, I couldn't deny the bittersweet feeling of returning. Of coming back to the place I used to consider the only safe place I would ever have. The only real home I'd ever have. To me, this place defined the word.

Under my hand, the railing was cold and slightly damp from a recent rain. It, along with the cold wood under my feet, chilled something in me, waking it up. With its stirring, the tears were forced forward. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't stop the emotion.

Alice was silent, watching me, but I didn't focus on that. I was in the middle of a moment. I was more than convinced that they understood the connection I'd still have to this place. Every window, every board, this would probably always be my home. This was the start, the reset. Almost as much as Jack was.

When life was always up in the air, this house was always there to help me get back to normal. It shielded me. Protected me.

Those last few months here, for the most part, had been up in the air. Somehow, though, it felt normal to come back here.

Through unshed tears, breathing around a lump in my throat, I looked over at Alice. Her expression was enough to tell me that she understood. She always knew what this place meant to me. From the time she first found me as a scrawny, perpetually terrified little nine-year-old, she knew me.

All at once all those memories broke free. The ones I tried so hard to bury, the ones I tried desperately to forget flooded forward faster than my tears could fall. All the time I spent here couldn't be erased just because I wanted it to. All the emotion I'd buried, all the feelings I'd pushed away chose then to swarm up over me, and I had to sit down.

Despite sitting, my hand never left the railing. I didn't want to let it go, so I kept hold of it.

Not just the bad emotion. Not only the feelings of betrayal and heartbreak of them leaving me, but all the good along with the bad, and I so suddenly perfectly remembered everything. From the moment I first set foot here, to the moment I last left it, it was all back involuntarily.

I had no doubt that Alice knew exactly what she was doing by bringing me here. I didn't need to go inside to remember it.

"I shouldn't be here." I sniffled hard, shaking my head and standing up.

"No." Alice caught my shoulders gently, "I think here is exactly where you need to be. The only reason you want to run is because you're fighting it."

"It hurts too much." I sobbed, shaking my head again, "I can't be here."

Instead of replying, she hugged me. Not only did I accept it, but I returned it.

I was fifteen years old, almost sixteen, but this hug was something I'd been needing since they left me at eleven. I'd never let myself heal. Filling that hole left behind with anger and resentment, even though all it was doing was causing more damage. The pain left behind was more than I knew what to do with, and all they were trying to do now was clean all that out. To open the wound again, just so they can clear out all that infection.

It wasn't easy, on either of us, but I recognized it.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered, referring to the fact that I couldn't let go yet.

"Don't apologize." She replied easily.

More than Esme, more than Carlisle, Alice had been there from the start. The first one I spoke to, the first one to see passed all the lies I told myself. The first one to insist, to see me for what I really was. I literally had her stubbornness to thank for who I was today.

It had taken me some time, but I finally felt like I could start coming around. Instead of showing them only my back, I could face them now. I wasn't quite sure exactly what it was, Carlisle helping me or Jack showing up again, but I was coming around. This hug from Alice felt like square one.

A new beginning.

"I needed you." I cried more than I accused. I was letting her know, not blaming her.

"I know. I'm so sorry." She murmured, and for the first time, I really listened. For the first time, I heard the pain in that response. I heard the pain that almost matched my own. I wasn't thinking about what Josh might say, or what Zack might think. I was opening up this way for me, as selfish as it sounded. I was doing what I needed to do, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

As funny as it was, I just wanted to warm up. I'd been freezing cold since they left me. It was about time I gave myself the chance to thaw out. I needed this.

I was glad the others waited for me to calm down before coming outside. Maybe they were learning. They gave me my moment, allowing me to let go of Alice on my own before approaching.

I turned to look at the door at the sound of it opening.

I knew I could take my time here, and that made a huge difference. I wasn't rushed, or worried about being discovered. I wasn't worried about a time limit, or having to balance Heather or Josh with just being here.

Esme was the next one I hugged. I knew for a fact that she didn't mind, as she easily returned it.

I understood immediately why I was fighting this for so long. I was so fearful, so afraid of getting caught up in all of this again and this hug represented home just as much as the house did. I held on longer than I even meant to. I'd always found so much comfort in her hugs, and I knew that whether or not I wanted to, I found it again.

After that hug, I finally felt like I could breathe again. Like I'd been fighting so hard to breathe since they left. I knew the damage was done now. That small spark of hope I'd felt just the other day had grown. Warming me in a way I never saw coming. Warming me in a way I'd craved since the day they left.

I guess I had my gift to thank, but I knew this time would be different. They meant what they said before. They weren't going to give up. They weren't going to leave again. At least not without me.

There would always be that dark corner of doubt, but that was just me.

"Hi, sweetheart." Esme smiled as I finally pulled back.

"I still shouldn't be here." I sniffled, trying to calm down. I had to express my hesitation, but I felt that fading even as I said that.

"I think you're right where you need to be." She replied gently, repeating what Alice had told me, and I couldn't help smiling a little. One glance around the crowded porch told me everyone felt the same way. Even bitter Rosalie. She seemed reluctant to admit it to herself, but she didn't seem outwardly against it.

I knew it was probably stupid, but I hugged her next. I'd had my moments with Rose and her obvious dislike of everything, but I knew that was just how she was. More often than not, it was nothing personal. I could easily tell that she knew that.

I considered it a good thing that she didn't immediately pull away. Though she was tense, she waited a few seconds before she sighed in annoyance and stepped back.

"Me next." I looked over at Emmett's grin, "Let's see if you cry again." Though I did feel like crying again, I knew I had it under control this time. This hug went a lot better than the last one did. Probably because it was my choice this time. Instead of just being wrapped up without expecting it.

I was pretty relieved to see for myself that he was okay.

"May I?" Edward was actually asking permission. As weird as it sounded, Edward was the next one that had the most influence on me in those very early first few days. Besides Alice, he knew me better than anyone. He'd always had front row seats to my thoughts and everything behind them. Every one of my reasons.

He spoke to me that day, the day of the field trip, and I realized now that before anyone else, he taught me that not every guy was bad. Both he and Jasper were really my first steps in learning how to talk to them. That was still, and would always be, a big deal to me.

"Of course." I replied, turning to hug him next. I couldn't help laughing. It was just funny to me that he thought he needed to ask permission. As if I'd hug everyone but him.

Briefly, I recalled helping him when Bella was so sick. The things I accomplished thanks to his insistence. The things I learned about myself were just what was needed to help make sure Bella made it through those dark days alive.

The memory crossed my mind, and he tightened his hold just a bit. Just enough for me to gather that he remembered it too. I smiled, now more than happy to have given him the chance to save her.

"Hey." I pulled back, looking over at Mikah's joking frown, "Don't hog her, Edward." Both he and Jasper had chosen that time to make it home.

"There better not be a drop of paint on my carpet." I warned, but my smile mirrored his own as I turned to hug him next. Mikah's firm hug now felt different to me. More than welcome. Open, light, but tight and comforting in a way I really needed.

At the back of the group, I spotted Carlisle, and for once, I didn't feel hatred at just seeing him. I hesitated, though. I wasn't sure why. Probably because of the way I spoke to him just yesterday. So much had happened between then and now, and for a moment, I was surprised that so much could change in me. In how I saw him.

"I'm sorry." I eventually told him quietly, "I never should have said the things I said to you."

"Leandra, you had every right." He replied, "You had every right to be angry with me. Personally, I will never forgive myself for letting you down the way I have." Esme, beside him, gently patted his arm.

I looked down, unsure what to say. Beside me, though, Mikah gave me a gentle, prompting nudge. I looked up at him, and his slight nod was answer enough. I knew what he was saying.

Instead of replying to what Carlisle said, I stepped forward. Hugging him just as tightly as I hugged the others, but somehow, this meant even more. This was the one thing I needed to really start to forgive. As much as I blamed Carlisle, more than the others, he also meant more to me than I could ever begin to express in words.

This hug, however, did bring tears from my eyes. Surprisingly, even I couldn't have predicted just what this would mean to me. How much I needed this. How much I'd needed this since the day they left. How much I'd needed this since the day they came back. I just needed the chance to come around first.

How much he'd done for me directly correlated to what he meant to me now. The last few days living here were rocky, painful memories I would have given anything to forget a few weeks ago. Now, I held onto them as tightly as I held onto him. They meant something to me.

Somehow, the bond Marcus had spoken about was something real again. That bond, that had been fed by nothing but resentment for all this time, was being mended and I could feel it.

I held this hug the longest.

"Thank you." I finally mumbled, and I knew he knew that I meant more than for just helping me yesterday. There was far more to it than that.

In a way, I was relieved when all that was out of the way. I felt so much better at being here than I had when I first arrived. It was better than I'd ever imagined it would be.

I had to sit back down, knowing full well that I wasn't going anywhere. So I found the bench behind me and I sat there. Allowing the relief of being home just soak in for a moment. There was no possible way to describe the way I felt at just being here.

Mikah didn't wait for an invitation, taking the open seat on the bench beside me.

"So tell me." I requested, looking over at Mikah, "Why am I here?"

"Wow." He chuckled a little, "Straight into it."

"I'd rather get bad news over with." I admitted, "I guess that hasn't changed, either."

"Well," He sighed, his smile fading, "One, you're a lot safer here than you were there."

"Why?" I asked, "Weren't you watching the house?"

"A few of us," He replied, "Yeah, but it's different here."

"How?" I was just full of questions, it seemed.

"There weren't gigantic wolves in the trees over there." He answered, "Here, the trees are full of them." I blinked in surprise.

"You let them so close?"

"Of course." Alice replied this time, gaining my attention, "Why wouldn't we?"

"Gee," I rolled my eyes a little, "I don't know.."

She laughed, "A lot has changed here, too."

"Apparently." I mumbled, glancing over at the trees across the yard. The last I really paid attention, it had mainly been Jacob and maybe a few others that liked to hang around here, and that was for Renesmee.

"We'll talk about that later." Mikah told me, and I nodded a little, "For now, though, you can start by telling them what you told me."

"Uh-uh." I countered, "First, you. You tell me what else I need to know." Given his small frown, I knew he was confused so I clarified, "I _know_ Aro isn't the only reason you guys are back."

Understanding replaced the frown, and he glanced over at Alice.

"Like I told Jack," I said, "Just be straight with me."

"Okay." Mikah sighed, looking down, "Alright. I'll tell you everything I know."

"Is that a good idea?" Emmett asked, "I mean, she just got here."

"I think she deserves to know." Mikah replied, "It's the least we can do." With a tense sigh, Emmett nodded. Waving him on to continue.

"I don't think much will surprise me at this point." I offered, hoping that would help.

"The meeting with Aro didn't go the way it should have." Mikah explained quietly, "Yeah, we got the results we needed to get, but there was more to it. More than even we knew at the time."

"Okay." I muttered, following so far.

"Basically, we were told Chelsea's job was to get rid of the ties you had to Jack." He went on, "Remember that?"

"Like I could forget."

"Well, she did." He nodded a little, "But a few things were needed to completely get rid of them. More time than we gave her." I nodded, prompting him to continue, "And if she was going to get rid of them completely, she needed Jack closer to you than he was. A small detail Aro chose to leave out."

"Convenient." I muttered sarcastically.

"Funny you should say that." Mikah replied, "Anyway. Almost immediately after you moved in here, Aro approached us again. This time to give us the task of looking for Jack. He _said_ it was to help you with the tie issue you still had, so we had to bring him in alive."

"And under no circumstance, were we to tell you what was going on." Alice added quietly.

"The week before we left," Mikah continued, "Was completely filled with trying to reason with Aro. He didn't believe we needed to stick around if we were going to look for Jack properly. He also thought it was best to allow you to adjust to life here and.. Well, without us."

"So you had to leave." I gathered.

"We had to leave." He confirmed, "Though we did agree with him on the adjusting issue, it wasn't entirely our decision to leave you."

"Because you knew you couldn't leave me alone if you stayed close." I felt a bit more caught up.

"Exactly."

"So what does that have to do with what Jack told me?"

"I can't be one-hundred percent sure," He replied, "But I'm pretty sure that tells us that he's been with Aro this whole time."

"How?" I frowned.

"How else would he have known?" He asked, "And it would explain why none of us could find him."

"He could have just been following Aro."

"Nobody just follows Aro." He countered, "If he'd gotten close enough to listen in to whatever conversations they might have been having, there's only one way he could."

Frowning a little more, I looked down in thought. What possible reason would Aro have to want Jack around? And why would he send the Cullens out to search for him, knowing where Jack was the whole time?

"It doesn't make sense." I shook my head a little, looking over at him.

"I think it does." He argued lightly, "It does make sense. You used to say all the time that there isn't much that Aro won't do. Especially when it comes to you."

"I'm not following." I mumbled, frowning a bit.

"Leandra, he saw something that day." He turned a little in his seat to face me better, "That day, with the bonds."

"But he sent you back here." I argued, "To check on me. Why would he do that?"

"As a test." He suggested, "To see if his plan worked or not."

"So.." I muttered, "You think that him sending you out to look for Jack and telling you to stay out of my life was his way of trying to push you all away from me?" Mikah nodded, "And him sending you back here to get my thoughts on Aro was a test to see if it worked or not?"

"Exactly."

"No." I said, "He promised me that he wouldn't do anything if it wasn't what was right for me."

"Technically," He replied, "He could spin all of that any way he wanted to. That's what he does. He knew there was bound to be some hard feelings. He needed to know how deep those went."

Taking a breath, I stood back up. For a moment, I kept my eyes down. Biting my lip as I thought hard about what he was saying. Finally, I looked over at him.

"I think I'm starting to get it." I mumbled, forcing a humorless laugh, "Finally, right?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, standing up also.

"No matter what I do," I shook my head a little, "No matter how hard I try, I'll never see anything coming when it comes to him. I'll never get it right."

"And that's okay." He seemed relieved, "Because that's what we're for."

"It almost worked." I admitted sadly, almost fearfully, "It was _this_ close."

"The thing we need to focus on now," Emmett spoke up, "Is how are we going to deal with this? I really don't like that we played right into it."

"Tell me about it." I mumbled quietly.

"For now," Carlisle murmured, and I glanced over, "I don't suggest doing anything impulsive. Not until we know for sure what's going to happen."

"Just hang out here for a few days." Alice clarified, and I nodded a little, "Mike's mom bought you some time."

"I can do that." I allowed with a deep breath.

Before we could talk any more about it, Emmett spoke up again.

"Incoming." He didn't sound worried. More entertained. Confused, I looked over at him.

Alice sighed, "I told them to keep him away for today." Gracefully, she sprung lightly down the steps, crossing the yard to the trees.

"You knew that wasn't going to work." Emmett told her, smiling, "Kid's got a one-track mind."

All my questions were answered as I looked to Alice again, who was no longer alone. A long-haired teenage girl stood there with her, one of her hands lightly resting up against the shoulder of a giant, red-brown colored wolf.

The wolf was really the one that gave it away. The girl standing with Alice was very clearly Renesmee. She'd sure grown. Just as much, if not more, than I had. The wolf she stood with was Jacob, as I recognized him instantly from the very few times I'd seen him like that.

"Why can't Jake be here?" I asked, looking over at Emmett.

"It's not him she was talking about, shorty." He chuckled. It took me a moment to figure it out, but in the time it took me to do just that, three more wolves stepped from the trees. I only recognized one of those three, its sandy fur sticking out in an obvious way. That was Seth.

The other two, however, were ones I'd never seen before. A rather timber-looking one, natural gray fur, fading into light reddish-brown and black at the tips. It was the one at the end that really caught my eye, though.

There was nothing natural about him.

Every other wolf I'd seen looked like it could belong in the area. Fur colors of browns, blacks, grays, maybe a little bit of lighter gray mixed in. Natural brown eyes.

The one at the end stood out like a sore thumb. The first thing I noticed was his piercing light brown, almost golden-amber eyes, staring straight at me. The next thing I noticed, was his fur. His entire body coated in fur the color of snow in the sunlight. Maybe a small, subtle hint of gray along his back, but all I could focus on right then was the white. The texture looking more soft than coarse.

Even his body shape was a little different. Where Jacob and the other two were more stocky, the white one was leaner. Standing on four thinner legs, lithe paws on the ground about half the size of the wolf's paws next to him.

"We aren't sure why he's colored that way." Edward answered my stunned confusion quietly, "Why he's so different."

"Is that him?" I asked, almost breathless, finally looking away and toward Edward. I had a feeling, though, that I already knew the answer to that. Somehow, I just knew.

"That's Andrew." He confirmed, "They thought it best to approach while in this form." Probably a lot safer, too. I looked to the white wolf, Andrew, again. I'd never seen anything more beautiful, to be honest with myself. It struck me in a way I couldn't describe, seeing him like this. Just as my gaze found his again, he let out a low, almost painful whine.

Cocking one ear his way, Jacob turned his massive head and grumbled, causing Andrew to look over at him. Moving for the first time since he got there. I wasn't sure what kind of wolfy exchange they were having, but I wasn't sure I liked the thought of Jacob bossing him around.

I was drawn in, however. I was curious, and deeply so. Without even realizing it, I began to walk forward. Nobody outright told me not to do so, so I took that as their okay. Mikah stayed with me, though. As if tethered to me by an invisible rope.

I continued on, descending the steps and crossing the yard slowly. Not quite afraid, but knowing by now that I should be cautious. Ever so slightly, his fluffy tail started to wag. I wasn't sure if that was involuntary, or if he was doing that to ease me, but whatever it was, it did ease me.

Alice and Nessie's conversation halted as they watched from the side, no doubt cautious as well.

I finally came to stand directly in front of him, and carefully, he sat down. Lowering his giant head to meet my eyes better. The look in his eyes seemed almost shameful. Nearly guilty. Almost like he was afraid of how I'd react. Part of me responded to that, clicking once I recognized the expression. There was intelligence in his gaze that proved that he was still my best friend.

"Wow." Was all I could really say. That didn't seem to ease him, so I did the next best thing. Slowly raising my hand up, he watched me as I gently placed the palm and fingers of my hand against the side of his face. Just to the side of his muzzle.

His white, almost glowing fur, gave way under the gentle pressure. At first, I didn't even feel it. It was like touching warm air. When I moved my fingers, I finally felt it. Like the smoothest silk, rustling effortlessly, almost fluidly through my fingers and against my skin.

Briefly, at my airy touch, his amber eyes closed. Not in a bad way, though. I gathered that easily. Like he could finally relax. Like a huge weight had just been lifted from his shoulders at just one touch from me.

As he opened his eyes again, I could definitely see the difference in his expression. I smiled a little, and his tail thumped against the ground.

"This is different." I laughed a little, "And you're so fluffy." He gave me a look, and I had to laugh again. I only realized I still had my hand against his fur as he leaned gently against it. It amazed me how I could calm him so easily. The tension he'd previously been holding no longer anywhere near him.

"It's okay." I told him, despite not really having to, "I'm okay."

Almost hesitantly, he leaned his head down and lightly pressed his giant nose against the front of my small belly. Not enough to push me over. Just light enough for me to feel the pressure.

"I know. I know it's probably going to be like you." He raised his head again to look at me, "And you know what? I'm fine with that." He seemed to smile in his own way, "You're still you. Just way cooler now."

I was glad I got to see Andrew that way. It provided a lot of closure. I was able to accept it a lot easier. Like it told my mind, 'Okay. This is a thing now.'

If there was one thing I always prided myself on, it was my ability to just roll with it.

I was also incredibly glad that I got all my crying out on the porch, because once the wolves had to get going, I eventually did make my way inside the house. I was able to hold it together pretty well, considering the situation. I didn't go flying off the edge again, and was able to stay pretty calm. I couldn't face seeing my old room, but that was okay with them.

Inside, we talked. About a lot more than just recent discoveries. I found out about all the places they'd been since they'd been gone. They never stayed in one place longer than it took to search the entire area before moving on, so there was quite a list. Places they'd gotten tips on, or followed a trail to before losing it.

I told them about all the camping trips and hiking trips we'd taken, all the things I'd finally gotten brave enough to do. My boring school life, and all the homework I didn't do but probably should have.

I'd already laughed more than I had in a long time, talked more than I had in a long time, and felt better than I had in a long time. Just like Andrew, it really felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. Had I known just giving in like this would make me feel this light, I would have done it before. Probably not, but that's what I told myself.

Just chatting away, I honestly lost track of time. It literally felt like I'd just checked the time five minutes before, but suddenly, four hours had gone by. It was just as I realized that Josh had been off work for an hour that I also remembered that I'd left my phone at home.

"Shit." I muttered, sighing, "I gotta get home." Vaguely, I braced myself for the protests and prepared to insist, but instead of protesting, Alice stood up.

"I'll drive you." She smiled a little, which was a huge relief. I nodded, accepting that gratefully as I peeled myself off the couch. I had a feeling that they knew that letting me go without pressing would make it easier for me to want to come back. Whatever the reason, I wasn't arguing.

The drive back was pretty silent, and the whole way, I wondered exactly how mad Josh was. I knew he was mad, but I had to face up to it.

Sure enough, the curtain over the front window fluttered open just as we pulled up to the house. Alice, of course, noticed as well.

"Need me to come in with you?" She asked, but I immediately shook my head.

"No." I said, "No, I'll be fine." I took a breath, removing my seat belt, "It's about time he learns that I'm going to live my life the way I need to live it. That it's not up to him to tell me what I can or can't do."

"He cares about you." She replied, "He's just worried."

"I know." I nodded, "I know."

"Just call me if you need anything." She murmured, and I glanced over with a grateful smile.

"I will." I said with a sigh, opening the door. With that, I stepped out into the evening light. The yard dark, a dog down the street barking again.

I crossed the yard, glancing back as Alice almost hesitantly drove away once I was safely on the porch. I was grateful for the privacy.

I stepped through the front door, spotting Josh standing there immediately.

"Really?" He demanded before the door was even closed, " _That's_ where you were?" Oh man, I thought. Here we go.

"I really don't need you flipping out on me right now, okay?" I sighed, turning for the stairs.

"Well that's just too damn bad." He replied, following me, "Leandra, what the hell are you thinking?" His irritated tone was bringing forward a defensive one of my own.

"Right now, I'm thinking about taking a shower."

"I'm serious." He countered, catching my arm as reached my bedroom door.

"So am I." I grumbled, lightly jerking my arm away from his hand. I continued on into my room, knowing he'd follow me. "Josh, I don't want to fight with you about this."

"Use your head." He told me, "Think about what you're doing."

"If being gone for a few hours is gonna bug you this badly, then you really don't want to hear that I'll be going back." I left no room for argument. Opening my dresser drawer, pretending to search for clothes.

He hesitated, and I looked back at him.

"No you're not." I winced a little at his tone.

"Please don't start with me right now." I went back to pawing through the clothes in the drawer. Until he reached over and closed it. I had hardly enough time to pull my hand away with a yelp.

"Are you kidding me?" His tone was closer to a yell, "Tell me you're joking!"

"I'm not fighting with you about this!" I finally yelled back.

He took a moment to calm his tone as much as possible, taking a breath before sighing it out heavily.

"I can't watch you keep doing this to yourself." He grumbled, "Years ago, I grabbed your hand and pulled you out. I was with you through it all. I stayed with you. Now, they're suddenly back, and you're ready to just fall head first right back into the same spot I pulled you from?"

"Josh-"

"Everyone else, be damned!" He snapped lightly, "As long as you get what you want."

"Shut up." I glanced over, hating the look in his eyes.

"They're your addiction." He snapped again, "I don't know what it is about these people, but you're incapable of walking away. I know mom would never give up on you, but I can't keep doing this. I can't watch it anymore. You choose to keep doing this to yourself, I mean it. I'm done."

If only he knew how badly he was hurting me.

"Don't be like that." I reasoned, my voice shaking.

"No." He said, "I can't stand to see you the way you get when they leave you. I can't stand to hear the sound of your cries. I mean it, Leandra. They're your addiction. When you don't get your fix, your entire life falls apart. Relapse when they come back, detox when they leave, repeat. They're toxic, and you can't see it. Poisonous, venomous."

"It's not like that-"

"Isn't it?" He asked sharply, "Because that's what I'm seeing."

"Then get your eyes checked." I responded harshly to his tone. I didn't want to fight with him, but he was making it impossible not to. His hand still on the dresser, he leaned closer. I closed my eyes, keeping my gaze averted as he spoke closer to me.

"You have a choice right now." His tone was quiet again, "I told you I'd always protect you, but I can't protect someone who doesn't want to be protected. That's not how it works."

"Josh.." I mumbled almost pleadingly.

"Don't do this." He replied softly, "Please. Just.. Stay here. Stay here with me." I picked up something more in his tone than I'd ever picked up before. I wasn't sure if he was letting it out on purpose, or if it was coming out on its own, but I could hear it clearly now.

I had to literally force myself to think about his safety. I absolutely hated hurting him, as he was one of the best friends I had, but I knew there was no other way to protect him.

"Please.." He said again when I didn't respond.

"I have to." I whispered, "Josh, you don't understand. I have to do this. I have to let them back in." Hesitantly, I turned my head, looking over and up at him. His gaze eased from confusion to concern as he read my own.

He hesitated, staring into my eyes for a moment. His concern deepening.

"Just tell me." He murmured quietly, "Talk to me. Why are you doing this? What's wrong?"

"I wish I could tell you." I replied, "I really do."

"I'm _not_ letting you go this time." He shook his head a little, "Not until I know. Just say it. What kind of trouble are you in?" He really did know me too well.

"I _can't_." I told him, "I would if I could, believe me, but I'm trying to keep you safe."

That only made him worry more. I could see his worry take hold of his blue eyes.

"Keep me safe from what?" He asked, "I can handle it, Leandra." I tried to turn my head, to look away from him, but his hand gently caught my cheek. He spoke again as he made me look at him once more, "Whatever it is, tell me. Let me protect you."

I knew full well that I was probably making a massive mistake just for considering it.

"Are these people hurting you?" He guessed, "Causing you problems?"

"What?" I asked, surprised, "No. No, it's not that. They're trying to help me."

"That's not what I'm seeing here."

Well, I thought to myself, he was obviously under the wrong impression. I might as well try to set him straight.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I murmured after a moment's hesitation.

"Try me." He replied, "I'll believe you. I just want to understand."

Ignoring every ounce of doubt in my mind, refusing to listen to every part of me screaming at me not to do this, I sighed. I knew as soon as the thought even finished crossing my mind that this was a horrible idea, but somehow that didn't matter to me. He did say, though, that he wouldn't let me go without an explanation. I needed him to let me keep going back.

After a long, silent moment, I looked at him again.

"You might want to sit down."

 **A/N: Uh-oh. :D  
I'm sorry for this taking as long as it did. October has been really busy for us. Between meetings, errands, family visiting, appointments, apartment inspections, pay problems, Little KNeu _still_ teething and fussing and refusing daytime naps.. Not a whole lot of time to just sit back and throw this together. So really, I have about a 2-4 hour window between when he goes to bed, and I go to bed for my customary 3 hours of sleep to get everything done that I need to get done.  
BUT!  
You guys didn't make it this far just to listen to excuses. I'm SORRY! At least it's kinda long, right? :} I think I'm starting to find a routine between baby duty, cleaning, and typing lol I get the last two things done while he sleeps at night. **  
**THANK YOU! To those AMAZING reviewers of last chapter! EEEEEE! I HEART YOU GUYS!**  
 **I'm really hoping chapter twelve won't take as long, but I won't be promising anything. I'm just not sure how the next few weeks will go, so _please_ forgive me if it takes a little bit.**  
 **Until twelve, my friends! :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

To be honest with myself, I had no idea where to even start. There he was, sitting on my bed and watching me expectantly, while I searched my head for any sort of answer to give him.

I had to be careful. There was so much I had to say, but there was only a small bit of it that he could know without putting him in direct danger. This whole thing was about keeping him safe. I couldn't fuck that all up by letting too much slip.

"Okay." I finally muttered, stepping forward and sitting beside him on the edge of my bed. "It's a long story, so bear with me. How much do you know about Jack?"

He blinked in surprise, "That's a name I haven't heard in a long time."

"I know." I replied, "Just.. How much do you know?"

"I know.." He trailed off, obviously searching his thoughts, "That he did a whole lot of horrible things before he left." I nodded a little. He knew the basics.

"He did." I confirmed, "That's part of the reason why I was living with the Cullens."

"I know that." He murmured, his tone now supportive, "But-"

"Hold on." I cut him off, "Yeah, they helped me. They kept me as safe as they could."

He hesitated, studying me for a moment before I literally saw the understanding fill his expression, "He never left."

That was suddenly so relieving. Knowing he pieced that together when I hadn't even thought to tell him that. That small detail put me on the right path to explaining further.

"He did eventually." I answered, "But.. Not for awhile. For a long time, he stuck around. He was mad at me for being friends with you, and he was completely positive that I ruined his life. He blamed me for everything that happened, and for awhile there, I blamed myself too."

"Leandra, it wasn't your fault." He reached over, lightly placing his hand over mine, "He abused you."

"I know that now." I confirmed quietly, "But for the longest time, I.. Well, I had the hardest time believing that. Even while staying with the Cullens. I had so much guilt built up in me, it's amazing I lived through it."

"Okay." He murmured, prompting me to continue. He knew that I wasn't looking for support, but that I needed to keep going. There was more I had to say, and I didn't want to get stuck on this subject.

"Well.." I sighed, moving on, "Jack.. He stuck around for a long time after you guys think he left. He made so many attempts at getting a hold of me, to punish me for what I'd done to him. A few times, he almost won. He came so close." Josh, staying silent, only nodded, but I could see that he was bothered by that. I went on, "The Cullens.. They kept me safe. I owe them _so_ much, but.." I took a breath as I gathered my thoughts, "Okay. Back.. Back before, when I came here.. I came here for a reason. There's more to it than them just dumping me here and leaving."

"What reason could they have had?" He asked, "If they cared about you so much, why abandon you?"

"They left me here _because_ they cared about me." I replied gently, "When they placed me here, it was because something.. Something had changed." His brow furrowed in confusion, but I hesitated a moment, "Something was different. Jack.. He had changed."

"Changed?"

"He'd upped his game." I added, hoping I wasn't giving away too much, "When I first came here, it was because he had me. He had gotten a hold of me, and.." I trailed off, looking down. I wasn't sure how much I could tell him about that.

"It's okay." He told me, his soft tone easing me a bit.

"Well.." I muttered, "Let's just say.. He's the reason my mom is gone." That obviously surprised him, but before he could comment on that, I went on, "And I would have joined her if it wasn't for one person. He got me out of there, and back to my family, but.. There was a problem. A problem that we couldn't fix without the help of.. Someone really important and powerful."

"Okay.." I could tell by his tone that this was where I was starting to lose him.

"Okay." I repeated, sighing a little, "This is where it gets hard. There's a lot I can't tell you, but I'll try." He nodded, "Well.. That really important person is.. _Really_ important. There's nobody alive that can go against him, and here we were, asking him for a very huge favor."

"What favor?"

"To help me fix what Jack had done to me." I answered, "In.. In a way only he could."

"Did it work?"

"It worked." I confirmed, nodding a little, "But that favor cost me. That favor was the reason why I was left here. Because this very important person thought I needed to be as safe as I could possibly be, so I could one day return that favor."

"And he thought you'd be safest here?" He asked, more confused.

"Jack wouldn't try to get to me here." I explained, "He's always been really protective of you guys, because you're family. But.. Because he's different.. He couldn't just show up, because you can't know just _how_ different he is."

"What makes him different?"

"I can't tell you that part." I mumbled, "All you need to know, is that he's different, and so are the Cullens."

"Okay.." He sighed, "And because they're different, you have to let them back in your life?"

"Yeah." I murmured, "Because Jack came back."

"Oh." He seemed shocked, but he also seemed to understand.

"Jack came back today." I went on quietly, "After leaving me alone since I've been here, he came back to tell me that this.. Very important person is wanting to collect on that favor. I knew that before, because that's the reason the Cullens came back at first, but.. Hearing it from him made it real again."

"Okay.." He mumbled, waiting for me to go on.

"This important person is different too." I explained, "In a way that I can't fight without them."

"And you can't do that here?"

"That's the thing." I sighed, "It's because of this important person that I'm here at all, but for some reason, he changed his mind. He's mad at me because I basically told him to fuck off, and that I wasn't willing to go along with him anymore."

His eyes narrowed, "So..?"

"So.." I took a breath, "That means you guys are in trouble. More trouble the longer I'm here."

"What kind of trouble?" That obviously captured even more of his attention.

"I can't tell you that either."

"Well, dammit." He sighed heavily, "What _can_ you tell me?"

Sighing heavily, now aggravated, I rubbed my palms over my face. Somehow the motion soothed me a little, enough to take a deep breath and calm down a bit. I ignored Josh's doubtful expression, clearly questioning my sanity.

He obviously wasn't understanding me anymore.

"He's different." I said, "So is Jack, and so are the Cullens. I'm here because this important person wanted me to be here to be safe from Jack, and so the Cullens could do.. Something else without me being in the way. But Jack came back to tell me that this important person isn't happy anymore, so the Cullens are here to protect me, but they can only do that if I let them."

A lengthy silence followed, and I watched him closely. He watched me in return, as if he expected me to freak out or something.

"Leandra.." He spoke quietly, his tone hesitant and nervous, "Are you on drugs?"

I looked at him, my palms still pressed to my face, "What?"

"Because if you are, you know dad's gonna fuck you up-"

"Stop it." I snapped lightly, "This is serious."

"I know it is."

"I don't have a drug problem."

"Okay." He adjusted how he sat on my bed, facing me a little better, "Start over. I must be missing something."

"There are things I _can't_ tell you." I purposefully slowed down, "The Cullens are _helping_ me."

"Because they're 'different'?"

"That's right."

"What the hell does Jack have to do with anything?"

"I told you." I replied firmly, "He came back."

"Came back from _where_?" He asked, "And why do you need the Cullens to help you with him? Why not just let us protect you?"

"He's-"

"I get that he's dangerous." He went on, "I get that part, but you know I would never let anything happen to you."

"That's the part I can't tell you." I explained, "You can't protect me. _They_ can."

"For argument's sake, let's say they can. Why can't they just protect you here?"

"Because it's not just.." I sighed, frustrated, "It's not just Jack."

"You said that." He countered, "I think I can take on two people."

"It's not that easy." I replied, "Bottom line, letting them back into my life is the best way. That doesn't change just because I can't tell you everything."

"I still don't understand." He said, "Two days ago, you were against this."

"Two days ago, I didn't know Jack was back." I countered, "That changes things a lot. What happened back then.. It wasn't their fault."

He scoffed, "How wasn't it their fault?"

"That's the part you don't know."

"Leandra, I don't know anything." He argued, and I could tell he was getting irritated, "You're not making any sense. You're telling me that the reason why you're letting them back in your life, when you and I both know they don't deserve the time of day from you, is because Jack came back, from wherever the hell he was, and that _they_ can protect you better than we can."

"And it'll keep you safe."

"From _what_?"

I groaned, covering my face again.

"Just trust me, okay?"

"No." He replied, "This is bullshit. What kind of fucking lies have they been filling your head with?"

"They're not the ones that have been lying to me."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Okay." I huffed, "Let's just start over. Again."

"Leandra," He sighed, his tone a lot calmer, "Look. I get it, okay? Yeah, they did a lot for you, but that was so long ago."

"They did more than just a lot for me." I replied firmly but gently, "You can't even imagine, and it wasn't _so_ long ago. I still have that part of me, Josh. I'll always have that part of me. That part of me that will always consider them my family."

"Leandra, family wouldn't do that to you."

"It wasn't their choice." I explained, "They only left because it was what was best for me." He seemed about to argue, so I went on quickly, "Yeah, it really didn't seem like it at the time, but.. I see differently now. You would too if you'd just listen."

"I don't like it."

"You don't have to." I replied gently, "You just have to trust me. Why are you so against this? It's my choice, and all I'm asking of you is to be understanding."

"I'll never forgive them for what they did." He countered, but his tone was just as gentle, "You know what you went through. You were the one going through it, but you didn't see what we went through. When they left you behind, it killed you. Because it killed you, it killed us. I'm not blaming you, Leandra, but.." He trailed off, and I waited.

"But..?" I prompted when he didn't continue.

"What they did changed _everything_." He murmured, "Zack and I watched you fall apart over and over, and because you fell apart, we had to watch mom fight so hard to put you back together again." I stayed quiet, my expression softening in sadness, "She was so determined, so completely devoted to you while you were so broken. That entire time, it really was like we didn't even have a mom."

I hadn't even thought of that.

"For a solid year," He went on, "All that really mattered to her was you. Zack and I pretty much kept Hunter alive by ourselves. Dad would take him to work a lot, but sometimes, he just couldn't. So we missed a lot of school. On the rare chance we saw her, it was only for such a short amount of time that after awhile, we just stopped trying. Those people, the ones you'll apparently always consider to be your family, destroyed our family by destroying you. So forgive me if I just don't see them the way you do."

I honestly didn't know what to say.

"You don't remember the fight, do you?" He asked quietly, and I glanced up.

"What fight?"

"You never saw any of it." He answered, "But mom and dad were fighting a lot back then."

"About me." It wasn't a question. He nodded sadly.

"The fight I'm talking about was the fight that made dad leave for a week." He went on, "Mom didn't want to give up on you, and really thought that she could fix you herself. Dad was mad, I guess, because mom had just pretty much quit her job. Probably so they couldn't fire her. I really don't know all of his reasons, but.. He left that night. It wasn't for good, and we all knew that. He just needed space, but it was _that_ fight that finally made mom agree to take you to see that doctor."

"How come nobody ever told me about that?" I asked, completely stunned.

"Because none of us wanted you to blame yourself." He answered gently, "You were just starting to do good. Why would we ever want to mess that up?"

"If I had known, I would have tried a lot harder."

"You were already doing the best you could." He reasoned, "We all saw it. Like I said, nobody blames you, Leandra. We never have. We've always blamed them."

"They wouldn't have left me if they had a choice." I told him as if that could fix anything, "They really thought that it was what was best for me."

"I don't care their reasons." He murmured, "Our family all but fell apart because of them, and someone has to hold them accountable for that. Even if you won't."

"I told you."

"You haven't told me anything." He argued, "Jack came back."

"Yes."

"To tell you that.. What? This 'important person' is mad at you?"

"Yes." I repeated.

"And because they're different," He muttered, "They can protect you better than we can?" I nodded, so he went on, "That sounds like complete bullshit. You know if Jack were to come back, I'd know about it. If he showed up here now, I wouldn't let him come anywhere near you. I actually _wish_ he was here now."

"Don't say that." I shook my head, looking down.

"No." He said, "I do. I _really_ wish he was here now. You know why? Because maybe then, you'd see that you don't need the Cullens."

"Ask, and you shall receive."

My heart stopped, and I looked sharply over toward the window. My thoughts froze in my head, and I sat there just staring at Jack standing there. I was completely stunned, sitting in shock at the fact that Jack would show up. With Josh sitting right next to me, staring at him as well. Seeing the proof for himself of what I couldn't say.

My jaw dropped, and I couldn't help looking over at Josh in shock. He wasn't looking at me, though. He was staring at Jack in confusion, shock as well. Standing up, probably instinctively, as he now stood partially in front of me. He was clearly still trying to figure it out, to piece it together.

Eyes wide, I now glanced between Josh and Jack.

"What?" Jack chuckled, "No hello?"

"Am I supposed to be happy to see you?" Josh asked, his tone a whole hell of a lot harder than it had been all night.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked breathlessly.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Josh asked, "We're on the second floor."

"So many questions." Jack laughed this time, "Hope I'm not interrupting?"

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here?" I snapped this time, gaining his attention. I was mad now. Here I was, trying to explain to Josh the whole situation without getting him into more trouble, and Jack decides to show up and ruin all of that?

"Hey," Jack snapped back lightly, "It's not my fault they left you wide the fuck open."

"You need to leave." My limbs were tingling in nervousness and anger as I finally thought to stand up, "Really. Get the fuck out." He just laughed, obviously deeply amused, so I turned. Reaching for my cell phone sitting on the table.

"Touch that fucking phone, little girl, and I will break your ass in half!" Of course I froze, "In fact, give it." He held his hand out as he glanced over at Josh, "Yours too."

I must not have been expecting him to use that tone on me, because it clicked with me. I suddenly knew that he wasn't playing around.

I didn't hesitate much longer than a few seconds. Reaching over to my bedside table, I picked up my phone and tossed it to him. He caught it easily, shoving it into his back pocket before looking to Josh expectantly. Josh hadn't moved.

"Josh." I prompted quietly, "Just do it."

"Phone." Jack repeated firmly. Josh pulled his phone out of his pocket, sighing in heavy annoyance. Tossing it to Jack, he finally sat back down. Jack wasted no time in whipping it across the room, sending it sailing out the window. I clearly heard it break against the tree outside my window. Josh did too.

"What the fuck-"

"Shut the fuck up." Jack snapped, shutting him up. He turned his glare to me, "Are you fucking brain-dead?" His amusement was obviously gone.

"No." I replied, "But you must be." He scoffed so I went on, "Are you kidding me? Showing up here? _Now_?" Josh looked over at me just as I gave him a pointed glance.

"I'm not the one telling him everything-"

"I haven't told him anything." I countered, "He has no idea."

"I know enough." Josh added in.

"Shut up." Both Jack and I barked at him.

"This isn't what I meant!" Jack snapped loudly at me, gesturing to Josh.

"I never told him anything!"

"Watch the goddamn tone!" Jack replied sharply, "Don't you _dare_ fucking forget who you're talking to!" Despite how much I hated it, that shut me up.

"What's wrong with you?" Josh snapped this time, gaining Jack's attention, "Seriously. What's wrong with your face?"

"You need to stop asking questions." Jack replied tensely, "If you know what's good for you."

"Jack, you need to leave." I muttered, "I haven't told him anything, and I don't plan to, so get out."

"I've had about enough of your mouth."

Not expecting it, I was startled by Josh standing up.

"She said get out." Josh glared at him, "So I think you need to go."

"Adorable." Jack replied, his tone dismissive, "Sit your ass back down." Sensing something was about to go wrong, I reached over. Grabbing Josh's arm just as he was about to step forward. Confused, Josh looked over at me as I pulled him back again. Taking a hesitant single step forward so that Josh was behind me.

"Leandra?" Josh asked quietly, "What are you doing?"

"Tell me what you know about Aro." I told Jack before Josh could take any more of his attention.

"I already told you." Jack countered, "I already fucking told you everything you need to know."

"You didn't tell me a damn thing." I argued, "You said you were here to help me out. Well, I need more if I'm going to help them out."

"The only thing you need to know, is you being here is putting them in Aro's path."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" I snapped, "I live here."

"Change that." Jack barked.

"I'm trying!" I couldn't help raising my tone, "But you came in."

"I said watch the tone!" Jack barked again, "I won't tell you a third time."

"You don't threaten her." Josh spoke up again.

"She's mine to threaten." Jack whipped back at him, "Shut the fuck up, and sit back down before you piss me off."

"'Yours'?" That obviously bothered Josh, "She doesn't _belong_ to you."

"What?" Jack chuckled skeptically, "Don't tell me she _matters_."

"Shut up." I muttered, shaking my head. Honestly, I was trying to protect Josh. In more than one way. Josh had never really gotten the full idea of what Jack was like. I really wanted to spare him. I looked back over at Jack, "You've always been stupid brave, but this is crossing the line."

I flinched as Jack was suddenly to my other side. Josh, not expecting the sudden movement, jumped back in instinct with a loud shout of surprise. I hardly noticed though as Jack's hand found my neck and he swung me around like I weighed four pounds. I gave a short cough of surprise before that was cut off, feeling my back hit the wall beside my bedside table. I gave a slight struggle before the rest of his body pinned the rest of my body back against the wall. I couldn't move at all.

"Repeat that?" Jack growled, and I closed my eyes. I hated that he was this close. Panic flooded through me, and I could tell he knew it. Despite my breath being cut off, I managed to open my eyes and look around Jack to Josh standing there. Still stunned still, he was trying hard to figure things out.

I choked, grunting what I could out as I twisted against him, struggling to free myself at least a little bit. Jack's hand loosened enough to let me get a small sobbing breath, allowing me to cry out in both fear and frustration before he cut that off again. He breathed in deeply, breathing out a growl.

"I never get tired of this." Jack chuckled quietly, completely ignoring my weakening struggles. I was tiring out fast. Opening my tearing eyes again, I looked up at Jack pleadingly, and I literally watched his dark crimson eyes darken even more, taking on a jet black color. This was something that hadn't happened before, despite how often I'd looked into his eyes. My heart sank, and pounded faster when I saw that. Knowing full well that I was now in more trouble than I'd ever been with Jack before.

"Let her go." I suddenly remembered that Josh was in the room as he suddenly showed up at Jack's side. Josh's hand reached out and gripped Jack's wrist, and I glanced over as he instantly felt the difference, and the puzzled fear crossed his features. Jack turned his head sharply, glaring hard at Josh with clenched, bared teeth.

" _Back the fuck up_." Jack's tone was pure growl, coming from deep in his chest, so I really couldn't blame Josh for flinching away like Jack had burned him.

"Jack.." I squeaked as much as I could, hardly making a sound around his tight grip on my throat. I was trying to remind him that I needed to breathe, but he took that as a sign that he wasn't holding tightly enough. He growled, tightening his grip and shoving me harder back against the wall. I thumped, but hardly noticed the pain swim through my head. More preoccupied by my dwindling consciousness.

Sensing I was losing fast, he loosened his grip again. I gasped in deeply, coughing hard and giving yet another fight. He allowed that, chuckling darkly before breathing in again.

I glanced over again, looking for Josh but I didn't find him. I was able to be glad for maybe half a second before I spotted him coming back into the room. Bat in hand.

Before I could even tell him not to try it, he'd crossed the room and was swinging the bat hard at Jack. Of course, Jack knew. Spinning away from me and catching the bat mid swing. Jerking it out of Josh's hand, he threw it to the side just as I crouched against the wall. I continued to breathe deeply, desperately fighting off the swelling emotion in me as I lightly massaged my neck.

"You're lucky I like you." Jack snapped at him.

"Stay away from her!" I'd never, ever heard that tone from Josh before. He wasn't backing down this time.

"Or what?" Jack replied firmly, "What are _you_ going to do about it?"

"Jack.." I whimpered. I didn't like him focusing on Josh.

"Get out." Jack told him, ignoring me, "Leave now, or so help me-"

"I'm not leaving here without her." He immediately snapped, and I couldn't fight the emotion anymore. Josh had no idea what he was doing. I flinched a little as Jack shoved Josh backward.

"Josh." I spoke up around my emotion as he righted himself, "Just go." He had an opportunity to get help. He had an opportunity to run and get the house phone. He didn't see it.

Why the hell weren't the Cullens here? Not a single one of them?

"No." Josh shook his head, "I'm not-"

"Go." I insisted, unable to help it. Go, stupid! He continued to hesitate, so Jack sighed heavily. Reaching up, he grabbed a hold of the back of Josh's neck and steered him toward the door. Josh fought the whole way, unable to break free. Unsurprisingly.

"Now when your Uncle Jack tells you to do something, you fucking do it." With that, he shoved Josh out the door, into the hall and slammed it behind him. Locking it instantly.

Shakily, I stood up as Jack rounded to look at me.

"Where were we?" He asked.

"You were just leaving." I mumbled through tears.

"Not happening." He shook his head a little, his tone very patronizing as he slowly started back at me. We both ignored Josh's attempts to open the door from the hall, as we both knew he wasn't getting in.

"The Cullens-"

"Are busy." He smiled, finishing for me, "And will be for awhile. Way I see it.." He paused, "I have at least twenty.. Thirty minutes with your ass before anyone comes sniffing around."

"What about Josh?" I asked hurriedly, "You know? What you came here for?"

"I didn't come here for that." He replied, "I came here for you, but overheard."

"But-"

"I tried to be nice." He sighed, "But I just can't do it. I can't. I hate you too much." Despite how I tried, I couldn't keep the panic back. I knew he could hear it. I couldn't even stand to look at him anymore as he finally reached me.

His hand reached out slowly, almost gently gripping my hair. He wound my hair through his fingers before tightening his fist painfully and jerking me back against the wall yet again.

"Josh-"

"He's not going to save you." Jack chuckled, "I finally have my opportunity, and I'm not going to waste it again."

With dizzying speed, he gripped my wrist with his other hand and spun me around, twisting my arm painfully behind my back and pinning me firmly. Of course I cried out, unable to keep it back. In this position, struggling was entirely out of the question. My breathing raced, and I felt like I was suffocating.

Outside the door, the hallway was quiet now. All I could do was hope that Josh managed to call someone. Anyone. I swallowed hard in fear and pain, panic making my mouth dry as he leaned in close again, breathing in deeply once more. It really didn't take a genius to figure out what was on his mind, and that terrified me even more.

Where were they? Why weren't they here? I sobbed against the wall as I wondered that.

"I don't give a fucking shit about that little bastard in your belly." He murmured quietly, and as if just being reminded, I felt a small squirm.

Impossible or not, just the thought had me struggling as much as I could. I needed to fight. It wasn't a choice. All that did, though, was make him laugh and hold me tighter. He might not have been holding my neck anymore, but it was still getting harder to breathe by the second.

His hand left my hair and lowered, grabbing onto my face, partially covering my mouth.

"I promised I wouldn't kill you," He said, "But I don't think I can keep that promise. I should just put an end to it now. I'd be helping you out, and I'd be helping them out."

"Get off me!" I cried as loud as I could, loudly enough for my voice to break, but even I could hear how muffled it was. I tried everything I could think of. I twisted and writhed, kicking and struggling. The panic at not getting a decent breath was pushing me on. He let me struggle for a moment before he twisted my arm further, pinning me harder, and chuckling at the resulting cry of pain and desperation.

"You have grown." He commented conversationally, but the sharp edge to his tone cut me, "I almost had to use effort just now." He was enjoying himself.

"See.." He went on, quieter and right in my ear, "I'm debating. We both know your life is going to end tonight, but see.. I want to have a bit of fun first. I want you to suffer. Should I make this quick, while I still have a chance? Or should I draw it out as long as I can?"

His hand released my face, finally allowing me a somewhat better breath. His hand slid down, though, cupping my neck from the front. He held firm, but only tight enough to add the lightest pressure to both of my carotid arteries with his finger and thumb, obvious against my straining neck.

"So close.." He sighed before he chuckled, "What? No begging?"

"No." I whimpered against the wall, "Because I know it'll do no good."

"Well, what fun is that?"

"Just get it over with." I snapped, "Just do it." I was honestly hoping that this was exactly the opposite of what he wanted to hear. My heart pounded hard, and I couldn't help thinking about the baby. Every thought somehow stuck on it while also trying to figure a way out of this.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting him to do, but I lost my breath in a terrified whimper as I felt him lean forward and kiss my neck right over the most accessible artery. My entire body jerked and tensed at the contact, hating the feel of it. I strained harder, unable to get even an inch of freedom.

My teeth clenched around a loud sob of despair, despite knowing full well that that was what he wanted to hear.

It felt like hours had passed, when it couldn't have been more than several minutes. Unfortunately, that was an effect that Jack had had on me since I could remember. He always had a way of drawing things out.

He kissed again, only gaining the same result. Except this time, he'd lingered a second longer. I could feel in his grip that he was only going to be able to draw this out for so long.

Part of me wanted to hold out hope that I was going to be saved, but that quickly died.

Things seemed to slow down for me then. From the corner of my wide, fearful eye, I could see him come back in a third time. This time, he'd opened his mouth. Probably as a way to scare me, but he wasn't anticipating the loud crash downstairs. Making him tense at the worst time, right as he was applying light pressure to the skin of my neck.

I took a long, deep breath in as the initial pain of my skin being pierced hit me. I choked hard around the rush of that breath leaving me in a loud coughing cry. His grip immediately tightened on me, and the violent pain of my arm breaking nearly turned my stomach. I could hardly focus on that, however.

He pulled me away from the wall, closer against him as he easily turned me around by my neck. It was probably the fact that I was too frozen to move that kept him from snapping my neck in two. His fingers dug hard into my skin, pinning me anyway.

The growl he let loose was something that made my blood run cold. It was an odd mix of anger and happiness. Of struggle. Adrenaline poured through me as fast as the burning pain spread from my skin between his teeth.

I could feel each consecutive growl he gave against my body, despite the pain, and all that did was draw another choking cry from me. He lowered me, forcing me down onto the floor, completely ignoring how tense I was. My body locked in place, paralyzed by fear and pain. His teeth clenching ever-so-slightly more as I felt him draw in with his mouth. Taking my blood away from me.

I somehow noticed that I was on my side, his hand tensely moving from my neck to my hair, forcing my neck to bend as far as the floor would allow. Baring my neck further to him where he kneeled behind me.

Again, only seconds had passed. Seconds only passing from the initial thud from downstairs. Something we'd both forgotten about in those few seconds.

Over the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears, I barely heard the sound of my bedroom door bursting open. I was definitely in no condition to react to it. However, at that exact time, he let me go. He just stopped, nearly shoving me away from him as he darted up.

He let out the harshest, most painful snarl I'd ever heard. I opened my eyes, not even noticing that they'd closed, only to see him across the room. Obviously in deep distress. I wasn't sure what I was watching, my thoughts a bit jumbled right then.

I watched him shake his head, very briefly pressing his hand over his forehead. That ended fast as he turned his glare to me. He was angry. Enraged, would have been a more accurate description.

I couldn't move yet, watching him as I brought my hand up to cover my neck. The blood rushing over my cold fingers, however, wasn't even enough to distract me from the third creature in the room.

I'd never seen an angrier animal. Every muscle in his body was taut, tensed like a tightly coiled rubber band. His shoulders raised, his broad head lowered and both ears laid flat to the back of his head. His amber eyes glaring heatedly at Jack, almost glowing with hatred. His upper lips drawn back over the blazing white of his teeth, creating many creases along the top of his muzzle and twisting his face into a grimace that defined violence and danger. All of the white fur along his back and neck was raised, literally bristled in just enough rage to match Jack's from nose to tail.

I was paralyzed. Stunned, and even in my intense agony, I could see the beauty in this animal, despite the clearly offensive state it was in.

I still wasn't even sure what the hell was going on. All I could think about was the pain and the heat, the nausea coming in third.

"Leandra." I coughed a sob as Carlisle stopped, kneeling quickly beside me. The sound of Jack's next snarl ringing in the room around me was covered by the obviously threatening snarl coming from the angry white wolf now protecting us both. I felt that wolf's snarl like it'd come from me. Vibrating the room with the sound, echoing both around me and in me. Stopping my heart for a second with its deafening sound.

I could feel that I was crying, the warmth trailing from my eyes as Carlisle gently rolled me to my back, but that was it. There was no chance to fight unconsciousness. No way to see it coming. Instant darkness, however, was pretty welcome at that point.

 **A/N: Woo! God, I missed writing stuff like that. I just really hope the chapter came out alright with how distracted I've been lately.  
I'm so sorry it took so long! Just when I think I've got it handled, more stuff gets thrown into the schedule. Out of my hands, guys. Sorry!**  
 **THANK YOU! To the most AWESOMEST reviewers on the face of this planet! THANK YOU! For being so patient with me! It is very very appreciated! You have no idea what your reviews mean to me! :D**  
 **I'm really hoping that chapter thirteen won't take as long. I won't be making any promises, though. It's pretty touch and go with a 5 month old son around lol**  
 **Until thirteen, my friends! :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

I felt so sick. That was all I noticed at first. Nausea rolling, twisting my stomach in a painful way. Like a fist, clenching around it. It felt bruised, but I knew that wasn't really possible.

The next thing I noticed was the throbbing pain in my head. I'd definitely had worse headaches, but this was no walk in the park either. The pressure was unbelievable.

Following, was how cold I was. The air around me hit me in a very unpleasant way, causing me to shiver. Was I wet? It was hard to tell, though, as I felt a weight over me.

My hand was being held, whoever it was smoothing comforting circles over my limp fingers. I knew it was none of the Cullens as the temperature seemed to match my own. It didn't bother me. In fact, I appreciated it.

The split second I noticed that, I moved my hand. It took me a few seconds to realize that I was coming around. I couldn't really remember how I'd gotten to be where I was, but everything combined was a pretty decent distraction.

Once I realized I was coming around, my eyes opened. Despite the fact that seeing only made the nausea and headache worse, I had to bolt upright. I immediately recognized where I was.

My old bedroom in the Cullen's house. Nothing much had changed, and thankfully, the empty wastebasket sat right where it had before, as it was instinct to reach for it now.

I flopped back, rolled to the side to reach it, and hung half off the side of the mattress to thoroughly empty my already empty stomach. The person previously holding my hand now held my hair back, fingers gently gathering any strands that had escaped. I was definitely wet, as I now felt how damp my hair and shirt was.

"It's okay now." I immediately recognized Andrew's voice beside me, "You're okay." Should I not be okay? What the hell was going on?

"She's awake?" I also recognized Josh's voice further away.

"Not really." Andrew replied, "She's still got the scent."

I ignored them.

A few dry heaves later, I weakly rolled back onto my back with a whimper. Both of my hands coming up to cover my eyes. I easily felt how damp the skin of my face was, and I quickly realized that I was running a fever. I still felt nauseous, my entire body aching quite a bit.

What the hell was happening to me?

As if that question was too much, I embraced the unconsciousness once more.

When I started to come around again, it was very sudden. A deep, sharp intake of breath, and instinctive movement as my entire body tensed and locked up. I woke to even harder shivering, and a brightness beyond my closed eyes that made it impossible to open them, but that didn't stop me from reacting. I kicked my legs, quickly finding out that I was now sitting in some water.

However, hands held me in the water I tried to get away from.

"Is this necessary?" I heard someone ask, and I recognized Andrew's voice again.

"It's only cold to her because her fever is so high." Esme's voice beside me made me open my eyes, "We need to lower it. At least a little." She was the one holding me in the tub. Keeping me in the water. Blocking my attempts to scramble out of the tub.

Almost immediately, I started to cry. I wasn't sure why. I reached up, covering my face with wet hands, laying back in defeat.

Esme gently smoothed my hair back now. A feeling I'd actually missed for so long now.

"Relax, sweetheart." She told me softly, "It's okay. Everything's okay."

I sat there, taking deep breaths and searching my mind as I calmed down. In my stillness, I very clearly felt a gentle squirm in my stomach. I brought my hands down and covered my stomach, felt another move, and that so suddenly relieved me, I couldn't help shedding a few more tears over it.

The baby was okay. Why did that relieve me?

It quickly dawned on me. Memories flooding back. I opened my eyes again and looked over at Esme. I didn't even give a second thought about the fact that I was naked, sitting in a bathtub full of water. A fleeting thought, mainly just noticing it, but that was it. I had other pressing issues.

I didn't even know where to start. Jack had bitten me.

"Save your questions, honey." She told me gently, seeing my questioning expression, "Until you're ready."

"The baby?" I asked, my voice raspy. Hardly making a sound. I needed confirmation.

"The baby is fine." She assured me easily, "The baby saved you." I frowned in confusion. How was that possible? The baby was just a baby. Not even born yet. Barely big enough for me to feel it move.

Remembering another detail, I raised my arms. Inspecting them for any bruising, or even any indication that my arm had ever been broken. None.

"How?" I asked, unable to help it.

She sighed in sadness, glancing back at Andrew standing there.

"I would tell her." He told her, "Or she's going to go nuts wondering. She's more likely to calm down when she knows everything." She knew this. Keeping anything from me, even the tiniest detail, was grounds for panic.

She looked to me again. Hesitating only a moment before nodding a little to herself.

"We don't understand it much, either." She began, "But.. I can only say what we saw, and what we're guessing. I'll start at the beginning." I nodded, letting her know I was listening.

She took a breath before speaking again, "When Jack bit you, it affected him. In a way we've never seen, but have only heard about." I was following so far.

"Your blood didn't agree with him." Andrew explained, and I looked over at him, "It made him sick." I picked up a slight hint of satisfaction in his tone. That certainly explained Jack's angry reaction.

"Unfortunately," Esme murmured, "He'd also left quite a bit of venom in your blood." That surprised me, so she continued, "But you weren't being turned. Which is also something we've never seen. Your reaction to his venom was.. Much different, and at first, we had no idea what was going on. It was Andrew that pointed it out."

"You're pregnant." He said, "With a werewolf. Or whatever it is we are. Your blood becomes its blood. I mean, the baby's cells mix with yours. That's actually something that happens in every pregnancy, so that's not anything new, but in this case, it made the venom react the way it would with one of us. It made you sick. It gave you a fever to burn through whatever venom he'd left in your blood without turning you."

"Oh." Was I all I could really say. I wasn't quite grasping it, but what I did understand, it was pretty astonishing.

"Because of those cells, though," He went on, "It made it really easy for you to heal. Not as fast as we would, but fast enough that we didn't have to worry. It was how fast you were healing that made it obvious to me."

Oddly, that made a whole lot of sense.

"In a way, it was the baby protecting itself." Esme explained further, "But by protecting itself, it protected you." She smiled a little, and I could definitely see that she considered it to be a wonderful thing. I couldn't blame her. It was amazing to me that this little person inside me could help me so much just by being there.

"This is so different." I mumbled, looking over at her, "So different from a vampire pregnancy."

"I know." She nodded a little, "Our theory is because humans are more compatible to carry a werewolf's offspring. Wolves are born. That's how they further their species. Vampires are made. Humans aren't designed to carry our offspring, as creating offspring was something that was never meant to happen."

"Uh.." Andrew spoke up again, his tone suggesting he suddenly remembered something, "Do you mind if I'm in here? Or would you rather me leave?"

Oh yeah. I was naked. I gave it a brief thought, before I shook my head.

"I don't care." I replied easily, "It's nothing you haven't seen before." His small smile hinted at a bigger one as he laughed a little and looked down.

I had more questions, though.

"What about Jack?" I asked, "What happened to him?"

"We're keeping him alive." Andrew replied, obviously disappointed, "But he's not allowed to keep his arms or legs." I cringed, shaking my head. I hated that image. He spoke again, "Oh, but he was _so_ messed up for awhile. You did a number on him. It really pissed him off."

I looked down. As weird as it sounded, I didn't feel any better.

A light knock at the door had me looking over at it before I could ask anything more. It opened just a crack.

"Sorry for interrupting," It was Mikah, hiding fully behind the door, "But I have a question for Leandra."

"Yeah?"

"Is there any special place that you keep your cell phone charger?" He asked, "We got your phone off of Jack, but the battery was dead."

"I left it plugged in downstairs." I sighed, now irritated at the lingering disorientation.

"Is she finally awake?" I heard Josh ask eagerly from the hall. Josh was here?

"Because.." Mikah went on, "Well, we couldn't find any. We searched that whole house."

"Josh," Esme called, "Get back in bed."

I hesitated, frowning as I thought about something so stupid.

"Bull shit." I replied to Mikah, shaking my head, "It was plugged in right under the table next to the couch. I just used the fucking thing yesterday."

"Sorry, princess." He countered, "It wasn't there."

I took a breath, groaning it out.

"Heather might have accidentally taken it before they left, thinking it was hers." I allowed, "She's done that before." Dammit.

"Okay." He replied, "We'll find you a new one. Sorry." He closed the door before I could ask him about Josh. I took a breath, rubbing my eyes with my hands. I really didn't need to be sitting here in cold water. The cold water had done its job waking me up, but enough was enough.

"Screw this." I grumbled, standing up shakily. Healed or not, my whole body ached badly. Whatever had happened to me when Jack bit me, I was definitely feeling it. Andrew turned around respectfully, and obviously worried, Esme stood up with me.

"Oh, stop it." I rolled my eyes at Andrew's back, "Do I look that bad?"

"Definitely not." He laughed a little, "Opposite, actually. I think you're beautiful, but full frontal is a bit different than you mostly hidden in the tub. You deserve a lot better than having me stare at you."

"Whatever." I said, "I'm not shy."

"You should be a bit more ladylike." He was joking, but continued to stand there with his back turned.

"Kiss my ass." I whipped back at him, only half joking, but I still found the humor in our banter.

"Still." He insisted, "You do deserve better." I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Of course I was flattered, but there was more to it than that. So I just chose to leave it alone.

"You should stay a little longer, sweetie." Esme murmured, concerned. As of yet, I had no idea how high my fever had been, but I knew from how I felt that I was already much better than I was before.

"If I can walk," I replied, stepping over the side of the tub, "I'll live. I'm fine." I easily accepted the bathrobe she handed me. Though I swayed a little while putting it on, slightly off balance, I stayed upright. Of course Esme was right there, so I wasn't worried about falling.

Before I even had it tied all the way, I was walking forward. Stepping around Andrew and reaching the door. Unfortunately, I wasn't as fine as I thought I was. A sudden flood of warmth washed over me and stole my breath at the very same second my vision faded to white.

This unconsciousness was quite different from the last one. It felt more strained to me. I had no idea that there were different ways to fall unconscious, but oddly, I wasn't struggling to wake up this time.

When I was aware of coming around, I knew I hadn't been out for very long at all. I just knew that. It was a whole lot easier to open my eyes, despite how disoriented I was.

"Leandra?" Andrew had obviously been the one to catch me, as I still laid in his arms, except now we were on the floor. Confused, I glanced over at Esme to my other side before looking back up at Andrew's concerned gaze.

"Something's wrong." I admitted in a quiet mumble, and it took me saying that for me to understand. That was why this time was different. This hadn't happened to me in quite a long time, but I recognized the symptoms. To a point.

"What do you mean?" Andrew asked gently.

"Something's wrong." I repeated as I struggled to sit up.

"Uh-uh." He insisted, pulling me back to him. Pulling me safely into his arms as he stood up. I sighed, partially in annoyance, but I allowed him to carry me into my bedroom. I couldn't shake that feeling. Once again, my visions were vague. After all this time working on it, I couldn't really see anything anymore.

"Where's Josh?" I asked before I was even fully settled onto my bed.

"Upstairs." He answered, "He's had a rough couple of days."

"Couple of days?" I asked, "How long have I been asleep?"

"You weren't asleep." He replied, "You were fighting off the venom that was trying to kill you."

"You know what I mean." I rolled my eyes, trying not to let that thought bother me.

"How are you so casual about this?" He'd noticed.

"I learned a long time ago that obsessing over stuff like this will only drive me up the fucking wall." I answered, "I've been there, done that many, many times and it's just a tune I'm not about to listen to again. Now stop dodging my question."

He sighed, "You were _out_ , for about two days."

"I don't remember anything."

"I'm not surprised." He shrugged.

"I need to see Josh." I insisted, and he sighed again.

"He's been saying the same thing about you." He admitted, "He's been pretty agitated since we got here."

"He just needs to know that I'm okay."

"We've told him that-"

"From me." I clarified, "He won't believe you, much less everyone else. He needs to see me for himself. You shouldn't have let him see me like that."

"It's not like we had much choice." He argued, "Besides hog-tying him or duct taping him to the ceiling, there wasn't much else that would stop him."

"God." I sighed, "He must be so freaked out." I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my face roughly with my hands. As if that action could possibly wipe away the memory of everything that happened.

"He's been pretty focused on you." He replied, "I don't think he's really stopped to think about anything else."

"He's bottling it up." I mumbled into my hands, "It's what he does when things get really stressful for him."

"I like the duct tape idea." I looked over as Emmett entered the room, mildly annoyed but still his usual joking self. Josh followed him closely, nearly shoving him to the side through the door.

Josh walked right passed Andrew, making it to my side in a hurry before leaning down and enveloping me in a hug. I grunted at the pressure and awkward angle of his hug, nearly falling over, but managing to brace myself with one arm while returning his hug with the other.

"Easy." I couldn't help telling him, and he immediately pulled back.

"Sorry." He said quickly. He sat down before hugging me again. It was gentler this time, and easier without the weird angle. I glanced over as Andrew stepped away to the side with Emmett.

"I'm so sorry." Josh took my attention again.

"Sorry?" I asked, shocked as I pulled back, "For what?"

"I couldn't help you."

"Don't you do that." I told him firmly, "What happened wasn't your fault. You did what you could, and you were _really_ brave."

"Nobody will answer me." He muttered firmly as he pulled back, "Leandra, what the fuck is going on?" I looked down, "T-That.. That was Jack, but it wasn't. What I saw.. What I felt.. What the fuck _was_ that? What the fuck was he?"

"I know." I nodded, "Josh-"

"Just.." He was super stressed by the sound of his voice, "Be straight with me, Leandra. If there's anyone here that can be straight with me, it's you. I know it's you, and I know you know."

"Just calm down." I told him, "Nobody's going to tell you anything while you're freaking out. Trust me."

"How can I not?"

"I know." I repeated, "It's a lot to handle without even knowing anything, but first, you have to calm down." He took a breath, so I went on, "Stay in here with me for tonight." He'd always been the strong one. Especially when it came to me. I had an opportunity to return the favor.

"Josh." Andrew spoke up, but I gave him a look.

"Are we done for tonight?" I asked, "Because I think we need to be done." In other words, leave us alone.

Before Andrew could even reply, we looked over at Mikah's arrival.

"Leandra," He walked in, "We've got a problem. It's Heather."

"What's wrong with Heather?" I asked as Josh perked up as well.

He crossed the room and handed me my phone. I saw immediately what he was talking about. Josh looked over my shoulder. Of course they'd all been looked at, but eleven text messages were listed in my message folder. All from her, and six from Mike.

"Shit." I whispered under my breath as I looked at my missed calls. Fifteen. She was prone to panic when I didn't answer within three calls.

"We tried calling her back, but she's not answering." Mikah informed me, "From your phone, and ours. No answer."

Shaking my head, I immediately called her back, listening to the ringing as I rubbed my eyes. What was I even going to say?

To my surprise, though, she didn't answer. It rang and rang until it went to voicemail. Frowning, I hung up and called again. Getting the same result.

"That's weird." I muttered to myself after leaving a voice message, "She always answers when I call. Even when I'm not pregnant." Beside me, Josh gave a tense laugh, but it sort of fizzled out.

"Try dad." Josh suggested, "Or Zack."

"Yeah." I agreed, quickly finding Mike's number in my list. To my further confusion, Mike's phone went straight to voicemail without even ringing. Meaning it was off. I left him a voice message as well, asking about Heather's phone. It was even stranger for Mike's phone to be off, considering he always needed to be able to be reached for work.

"If Zack doesn't pick up, I'm going to start freaking out." I said, finding Zack's number next. I looked over as Jasper came in, obviously interested in the situation. I waited, listening to the ringing in my ear. The second his voicemail greeting started, I hung up and redialed.

"This is bullshit." I grumbled, trying to hold back the panic.

"Leandra." I sighed loudly as Zack finally answered, "Holy crap where have you been?"

"Sorry." I choked out around my relief, "It's been.. I couldn't find my phone. Alice had it." I glanced over at Jasper, knowing he'd hear me and relay the story.

"What about Josh?"

"He sat on his." I answered, "And it broke."

"Fat ass." Zack commented, laughing a little, "Hold on. Mom's here." I winced, not looking forward to this conversation. I heard the phone roughly change hands, biting my lip.

"Do you have any idea how close I was to coming back there?" She was _mad_.

"I'm sorry." I told her, "I couldn't find my phone, and then my charger was gone. Did you take it?"

She sighed heavily as well, "I might have. Dammit, Leandra. How many times have I told you to keep that in your room?"

"I didn't want to be without my phone for that long." I reasoned, reaching over and plucking a lint ball off of Josh's pant leg.

"Naturally." She replied, still very sour.

"I tried calling you." I offered, hoping it would help, "And Mike."

"We forgot our phones at Robin's." She replied, "His dad isn't doing the best."

"Man, that sucks." I muttered, shaking my head.

"Is Josh with you?" She asked, "I tried calling his work, and they said he hasn't been in."

"He hasn't?" I asked, shocked as I looked over at him, "He didn't tell me that part." He seemed confused, so I spoke to him now, "You haven't been going to work?"

"I wasn't leaving you." He whispered, probably so Heather wouldn't hear.

"Put him on the phone." Heather knew he was there anyway. I gave Josh a look and held out the phone. It must have been bad, because I could hear her yelling through the phone.

"Okay," Josh muttered, "Just slow down." He scooted his way off the bed and headed for the door. I knew he probably just wanted privacy.

Everyone else followed him anyway, probably off to keep doing their thing, but before Andrew could leave, I spoke up.

"Wait." I called, and he turned back to face me, "Don't go."

"I'm not sure that's allowed."

"It's allowed." I countered, "Because I said it is. Sit." He gave me a look, and it took me a second for me to realize how that sounded. I couldn't help laughing, "I didn't mean it like that."

He allowed that with a small laugh of his own, shaking his head as he carefully sat on the side of my bed. It was silent for a moment or two as I looked around. I couldn't help noticing the way he stared at me. I looked to him as well, and for a moment, it was hard to remember that I was supposed to know the person looking at me. His eyes, the same old brown they'd always been, had changed so much.

"What?" I asked, and he looked down.

"Sorry." He laughed.

"What is it?" I was suddenly curious.

"I'm just.." He murmured, "You don't know how glad I am that you're okay."

"I'm not sure I'm okay." I admitted, "I still feel like I got hit by a truck."

"You lost a lot of blood." He replied gently, "And your body fought hard the last few hours. That soreness is probably going to last a few days, but.. Leandra, you didn't see yourself. If you weren't breathing, as shallow as it was.." He trailed off, but I got the idea. I looked down as he went on, "Then, there was the worry about the baby. Especially after how hard of a time it's had the last few days."

"I have to be the most reckless pregnant person on the planet." I allowed with a wince.

"You need to take care of yourself." He scolded lightly, "Let people take care of you."

"That's long gone." I replied simply, "I'm tired of being the person people have to take care of. I can handle myself."

"I'm sure you can." He said, "If there's one thing I know about you, it's that you're tougher than I anyone I've ever known, but.. There's a limit now. You have to think about things like your stress level. You have to eat, and make sure you're drinking enough water. If not for you, then do it for the baby."

"I know." I sighed, "I know."

He fell quiet for a moment, before he spoke again.

"I know I haven't been here for you." He murmured.

"You've been a little busy." I replied easily, "As much as I need to take care of myself, you need to take care of yourself too."

"But it's my job to look after you." He argued, "Above everyone else, more than any other person, it's my job to keep you safe. Especially from vampires."

"Why?" I asked with a small laugh. That seemed so stupid.

"Call it instinct." He answered, and I understood.

"Because of the baby."

He nodded, "I was almost too late yesterday. I can't do that again."

"How did you know to come over?"

"Again, you can thank instinct." He replied, "I just knew something was wrong. I.. I can't really explain it. I have this connection to you, Leandra. I'd felt it all night, but.. It just got too hard to ignore anymore, so I came running. If it wasn't for Edward, Carlisle probably wouldn't have known to follow me."

"You were with Carlisle?" I asked, and for some reason, that surprised me.

"We all were." He answered, "We were going over a few details with Aro last night."

"That's it?" I asked, "That's why nobody was watching me?"

"Well.." He sighed, "Aro wasn't alone this time. They kind of needed everyone they could get." I nodded in understanding this time, "They trusted you'd be fine for an hour."

"That explains it."

"That's no excuse, though." He shook his head, "I should have stayed behind."

Another pause took place as I let that subject drop, looking around the room. I knew no matter what I said, he'd keep blaming himself.

"This is the weirdest thing." I admitted quietly, "Being back in here."

"Does it bother you?"

"Not really." I replied, "It's just.. Weird. I spent so much time in here when I was a kid. This was my favorite place in the world. Right here." I sighed, "I should have told Aro back then to stuff it. I never should have left."

"You regret living with Heather?" He asked, more curious than anything.

"See, that's hard to answer." I muttered, carefully laying back, "If I never lived with her, there's so many things I probably never would have learned. I owe her a lot. Her and Mike took me in, no questions asked, and treated me like one of their own. There wasn't one time that I didn't feel loved, or felt like I was in the way. Well.." I sighed, correcting myself, "At least not until last night."

"What happened?"

"Josh told me about some of the things that were going on back then that I didn't know about." I answered, "No big deal, but it still bugs me that I didn't know about it."

"Heather.." Andrew murmured, "She's something else." His tone held nothing but admiration, so I knew he meant that as a deeply heart-felt compliment. I nodded easily in agreement, "She's what I always thought a mom should be."

I'd known for awhile that his mother had passed away a long time ago, but I couldn't help being curious about it now.

"Do you remember her?" I asked, sincerely hoping I wasn't over-stepping, "Your mom?"

"Not really." He admitted quietly, "I mean, I might have a small memory here or there, but.. It's like trying to remember someone you never met. Dad used to talk about her all the time."

That reminded me. I paused.

"Does your dad know about you?"

"He kind of has to." He chuckled a little, "Yeah, he was filled in the night I first phased."

"How did he take it?" I asked, sitting back up.

"About as well as anyone would, I guess." He replied, "As it should be, he had no idea anything like me existed. My mom was an only child between her mother and father, so she wouldn't phase, but she could pass on the gene she inherited from her dad, my grandpa."

"Have you figured out yet why you're so different?" I hadn't even realized how curious I was until now.

"Not yet." He replied, "It must be something further back. My grandma and grandpa are from around here, but my grandma thinks that my grandpa's parents were from a different area. She didn't know them all that well. It hasn't been an issue for me anyway."

I nodded a little again, taking a breath.

"What does it feel like?" I asked.

He laughed a little, "Well.. Before it happened, I just felt.. Sick. Not really nauseous, but sort of shaky. It's really hard to explain. Before I got used to it, I felt so hot. I was anxious, but I couldn't settle down. Now, it's nothing. Now I have to be careful, because it's so easy for me to phase. Instinct again." I nodded again, "I think that's why they don't like me being in here with you."

I smiled a little at the way he said that.

"Leandra," He murmured, "I'm sorry. I didn't.. I didn't know any of this was possible."

I frowned a little, "It's not your fault. Don't be sorry."

"At least now I know what made the Cullens so special."

"At least one of you guys do." I sighed, "Trying to explain to Josh, while leaving _every_ thing out was a complete fail. He asked if I was on drugs."

He laughed, "You sure you're not?"

"Pretty sure." I laughed as well, "You know me. I won't touch that shit. The last thing I need is another problem to worry about."

"I do know you." He nodded, "You've always been pretty well behaved. Zack, on the other hand.."

I laughed again, "He's crazy. I just hope he knows what he's doing. He seems pretty lost when it comes to his future."

"He's just doing whatever he can to survive." He replied, "Apparently, teenage years are supposed to suck the most."

"Tell me about it." I rolled my eyes, and he smiled. It was silent for a moment, and I figured the subject was about to change. Of course, I wasn't wrong.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, and I looked over at him, "That night.. In Seattle.."

I sighed, "You want to know why I did what I did." He stayed quiet, and his lack of response told me I was right, "I can't explain it. It's just been easier to say that I don't know, but I think you deserve more of an effort."

"Not that I was against it." He added quietly, "But.. I know Josh isn't too happy with me."

"Can you really blame him?" I asked, "You and I both know it was my idea, and nothing would have happened if it wasn't for me pushing it. I told him that, but I guess he still blames you for giving in."

"How could I not?" He asked with a small laugh, "I've had a huge crush on you forever."

"I've known about that forever." I replied, "I guess.. I don't know why I did what I did.. Maybe.. I just thought.." I sighed with a small shrug, "I was curious. I just wanted one time to go right, and I trusted you to be the one to do it."

"That means a lot, but.. What do you mean?" He asked, frowning a little, "Go right?"

"If you hadn't noticed," I murmured, "I wasn't a virgin."

"I couldn't tell, to be honest." He admitted, "I was just relieved I wasn't hurting you."

"No." I assured him, "You didn't hurt me. All those times I almost backed out was only me almost chickening out."

"So.." He turned a little on the bed to face me better, "You're saying you've done that before? And it went wrong?"

"Not by choice." I answered quietly, "I hated it so much, but I wanted to see a different side of it." His brow lowered as he understood.

"Who was it?" He sounded tense now, but somewhat forced calm.

"You really don't know?" I asked, "I never told you?"

"No," He said, "You never told me."

"There's a very good reason everyone hates Jack so much." I told him, "More than the obvious."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"I wish I was." I replied, "Believe me. I'd give anything for those memories to be nothing but a joke."

"What the fuck?" He stood up, obviously now agitated, "When?"

"Well.." I hesitated, not sure if I should tell him, but I could see that not telling him would make his agitation worse. So I took a breath, "I came to live with the Cullens when I was nine." He nodded, but his eyes darkened, "It'd been almost a nightly thing for three years by then."

He stared at me for a moment or two before he also took a deep breath and held it.

"Excuse me." He murmured, his tone flat but I could hear the ragged edge of anger in there. He turned to leave, but I spoke up.

"Don't go." I muttered, and he turned back to me. Stepping over to the bed, he leaned down and carefully pressed his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes as his hand came up to gently cup the side of my head. Suddenly being this close to him, I felt lightheaded, but not in a bad way.

"I'll make it right." He murmured to me, and I could hear in his tone the effort he was using to be easy with me.

"You can't." I replied, but I didn't open my eyes. It felt too nice to rest them closed. I spoke again, quieter now, "Nobody can. It's okay."

"No, it's not." He argued, "It's not okay. He will pay dearly for every second of pain he caused you. I promise."

"I think he already is."

"Not yet." He growled, and I finally opened my eyes, "He has no idea what's coming for him." Looking into his eyes now, I could see he clearly meant every single word he said. He smiled, but it wasn't his smile. He was obviously trying to ease the concern I felt crawl across my expression. He stroked the side of my head again, "Don't you worry. I won't ever let him hurt you again."

It worried me that I believed him, because it relieved me. I could read in his expression that he read the change in mine. It was the weirdest feeling, and I had to wonder if this was the connection he was talking about before.

I nodded a little, and he immediately turned for the door.

"They might care if you rip his head off." I called after him as he walked out.

"They're just going to have to deal with it." Was his response from up the hall. I shook my head, but sighed. I was used to reactions like his, so it didn't really bother me.

I wasn't surprised to see Mikah walk in, taking Andrew's place with a glance in the direction Andrew had gone.

"He's going to go cool off." Mikah explained, and I shrugged.

"I'm not worried about him." I replied, "It's a hard thing to learn about someone. He really didn't know before."

"You're pretty calm.."

"Should I not be?" I asked, "I've had more than enough time to accept it. Yeah, I still hate what he did to me, but hating it isn't going to change anything. It happened. What can I do about it?"

He sighed, sitting himself down in the spot on my bed that Andrew had just vacated.

"It bothers me." He admitted, "Was all that true? About wanting to see a different side of it?"

"It's true." I nodded, "I couldn't help it. I knew there had to be something more to it than.. Whatever that was. I knew it had to be different with him than what it used to be."

"Did you find what you were looking for?" He asked, sadness in his eyes. I hesitated, thinking about my answer.

"Yeah." I replied softly, "I think so. I mean.." I wasn't sure how much detail I wanted to go into with him, but then I thought about it. It was Mikah. I used to be able to talk to him about anything and everything.

"I mean.." I went on, "It was the same, like.. The basics of how it works, but it was _so_ different. I really didn't know it could be like that."

He smiled a little, "That's how it's supposed to be, princess. Especially when you trust someone as much as you clearly trust him. As much as Josh blames him for giving in to your advances, part of me feels like Andrew should be owed some gratitude. For showing you kindness in a vulnerable time like that." I had to smile a little. I could always count on Mikah to see things differently.

"Thank you." I told him honestly, "I know I shouldn't have done it, but.."

"You did what you had to do at the time." He replied, "I get it. You just.. Have no idea how relieved I am that it went well for you."

"It did." I confirmed, nodding, "I'd spent so much time with him to trust him. If it makes it any better, I would never have even thought about it with anyone else."

"It does help." He nodded as well, "And as much as I wish.. This never happened.." He gestured to my stomach lightly, "I'm more than grateful for its presence now." I nodded in agreement. He studied me for a moment, and I looked down.

"Get some rest, princess." He murmured, standing up. I nodded again, knowing I'd accept his advice without hesitation. I was worn out. With a small smile, he leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

That surprised me enough to look up at him. It was such a sweet gesture, I wasn't even sure what to make of it. I could feel exactly how much he cared about me in the contact, as brief as it was.

He smiled again without an explanation, and turned to leave. Which brought my attention to Josh waiting patiently in the doorway. I could see the slight, almost undetectable tension between the two of them as they passed each other. Mikah leaving, Josh walking in.

"Come lay with me?" I requested of him as I laid down, and he smiled a little. He waited, letting me get comfortable first. I rolled over onto my right side, facing the wall. Just like I always used to lay.

"I don't think Mikah likes me very much." He chuckled, sitting on the side of my bed briefly before turning over and making his way behind where I laid. As he scooted closer, hugging me from behind like he always used to when I'd ask him to, I began to see a problem.

The problem was that I found comfort from Josh. As a brother, in a way, but very different. It was just what I told myself. I cared for him in a very familiar way, and oddly, I wanted to protect him. Like he was mine to protect.

I also found comfort from Mikah. He was such a huge, important part of my life here. He was the one thing that made everything okay back then. The countless conversations we'd had stuck with me. He meant a whole lot to me back then, and when he came back, it was like we'd picked up where we'd left off.

Then there was Andrew.

Of course it began as something that wasn't quite innocent, more of a curiosity, but it had grown into something bigger. I wasn't sure how to describe the way I felt about him. I couldn't tell if it was caused by the baby or if it was just the way I saw him now, but whatever it was, that connection was definitely there. As soon as I recognized it for what it was, I craved his presence.

"You need to be careful." Josh spoke gently behind me, taking me out of my thoughts.

"Of?" I prompted quietly.

"I may not know everything," He murmured, "But I'm not blind. I know Andrew and Mikah.. I know they're different. I would have known it even if you hadn't said anything. The things they talk about, or the things they say.. It just doesn't seem right."

"I know." I sighed, closing my eyes.

"I just care about you." He added even quieter, "I feel very protective of you. You're my sister." His tone puzzled me, so I turned over onto my back to look up at him.

"You're sad." I pointed out, my voice giving away my confusion.

"No." He smiled a little, "I'm just worried. That's all." I averted my gaze, looking down at my hands rested over my stomach, "Just.. Be careful. Please. I don't want to see you get hurt."

As much as his tone made me want to cry, I stuffed the emotion down.

"I'll be fine." I assured him, moving to roll back over onto my side, but he caught my shoulder. Looking up at him, I couldn't read the expression in his eyes this time. Whatever it was, though, I felt it too.

I felt it, and I so suddenly understood that things just got a lot more complicated. It was almost a physical sensation, the way my feelings moved around. Twisting into a new category. Like dust being blown away to reveal something else underneath it. Like I never really saw the whole picture before now.

His deep blue eyes told me more than any word could ever possibly say. His gaze explained more in those few seconds than I could imagine before. He looked at me and I looked at him, this time unable to look away.

"What?" I finally managed to break the silence. He looked so tempted to say something, but instead he sighed and smiled.

"Nothing." He replied in almost a whisper, "Nothing, never mind." He shook his head, but immediately afterward, his focus returned to my eyes.

"No." I said, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." He assured me again, this time more believably, "Get some sleep, Leandra." I hesitated, but eventually nodded. Rolling back over onto my side, I stared at the wall for a moment or two, just thinking about this new dilemma.

As I rested my eyes closed, I quickly decided that all of this could wait until tomorrow. For now, I could just rest. I was safe here for the time being. I was protected again. I wasn't going to let anything screw up that feeling for me.

Josh laid his head down on the other side of my pillow, close enough to warm the back of my head and neck with his sigh. His arm under my arm, rested comfortably on my waist, hugging me against him. Just holding me. Just like he always used to.

I woke some time later, and Josh was still there. It was warm, but very cozy. I found comfort again, and I accepted the fact that laying in my old bed had a whole lot to do with it. I was still in my robe, but that didn't make me uncomfortable. If anything it made me even cozier.

I was safe here. As safe as I could be. It was such a familiar feeling to be here. It was everything I had prayed for when I was a kid. From the moment they left, I'd prayed for this. To finally be home, to be exactly where I was now. Safe, warm in my bed.

With Josh there, the feeling only got better. An overwhelming sense of peace filled me, and the slight nausea that stuck around was easily soothed by it. For a moment, everything just stopped. I gladly accepted the comfort that came with knowing that my family was here, and I could just be there for a moment. I didn't have to fight or struggle to be normal. I could be okay. Nothing was expected of me.

Josh's sleeping breaths on the back of my neck told me he was a lot more exhausted than he'd let on before. Slowly, I stretched as much as I could under his arm, only to snuggle into my pillow again with a yawn as Josh stirred just enough to sigh and hug me back to him.

Overall, I felt good. Much better than I did when I first woke up in this room. Despite doing nothing, this was everything. I just wanted to hold onto it as long as I possibly could. I just wanted to be here.

 **A/N: By now, I'm sure you guys know where I'm going with this A/N. I'm sorry this took so long. Holy hell. I'm hoping things will pick up after the Holidays. I'll admit. Yes, my days do involve a lot of baby. Little KNeu is now 6 months old, and growing so beautifully. He's working on crawling and sitting up. He just got through being sick for the first time like a champ. I'll also admit that I fell asleep twice while editing this. Reading makes my eyes tired. D:  
On the plus side, I think I can finally let her pregnancy progress. Good lord. What? A week taking place over thirteen chapters? I totally could have handled that better. I should be ashamed of myself. I just hope it's a decent chapter. **  
**THANK YOU to my faithful reviewers! YOU ALL ARE AMAZINGLY AWESOME-LIKE! I really do love reading your words and opinions! I LOVE you guys! HEARTHEARTHEART!**  
 **Chapter fourteen is one I've been looking forward to writing for awhile, so I hope it doesn't take another freaking month to get out lol**  
 **Until then, my friends! :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

I couldn't help it. I took most of the night. The only time I moved was to stretch, or get up to go to the bathroom. Otherwise, I laid there and I snoozed.

Until about midnight, when my bed got too uncomfortable to lay in. Then I just moved out into the living room. Josh was still sleeping, so I did what I could to crawl out of bed around him.

"I have emerged." I muttered, heading for the side door. I wanted some fresh air, and despite it being the middle of the night, I knew the early summer temperature would be comfortable for me. I was feeling a little too warm after laying in bed so long.

It was quiet, nearly silent out here, and I just closed my eyes. It was so hard to believe that they had any amount of control over Jack. It was impossible. I refused to believe it.

In the silence, I could hear Andrew's voice off in the distance. He sounded really frustrated, and giving no effort to be quiet about it, so I knew they'd stopped him. Leaning forward enough to rest my arms on the porch railing, I laid my head on my folded arms. It felt good to stretch this way. My lower back was aching a bit, and shifting the increased weight in my belly the way I did stretched it just right.

I could hear that he was approaching just as he stepped from the trees. Emmett by his side across the yard.

"And you can tell Rosalie that nobody liked her 'guard dogs' comment." Andrew went on.

"Aw," Emmett waved it off, "Come on, man. You know she was just having a bit of fun. I think that's a good thing since nobody would let _her_ kill him either."

"And that's another thing." Andrew replied, "Why won't you let me kill him? Just a few times. Don't you guys heal, as long as nobody burns the bits? Hell, we could all have a whack at him."

"What is going on?" I finally asked.

"Shorty," Emmett looked at me, "Reign in your homicidal guard dog, please."

"Sorry." I shrugged. I knew it wouldn't do any good even if I wanted to try.

"Emmett won't let me kill him." Andrew tattled on him like it was the worst crime in the world.

"Sorry." I shrugged again, "I told you."

Andrew looked to Emmett again, "You can't tell me that you don't want to kill him as much as I do."

"More than that." Emmett countered, "You have no idea the things I want to do to that fucker, but _you_ know as well as _I_ do that we can't do that."

"Just once." Andrew pleaded.

"No," He said, "Because if I let you kill him, then I'll have to let everyone kill him."

"Just.." Andrew puffed, "Let me kill him a _little_ bit."

"No."

"Who's gonna know?"

"Esme will." Emmett answered tensely. I took that to mean that she was the one that would enforce the 'no killing' rule.

"Who knows?" He asked, "Maybe she'll want to join in. We could make it a thing. Like.. We could take turns-"

"Stop it." Emmett chuckled, "Man, you're tempting me."

"The person that killed him last would have to clean it up and put him back together," Andrew took it further, "Because that's gross."

"I'm not listening any more." Emmett shook his head, despite his laughter. He looked to me as he ascended the porch steps, "He's as bad as you are, shorty."

"Sorry." I shrugged a third time.

"Hey." Andrew said, "Only when it comes to him. There is no excuse for him to still be living after what he's done, and the more he runs his mouth.." He trailed off, shaking his head.

"I get it." Emmett assured him, "And believe me, I _want_ to give you the go-ahead, but I can't."

"This is stupid." Andrew growled, "How do we know Rosalie's not over there right now, ripping his stupid head off?"

"Because the wolves are there too." Emmett answered, "And I agree. It's stupid, but the answer is no, kid."

"I told her I would make it right."

"So find another way."

"It's okay, Andrew." I told him, "Like I said before. There isn't anything that could make it right. Except maybe going back in time somehow, but that's impossible."

"It's not okay." He insisted firmly, "It's not. I'll figure something out."

I gave him a gentle look, "Don't do that. Don't obsess over him, or what he's done. It doesn't do any good." He shook his head and looked down, "I mean it, Andrew. He's not worth it."

"That's like saying you're not worth it." He pointed out, "That's not-"

"Just leave it." I told him softly, "Please."

He shook his head and turned, making his way back into the trees. I sighed, watching after him.

"I never should have told him."

"Nah." Emmett replied, "He'll be fine. Trust me, I know how he's feeling. The thought for him is still fresh. He hasn't learned yet how all this is supposed to work."

"I know." I sighed again, "I just know he's hurting, and it's my fault."

"He'll be fine." He repeated, "Don't ever feel bad about telling anyone. If you trust someone enough to tell them, then do it. Feeling bad about it only leads back to shame."

"True." I allowed with a nod, "It just sucks."

"It is a sucky situation." He allowed this time, "Just try not to worry about him."

"I can't help it." I replied. I stood straight with a sigh, turning around to lean back against the railing and crossing my arms. It was just more comfortable for me that way. I shook my head, "I don't like hurting anyone by telling them what happened. It's like.. Just spreading it. You know? Like.. I'm already hurting enough. Why would I want to make anyone else suffer too?"

"I get it." He nodded, "But you're thinking about it all wrong, shorty. It's not about wanting to hurt anyone. You reach out as a way of finding more support. Letting anyone in on that part of your life takes a whole hell of a lot of courage. You wanted him to see you. There's nothing in the world wrong with that, because you obviously trusted him for a reason."

"Maybe he just couldn't handle it."

"He can handle it." He said, "Don't you worry about him."

I looked over at him, "Do you have any idea how many times I could have used your advice over the last few years?"

"I know." He sighed, looking back out over the yard. He was quiet, and I could see the regret in his eyes. I hated that look in his eyes, so I decided to try to lighten the mood.

"Remember when I bit you?" I smiled a little, and he smiled as well.

"Which time?" He asked, laughing.

"God," I said, "That was forever ago. Like another lifetime." I turned away and stepped to the side, finding the bench I remembered clearly. Sitting down with a small laugh, "Right here."

"Graduation day." He chuckled, following me, "While Eddy stood there complaining that you were too violent."

"Yup." I laughed, reaching out and resting my hand on the cushion, "That was the night Jasper flipped out about Mikah getting too close." I paused, "That reminds me. How is Cole?"

"They're doing good." Emmett nodded, "We crossed paths with them on our way back here. Dess and her coven has made themselves quite comfortable with Cole's coven. Not that I had any doubt they would."

"And Eli?" I had a soft spot for Eli.

"He and his bunch moved themselves up north." He replied, "I don't think Tanya minds them so much. It makes it easy when they all want the same thing."

I nodded again, sighing. I was glad to know that Eli had found a place.

"What about you, shorty?" He asked, and I looked over, "You've changed a lot."

I took a breath, "I know. I did a lot of changing. When you guys left, I had to take a long look at myself. I didn't like what I saw, but I didn't have what I needed to change. Not at first. After Aro's last visit, he made me see that I couldn't just lay down and quit. He reminded me that life does go on. You and I are both pretty lucky that he showed up when he did, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here right now."

"Why?" He frowned.

"Do I really have to spell it out?" I asked in return.

"Tell me you're joking."

"I would." I replied a little bitterly, "But that would be a lie."

"I can't even think about that." He shook his head, "What were you thinking?"

"Truthfully?" I asked, "I was thinking about the most painless way to do it. I'm a wimp." He gave me a look, so I sighed, "I told you before. I was in a very bad place back then. As far as I knew, you'd all given up on me. What use was I? What good would it do to stay alive?" I paused, leaning back a little and relaxing on the bench.

"But.." I went on in his silence, "After Aro visited me that night, I pulled my head out of my ass and started looking around. I started seeing things for what they were, and I started thinking. About more than just you guys for once. I stopped wallowing, and started swimming. Andrew and Zack were there a lot in the beginning. I owe a lot of who I am now to them. Josh had his hand in it too, but back when I first started school again, they were both there for me constantly."

"That explains why you trusted him so much." Emmett nodded.

"I would trust Andrew with my life." I admitted, "Even before.. That night. And I still do. I can't really explain it. He talks about a connection to me, and I think I feel it too." It was a little awkward talking about this with Emmett, but I knew he'd understand.

"Then that's what matters." He said, "He'll come around. I know he will."

"I really hope so." I muttered, looking down, "I don't know why I didn't tell him before. I think maybe I was just trying to protect him."

"There's that word again." He'd heard that from me before.

"Emmett, there's a lot of people out there that have no _idea_ what kinds of things can happen to someone." I replied, "They have no idea what some people are capable of. I've seen the darkness in people, and I know what it did to me. I've done things most people couldn't even imagine in their worst nightmares, all before I was _ten_. Why would I want to invite anyone into a world where monsters really exist?"

He stood there silently, seeming to study me. He didn't really understand, so I thought of another way to put it.

"After all this time," My voice was quieter, "You have _no_ idea what kind of person you've been hunting. All you've seen is just a hint of what he can do."

"I think I have an idea-"

"No." I said, and he looked to me again, "There is darkness in some people, but Jack.. He _is_ the darkness. Even before he was turned, his entire life was based on causing people pain. Mainly me. He lived for it. I don't think you can imagine it. You don't know how bad it got. The only ones who know how bad it got is me, him, and Edward. He never told you."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I can still see that spark in your eye." I replied, "That small hope that some people can still be good. I never had a chance. He completely ruined my life before I even knew what it could be like to live it. He ruined me before I even knew that what he did was wrong. The second his hands touched me, I was done for. Something was started way back then, and it's pushed him this far. I've done things, seen things most people never do or see. It's bad. You know it's bad, but just _how_ bad it was for me.. I don't think you know."

His expression was stuck, frozen as a mask of sadness and a hint of horror. I'd tried over and over again to explain to him why I was the way I was. I finally had the words to express it now that I was older. Before there was always a solid wall of shame I couldn't get passed. Now, it was gone. I'd tunneled under it.

"As much as he says he owns me, and as much as I deny it, I know he's right." I went on, my voice so quiet the night breeze nearly took it. I took a breath, "When he says things like that, it means more to him and I than it means to you. He's left his mark on me in every.. Single.. Way possible. That won't stop no matter what happens to him, and he knows it. He knows it, and I know it.

"The things he's done, and the things he's made me do.." I shook my head, "I live my life for him, as weird as it sounds. I have from the moment he met me, and I will until the day I die. No matter what happens to him, I will always see him when I look in the mirror. Hear his voice with every thought through my head, see his face every time I close my eyes. As much as I've accepted it, I think about those things every single day, and every time it crosses my mind, I know it ruins me a little more."

The silence now dragged on, and I eventually looked down.

"You live in a world where things are still possible." I mumbled in conclusion, "I live in a world where there is almost nothing worth hoping for. If it weren't for Andrew and Zack.. Every day would just be one more closer to my death. So no. You have no idea what it's like for me, and if there is any way I can keep just one person I care about from knowing exactly what people like Jack are capable of doing to someone like me, I want to."

I paused again before I spoke once more.

"And that's another thing." I muttered, "What I did with Andrew.. Some people might think I'm too young to make decisions like that myself, but.. I can say with honesty that I've seen it all and I've done it all. There is _one_ thing I've never done before, and that was to make it my choice. For once, I wasn't forced into it. For once, I didn't have to be afraid. For once, I wasn't just held down, pinned or moved where he wanted me. For once, it was my choice to do that, and you can't imagine what that means to me. I'm not going to let a little bit of disapproval take that away from me."

I looked over, only slightly embarrassed at seeing Carlisle standing there listening.

"No," Emmett finally spoke, taking my attention again, "I totally get that part, but.. For what it's worth.. I think you're wrong. He doesn't own you."

I smiled a little sadly, "See, the way you believe that tells me that you still have no idea. It took me.. Well, it took me this long to finally stop feeling guilty over what I did or what he made me do. To stop living in the 'what if's or 'should have's. It took work to get me this far, but I know that that's as far as it goes. I can't deny everything else. Just that it isn't my fault how damaged I am."

"You're not damaged, shorty." He replied, "Please don't say that."

"You don't know me very well." I mumbled, "Hurting him or killing him won't fix me. Andrew doesn't get that, I guess."

"I can't blame him." Emmett replied, "I know you say it won't fix anything, but it's definitely a start. You didn't make it any easier to leave him alive."

"No." I said, "If there's a rule not to kill him, I'm guessing there's a reason behind it. Don't bother with him, Emmett. I mean it."

He shook his head and looked down, so I assumed that I needed to leave it alone now. I looked over at Carlisle still standing there.

"Hi." I sighed, "Welcome to the 'Let's Make it Worse' club." Emmett laughed humorlessly off to the side.

"How are you feeling?" I knew why Carlisle would ask that.

"I'm better." I replied easily, "I'm still a little nauseous, and I have a small headache, but it's really nothing major."

"Do you mind if I take a look?" He asked, gesturing to my neck.

"Nope." I answered, and he stepped forward. He wanted to look at where I was bitten. I turned my head, reaching up and moving my hair away from my neck. He gently pressed along the area, and I jumped a little as a certain spot was still rather sore.

"I'm sorry." He apologized.

"It's okay." I replied, "Still hurts a little, though. That might take a minute to go away."

"I've never seen this." He admitted quietly, and I could clearly hear his confusion in his tone.

"Me either." I jokingly said, hoping to lighten the mood again, "I'm just really glad he didn't do more than he did."

"I agree." He sighed, stepping back, "You've still got some bruising, but it's fading fast. Other than that, I'd say you're fine."

"So am I gonna live?" I asked, but he didn't find the humor in it.

"Leandra," He said, slightly scolding, "You very easily could have lost your life. It's nothing to joke around about."

"I know." I dropped the joking tone, "But it's nothing new to me. You heard what I just told Emmett. I wouldn't have been surprised if he _had_ killed me."

Emmett sighed, "Shorty, if your blood hadn't stopped him-"

"I know." I looked over at him now, "I know I got lucky. Really lucky. I'm just not really up to putting too much worry into what could have happened. That's not me anymore."

"You really should." I was surprised to hear Edward as he approached. To my further surprise, Bella followed him up onto the porch from the yard.

"Where the hell have you guys been?" I asked, curious.

"They go back and forth." Emmett explained for them, "Between the wolves and us."

"Because of Ness." I gathered, nodding to myself.

"Usually." Bella replied, "But this time, we've been trying to get more answers about what was going on with you."

"So why should I worry about what could have happened?" I asked, skeptical.

"Because it isn't just you it affected." Edward explained almost gently, "The baby may have had a natural defense against it, but we have no idea how something like that could have affected it. It's not really something that was tested that thoroughly. It's still very early in its development." I allowed that, looking down so he went on, "And Andrew. To know that you were within inches of losing your life really got to him."

I wasn't sure how to reply. I knew they weren't blaming me, but trying to make me take it a little bit more seriously. I understood that, so I wasn't out to get mad.

"Apparently your reaction to the venom was nothing new." Edward added, "It's a natural defense against our kind, and anything else that means you harm. It's meant to keep you safe in the event that your mate isn't able to protect you."

"Mate?" I laughed a little at the word, "I wouldn't go that far."

"I would." He replied easily, no hint of a joke in his tone, "The way he cares for you, Leandra, is nothing light or to dismiss. You are on his mind almost every waking moment."

"How's that any different from his normal self?" I asked, still slightly skeptical. If they thought that that was anything new, they were mistaken, "He's had a crush on me since we were kids."

"It's different now." Bella told me, and I focused on her, "It's a little like imprinting, but different in the way it happens and the form it takes. From what we understand, it comes on much slower, and a lot less intense at first, but from the moment you conceived, you two became bonded. This whole time, he's done nothing but build on that bond and it'll continue to build. It's just going to get stronger. He's never going to look for anyone else. It's instinct for him to stay with you."

Okay, that sounded very intense. It made me kind of nervous.

"Well.." I muttered after a moment, "That explains his obsession with Jack at least."

"Anyone would have had that reaction, shorty." Emmett pointed out.

"It's also instinct for him to keep you safe." She went on, and I nodded. I'd heard that from him, so that didn't surprise me.

"He said that that was how he knew to come find me." I said, "Like he just knew."

"That's the bond." She said, "I wouldn't have expected anything different. That's his offspring."

"Baby." I corrected quietly. That word freaked me out too. She smiled a little, allowing that.

"In this case, it definitely came in handy." Edward nodded as well, "Leandra, I can't apologize enough. We really thought you would be okay."

"I don't blame you guys." I looked down.

"No, you don't understand." He said, "I specifically searched Aro's mind for Jack's whereabouts. Aro truly believed he knew right where Jack was."

"So.." I sat up, frowning a little, "Aro doesn't know Jack's playing him?"

"Aro isn't stupid." Emmett muttered, "He has to know something isn't right about Jack-ass."

"Oh, he definitely knows something isn't right." Edward replied easily, "But I don't think he suspects Jack to be stupid enough to play him."

A thought crossed my mind, and Edward looked over at me.

"Maybe Aro doesn't have to be that worried." I muttered, "Jack's never outright given him a reason. Did anyone forget about what Jack can do? For all we know, he has half the guard on his side by now."

"Even Jack-ass wouldn't be that brave." Emmett shook his head.

"You don't know him that well." I countered, "That's definitely something he would do, and with his ability, really fucking easy. It would also explain what exactly Jack's doing around Aro at all. From what I remember of it, it confused me. Like.. It didn't make any sense to feel that way about him, but I did. I couldn't fight against it, and part of me didn't want to. With Aro given no reason to test the loyalty of his guard, that's dangerous."

"I'll suggest it to him." Carlisle offered quietly, and I nodded.

"You're keeping tabs on the ones watching him, right?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Of course." He nodded, "We're not taking any chances."

"We change out those watching him every few hours." Edward explained, and I nodded again, "No one is permitted long-term exposure to him."

"Speaking of." Emmett said, turning for the steps. I gathered that he was going to collect Rosalie.

I sighed, sitting back. My thoughts were on what I'd just learned about Andrew. It was still hard to think of him as anything other than my friend. Words like 'mate' and 'bond' being thrown around just weirded me out. It was something that crossed my mind a lot, but also something I never gave too much thought.

I always knew that he felt intensely for me, but to hear it from someone else just made me want to run, oddly enough.

"I see your doubt." Edward murmured, and I sighed again, looking over at him.

"I wish you wouldn't."

"I can't help it." He admitted with an apologetic smile, "May I offer you my advice?"

"Sure." I muttered hesitantly.

"Don't fight it." He told me, "In the end, it'll only cause a whole lot of tension, because no matter the way you think you feel about him, that connection to you isn't just going to go away. Of course he's not going to force you into anything, but-"

"It'll just hurt him." I mumbled, looking down. I definitely didn't want to do that, but I also couldn't deny the way I felt. I paused before I looked back up, "Could that be the reason why he was so obsessed before? When I avoided him?"

"I think that could have been part of it." Edward nodded, "Mostly, though, I think it was just a guy thing." I nodded again, taking a breath, "Just keep that in mind. I know you're facing so many options right now, and you've got a lot of hard decisions to make, but I just want you to focus on the fact that you're playing a very dangerous game."

That surprised me.

"How?"

"Why do you think Mikah has been avoiding you?" He asked in reply.

"He's been avoiding me?"

"For the most part." He answered.

"I just talked to him earlier." I frowned.

"You've always meant a lot to him." Edward explained, "It killed him to lose you, and just the thought of just seeing you again brought back a hope in him I hadn't seen in a long time. To know that he's not going to be able to fight a bond like you and Andrew have, well.." He didn't have to finish that.

"God." I sighed, rubbing my face, "And then there's Josh."

"Right." He agreed, "It's quite normal to be unsure, and you have your own reasons for being unsure, but don't underestimate what having hope will lead them to do."

"What are you saying?" I asked, suddenly nervous again.

"Leandra," He murmured, "There's already a certain amount of tension between Mikah and Andrew. I can tell you from experience that it isn't a pleasant thing to face, the idea that someone you care about so much could potentially choose someone else. Added in the fact that they're natural enemies.. You need to think hard about what's going on."

"They wouldn't fight." I frowned, "That's not Andrew. Or Mikah."

"You'd be surprised." He replied easily, "For Andrew, it's instinct to protect you. To be with you. If he notices Mikah has a shot, there's no telling how he'll react." I hadn't thought of that.

"Huh." I muttered to myself in thought, leaning back again.

"Just.." He murmured, "Keep them in mind."

"Leandra?" Josh had come to find me before I could reply, "Can we talk?" He stood in the doorway, almost hesitantly looking around at everyone.

With an understanding and polite nod, Carlisle turned for the door, Edward and Bella following him. Josh stepped outside to let them by, glancing over briefly before looking to me again. Edward glanced back at me, and the hesitant expression in his eyes told me to be on guard.

Other than the sound of the door closing behind them, it was silent. He slowly approached, carefully sitting next to me on the bench. I kept my eyes down.

"What's wrong?" I hated that I felt like I needed to ask that.

"I have _so_ many questions." He murmured, "But first I have to say something. A few things, actually. I'm not proud of it."

"Yeah?" I prompted, glancing over at him.

He sighed, "Where do I even start?"

"Anywhere." I suggested, and he looked down as well.

"Okay." He muttered, "First.. I was listening in. Just now." I looked over at him, "I heard all that stuff about Andrew. I just wanted to tell you that you're being stupid."

"Huh?"

"Whatever all this is about," He explained, "Whatever he _is_ , it saved our asses that night. If his connection to you is that strong, how can you even think about having doubts? Andrew is a good guy. You and I both know that he'd treat you good. He would be good to you."

"I thought you hated him?" I poked lightly.

"I don't hate him." He replied, "I was looking for any reason not to like him, but you know all I really care about is your happiness. I've seen you two together, and I have to say that I don't think there's anyone better out there for you." He hesitated, "Even me."

Surprised, I looked over. I wasn't stupid or blind. I'd seen the fact that he had a decent crush on me, and I'd be totally lying if I tried to tell myself that I didn't return it, but it was something we both never mentioned.

"I don't hate him, Leandra." He sighed, "I'm jealous of him." I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I sat there silently. Not even bothering to try to reply. He went on anyway, "When you're with him, you open up in a way I've never seen before. You two just click. It's always been that way, even before all this baby stuff. It's something I've never been able to do for you. You deserve someone who can love you like he does."

"This is depressing." I muttered.

"Tell me about it." He replied quietly.

"You said there was more?" I asked, glancing over. I was hoping to change the subject.

"Yeah." He sighed, "I can see it. You're falling for it again."

"Falling for it?"

"Leandra, I don't want to lose you." He said, "You're falling for them again, and.. Remember when you lived with them before? I never saw you. That's what's going to happen if you keep letting them worm their way back into your life."

I shook my head, "Josh-"

"So let them help." He said, "But don't fall for it. For all I know, they're about to pick up and move to Tahiti or something, and they'll want to take you with them."

"I'm not going to Tahiti." I assured him, "I'm not going anywhere."

He hesitated, "But you're staying.. Here?"

"I have to." I replied, "At least for now."

"Even after mom and dad get back?" He seemed surprised by that.

"Especially after they get back." I said, "Josh, I have no choice. I-"

"You know I can't stay with you." He turned a little more to face me, "Leandra, I get that they want to help you out, but they can do it from home."

"Because you saw how well that worked." I pointed out, "All that proved was that you're right in the line of trouble."

"I can handle it."

"No." I countered, "You can't. I won't ask that of you. You really could have gotten hurt. If he had turned on you.. You don't even want to know what he could have done. He wouldn't have meant to hurt you, but he wasn't exactly thinking, either. I have to stay here until it's safe for everyone."

"Then you'll be the one to break the news to mom." He said, "I'm not doing that for you." I expected that.

"I'll tell her when they get back." I replied with a nod, "It's better to tell her face to face than over the phone." I sighed, "But I'm worried about what Mike will say."

"What do you mean?"

"When I first came to stay with you guys before, he said that if I stay there, then I have to stay." I explained, "That I can't just hop back and forth between places, and if I were to leave again, I couldn't stay there again."

"He said that?" He asked, surprised.

"Yeah." I nodded a little, "I mean, I get why, but it sucks."

"I won't let him do that." He said, "Because it's not your choice to leave this time."

"I don't think it matters that much." I admitted, standing up with another sigh. I stretched a little, wincing as my left hip popped. Josh looked over, partially horrified.

"Yeah," I told him, laughing, "I pop now."

"That really sounded like it hurt."

"Nope." I replied, "It actually felt good." He laughed a little as well, standing up with me.

"We'll talk more about this stuff later." I said, "For now, I must graze."

"Graze?"

"I'm hungry." I spelled it out for him, and he nodded.

"I'm not surprised." He replied, "You've hardly eaten anything the last few days."

"Especially since being hungry and being _pregnant_ hungry are two totally different things." I said, heading for the door. He followed me inside, through the living room and toward the kitchen.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well.." I sighed, rounding the counter, "It's like having the munchies, but like.. Times a thousand."

"What do you know about having the munchies?" He asked, suspicious now.

"Like you didn't know we got into that stuff." I gave him a look.

"Actually, no." He countered, "I didn't, because if I did, I would have smacked both you and Zack."

"Oh, come on." I rolled my eyes, reaching for the loaf of bread sitting in the pantry, "It's not that big of a deal." I took a breath, "But anyway-"

"Is that stuff the reason you got like this?" He gestured to me. I turned to look at him, "Meaning, were you guys high that night?"

"No." I said with a small laugh, "I made this stupid decision all on my very own." He shook his head, but let it drop, "I haven't smoked for awhile now. Even before I knew about the baby."

"Why would you do that?" He asked, frowning.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked in reply, "Do you have any idea what that shit does for my anxiety? I was having a pretty bad day one day, and I was just a huge wreck, so Zack suggested it."

"How long ago?"

"Uhh.." I paused, thinking about it, "Like.. Three or four days after my fifteenth birthday. That's when it first started. Every now and then up until like a week before that trip to Seattle. That was the last time." He sighed, but nodded.

"As long as it's not like a habit."

"I wasn't doing it enough for it to be a habit." I assured him, "I just really liked what it did for me when I didn't feel like popping a stupid pill that knocks me out. That's all. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not afraid to say that it helped me, either. With that stuff, I could still get stuff done. When I take those pills, I'm a zombie the rest of the day."

He'd seen the zombie me too often, so he knew what I was talking about.

Thankfully, the conversation moved on from there. He left it alone, probably trusting my judgement. I appreciated that, considering my judgement had been in question from the moment it came out that I was pregnant.

"Look.." He sighed, lowering his voice, "I just.. I want to be sure you're being smart about all this. I've accepted that nobody is going to tell me what makes these people so different, but at this point, I don't think I want to know. Just.. Be careful. When I'm not here anymore, please be careful."

His concern made me sad. He cared so much about me, it was hard for him to imagine that I was safe around people he really didn't understand.

"I'll be fine, Josh." I muttered, continuing on with making my sandwich.

"Uh-huh." He muttered, "I've heard that before." I gave him a look, so he went on, "Leandra, you almost died. You didn't see yourself."

"Remind me to light Mikah on fire for letting you see me like that."

"I'm not joking." He said, "I don't know what happened in that room, and I don't know what Jack did to you, but there was blood _everywhere_. All over you, all over the wall, all over the floor-"

"I get it." I winced a little, "I'd like to stay hungry, thanks."

"And you said that these people are different like he is." He went on, "You won't live the next time it happens."

"Thanks." I repeated firmly. He rolled his eyes, "It's not going to happen again."

"I'll be going back when mom gets home." He told me, "You should too."

"I'm here for a reason, Josh." I reminded him, but he shook his head.

It seemed we wouldn't agree. There would be no convincing him, but there was no convincing me either.

True to his word, he did leave the second it was confirmed that Heather and Mike were back in town. I was grateful for that, because it meant I could stay here and make sure things were taken care of before going back myself.

Of course Heather wasn't happy about it, but as she told me before, she wouldn't stand in the way. I hated to admit it, but I was far more at ease here than I was there. I was sure it had everything to do with nothing being expected of me. It took a lot of pressure off of me.

My only responsibilities here were making sure I ate enough and got enough sleep. It was almost like a vacation, but there was no sight-seeing. My days consisted of laying in bed, resting more than I'd rested in years, and wondering about the creature getting stronger inside me. Feeling it bouncing around in there, a subtle nudge or squirm here or there that grew stronger, it seemed by the day.

I ached in ways I wasn't used to when I laid too long in one spot, but it wasn't painful. I just needed time to just exist. To just be there on my own. I wasn't much up for visitors just yet, but the Cullens understood. I just needed time to adjust again.

I needed to be careful, though. I couldn't allow myself to adjust too much, otherwise I'd never want to leave again, but the amount of pressure taken off of me was amazing. I hated to think about it, but I could breathe again. As soon as I stopped fighting against the idea of being home again, my anxiety eased. I desperately reached for that relief.

Before I even knew it, a week and a half had passed. Days had passed, giving me just enough time to hold onto everything I'd been given here, best of all relief. I held onto it closely, clinging to it like a physical object every time I laid curled in a ball on my bed. Keeping it safe. It was mine, and I wasn't letting go of it again for anything.

When the time came, Carlisle took me for my next check up at the hospital. I wished Andrew could be there, to see what I would see, but he wasn't allowed.

It was this ultrasound that I learned that the baby in me was a boy. I wasn't surprised, as it was guessed at the last check up I had, but to have it confirmed was pretty amazing. Without a doubt in the ultrasound tech's mind, it was a boy. The baby that saved my life was a boy. She clearly identified his bits.

He would grow up to follow in his father's footsteps and inherit the gene that would change his life forever.

But for right then, he was just a baby. Only slightly more sturdy than a human baby. Soft, fragile, but giving me what I needed to keep him safe for him without even meaning to.

The ultrasound tech couldn't stop smiling, and I watched her face closely, so that told me that he was doing just fine. She went on and on about how beautifully he was growing, and how great of a job I was doing. It gave me an odd sense of contentment and pride. Despite everything, I was doing a good job, but along those same lines, I felt dread.

I was doing everything I could this whole time not to grow attached. It was ripping me in two to deny such an instinct, but I had a good reason for doing so. I knew by then, with almost two weeks to think about it, that I wouldn't be able to keep him. I knew I'd have no choice. There was no way I was strong enough to raise him myself. Even with all the help in the world, I knew I couldn't do it. Not with the doubt I had in me.

It was a very depressing decision, but it was better to face it now than at the last minute. The only issue I had was actually forcing myself to choose someone good enough to take him. To keep him safe and love him the way I would.

The whole time I was checking out, setting up an appointment for the following month, I was fighting tears. Holding my little envelope of new pictures, waiting for the lady to hurry up and hand me my papers so I could go fall to pieces in private.

I took my packet of papers and left with a sniffle. I found Esme in the lobby with Carlisle, and I knew they could read the expression in my eyes.

"What is it, honey?" Esme asked me worriedly. She must not have been listening in.

"No," I assured her, "No, the baby's fine. He's fine. He's.. Perfect. My due date is still October 10th. I guess giving them the day it happened made it pretty accurate."

"It's a boy?" She asked, unable to help smiling a little bit.

"Yeah." I nodded, "It's a boy."

It wasn't such a surprise for them either given what the baby was able to do for me. Apparently it was rare for a girl to have the gene other than to pass it on, and Leah was an exception.

"Then what is it?" She asked again, still concerned.

"Later." I said, "I don't want to go over it here." She nodded easily, understanding.

Before we could leave, though, we ran into Heather. I knew my decision to stay with the Cullens for the time being had hurt her, but she didn't let on as she greeted me in the entrance of the hospital.

I told her everything I knew while we talked, and with a promise from me to visit the next day, she let me go.

Andrew was waiting when we got home. I easily recognized his white fur as he and two others came padding up to the garage. I looked over as I closed the back door of the car behind me.

"You." I sniffled, looking at him, "We need to talk. Take me somewhere." I wanted privacy. The one to his right grumbled a bit so I looked to him, "You shut up. This is important." The wolf's ears fell, and he looked down.

"Leandra.." Esme seemed hesitant, but I looked over at her.

"I'll be fine." I told her, "He needs to know first." She sighed, but nodded.

Probably as a joke, Andrew kneeled his front legs down in an obvious invitation for me to climb on. With a shrug I moved forward, coming to his side. He watched me while I carefully climbed onto his back. It was very awkward, but I knew he wouldn't let me fall.

"No sudden movements." I told him, scooting forward to sit myself just behind his shoulders, "I've never ridden a horse before." I clung onto his fur, and couldn't help whimpering a little as he rose up. It was the weirdest feeling.

"Please be careful with her." Esme requested, and he clearly gave her a nod. With that, he turned for the trees. Ever mindful of me on his back, I could feel how careful he was being. Counter balancing my weight with his steps. After awhile, he felt okay enough to start to run. I leaned forward, hugging his neck more closely with both fists clinging tighter to his fur now.

I had to admit, though, that it gradually grew less weird the further he carried me. I wasn't even sure where he was taking me, but it was definitely an area that I'd never been before. We followed the river quite a distance, which was pretty neat to experience on his back. His fur was so soft, it was like hugging an animate gigantic teddy bear. A few times, I caught myself moving my fingers against the fur I held onto, just to feel it more. It was comforting, in an odd, homey sort of way.

Despite moving just as quickly as the Cullens could move, from what I remember, it was a lot less unpleasant somehow. Like it was easier to adjust this way. He carried me further into the trees than I was used to going before jumping over to the other side of the river and leaving it behind us. This was definitely different.

Making his way straight west, from what I could tell, I tried to figure out exactly where we were headed. It confused me because there was nothing out this way but the ocean.

It was confirmed a minute or two later when we ran along a large stretch of beach inside the trees that bordered it. To our right, I noticed we had three more wolves with us suddenly. Out of the blue, they just fell into Andrew's stride like they'd been there the whole time.

To our left, the ocean and beach flew by alongside us beyond the trees we stayed hidden by.

I could just see the clouds clearing on the horizon, breaking through the afternoon haze as the waves roared their way onto the rocks. This had to have been one of the coolest experiences I'd had in a long while.

Eventually Andrew broke free of the trees and I found us in the middle of a small group of houses. Literally right on the beach. Maybe five or six small, one story houses made out of a dark gray stone. The view they must have had right from their front windows must have been well worth the storms that roll through here. There were no real paths to the beach like there would have been in California. No fences separating the little grassy and rocky yards. There was nothing interrupting the progression of the natural wood front door to the stretch of beach to the ocean.

He trotted to a gentle stop outside of the furthest little stone house, and I took the hint he gave as he lowered again. I carefully maneuvered myself off of his back, standing on a particularly smooth boulder in the middle of this front yard.

"Hey." I frowned as he walked away, around the side of the house, "Where are you going?"

The three other wolves had stayed back, and it took me a minute to figure out why when Andrew came trotting back around the house with a pair of torn jean shorts hanging from his mouth.

"Ah." I said as he looked to me, "Uhh.. Yeah. You go do that." He barked what sounded suspiciously like a laugh before he headed for the trees.

I stood there for a short moment, just looking out over the ocean. I admired its beauty from here, especially as the partially-obscurred sun hit the waves just right. It turned them a golden color, hinging on the side of orange.

"Oh?" I turned and looked back at the voice suddenly from the doorway of the house behind me. It was an older woman, with very long salt-and-pepper colored hair. She didn't look that old, maybe mid-fifties, but the few lines on her face told me she had seen a lot in her life.

The second thing I noticed about her was her open expression. Her warm smile seemed just as warm as the sun, and I immediately liked her. I could easily tell that she was a good person.

"You must be Leandra." She approached slowly, probably as not to scare me off. She was warmer, more open than even Heather was. She seemed overjoyed to meet me, greeting me with as much enthusiasm as anyone would greet a long lost loved one.

"Hi." I muttered, a bit unsure. She laughed warmly, the sound as comforting as her features were.

"Andrew has told me so much about you, sweetheart." At her reply, I suddenly understood. This was Andrew's grandmother. She had to be.

"Oh." I smiled a little in that sudden understanding, "I, uh.."

"Call me Denise." She smiled.

"Don't scare her, grandma." I looked over at Andrew's approach, thankfully now human.

"She's not scaring me." I told him, "But I wish you would have told me that this was where you were taking me. A little bit of a heads up would have been nice, instead of me standing here like an idiot."

"Oh," Denise laughed, "Don't be silly, sweetie. Please, come inside. Are you hungry? Thirsty?" I spluttered a bit at her questions, laughing as she steered me toward the house she'd just vacated, "Make yourself at home, dear."

She was pretty friendly. A little overwhelmingly friendly, but I knew she was just trying to be hospitable. More than likely fully aware of my condition. I would have easily thought that she'd be upset with me for "pressuring" her grandson into this situation, but she didn't let on a bit.

"I'm fine." I laughed again, "Thank you, though." I carefully stepped inside, giving a brief but thorough look around. The house might not have looked like much from outside, but inside, it was beautiful. It was cozy, warm but not too warm.

Wooden accents told me that stone wasn't the only thing that this house was made out of. The front room, which we walked into, was rather large. The huge, open fireplace was alive with flames, which I credited with the warmth of the room.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" She asked, closing the door behind Andrew, "I'd be more than happy to make you something."

"I'm fine." I assured her, looking around again, "I really like your house."

"Oh, thank you." She replied, looking around as well proudly, "Lord knows it's not much, but it's home." She looked to me again, and for a split second, I wasn't sure how to feel.

"I'm going to show her my room." Andrew spoke up for me, "We'll be right back."

"Oh," She nodded, "Of course. Feel free to let me know if you need anything, honey." I nodded as well, giving her a polite smile as Andrew gently took my hand and led me toward the narrow hallway.

He led me into the last door on the left, and I wasn't really surprised to see that it was pretty small. Not horribly small, but there wasn't near as much space as I had in my room.

"How have I never met her before?" I asked as he closed the door.

"She doesn't leave the reservation." He answered, "Ever."

"But you never talked about her." I pointed out, sitting on the bed tucked into the corner.

"I didn't really understand her much before." He admitted, "To me, she was just someone my dad made me visit every now and then. As you can imagine, we get along a little better now." I nodded, taking a breath and sighing it out.

"Are you okay?" He asked, picking up on that sigh.

"I'm fine." I laughed at his worry, "Just a little tired."

I looked down, suddenly reminded of why we were here. He let the silence drag on for a moment, stepping forward to sit beside me. It was so strange being alone with him again. Truly alone. For really the first time since that night in Seattle.

I frowned a little as I realized that.

"Where are your bodyguards?" I asked, and he laughed.

"They're out there." He assured me, "And if anything, they'd be _your_ bodyguards."

"I trust you." I murmured, looking over at him.

"Then I'll do whatever it takes not to let you down." He smiled, "Besides. I don't think anything you do could make me mad enough to phase." I hesitated before I looked down.

"I don't know about that." I muttered, my tone quieting.

"Oh?" He asked, sensing my mood drop, "What's wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?"

"No." I immediately said, "No, it's.. He's fine. Great, actually."

"It's a boy?" He smiled again.

"It's a boy." I confirmed with a sigh, "But that's not the problem. I just really don't want you to be mad at me."

"I'm not going to be mad." He replied, "I promise. What is it?"

Taking another deep breath, I stood up.

"Andrew.." I mumbled, "I can't keep him." He seemed only mildly surprised, "I really think adoption might be better for him than anything I can offer him. Before I made anything final, though, I had to talk to you first."

I waited for a moment for his reaction. I waited for him to yell, or even look like he was angry at me for thinking this way. This was his baby too. It never came. His mild surprise eased into something very comforting.

"I thought this might happen." He told me gently, "Leandra, I don't blame you for feeling this way."

"You don't?" I asked hesitantly, "You don't think I'm a horrible person?"

"Of course not." He stood up as well, "Neither of us were prepared for this, but before you think about anything else, I think you should talk to my grandma."

"What?" I asked, "Why?" What did she have to do with this?

"You're kind of a big deal to us." He admitted, "Trust me." He nodded, gently taking my hand again and leading me out into the hall.

We easily found her sitting back in the living room, reading a magazine. She looked up as we walked into the room.

"She needs to know." Andrew told her, and she looked down for a moment before she smiled at me. Patting the couch beside her.

"Come sit for a minute, sweetie." She offered, and I hesitated.

"It's okay." Andrew murmured, releasing my hand. I made my way over to the couch and carefully sat down. I really wasn't sure what she could tell me that had to do with giving the baby up for adoption, but I'd hear her out.

"I'm going to assume that you're expressing second thoughts." She murmured, and I looked down at my hands resting in my lap, "That's okay. Honey, that's perfectly fine. It's a very difficult choice, and a very brave decision."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"I know it doesn't." She said, "But.. I'm just here to let you know that if you stick with this decision, I'd be more than happy to take the baby in." I looked over, surprised, "Let me explain."

I glanced over as Andrew sat in a chair to the right of the couch.

"Honey," She turned a bit to face me a little more, "I don't think you understand. I apologize if I might come off as a little edgy, but you don't know how important you are."

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"Before this little miracle," She gently gestured to my stomach, "Andrew was our only hope in continuing our family line. He was the last, and we really weren't sure if he even had the gene. He's one of the last of our species."

"No he's not." I admitted after a moment of silence, "He is." I gestured to my stomach as well, and she smiled.

"I know." She replied, "I can sense it. This little one is the newest hope we have."

"Why is it such a big deal?" I really didn't understand. She pursed her lips a moment, before glancing to Andrew.

"Andrew, sweetie, pay attention." She said, "It's about time I explained something to you."

He stayed quiet, watching her so she continued.

"A long time ago," She began, "Long before your time, I was born into a family of shifters up north. Far north. What makes you so different, Andrew, is where your family line began. My parent's parents were born there, and down the line to your mother, we've always needed to be arctic."

"So.." He frowned, "How did you end up here?"

"When your grandpa and I were just married," She explained, "There was a.. Conflict. A rather large one. I'd rather not say who it was against, but I'm sure it's not hard to figure it out." I looked down, "The women and children were forced to relocate for our own safety until it was safe to return. We're still waiting for that day."

"I didn't know there was a problem up there." I admitted.

"Not many do." She replied, "I suppose our territory was a very coveted one. We lived in such obscurity. We didn't work as closely with the humans as they do here, but it was still our job to protect them." She paused for a hesitant, sad smile, "Of course, I say 'we' as a whole. They provided us with kindness and hospitality when we did visit, and we returned the favor with protection. As much as we could."

"And you came here?" Andrew asked, obviously as interested as I was.

"Your mother was born here." She confirmed, "But a lot of people lost loved ones that day, and for years following. We were very lucky that we were all welcome here. Over the years, our.. Species I suppose you could call it.. Has come closer to extinction due to interbreeding with the pack here. More little ones were born with Quileute features. I'm not surprised, as their genes are much stronger." I nodded a little, "It's been awhile since we've been blessed with a boy to carry on our gene."

"Probably because I'm not from here." I suggested, "As far as I know, I'm full human."

"Is that why I've never met grandpa?" He asked hesitantly, and she nodded.

"Your grandfather was the last one of our family that could shift." She murmured. She paused before looking to me, "Sweetie, you're carrying one of the last of our species. That little one is part of a heritage near extinct."

"Oh.." I mumbled, not sure what else to say. I couldn't help looking down at my stomach, now a bit more rounded. As if there would be some sign of its importance.

"Andrew has made it very clear that you wouldn't want to stay here with us," She went on, "But I must ask you to reconsider."

"Grandma." Andrew rolled his eyes.

"She's too important." She argued lightly, "She's too precious for me not to ask." She turned to me again, "You would be more than protected here. Far safer here than with a bunch of vampires."

"They keep me plenty safe." I assured her, "But.. What were you saying before? You would want to take him in?"

"You could be sure he was well cared for." She replied, "He would be home, with family, and you would be able to see him grow up. Honey, you're fifteen. Far too young an age to be raising babies. All I'm asking is to consider it." I nodded, looking back down at my stomach. Who knew something that I'd never intended to happen could be so important to a lot of other people?

I had no doubts that the reason she was pressing so hard was because she didn't want her great-grandson to be born and raised around vampires. I couldn't really blame her, when vampires were the reason she was here in the first place. Forced from her home to take shelter here for so many years.

It was definitely something worth thinking about. It did sound like the better idea. I knew my baby would be loved here. He would be cared for and protected, just like she offered me. That's all I wanted for him. Oddly, I trusted this woman easily, and as much as I wanted to be selfish, I couldn't doom my baby to a life of worry and running. That was no way to grow up.

I tensed a bit as I felt the baby move, smiling a little down at my stomach. It was like he knew. I knew better, but it was still funny.

"What?" Andrew asked.

"Come here." I told him, and he immediately stood and moved to sit next to me. Before he was even fully seated, I grabbed his hand and pressed it over my stomach. I wondered briefly if he would even be able to feel it, but sure enough, the very next squirm, he smiled broadly at me.

The feeling of the baby moving had gotten stronger over the last week, and it was more than just a small muscle twitch. It was still hard to figure out exactly whether it was a punch or a kick, but I could feel individual movements. Being just over five months now, it wasn't surprising.

I studied Andrew's face closely, committing his expression to memory.

"That is so cool." He smiled over at me, "Hi, baby." Though the baby never made any acknowledging movements, I knew he could hear him.

"If you keep talking to him," I said, "He'll recognize your voice once he's born. He can hear you."

"I know." He replied, unable to stop smiling, "He'll know your voice the most, though."

"Well, yeah." I laughed, "The poor thing can't get away from my voice."

"You have a beautiful voice." He countered, "Just gotta stop _yelling_." I laughed again.

"I'll do my best." The baby squirmed one more time, and then was still. Andrew kept his hand there, though, still smiling.

We returned to his room, and for a short time, we just laid there on his bed. Weirdly, I was okay with cuddling with him. My head rested on his chest, my arm draped across his stomach with his arm around my shoulders. It was such a different embrace than it was with Josh. We hadn't laid like this before, but in it was an understanding. A familiarity that brought with it a comfort. I knew him and he knew me.

He was so warm, it was hard not to melt. I listened to his heart beat strong, and it was almost enough to put me to sleep. He held me tight, but not too tight.

I knew eventually I would have to go back, but for right then, I'd just enjoy being here. I didn't understand it much, but focusing on it now, I could definitely feel that connection I was told so much about. It felt almost like a physical bond, and while we laid here like this, it was relaxed. There was no strain, and it had room to be still. To lay there with us like another person.

I realized the difference now. While we were apart, it was taut. Stretched tight, that the slightest tug would send him running. It comforted me even more to know that it was supposed to be like that. That what I was feeling was normal.

So I appreciated this for what it was, and I had to face the fact that maybe Josh knew what he was talking about.

 **A/N: There we have it lol a little more progress. _Finally_.  
I hope you guys enjoyed this extended chapter. :D I worked hard on it. Not much different on Little KNeu. He's still the same, bubbly little baby he always is.  
THANK YOU! To my AMAZING reviewers of last chapter! YAY! YAY! THANK YOU!  
Next chapter should be interesting. I'm hoping for more progress. I just hope I can do it right.  
Since I probably won't get another chapter out beforehand, I just want to wish all my readers a VERY Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and amazing New Year! (I'm just gonna say it now) I'll see you all next year!  
Until fifteen, my friends!**


	15. Chapter 15

**ImPORTANT NOTE: Vulgar language ahead. Worse than usual lol be prepared for that.**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

I woke up quite startled.

"It's okay." I instantly recognized Andrew's voice next to me in the dark room, "Easy." I took a moment to slow my heartbeat, calming down. I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep. Beyond the curtain on the window, it was pitch dark. With a deep breath, I scrambled over him to reach for my phone on the bedside table, just so I could check the time. It was 10:34pm.

"Shit." I grumbled, laying on him, my chest over his stomach, "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's fine with me." He laughed a little, "I snoozed too. They know you're safe, so don't worry about that." He knew me too well.

"Okay." I breathed, finally allowing myself to calm down a bit more. I just laid there for a moment, closing my eyes again. He allowed his hands to gently play with my hair. It was soothing. I hummed my appreciation, and he laughed a little again.

"You purr?" He asked.

"It's rare," I mumbled, "So enjoy it." He tried to move his hands away, but I reached up, "No, keep doing that." He laughed again, continuing on.

"I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable." He admitted, but I hummed again.

"If you do, I'll just bite you." I muttered, laughing as well. We just laid there like that for a few minutes until the position got to be too uncomfortable for me, so I sighed and kneeled up.

"I have to get back eventually." I admitted, but instead of moving to stand up, I just laid down next to him again.

"No you don't." He replied softly, "You could stay here as long as you wanted. I know my grandma wouldn't mind a bit."

"Of course she wouldn't." I agreed.

"I'd be here with you too." He went on, "I wouldn't have to leave. We could just lay here the whole time."

"I know." I sighed, "But I don't want you to get into trouble for hiding me away."

"Don't even worry about that. We're protected for miles in every direction."

"Even the ocean?" I yawned.

"Well, the shore." He allowed, "But yes. The pack knows how important you are to us. Especially me."

I sensed the feeling of the conversation had just changed, so I moved to lighten it.

"I feel special." I joked, sitting up again.

"I mean it." He insisted, sitting up as well, "I have to agree that you're safest right here. The whole time you're over there, I'm on edge. I can't sleep, I barely eat.. I need to know that you're safe, and this is the perfect way to do that. To just be with you."

"I have to go back." I muttered, and I couldn't help feeling nervous at the pressure he was placing on me. It felt a whole lot like Josh trying to convince me to go stay with him. I was fine as long as Andrew didn't pressure, and up until I started talking about leaving, he hadn't. Now, he was. I didn't like it.

"Why?" He asked, "Really. Why? What can they do for you that we can't do better?"

"Don't talk like that. You know my reasons."

"It's the truth."

I suddenly felt guarded again, shaking my head and moving to climb off the bed, but he reached up and gently cupped my face. I tensed a little in surprise, not expecting the contact.

"Please." He murmured softly. I wasn't even sure how to reply at first.

It was the pressure that made me feel so cornered, but the cornered feeling paired with the unexpected contact made me move. My heartbeat sped up in the dark, and I moved my head away from his hands a second before I scrambled off the bed.

"Don't do that." I told him quietly, "Seriously. Take me back."

He sat there on the bed for a moment, shaking his head. I could see his mind working but he didn't say anything. I stood waiting for probably thirty seconds before he finally sighed and stood up.

"Okay." He murmured, "Okay, I'll take you back."

"Thank you." I sighed, and he nodded a little. I could just see his expression in the dark. It made me feel both bad for him, and a little more nervous. I didn't know what was on his mind, but I did pick up a bit more desperation than I was used to seeing.

"Come on." He said, reaching over and gently opening the door beside me. I wasted no time in rounding out into the hallway. I headed down the hall, and once again, Denise was sitting out in the living room.

"Thank you for everything." I told her as she looked up.

"Oh," She smiled, "Leaving so soon?" I really didn't want to let on to her that anything was wrong, so I smiled.

"Sorry." I said, "Hopefully, I'll be back to visit soon. I'll definitely let you know what I decide." She nodded appreciatively.

"Be safe, sweetheart."

"You too." I returned as I opened the front door and stepped outside, the ocean breeze making me shiver.

Andrew followed me outside.

"I'll be right back." He told me, and I nodded, watching as he stepped around the house. I waited patiently until the giant white wolf came trotting out from behind the house.

"I'm sorry." I sighed as he came to my side and he looked down, "I don't like the pressure." He seemed to frown a little in confusion so I decided to try to explain, "Back in there. Pressuring me to stay pushes me away. It got way too intense, way too fast. Don't do that again." He took a grumbling breath in, nodding his giant head. I figured the least I could do was tell him what he did wrong.

Hopefully he'd understand.

The ride back wasn't as entertaining as the trip there had been. I was still pretty tense, and I just needed to calm down. In my own bed.

I was a little surprised to see Mikah on the porch as we approached the house.

"Seriously?" He demanded before I'd even landed on my feet, "It's almost eleven at night. You couldn't have had her home at a decent time?"

"Oh, shut up." I told Mikah, but Andrew's quiet growl had me look over at him. For really the first time, I could see what Edward had been warning me about.

"Grumble yourself, boy." Mikah replied sharply, ignoring me, "You know I'm right."

"I fell asleep." I explained, "What was he supposed to do? Wake me up?" That seemed to shut him up for a moment, "Cool it, Mikah." Andrew grumbled again, his ears falling flat back in obvious distaste.

"You cool it, too." I told Andrew, "It's okay." He looked over at me, and gently pressed his nose to my neck. I couldn't help reaching up and embracing the side of his head with a sigh.

"If you wanted a dog, Leandra, we could have gotten you one." Mikah commented, and I looked over with a frown. Andrew looked over as well, giving a full-fledged growl this time.

"What the hell, Mikah?" I snapped, "What is your problem?"

"He kept you all day." He replied firmly, "How was I supposed to know that you weren't dead somewhere?" Andrew moved forward a step, but I held my hand out.

"The wolves told you I was fine."

"Like six hours ago." Mikah countered.

"You know Andrew wouldn't hurt me." I pointed out, "Remember?"

"I didn't know what to think, Leandra." He said, "All I know, is that you let a wild animal carry you off into the trees almost twelve hours ago."

"He's not a wild animal."

"You don't know what he is." He countered, "He's dangerous."

"So were you." I snapped in reply, and once again, he shut up. Behind him, Emmett and Alice both stepped outside but we both ignored them. I went on at Mikah, "Remember? You were dangerous too, but I gave _you_ a chance. As far as I'm concerned, Mikah, you have no room to talk shit!"

"Yeah, but-"

"No." I shut him up again, "Go inside, Mikah." Emmett attempted to take his arm, but Mikah shook him off.

"Fine." Mikah snapped, but it wasn't at me. His eyes were on Andrew, "I'll back off, but if you hurt one single hair on her head, I promise that it'll be the last thing you ever do."

"Take a walk, Mikah." Alice told him gently.

"Why are you acting like this?" I demanded.

"Because he's a wild animal!" He replied, "Do you have any idea the damage he can do to you if he loses it for one split second?"

"Funny." I barked, "Jasper said the same thing about you."

"I get that part." He argued, "But look at him."

"You're being stupid." I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms, "The point is, I'm fine. He would never hurt me-"

"Intentionally." He cut me off, "But-"

"The only one pissing him off right now is you." I cut him off right back. Andrew grumbled louder, and my arm instinctively went out to stop any advance he might try to make.

"I came this close to hunting you down myself, Leandra." He leaned on the railing, "I told you once that I would _always_ protect you."

"That was so long ago."

"Not to me." He countered, "He thinks just because he got lucky and knocked you up that he can lay claim to you like you're just as much of an animal as he is?"

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe he'd say that. I wasn't sure how to react, but before I could even begin to think about it, Andrew had run forward. Pushing passed me enough to knock me back one step, and before I could even blink twice, Alice was beside me. Pulling me over to the side just in time to see Andrew being shoved back. Landing to a sliding stop right where I had been standing.

Once again, he was dangerous. From the trees three wolves trotted forward to find his side. One rounding to block his path forward with a growl. Andrew's teeth stayed bared as if he couldn't even see the wolf in front of him.

"Knock it off." Emmett was far from impressed, and I looked over in time to see Jasper and Rosalie joining him on the porch.

"I dare you, fluffy." Mikah was egging him on behind Emmett, "Come on." Andrew now paced, looking for a way passed the wolf blocking his path. Said wolf grew tired of that quickly, snapping his teeth at him, which only caused Andrew to back up a step but also to snap back. The situation was escalating, and I didn't want to see anyone get hurt.

"Mikah, stop it." I told him as firmly as I possibly could, "You're acting stupid!"

Oddly enough, that seemed to finally get through to him. He looked over at me, and I glared at him.

"Okay," He finally said, stepping back, "So that came out wrong."

"Yes." I replied, "It did. It's none of your business where I go or how long I'm there. Get it? You have absolutely _zero_ say in it. Stop acting like a fucking asshole."

"I'm sorry it came out wrong," He said, "But you-"

"No." I cut him off, just as firmly, "Just.. Apologize and leave it at that. You wanna see a wild animal? Take a look at yourself." He growled, but looked down, "What happened to the guy that came in to talk to me before?"

"You disappeared." He replied, "That's what happened."

"Am I not allowed to go anywhere?" I asked, finally stepping around Alice and moving for the porch, "You think that just because you're jealous, you get to tell me who I can spend my time with? That shit don't fly!"

"No," He said, and I detected a tone of defensiveness in his voice, "B-But I-"

"When has that shit _ever_ been okay, Mikah?" I continued at him, "You don't get a say in what I do, where I go, or who I hang out with. Deal with it."

Instead of continuing to argue, though, he turned with another growl. Descending the porch, heading for the yard. I grew nervous for a second, but he wasn't even looking at Andrew. Instead, he walked right passed me and I watched after him.

"Where are you going?" I demanded, "I'm not done telling you off."

"I'm going to go be productive." He growled in response, but that was it. I looked to Andrew watching after him as well.

"And you." I snapped, gaining his attention, "You weren't any better. I don't need you flying off the fucking deep end just because Mikah says something rude." He seemed surprised, straightening himself out, "You kind of made his entire point just now. You realize that, right?"

He grumbled but snorted, looking away.

"Again, when have I ever needed you to stand up for me?" I asked, "Especially over something stupid like that?" He didn't reply, of course, so I went on, "Go home and cool yourself down." He immediately turned and trotted off into the trees.

"Whoo." Emmett chuckled from the porch, "Leave it to shorty to sort out a vampire and werewolf in the same damn breath."

I whined to myself, rubbing my face. With a heavy sigh, I started up the porch steps.

"I have a headache." I mumbled, "I'm going to bed." I paused on the porch, looking over at Jasper, "Please.. Keep an eye on them. Something isn't right."

"They'll be fine." He assured me, "But we'll watch out for them." I nodded, appreciative.

"They wouldn't actually hurt each other, would they?" I had to ask.

"It's hard to say." He admitted quietly, "I, for one, have never seen Mikah behave that way before. Not toward anyone."

"Neither have I." I replied, "I didn't even recognize him just now. I know that's not saying much, but-"

"He's lucky I didn't put him through a wall for what he said." Emmett chimed in.

"No," I said, "I know what it's like to be so upset words come out wrong. He didn't mean it the way it sounded. He didn't mean any of it."

"Mikah was agitated." Jasper agreed with me, "This whole situation is hard on him."

"Hard on him?" I snorted, unable to help it.

"Yes." He replied, "Leandra, he had such high hopes for you. He lived every day with the hope that you would live your life for you. It was all he had. We had no idea exactly what was going on back here, or what we'd find when we did come back for you."

"Maybe." I sighed, allowing that.

"He only wanted the best for you." He went on, "And he doesn't believe that Andrew could be the best choice."

"He doesn't even know him."

"He doesn't have to." He countered, "He sees what's going on between you two, and he disapproves. Jealousy is only a small part of it. He cares for you more than you'll ever understand."

I sighed again, looking down. I felt bad now for yelling at him. It was a difficult situation because they were both acting like idiots. That didn't take anything away from the way I felt about them, though. I had my reasons for caring about them, each different from the others.

"Dammit." I muttered, "Okay, go find him please."

"On it." Emmett replied easily, turning.

"Thank you."

"Uh." Alice spoke up, "I'll go with him. He's very good at making a bad situation worse."

"I can be sympathetic." Emmett replied defensively, "I just don't exactly know what it's like to come in second place when it comes to females-"

"Yeah." She said, descending the porch steps, "See, you can't say things like that."

I tuned them out, shaking my head.

"I know Andrew.." I mumbled, "He's never been the jealous type."

"It's definitely there." Jasper pointed out.

"What?" I asked, looking over, "What does he have to be jealous of?"

"He senses your hesitancy." He replied, "He would always be there for you no matter what you chose to do, Leandra. His devotion is unconditional, but as it was mentioned before, his loyalty is only to you."

"So basically.." I grumbled, "If I don't pick him, he's doomed to be alone the rest of his life."

"Basically." He confirmed.

"Well, that's complete crap." I said, "How fair is that?"

"It isn't." He replied simply, but didn't offer anything else.

"That's not a lot of help." I pointed out.

"I'm aware." He smirked as his simple reply irritated me. He sighed, crossing his arms, "Leandra, can I offer you one small bit of advice?"

"Please." I muttered bitterly.

"You're conflicted." He said, "And being conflicted makes you nervous. Nobody on the face of the planet can blame you. You've had.. An unspeakably hard life, so it really makes sense that you would grow attached to different qualities in different males."

"Mmhmm." I hummed, letting him know I was listening.

"Something like this.. It's not meant to be a burden, Leandra." He told me, "The solution isn't as difficult as it seems."

"Says you." I sighed, shaking my head and looking out over the yard.

"It isn't." He insisted, "This isn't a choice you need to make for anyone else, which is where I think you're confusing yourself. Andrew is a big boy. He'll get over it. Mikah-"

"Who says I was even thinking about Mikah?"

"Do you really have to ask that?" He asked as if it should have been obvious.

"Eh." I muttered, allowing that.

"We saw it coming in New York pretty much after you first met him, Leandra." He pointed out, "If you recall."

"I recall." I said, falling silent so he could continue.

"Mikah has lived without you this long, so he'll live as well." He went on, "Josh.. He's human. The best suited for you, and the amount of love he holds for you rivals even Mikah. All three hold a significant amount of protective emotion over you, and I think it's safe to say that you're responding to that."

"I am?"

"You are." He confirmed, "You bury it deep, but the one thing you crave the most is protection. You try to put on a front of independence, and you try to make people think that you don't need saving, but I can see it."

"Can you get to the point?" I asked, now slightly embarrassed.

"My point is this.." He murmured, "Leandra, you need to make this choice for you. It's not about who you might hurt with this choice. It's always been about what you're most comfortable with. It's not about who you're willing to spend the rest of your life with. It's all about who you're unwilling to live without."

Strangely, that made a lot of sense.

"Besides." He said, "This isn't a choice you need to make immediately. I think you're entitled to take your time."

"Found him." My attention was taken by Emmett's return, Mikah in tow, "I caught him trying to pull guard duty out of turn. Again." I gathered that this wasn't something new.

"You can't do that." I scolded lightly as he stepped up onto the porch.

"I don't like letting him out of my sight." He replied simply. Given his tone, he was still feeling a little sour.

"Yeah, well.." I muttered, trailing off. I frowned, noticing something, "Where's Alice?"

"She stayed behind to help Esme." Emmett replied, and I nodded a little.

We all fell quiet, and I watched Mikah turn away. I felt like I needed to explain some things to him, if only to help him feel better. Hesitantly, I looked to Emmett beside Jasper.

"Can you guys please give us a minute?"

"Sure, shorty." Emmett smiled a little, "Just let us know if you need anything." I nodded, watching as they turned and walked back into the house. I waited until the door was shut before looking over at Mikah. He still had his back turned, so I knew he was pretty upset.

I hesitated, trying to figure out where to start.

"I don't get it." I finally spoke, and he glanced over briefly before focusing back across the yard. I spoke again, "I mean, I do get it, but.. I don't think you do."

"What do you mean?" He asked, and I knew I made almost no sense right then.

"I know what I mean to you." I said, "I know you were just worried. Hell, I've snapped at plenty of people because I was afraid. If there's one thing I know, it's being afraid."

"I promised to protect you."

"It was such a different time back then." I muttered, sighing quietly, "Back when you made those promises, it was like a lifetime ago."

He was quiet.

"I don't think you know just how much you meant to me." I looked over at him, "Back then. It was more than just some stupid crush. I know you were listening in earlier when I told Emmett all that stuff about Jack."

"I couldn't exactly help it."

"I know." I said, "But.. I couldn't describe it back then, what you meant to me. Now I think I can." He glanced over, "Before I met Alyssa, I thought I was too broken for friends and that made me mean, but when I met you.." I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I should tell him this or not. Taking a breath, I went on.

"Mikah, you made me hope again." I murmured, and he finally looked at me longer than a second. His eyes finding me and staying, "That's why I kept saying it was more than just some crush. I saw something in you that I'd never seen before, and as much as I tried to ignore it, I couldn't. You gave me something that I thought was gone forever."

It was clear he wasn't sure what to say.

"But.." I went on, "Besides Carlisle, it killed me most when you left. I know I said that part of me died the night you guys left, but that's not enough. That hope, Mikah.. It died every day. You could tell me over and over again that it was supposed to be temporary, but I knew it. I never believed for a second that you were telling the truth when you said you'd be back."

I took a breath.

"Now.." I sighed, "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about you. That makes it harder, because I _want_ to hope again, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid because you have no idea how bad it hurts to die every day." I fell quiet when my voice broke, despite my efforts. I swallowed back emotion, looking away, "I just couldn't understand it at first. You'd always promised that you'd protect me, and that you'd always do whatever you could never to hurt me, but you did. So easily. It would have hurt less to punch me in the face."

I jumped a little as he turned toward me, reaching up and gently taking my face between his hands. Aside from the initial surprise, I trusted him.

"I never meant to hurt you." He told me, "And it kills me that I have."

"You thought you were doing right by me." I replied.

"But you didn't know that then." He understood now, "You spent so long believing that I could somehow just turn my back on you."

I shook my head lightly out of his hands, "What else was I supposed to believe? Nobody told me anything. If there was any time at all that you needed to be honest with me, that was it. So many things would have turned out differently if you would have just told me."

"We thought we were protecting you by not telling you."

"That was stupid."

"Not all of us have your gift, Leandra." He pointed out. I looked down, crossing my arms as I slowly took half a step back. He sighed, "But that's no excuse. It's not. So.. No more dodging blame. I'm owning up to it now. We screwed up." Hesitantly, I looked over, "We screwed up, and though we never meant to hurt you, we did."

Finally. He admitted that they messed up. No excuses, no 'but's.

"I'm sorry." He said, and the amount of sincerity in his tone almost hurt. I didn't hesitate this time. Turning again, I stepped forward and hugged him. He returned it easily. I know this didn't fix anything, not by a long shot, but it was a good start. I hadn't been looking for anything but acknowledgement. That they knew they messed up, and to not try to force excuses down my throat.

I closed my eyes, emotion threatening to overwhelm me as he turned his head and kissed the side of my head.

"Thank you." I murmured, resting my chin on his shoulder.

"You weren't looking for excuses." He replied, "And you knew the reasons. I should have listened sooner."

I pulled back, smiling a little at him, "Finally someone gets it." He smiled in return, so I sighed, "So.. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay." He told me, "I'm sorry I flipped out. I was just.. Every worst case scenario ran through my head, and all I wanted was to know that you were okay. I'm not trying to keep you away from him."

"I know." I replied, "I swear I never meant to fall asleep. We were just laying there, and next thing I knew, I was waking up."

"I get it." He nodded, "I just let myself get too worked up."

I sighed again, "Come inside with me?"

"Of course." He chuckled, gesturing the way forward for me. I was glad he agreed, just so he didn't try to go back to guarding Jack.

"Where is he, anyway?" I had to ask on our way through the door.

"Far away from here." He knew who I was talking about, "Aside from the ones making sure he gets nowhere, he's isolated."

"Why are you guys keeping him alive at all?" I asked, "I think he's more useful as firewood."

"I agree with you there." He said, watching as I entered the kitchen, "But there's one person who wants to keep him alive until he comes back for him."

I rolled my eyes, "Aro?"

"Unfortunately."

"When's he coming back for him?" I asked, grabbing an apple from the nearest bowl and holding it in my teeth as I opened the pantry. I was craving oatmeal, and I knew there was some in there.

"I wish I knew." He sighed, "It would be rather helpful when it comes to my patience. The longer he's alive the more of a threat he becomes to you."

"Just keep him away from his other parts." I muttered around the apple in my mouth.

"That's the easy part." He replied, "The hard part is resisting the urge to finish him off. He's got a real bad habit of running his mouth when he knows my patience is very thin."

"He plans it that way." I said, "He wants to grate on your nerves like sandpaper. It's his thing."

He kept me company while I made myself some oatmeal, nibbling on an apple the whole time. I hadn't eaten pretty much all day, and my stomach was no longer okay with being empty.

I felt so much better after eating. Well enough to sit with the others now grouped in the living room. Rosalie had finally graced me with her presence, probably since Emmett was sitting here too. I felt better, confident that I'd handled Mikah's issue in the best way possible.

I wasn't sure where Andrew had gone off to. I hoped that wherever he was, though, he was being watched.

Sitting there with them, it was more like old times than it had been yet. I felt no awkwardness, so that made it easy to relax and laugh at our conversations. One conversation in particular landed in a pretty weird spot. Somehow, we'd wound up on the subject of my life while they were gone. I hadn't been so open about it with them yet.

"So.." Mikah spoke up, "I couldn't help overhearing.. Something I've been wanting to address for awhile, that you talked to Josh about.."

"Yeah." I knew what he was referring to, considering where the the conversation had been heading before, "Like I told him, I'm not proud of what I did, but I'm not afraid to admit that it helped me."

"I'm not judging." Mikah said, despite how I knew he wanted to scold me, "But you do have medication for that."

"Right." I snorted, "Because it's so awesome being almost comatose the rest of the day."

"So get it adjusted." He suggested.

"The less time I have to spend talking to that bastard the better." I sighed, "I hate that shrink."

"Why?" Mikah laughed, obviously confused.

"Because." I shrugged, "It's his job to make me hate him."

"That's harsh." Emmett chuckled from his seat.

"Wanna know what's harsh?" I asked, "This is the third shrink I've had to see."

"Really?" Mikah asked, surprised.

"Yeah." I confirmed, "The first one quit a week after she met me, and the second one dropped me as a patient. I'll never know if it was just me he dropped, but whatever. This one I got just after I turned fifteen."

"You made one quit?" Emmett asked.

"I was a little pessimistic." I admitted, "And I took it out on her. I wasn't nice about what I told her."

"Ouch." Mikah muttered.

"They wouldn't even let me stay at the same place to see another shrink there." I said, "I had to be taken to a different place."

"What the hell did you tell her?" Mikah laughed, slightly horrified.

"The truth." I replied simply, "I had an hour to talk at her, and I used it. Every detail. Once I was done telling her everything, though, I gave her my best grin and told her it was all something I just made up on the spot. I think that's what got her. Heather said they almost made me go to a facility, but she wouldn't let that happen." I sighed, leaning back, "But this new one.. I don't like him. He treats me like a person."

"And that's a problem?" Emmett asked.

"Yes." I said, "The last one just used his hour with me to get some paperwork done while I stayed quiet. I told him what my problem was, and he prescribed me the medication he thought was best. That's it. This new one, I have to see every six months, and it's always the same. He just sits there staring at me like he's waiting for me to talk."

"My guess is the old one got fired for not doing his job." Mikah pointed out.

"But I liked that." I said, "Like.. I knew I could talk if I wanted to and he'd pay attention, but I never did, so he respected that. I never complained, so it couldn't have been me that got him fired."

"It's a mystery." Emmett said, and I shrugged in agreement.

After that, though, the conversation took a rather depressing turn.

"So.." Mikah started, "Why did you run off with him earlier? Andrew?"

I glanced over, my smile fading as I looked down again.

"He needed to know before anyone else." I muttered, "That.. I've decided.. Not to keep the baby."

"Really?" Mikah asked, deeply surprised.

"It's the best thing I can do for him." I said, "I can keep him safe as long as I need to, but once he's born, how am I supposed to do that? I just want to give him the kind of life I never had, and to do that, he deserves a real family. Andrew's grandma offered to take him. He'll be with his own kind, and he'll be treated like a prince."

"You don't even know this woman." Mikah frowned.

"I will." I replied, "I mean.. I'm usually good at being able to tell a good person from a mile away, but I want to know everyone who's going to be in his life before I make any sure decisions."

"I'm sure he'll be fine." Emmett told me, "I actually think it's a good idea. He's still with family there, and they tend to take good care of their own." I nodded. He really helped me feel better about it just now. Having him agree with my own thoughts eased me about it.

"New subject." I muttered, "I'm getting depressed."

"So you never really answered." Mikah moved on, "What happened with your dad?"

"Nothing really happened." I shrugged, "He tried to keep in touch, but I just wasn't having it. He gave up before I got better. Living here was only supposed to be temporary anyway, so they moved back to Idaho. I haven't tried to get back into touch with him. I figured I had already screwed their lives up enough."

I took a breath, moving on before they could keep on with that subject.

"But seriously, though." I said, "What is this bullshit with Aro? Can't he take a hint?"

"It's not just about you anymore, shorty." Emmett answered, "Yeah, you're a big part of it, but.. All you need to know is that for now, he's letting us play interference. He's letting us be the ones to pass on messages, but.."

"But.." I mumbled, "Pretty soon that won't be good enough for him."

"Bingo." He replied regretfully.

"Why is this suddenly so important to him?" I asked, looking down, "I just want to be left alone. I mean, I never gave him a reason to come back. I was a normal person, with normal person problems. He says he just thought he'd show up again?"

"Supposedly." Mikah confirmed quietly.

"Knowing him," I said, "That's complete bullshit."

"I know it is." Mikah replied.

"But he thinks nobody will call him out on it, so he can pretty much tell anyone anything he wants to tell them." I shook my head, "So I can't go back to whatever life I might have left until he decides to stop being a lying little douche-nozzle." Mikah snorted, so I looked over.

"What?" I asked, only slightly confused.

"Creative name." He chuckled, "But not nice."

"Not nice, but earned." I replied simply, "And that's not even the worst I could call him."

"Oh?" He grinned, "There's worse?"

"Are you kidding?" I laughed, sitting up straighter, "You have no idea some of the expletives I've picked up over the years. Most of this shit I've always known. If you haven't noticed, Jack doesn't have the cleanest vocabulary."

I knew Mikah was just cheering me up at this point, but I didn't mind it. If there was one thing I was good at, it was flinging vulgar names at people. Either they laughed, ending the argument, or they got pissed when they couldn't beat me.

"What is the worst you've ever called someone?" He asked, obviously interested.

"Before I tell you," I replied, "I demand immunity."

"I'm curious too." Emmett chuckled, "Come on, shorty."

"Okay," I laughed, "Well, the worst thing I've ever called someone, would have to be a tie between.. Dick tickling donkey, and son of a shit-pissing gutter slut."

"Holy hell." Mikah immediately started laughing, Emmett joining in after a split second of trying to hold it back. Rosalie just looked offended and disgusted at the same time.

"If you wanted to go simple, ass cactus, shit kitten, or queef cookie. My regular is fuckface, or dumbshit, because it usually takes work to call someone a son of a shit-pissing gutter slut that you can't afford in the heat of an argument, and you risk stuttering. Which would only come back to bite you on the ass."

"What exactly is a queef cookie?" Mikah laughed.

"Well, how much do you know about queefs?" That only got more laughter out of them. Rosalie just stood up and walked away, shaking her head.

"How much do _you_ know about those?" Mikah managed to ask between laughs.

"What _don't_ I know about those?" I asked in return.

"Any others?" Emmett encouraged me.

"There are plenty." I replied, "Shit and fuck are pretty much universal. You can add those at the end or beginning of anything and make it an insult. Dumbshit, shithead, dumbfuck, fuckhead. You could expand a little, and throw in words like slut, bitch, cunt. Fuckslut, bitchfuck.. You name it. Ass doesn't go well with too many things, so it's a special word. Reserved for only the worst of the asshats out there."

"One more." Emmett chuckled.

"Drittsekk." I said, "It's Norwegian for shitbag or asshole."

"You can cuss at people in other languages?" Mikah laughed.

"I know a few." I nodded, laughing as well, "My skills have grown. Impressed? That's the only word I know in Norwegian. Puta, which is 'bitch' or 'whore' in Spanish. Depending on how you use it. Mierda comiendo puta. Or chinga tu madre, pinche maricon. I've almost gotten my ass kicked for that last one."

"What in the hell is going on in here?" I looked over at Jasper's arrival.

"Nothing." I replied innocently. He gave me a firm look, but I just laughed and looked down. Snorting as Mikah chuckled as well.

"You know Jasper is fluent in Spanish, right?" Emmett asked, and I shook my head, trying to stop laughing. I was very unsuccessful, snorting again before laughing.

"Who taught you all that?" Jasper asked, obviously as disgusted as Rosalie had been, "Where did you learn to talk like that?"

"Yeah." Emmett mock scolded me, "Who was the bad influence?"

"If anything, I'm the bad influence."

"That isn't something to be proud of." Jasper frowned.

"Hey," I replied, laughing defensively, "Just because I know some pretty awesome insults doesn't mean I use them all the time."

"Well, it's unbecoming." He told me, "Stop it." He looked to Emmett, "And you two shouldn't be encouraging it."

"Sorry." I laughed, "I'll stop now."

The conversation evened out from there, taking a less offensive direction.

After that day, I kept waiting for something to happen. For something to give, to break or for someone to show up. Over the course of the next month, the only thing that changed was me. I split my time between resting and spending time with Heather. As much as I wanted to be active in every other aspect of my life, there was only so much I had the energy for.

The baby hit a growth spurt as I fell head-on into my third trimester, and I ate accordingly. I learned at my next check up that his only job now was to gain weight and finish developing his senses and lungs, so I'd be also putting on the pounds as well. I'd expected that, but it still sucked to see just how much I'd gained already.

My back was what was giving me the hardest time, now and then leaving me lying on the couch for hours at a time in irritating pain. As he grew bigger, I really didn't. I only stretched, ligaments stretching and things rearranging in there to make room for him. Over the course of the next month, it became easy for me to feel him moving around, and I experienced his hiccups for the first time.

As time went on, Andrew stayed around a lot more. Mainly outside, pacing along the treeline, but he was there. Now and then he'd come inside as a human, but not often. Like he was getting as edgy as I was. I'd go out and see him as often as I could, but lately I'd been so sore. I was definitely not up to taking a ride on his back to visit his grandma again. I knew I'd have to soon, though.

Now six months and one week along, fresh from my latest check up, I laid on my side on the couch. Emmett sat in the chair off to the side, Alice perched on the armrest by my feet, both watching me. I'd gotten used to that, but this time, it irritated me.

"What?" I asked, looking to Alice.

"Sorry." She laughed a little, "It's just fascinating."

"What is?" I asked this time, my tone easier.

"While you're laying there like that, I can see him move." She answered, and I raised my arm a little to look at the side of my stomach. Sure enough, even under the fabric of my shirt, he moved and rippled the skin just a bit. I couldn't help laughing a little as well.

"Yeah, he moves a lot lately." I told her, "You can feel him if you want." I'd never really offered before, so before I was even done offering, she was kneeling beside the couch with her hand lightly pressed to my stomach right in the middle of a squirm. She probably didn't get many chances to experience this, so I just laughed again and allowed it.

Emmett cleared his throat, so I rolled my eyes a little.

"Yes," I said, "You can too- Oh, jeez." He was so suddenly right next to Alice, grinning like a kid in a candy store. The cold temperature of their skin must have cooled off my belly, because the baby started squirming more. A lump appearing briefly towards the front of my stomach and rolling forward, and I assumed he was trying to roll over.

"You have a _person_ in you." Emmett seemed so amazed by that.

"It's weird, huh?" I laughed, "But watch this cool trick." I carefully rolled onto my back on the couch and stretched my arms above my head. Being stretched out like that almost completely flattened my stomach aside from a small rounding near my lower belly.

"That's awesome." Emmett laughed, and I couldn't help returning it.

"Right?" I asked, "It's cool, but it's weird to think about how that happens." I had to roll back over onto my side, though. Laying like that made it hard to breathe.

I looked over as Andrew walked in, very tense given the way he looked. He was looking straight at Emmett, though.

"I thought you said we couldn't kill him?" He demanded. To my surprise, Jacob followed him in. Both of them drenched from the rain pouring outside.

"Hey, I don't make the rules." Emmett replied, standing up, "I just enforce them."

"Tell that to your girlfriend." Jacob countered, "She ignored those rules. Not that I can blame her."

"Dammit." He sighed, shaking his head as he moved for the door.

"Tell her to film it next time." I called after him.

"Not happening." He called back, and I laughed a little. Jacob followed him, but Andrew stayed. Carefully stepping around Alice, Andrew kneeled beside the couch, right where Emmett had just been.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me.

"Ugh." I replied, "I feel gross."

"You're not gross." He said, "You're perfect." With a small smile, Alice stood up and rounded the couch, walking away. Probably giving me some privacy with him. I couldn't deny the fact that I loved that he was so close. With a smile, he leaned forward and lightly rested his forehead against mine.

I pulled back to sit up with a sigh.

"So where have you been?" I asked him, "Usually you're out there every day."

"Long story." He laughed, standing just enough to sit next to me, "I've been.. Pretty on edge lately. I don't know what it is."

"Me." I answered, laughing a little, "I think you know how I'm feeling." He nodded a little, looking down, so I let my smile fade, "You said.. Rose killed him?"

"I'm sure he's fine by now." He replied, his own smile fading.

"Why?" I asked, "I mean, why did she do it?"

"He has no off button." He answered, "Meaning, he never shuts up. He's constantly running his mouth. She probably killed him out of pure annoyance."

"Oh.." I muttered, "What.. What was he saying?"

"What wasn't he saying?" He wasn't understanding what I was worried about. I stayed quiet, glancing over at him. That seemed to be enough to make him figure it out. He looked down, "Yeah. He might have mentioned a few things."

"Great." I sighed bitterly.

"Of course, we don't know how much of that is true." He added as if that would make me feel better, "A lot of that has to be made up. There's no way anyone would survive that."

"You'd be surprised what someone can survive." I told him, keeping my eyes down, "No matter how much they don't want to survive it."

"Are you telling me that it was really that bad?" He asked, "Uh.. I mean, any of it would be horrible, but.."

"I know what you mean." I assured him, "But yeah. If he's talking about it, it's pretty much guaranteed that it actually happened. Chances are, it's true."

I looked over at his quiet growl.

"Don't do that." I said, and he shook his head, "Getting mad about it is a waste of time, and it's exactly what he wants."

"How the fuck did nobody notice?" He asked. It was easy to hear his anger.

"I had no choice." I said, "I had to make them unnotice."

"That's bullshit." He replied, "One word to anyone about what was going on, and they would have-"

"Yeah." I countered, "It is bullshit, but you see what's going on now. If I had told anyone, not only would he _not_ have stayed in jail, but he'd hunt me down and kill me. If anyone but the Cullens had taken me in, I'd be dead already, and you know what? He'd get away with it. Because that's just the type of person he is."

He stayed quiet, but I could see his thoughts working.

"Take me to see him." He looked over at my demand.

"Are you crazy?"

"Probably." I said, "But I have a few things I need to say to him before he dies again."

"It's not going to happen again."

"Yes it will." I replied easily, "If it's gotten bad enough to make Rose kill him like that, then that means the others are aching to do the honors as well. Take me to see him."

He sighed, looking away in thought.

"Please." I mumbled, "I need this."

"I can't." He said, "I can't put you and the baby in danger like that."

"I'll be fine." I said, "He's in pieces, right?"

"That's something you don't need to be seeing." He argued.

"Then cover him with a blanket or something." I countered, "But I need to say some things to him."

"Leandra, he's pissed off." He reasoned, "He's angry, and he's starving. He hasn't fed in all this time. It's too dangerous. Taking a human, even you, to visit with a starving, desperate vampire would be stupid as hell."

"I don't care." I replied, "Please."

"I'm sorry." He sighed, shaking his head again, "I can't."

I hated to go this route, but I wanted this.

"I'll just get Mikah to do it." I grumbled, standing up.

"If he takes you anywhere near him, I'll rip his fucking arms off." Andrew stood up as well, "I mean it, Leandra. If he sets foot within fifty miles of him with you in his arms, I'll break them off, and I won't be alone in that."

Well, that didn't go the way I wanted it to.

"Like that's fair."

"If he pulls a stupid move like that, then he deserves it." He countered, "He knows the risks, and you're way too important to me to let him toss you to under the bus like that."

"Andrew, you're not getting it-"

"I don't care." He barked, "Hate me all you want to, but as long as I live, I'm not letting you become just another bloodstain on the wall."

"Don't be so over dramatic." I rolled my eyes.

"Over dramatic?" He snorted, "Have you ever seen what a starving vampire is like?"

"Sort of."

"I'm not talking about the Cullens." He said, "They're used to having control over their urges. What happened in your room? That. Times a thousand. You get within smelling distance of him, and he'll do whatever it takes to get to you and he'll rip your throat out just as soon as look at you. I'm warning you, Leandra. Stay away from him."

"Oh, warning me now?" I snapped. I didn't appreciate that word in the slightest.

"Yeah." He replied incredulously, "I'm warning you against walking right into your fucking death."

"Whatever." I growled, turning away from him, "You know where the fucking door is." Dropping a not so subtle hint that I wanted him to leave, I started toward the kitchen.

"Don't be stupid." He blocked my path, "Leandra-"

"I'm stupid now." I argued, "Good to know. Move."

He sighed in irritation, "I mean it-"

"How is wanting closure stupid?" I demanded, "I get that it's some sort of stupid fucking instinct to protect me, but I think you're being a little unreasonable."

"Unreasonable." He snorted, "Keeping you from being ripped to shreds is unreasonable."

"Leandra, he's right." Alice suddenly appeared from wherever the hell she had been.

"God." I groaned, rolling my eyes, "Of course you would agree."

"The rule not to go near him is for our safety as much as it is to keep him alive." She pointed out, "If we're not even allowed near him, what in the world makes you think you'd be allowed to just walk right in there and talk to him? There is no talking to him."

"Then what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"I'm sorry." She replied, "I have to agree with Andrew on this one. You're not going near him."

"He can't get to me if you're with me." I pointed out in return, "Besides. Wouldn't me showing up just torture him even more?"

"That's not the point."

"Then what is the point?" I asked, "He's got no fucking limbs."

"Do you really think that'll stop him?" She asked.

"What's he gonna do?" I snapped, "Roll over to me?" My God, that image.

"The answer is no." She told me firmly, "End of discussion."

"I'll figure out a way." I muttered, stepping around Andrew.

"Just forget about it." He called after me, "Let go." That stopped me in my tracks.

"No." Alice muttered to him sadly, "Why wouldn't you think first?"

"Let go?" I asked, rounding to look at him again, "Let go of _what_ exactly?"

"You keep telling me that it doesn't matter." He replied, "To not let myself do something stupid just because-"

"I'm allowed to." I snapped, stepping closer to him, "You're not. I'm allowed to want closure. You're not. I'm allowed to have a few words with him. You're not. I'm allowed to hold onto the way I feel. I'm allowed to want this. You're not." Every word, I stepped even closer to him, eventually making him back up. Probably so I couldn't hit him and hurt myself, but he backed up nonetheless. I must have said something right, though, because he glared to the side.

"And that's another thing."

I went further with it.

"I don't need _you_ trying to be all macho, and telling me that you swear you'll avenge poor weak, little, old me." I backed him into the door leading out to the porch, where he stopped, " _Poor defenseless me_. That's bullshit. That's _fucking_ bullshit. What he did, he did to _me_. Not _you_.

"I don't need you, or _anyone_ for that matter, swearing anything when it comes to Jack. With Jack, you make _no_ guarantees. I know him better than anyone on this stupid fucking planet. I deserve to see him when I damn well demand to see him. I don't give a single feathered fuck what you or anyone else has to say about it." He stood there in silence while I took a breath, "Got that?"

"Leandra, you're not listening to me." He insisted, finally looking at me, "You're-"

" _Andrew_." I shook my head.

"You're not seeing him." He went on, ignoring my attempt to shut him up, "Like I said before. I don't care who the hell it is. If anyone tries to give in and take you see him, I'll do whatever it takes to rip their arms off at the shoulders. That's a damn promise."

I glared, but didn't bother replying. He wasn't listening, and honestly, I wasn't either. Part of me knew that this would get us nowhere.

He went on, "I don't care who I have to go through. It's my job to protect you, and I'll die doing it."

"I didn't ask for a damn guard dog." I spat.

"Well you got one." He snapped back, "Whether you wanted one or not."

With my own growl of frustration, I turned away again. He wasn't going to give in, and I was just getting more mad the more he talked. Who was he to keep me from this? All I'd ever wanted my whole life was to be able to demand answers from Jack. I had my perfect opportunity now, while he wasn't a threat to me, and Andrew wanted to stand in the way of that. I had the opportunity for closure, and to grow as a person. My own personal progress was being stopped by him.

He just didn't understand. Nobody did. I wanted Jack to answer for the things he'd done to me. I wanted him to admit it in a way that wasn't cocky or fueled by pride. I needed to hear him say it. To tell me truthfully for once that he knew he ruined my life. I wanted him to know what price he was going to pay.

Most of all, I wanted to see him suffering. I ached to see the same pain in his eyes that he'd always seen in mine. I wanted him to know that I held the upper hand now, and I wanted him to know that with a wave of my hand, he would lose his life. I craved to see him beg for his pathetic life. More than I ached for my next breath, I wanted to see him come to the conclusion that ultimately, I'd won.

"Andrew!" I yelled from across the room, rounding once more to look at him, "You don't know how bad I need this."

"What is wrong with you?" He asked me, "I told you-"

"And I told you." I snapped, "Five minutes. Hell, thirty seconds. Please."

"It'll take one second for him to kill you."

"Do you really think he'll be able to get to me with everyone there?" I asked, "You want to protect me? Then stay there with me if you want to, but I _need_ to see him."

"You do get that if he moves a muscle your direction, I'm ending him." He replied, and I saw a break in his resolve. I was getting through to him.

"I know." I said, " _Please_."

"You're not considering it?" Alice asked him incredulously. He sighed, studying me. If this connection was so strong, whatever it was, he had to know just how badly I needed this. I wasn't sure how long I had before he was gone for good, and the longer we waited, the less time I had to do this.

"Fine." He eventually muttered.

"Really?" My mood lightened immediately.

"Fuck it." He said, "As long as I get to stay right there with you, with no complaints from you, I'll take you."

 **A/N: Okay, so I was a chapter behind. I completely forgot I never put this out. I can't apologize enough for that. I would have had this out yesterday, but my laptop decided it wanted to throw a 24 hour long temper tantrum, and I had to reset Windows, try to remember passwords and usernames, and reinstall everything, then figure out why I couldn't use Wi-Fi.. Ugh. Huge headache, but I got it sorted, so I didn't have to Frisbee my laptop off the balcony toward the arroyo.  
THANK YOU! To my reviewer of last chapter! THANK YOU! You're AWESOME on UNIMAGINABLE levels!  
As you can probably tell, I've gotten chapters Sixteen and Seventeen written out. Seventeen is the last of this story. As far as I can tell right now, you guys won't be disappointed. :) It's about to pick up a bit, guys.  
So chapter sixteen won't take long to come out.  
Until Sixteen, my beautiful readers!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"You can't be serious." Alice scolded.

"She wouldn't be getting this worked up over it if she didn't want this, Alice." Andrew reasoned, "Emmett told me to find another way to make it right. If this is what it takes to make it right, then.." He trailed off, turning and opening the door.

"Leandra," She crossed the room to me as he stepped outside, "Don't do this. Think about what you're doing."

"I have." I replied, "And I am. If there's a chance that I can get some answers from him then I'm going to take it."

"You're six months pregnant." She reminded me, "Should you be doing this right now?"

"How much longer am I going to have?" I asked, "If Aro comes for him before I have a chance, then that chance is gone forever. You know that." I looked outside, spotting the giant white wolf stepping from the trees, shaking out his fur. That was my cue to go.

She followed me outside.

"What if something goes wrong?" She asked, "What if you get Andrew hurt?" I paused a step, looking over at her, "What if you get other people hurt? What if _you_ get hurt?"

"I stopped living by 'what if's a long time ago, Alice." I mumbled, continuing on.

Andrew met me half way into the yard, lowering his front and allowing me to climb onto his back. He helped me a little, turning his head to give me a boost up with the side of his face. He didn't move until I was securely seated and comfortable, slowly standing back up. Alice stood there watching the whole thing, her arms crossed over her chest and looking very unhappy.

I wasn't sure how long we ran. This time, I wasn't even sure which direction we went, but it was a surprise that Alice wasn't following us.

Before we even got there, though, our path was blocked by three other wolves. Andrew came trotting to a stop, so I had to poke my head to the side to see what the issue was.

I'd seen one of them before, but the other two really caught my attention. They looked a whole lot like Andrew. The difference in the two other white wolves was very obvious next to the black wolf standing there.

These two other white ones had the same lean stature Andrew had, their fluffy fur making them seem bigger than they really were.

All three stood there, obviously not about to move. They stared him down firmly, and I really couldn't blame him for not wanting to just walk right by them.

There was clearly a conversation going on between them, so I just sat quietly studying them. I watched their body language, especially their eyes and their ears. If they were anything like Andrew, their ears would flatten back if they were angry. I didn't see near the amount of tension Andrew would have, so I gathered that they weren't angry. Mildly annoyed, maybe, but not angry.

After a moment, though, Andrew turned around, pacing a few steps back the other direction.

"What's going on?" I asked him, "Won't they let you?" He lowered down, which I took as a hint to climb down. Taking it, I carefully climbed off his back. I wasn't sure about moving from the spot, looking over at the three other wolves just standing there as Andrew slowly paced away a few steps.

Who were these wolves to stand in the way of where I wanted to go? They watched me closely, and I knew they wouldn't budge.

"Who died and made you king shit?" I snapped at them. One of the white ones snorted, glancing over at the other white wolf. I wouldn't go any closer, but I was very irritated. Crouching briefly, I picked up the biggest rock I could find and lobbed it straight at them.

Unfortunately, I'd always had horrible aim. The rock flew right between the black wolf and the white wolf. Said white wolf turned a little to watch after it, before returning his gaze to me.

"Leandra." I turned, looking back the way we'd come at Renesmee's voice, spotting her easily as Jacob trotted along beside her. Of course, as an enormous wolf. It would have been hard to miss him.

"Hey." I greeted quietly. I still couldn't get over how grown up she was. She finally reached my side, "Can you make them move?"

She smiled apologetically, "Sorry. They're not going to move."

"That's bullshit."

"And Andrew will probably be in.. Huge trouble for bringing you even this close." She admitted hesitantly. I glanced over to where he now sat.

"Why?" I frowned, "I told him to bring me here."

"It doesn't matter." She replied, "It was specifically his job to protect you, because he was the one with the deepest bond with you. He should have known better." I sighed hard in annoyance, "Hey, I'm just the messenger. Alice ratted you out."

"Why am I not surprised?" I grumbled, looking over at the wolves again, "Seriously. What are they going to do? I could probably just walk right passed those assholes and they won't do a damn thing about it. He's that way, right?"

"I really don't advise that." Ness spoke up, "Those aren't the only ones you'll be met by. It's true, they won't physically stop you.. That's kind of what I'm here for. It's our job to get you back home."

"Good luck with that one."

"Leandra.." She sighed, "You're not understanding. You caught the scent of revenge. Now, personally, I can't really blame you. He's a horrible person, and I'm not even allowed to spend longer than ten minutes there, but-"

"What did you say?" I asked, frowning.

"About?"

"I caught the scent?"

"Oh." She laughed a little, "Meaning, you found an opportunity. You're not fooling anyone, Leandra. You aren't going there to talk. There's only one reason why you would want to see him, directly after hearing that someone had finally shut him up for a few minutes."

"Talking would be part of it." I admitted, looking down.

"Now, I know Andrew meant well, but this is just not going to happen." She said, "Sorry, but not sorry. It's taking a highly unnecessary risk. A risk you're not allowed to take in your condition."

"I don't care." I replied sharply, "I have my own reasons, so they're just gonna have to move."

"It's not just your safety they're concerned about." She murmured.

"Well then they can all just run scared." I countered, "I don't give a shit. All they have to do is move the fuck over." I stepped away, fully intending to walk right by them, but my arm was lightly grabbed.

"Come on." Ness smiled at my heated glare her way, "Let's go back home and you can take a nice nap-"

I jerked my arm from her hand.

"Don't you get it?" I snapped, "I won't have a chance much longer."

"Doesn't it seem weird to you?" She asked calmly in response, "This isn't like you, is it? Don't you remember what they told you about Aro?"

"I don't care." I groaned.

"You should." She replied, "Look. Sit down and listen for a second." I sighed, but did as she said. I found the nearest boulder, carefully sitting down and taking a breath, "Okay. I'm going to point something out to you, but don't get mad at me."

"No promises." I muttered, dusting my hands off on my jeans.

"Your bond to Jack is still there." She said, "Like you said. You know him better than anyone on the planet, and he knows you. Chelsea couldn't get rid of that in just one try. Jack just couldn't make a bond out of thin air. There had to be one right from the start for him to build on."

"What the fuck are you getting at?"

"You hate him." She went on, "That's clear, but it's still a bond. It's not really revenge you're after, is it?"

"Huh?"

"You know he's in trouble, and that sent you running."

I hesitated, looking away in thought. Really thinking about what she was saying.

"For whatever reason," She slowly sat down beside me, "You're confusing yourself about what you really want. You're entitled to feel the way you feel about this, but that doesn't change the fact that right now, it's just not a good idea to go running to him."

Out of the blue, all my hatred and anger faded just enough to let the way I really felt through, and I started to cry. Why the fuck was I crying? Of course I knew the answer to that, but I tried not to face it. Holding onto all that anger, something I thought I'd gotten passed came back to remind me that I was just as broken as I always was, and that pissed me off even more.

I cried in anger, and in the pain I still felt over what he did to me all those years. I cried in my hatred of him, and I cried because I knew that hating him so much was only hurting me more. I cried because Jack gave me a reason to hate him, and to keep hating him. I cried because I felt so stupid sitting there just sobbing like a baby.

I cried for the ending of a chapter of my life, and I cried in fear of not knowing what was supposed to come next. I cried over years and years spent with him on my mind. I cried over years and years lost because of him. I cried because I was crying over him, something I always told myself that one day, I wouldn't do anymore. I cried because it was the only thing I could do.

"Aw." Ness murmured, reaching over and hugging me. I couldn't even form words anymore. Choking on my effort to keep my sobbing quiet.

"I'll talk to my dad." She assured me, "Maybe something can be worked out. To give you a chance at what you need, but for right now, we've got to get you back home."

Through my tears, I just nodded.

She let me continue to sit there for a moment longer, allowing me a chance to get more of a grip on my emotions before standing up and helping me to my feet. I looked over at Andrew expectantly, and he instantly stood up.

He reached my side, gently nosing my cheek. The way he always did now when he knew I was upset.

"I know." I sniffled, "You tried." I hugged him back briefly before he raised his head and looked back.

"Mikah's coming." Ness translated his distraction, "Andrew has to stay here, so Mikah's going to take you back."

"I thought it was your job?"

"I don't think you'd want Jake to carry you back." She replied with a small smile.

"Not really." I mumbled, absentmindedly running my fingers through the fur on Andrew's shoulder. Once again, I found the feeling of it comforting. Like a live, gigantic teddy bear.

I looked over at the sound of Mikah's sigh. He stood there, shaking his head. Looking up at Andrew, I removed my hand from his fur almost hesitantly.

"Nice job." Mikah told him sarcastically, "Really. Bone-head."

"Mikah, stop." I mumbled over Andrew's light growl beside me, "He was just trying to help me."

"Yeah." He replied, still sarcastically, "He's a smart one. Whisking his heavily pregnant girlfriend off to greet certain death because he wasn't man enough to say no."

"You're not helping." I snapped this time, but Andrew only growled louder. Raising his hands, Mikah shut up with another shake of his head.

I looked back up at Andrew, sighing, "Don't listen to him. You were trying to help me. The only one trying to help me." Hesitantly, he tore his glare away from Mikah to look back down at me, "We've got to talk later. Come see me when you can."

He grumbled his agreement, nosing my cheek again briefly before stepping back.

"One word of advice." Mikah told him, coming to my side, "She's known to fly off the handle now and then. Typically when she wants something like this, it's best to just wait it out. Wait until she's thinking rationally again. Otherwise you get everyone all in an uproar, and what does that get us?"

"I think we should get going." Ness spoke up again, "On the grounds that you guys hate each other."

"I agree." I muttered.

Thankfully, he listened, and carried me home. It was hard to leave the spot we'd just been, but once we actually got home, I realized that they were right. Rushing in probably wasn't the best move.

I let my emotions get the better of me, and that was stupid.

"Stop antagonizing him, Mikah." I snapped the second we got inside, "I don't care if you don't like him." Ness perched herself on a seat back by the window, silently watching us.

"It's hard to like the kid when he's constantly screwing up." He replied easily, "Way I see it, he's got one more chance. If he puts you in danger one more time-"

"Oh, stop it." I rolled my eyes, sighing as I sat down on the couch. Wincing as I leaned back. It felt good to lay back, but hurt at the same time.

With a sigh of his own, Mikah stepped forward. Kneeling down, he lifted my legs for me and placed them on the couch for me. I squirmed a bit, rolling onto my right side before I found a comfortable spot that worked.

"Thanks." I mumbled, and he smiled a little.

His tone was calmer as he spoke now, "What were you thinking?" I looked down at my hand rested over my stomach, "Princess, I'm all for personal growth, but God, you have to be smarter about it. You can't let your emotions get the better of you. Especially right now."

"I know." I sighed shamefully.

"And I know you think I have some sort of personal vendetta against Andrew." He went on, "And I might, but.. He really failed you today. I don't care how much you begged him. He has this really bad habit of giving in when he really shouldn't."

"In his defense," Alice piped up from where she suddenly stood, "He tried. She was pretty ruthless."

"Snitch." I grumbled to myself. I couldn't really be mad at her. Not only would I have instantly regretted seeing Jack like that, but if they had reason to worry, then I probably did too.

"For what it's worth, I agree with Mikah." Ness added from her seat, "He failed hard."

"If I would have physically stopped you myself, you probably would have overreacted and gotten yourself hurt." Alice told me, "I'm just not comfortable restraining you in your current condition-"

" _Condition_." I scoffed, "God, I'm not dying of some disease."

She went on, ignoring my retort, "So I did what I could to stop you. You weren't listening."

"How is that anything new?" I asked, readjusting how I laid. I was really aching now, and just generally very uncomfortable.

"Don't try to change the-"

"Can we shut up for a second?" I asked quietly, leaving my eyes shut. Thankfully, she did as I asked, but the first deep, slow breath I took caught their attention.

"Are you okay?" Mikah asked, and I opened my eyes.

"Yeah." I mumbled, "I'm just.." I really wasn't sure how to answer. I scooted around carefully, desperately trying to make the discomfort ease.

"What is it?" Alice asked, "Leandra?"

"I don't know." I replied, "It sort of comes and goes."

"Call Carlisle." Mikah looked up, and Alice instantly turned.

"No." I protested, "It's nothing that bad. You don't need to bother him." But nobody was listening. So I just closed my eyes and focused on relaxing.

It couldn't have been more than a few minutes before Carlisle showed up. Being given those few minutes, though, I was able to relax enough and the discomfort stopped for the most part. I still ached, but in a way I was more used to.

It was quickly determined that both the baby and I were fine. What I was feeling before was probably something called 'Braxton Hicks contractions'. Or practice contractions. It was my body's way of preparing itself for birth in a couple of months, and had nothing to do with the little field trip I'd just taken.

That sure didn't feel anything like it seemed it would. It was weird, but definitely not as painful as I thought a contraction would be. I wasn't stupid though. I knew the real thing would be a lot harder.

Despite the fact that it hadn't been anything major, Carlisle insisted that I get more thorough rest. Meaning, stop laying on the hard couch. I wasn't complaining, and almost gladly waddled to my room.

I woke awhile later to Andrew showing up. We laid on my bed, and talked quietly in the dark of my room, which seemed more peaceful. It was this way that I learned who those two other white wolves were. Besides Andrew himself, those were two of the last remaining northern pack. Sons and grandsons of the original pack members. Altogether, there were five that could phase. Counting Andrew.

I hadn't known it was _that_ bad.

"Maybe we can help." I suggested quietly, "How many vampires were there?"

"No." He replied quietly, "They wouldn't accept any help. Before you ask, no. Nobody knows the ones who did this. They seem to be keeping to themselves, but.. It still makes me sad, knowing everyone was forced out of their own territory. They were a small pack to begin with."

"Were you in a lot of trouble?" I asked hesitantly.

"A bit." He allowed, sighing, "But I deserved it. I never should have given in."

"What did they say?"

"That I needed to do a better job of protecting my heir." He replied, "Obviously, this isn't something that can just happen every day. They're expecting one more phase soon, but after that, the three other heirs are female and far too young to protect themselves. He's the next male to be born." He sighed, "I know I'm not related to them, but somehow.. We're still family. If that makes sense."

"You share something with them." I mumbled, my eyes closed, "It makes a lot of sense that you'd think of them as family."

"So in a way," He went on quietly, "They're all counting on you, too. Not to pressure you, or anything."

"Oh, no pressure." I joked lightly, turning over onto my back and looking up at him, "I'm only personally responsible for the next heir of a near-extinct pack of shape-shifters that are depending on me to continue their bloodline."

"No pressure at all." He chuckled, leaning down and lightly touching his forehead to the side of my head. He gently placed his arm over me, cuddling me softly as we both clearly felt a kick. I knew it was as comforting to him to feel that as it was to me. Knowing the baby was doing well enough in there to grace us with his movements was a very comforting thing.

He pulled back just enough to lean down and lightly kiss my stomach. I actually couldn't even begin to comprehend how incredibly sweet that simple action was at first, watching him in the dark as he gently held my belly between his firm hands.

"Don't worry, little man." He spoke softly to my belly, his voice a soothing murmur, "I'll protect you. As long as I'm alive, you and mommy will be just fine. You just work on getting bigger and stronger."

I almost died. The cuteness was too much. I didn't feel any acknowledging movements, but that didn't matter much. I knew the baby heard him. I'd never really stopped to think about Andrew, or his take on this whole situation before. It was now clear to me that he cared about this baby just as much as I did, and it wasn't only just about his instinct to be protective.

Somehow, though, it just made sense. Just like with him and his pack, we shared something together. The baby bound us together with a neat little bow. As weird as it was to think about, it was also pretty amazing.

Once the initial cuteness faded a bit, it made me sad. He knew I was pretty decided in giving him away, yet he called me the baby's mommy. I knew technically, I was his mom, but I wouldn't be raising him.

He looked up at me, and smiled. I did my best to smile as convincingly as I could in return.

Nestled together, he held me as we slept that night. Oddly, I didn't feel the restlessness I usually felt while he held me. Just like before. I appreciated his presence more than I was sure he knew, and I knew that what eased me, eased the baby. A calm mom meant calm baby, so in a way, Andrew was helping the both of us just by being here.

I cuddled closer to him, on my side and facing his bare chest. He had a distinct scent I had a feeling wasn't his cologne. I breathed it in deeply as often as I remembered to until I knew I'd gotten used to it and I drifted off to sleep.

It concerned me to realize that I was no longer as against being considered his mate as I was before. That meant I was coming around to the idea. Getting used to it. I wasn't sure if it was the pregnancy hormones, but the word now had a certain ring to it.

Mate.

It somehow meant more than what we'd started off as. More than just two curious friends getting ourselves into a situation we really shouldn't have. It was more than what it was. It also concerned me to realize that there was more to how I felt than I noticed before. A whole other side to things that I never let myself see before.

It very well could have been the pregnancy hormones. It would make sense. His instinct to protect me was a powerful one, so it would make sense that I'd have the instinct to _be_ protected by him. A mutual, unspoken understanding communicated only by a few subtle changes in us.

I woke slowly in the morning to the feeling of my hair being gently played with. Even with my puny human senses, I could smell that it was Andrew still laying there, so I could leave my eyes shut and know it was him.

After a moment, though, I stirred.

"Stop." I mumbled, reaching up and rubbing my face, "You're making it tickle my face."

"Sorry." He chuckled, and I snuggled closer to him. My arms folded up against my chest, my head tucked under his chin.

"You're warm." I sighed, my eyes still closed.

"Are you cold?" He asked, wrapping his arms more securely around me.

"For now." I smiled a little, "Give it a minute. I'll be burning alive. Uncomfortably overheated is my normal temperature."

He laughed, "I don't want to make you too hot."

"Then I'll just go hug Mikah." I said, "It'll be fine." He laughed again, thankfully not taking offense to that.

We laid there for another few minutes in silence until I sighed and moved. Rolling away onto my back, stretching briefly before sitting up.

"Move." I kicked his leg, "I gotta pee." Chuckling, he did as I asked. Standing and helping me to my feet.

After that day, things calmed down and sped up at the same time.

Thankfully, my birthday was something not overly celebrated in July. By that time, I really wasn't feeling that up to partying, so it was just a small group. I spent some of the day with Heather at her house before returning home with a headache and slight nausea caused by said headache. Officially sixteen now, I didn't feel any different.

August came and went with nothing remarkable to note. More of the same routine. More unflattering and deeply uncomfortable side effects of my condition decided to grace me with their presence. Of course it was decided that I wasn't going to be heading back to school. There was no way I could with so much on my plate already.

September began with a lot of rain, and a weird mix of extreme fatigue and restlessness. I was so tired, yet I was far too uncomfortable to fall asleep. I had a month left of this pregnancy, and I had yet to visit with Andrew's grandma again. I was running out of time, but I really wasn't up to going anywhere and I knew there was no way she would come here, so I wasn't sure what to do. Then again, I wasn't spending too much energy trying to figure it out, either. I was pretty busy being stuck in my pit of despair. My body turning against me in some sick game of tug-of-war for space and, at times, breath.

I hadn't felt any more of those practice contractions, but I was always on edge, waiting for it to happen again. I was told that those things happen all the time. I just don't feel it. I was also told the difference those contractions and real contractions. Real ones were consistent, those weren't. Real ones increased in intensity as time went on, those didn't. Real ones would be far more uncomfortable.

Oh, what a concept. More discomfort.

It made me nervous, though, because that meant they were watching me for signs that the pregnancy was almost over, which it was. I'd noticed it for a few weeks now, every gripe and moan from me was met with at least three different pairs of eyes. When I turned out to be okay, they relaxed somewhat.

But I was far from okay.

I couldn't sleep, but I snoozed the best I could. Laying there, focusing on my breathing and praying for sleep. I felt so tired, and even standing up caused me pain. Laying down was uncomfortable, standing up for any real length of time was impossible. There was a whole lot of pressure in places I really wasn't used to feeling.

At my last appointment, I was told that the baby now weighed close to seven pounds. It wasn't too heavy of a baby, but heavy enough to cause me plenty of issues. I was also told that he had 'dropped', meaning he was getting himself into position. Which was a pretty big sign that things were getting close. He was just chilling in there, head down, head-butting my bladder every chance he got and smashing it to smithereens every time he turned his head.

Andrew now followed me around literally like a lost little puppy. It wouldn't have bugged me so badly if I wasn't constantly aching and sleep-deprived. Constant heartburn and having to pee every time the baby moved. I found myself snapping at him a lot, but he held out. Along with everyone else, he held out.

Space was getting tight, and I really wasn't sure how much longer I could keep doing this. It was easily the hardest thing I'd ever had to go through, purely for the length of time I was being forced to be uncomfortable.

I was now less than a month away from my due date, October 10th, and that really made a difference in what I was allowed to do.

About a week into my last month of pregnancy, I laid in my bed. Desperately trying to get some sort of sleep, but the baby kicking was making it almost impossible. He was particularly active today, which only made it harder. Andrew laid with me, tucked behind me like an extra blanket. Our backs to the door. It was silent in the room, and I was almost asleep.

I was feeling very off, and I made sure everyone in the house knew it with my stash of swear words. I wasn't necessarily in any extra pain, just grumpy. Short tempered, which I attributed to my lack of sleep. My usual last-nerve aching. I'd spent the better part of the day just pacing. Trying to find one step that didn't hurt.

I felt huge, but I knew I wasn't that big.

Andrew had finally convinced me to lay down since I wasn't listening to anyone else. He seemed pretty tense, which only got worse as we laid there. He never said anything, only continued to rub my lower back slowly. It was helping, which is why I didn't bite his head off and spit it out the window. I was already fighting a tension headache as well, so just laying here was helping as I nearly fell asleep.

"Please try harder." I woke to Andrew's quiet whisper after some time in the silence, "She's sleeping."

"No I'm not." I mumbled, taking a deep, waking breath.

"Go back to sleep." Andrew told me gently, hugging me a bit tighter. As tempted as I was to take his advice, I couldn't. Not without rolling over a bit to see who it was he was talking to. Both Jasper and Emmett stood in the doorway, watching us.

"Go away." I mumbled, laying back down, "I'm sleeping."

"Sorry, shorty." Emmett replied, "But your presence has been requested." I frowned, opening my eyes again and rolling back to look at him once more.

"By who?" I asked, "Tell them to fuck off. I'm sleeping."

"We've stalled as long as we can." Jasper spoke next.

"Tough shit." I sighed into my pillow, "Go away." I was rather grumpy, and I had a feeling it had little bit to do with the gnawing nausea in my stomach and the pounding in my head with each beat of my heart.

"It's pretty important." Emmett insisted.

"So is my sleep." I mumbled, "Go away please."

Jasper sighed, "Leandra-"

"Go away please." I repeated firmly, "Now."

"I wish we could." Jasper replied, so I groaned loudly, throwing the blanket back off of me.

"What?" I half whined, sitting up. For a brief moment, I was actually tempted to cry. I did that often, so that wasn't out of the ordinary for me. Andrew sat up as well, looking over at them, and I once again noted his tension.

Before they could answer me, Mikah rounded the doorway, and the look in his eyes told me that I really wouldn't be liking whatever they were waking me up for. His lips were tight in an odd mix of resigned anger. His golden eyes hard, his brow tense.

"What?" I asked again, my tone now a little suspicious. Without answering, Mikah took a breath and shook his head. Don't ask. Just do it. I took a few more seconds to notice that Emmett and Jasper's expressions almost mirrored Mikah's, so I moved to stand up.

"Leandra." Andrew warned.

"I have to." I mumbled, "Just help me up so I can get this over with." He growled, but he knew better than to argue with me. I was going to do it with or without his help.

Andrew, of course, supported me as I rolled to my feet. It made me nervous to realize that I had a feeling I knew what all this was about. I knew better than to tell Andrew to stay back. There was no way in hell that was happening when he literally followed me everywhere.

I stretched with a small sob, whimpering as I stretched wrong and my hips both protested at once. I sighed heavily and stepped passed Mikah out the door.

I rounded into the hallway, looking over into the living room as Andrew, Jasper and Emmett came up behind me. I wasn't really surprised to find that I was right. Part of me had been expecting this, but it still bugged me that Aro wasn't going to take Carlisle's word for it.

I was so tired of this sight. The Cullens grouped nearest the hallway, facing Aro and his usual group. Of course, Jane was closest to him. His usual guard around them both, and even a few that wasn't his usual. Outnumbering the Cullens by at least two. It wasn't unusual for Aro to come prepared, so I'm sure nobody else found this odd either.

As I entered the room, though, I could see exactly who else was here. He brought my attention to him off to the side before I even had a chance to see him for myself. His deep snarl of hatred echoed around me, making me jump back in sudden fear as the sound startled me. In jumping back, I accidentally bumped into Emmett. His hand found my shoulder, both calming me and steadying me as Mikah stepped around us to stand between Jack and I. I vaguely picked up a growl from Mikah, but I wasn't sure over the remnants of Jack's angry noises.

To my surprise, he was back in one piece, and his eyes were once again a deep crimson color. Of course he was restrained, but I couldn't help wondering how long that would hold out. Even against Felix. It was intensely clear that Jack hated me even more than he ever did before, and I had a feeling it was because of what happened as a result of his bite.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" I demanded, turning my outraged gaze to Aro across the room.

"Leandra." Aro greeted with a warm smile, ignoring my question, "You're beautiful, my dear."

"Cut the shit." I snapped, "Why the fuck-"

"In time." Aro assured me, so I chose only to glare over at Jack instead of continuing to demand. That just pissed Jack off, though. Jack was pulling hard at Felix's grip, maybe a few feet away.

"Fuck you." I snapped at Jack, which only made him mad enough to lunge again. I flinched back a bit before spitting a little at him. Hoping to hit him in the eye or something. Emmett had had enough of that, backing me away from Jack.

"Back up." Andrew barked at him, but Jack ignored that.

"Get over here and say that to my face, you stupid fucking bitch." Jack finally replied, despite being tightly restrained. I didn't doubt his sincerity. I was trembling, but oddly, it wasn't just from fear. I did fear him, but that was no longer the dominant emotion. A dark, seething hatred swirled violently in me as I looked at him. His stupid face. I hated him with my whole body. I hated him so much it made it almost easy to ignore the way I ached just standing there.

"Round two?" I asked him, resisting Emmett a little and shaking his hand off my shoulder, "I won that last one. I'm right here, you worthless pile of dogshit." That only pissed him off even more. Giving a fight that actually pulled Felix forward half a step.

"Fascinating." Aro commented with a light smile, having watched our exchange, "Simply fascinating." His confidence in Felix to keep him back was probably what I picked up on, feeling okay to taunt Jack a little more.

"What?" I asked Jack, "Come get me, fuckhead. Or are you too weak?"

"Leandra." Carlisle spoke up, turning to find my other side.

"I fucking dare you to say that again." Jack replied, glaring at me around Carlisle.

"You're weak." I told him, also around Carlisle, "There's one person holding you back." I shook Emmett's hand off my shoulder again. It was a mild annoyance at this point, but it was quickly beginning to really bug me.

"I'm going to make you eat those words, bitch." Jack responded, "You have no idea what's coming for you." Andrew growled, but I had to hand it to him. He was being very calm about all this. Jack and I both flinging insults and threats at each other while neither of us were allowed to approach the other.

"Right." I snorted, "If you weren't so weak, I'd be dead already." I resisted Carlisle this time as he gently turned me away from Jack, "Stop trying to scare me. It just makes me feel sorry for your stupid ass. It's pathetic."

"I'd love to see you heal when I rip your fucking head off." He growled heatedly, as far forward as Felix's grip would allow him to be. Felix just looked bored, so I took that as further encouragement.

"No." I snapped back at him, rounding again to face him around Carlisle's resistance, "You don't get to threaten me. I'm not afraid of you anymore."

"At this point, I don't give a shit if you're afraid." He countered, "I made you a promise."

"Fuck you and fuck your promise." I barked.

" _Oh_." The sound of his response was a deep growl, his face a dark, stony mask of the same seething hatred I felt inside, "You just wait."

"Whatever." I spat back, "You can shove it right up your-"

"Leandra." Andrew's tone was also a growl, and I knew he didn't like this any more than anyone else did.

"You better listen to that mutt, bitch." Jack chuckled darkly, "Filthy fucking whore." I only glared harder, a blush instantly coloring my cheeks in a visible sign of my raising blood pressure. He spotted that instantly, "What? Didn't they know? Well if they didn't before, they do now, slut. Look at you. You make me want to puke."

"It's better than you, shitbag." I snapped, "I hope you suffered, you sorry motherfucker."

"Bitch, I swear-"

"Go outside." I finally noticed what state Andrew was in at Mikah's command. He was now visibly trembling, and that distracted me enough to allow Carlisle to move me away.

"Go." I choked out through my anger, and thankfully, Andrew listened to me. If he lost his temper here, too many people would get hurt. He rounded, jogging quickly for the side door.

I ignored Jack's chuckle, choosing to let Carlisle move me further away. Forward, into the group of the family in front of me as Jasper and Emmett closed up the back. Jasper glanced over at Jack, but didn't say anything before I turned my attention onto Aro standing there patiently.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, forcing my tone to calm.

"I simply decided to come and see you for myself." He replied, "It's been awhile."

"I know." I muttered, looking down. The last time he'd seen me, I was two small steps away from suicide. I hadn't been in a good place. I'd still been adjusting to a new medication, and was more aware at that point instead of smothered in depression and denial.

"I'm not proud of it." I added quietly.

"I was never under the impression that you were." He said gently, and for a moment, I thought I heard sincerity in his tone.

"But I meant what I said." I went on, "I meant what I asked Carlisle to tell you. I can't go back to that life, Aro. I'm not asking for much."

"You see," He sighed, glancing down in obviously fake regret, "That is unacceptable to me. I can't let you go. I've searched for far too long for someone like you."

"You should have thought about that before you decided to work with Jack." I replied before I could help it.

"I do apologize about that."

"You knew who he was to me." I pointed out.

"He was also far too valuable to me." He countered, "Once I learned of his gift, my hands were tied. I refused to destroy someone so powerful, yet I couldn't have him out here terrorizing you, so I did what I had to do to keep an eye on him."

Jack scoffed.

"You have something to add?" I snapped, turning to look back at him, "Nobody asked you to speak, bitch. Shut the fuck up."

"Watch it, little girl." Jack warned, tugging at Felix's grip again.

I responded, "Fuck you." He grinned again and chuckled.

"No," He said, "Fuck you. You just wait."

I ignored his threat this time, rolling my eyes as I looked to Aro again, but I noticed Carlisle seemed uneasy. A quick glance around told me the others did as well.

"And then," I went on at Aro, "You bring him here?"

"Why," He murmured, his tone confused, "As I understood it, this is what you wanted." I was suddenly reminded. He was right. He went on, "I was merely providing you the opportunity you craved in a safe, controlled manner." That certainly explained why nobody had ripped his head off yet.

"I apologize for not giving you a chance to prepare." He replied easily, "But I had also heard what happened. How your blood poisoned him."

"He seems fine now." I countered, "Which really sucks. Why couldn't he just fucking die already? God, he's like a disease. He just never goes away."

"I only wanted to see for myself the interaction between you two after such an incident." Aro admitted, and I gave him a look.

"Really?" I asked flatly, "It's the same as it's always been. I hate that fucking asshole."

"I'm sorry, but no." Aro replied, "It isn't the same."

"Yes," I corrected him, "It is the same."

"The fear you once possessed is no longer there." He pointed out, "It's been replaced by hatred and anger."

"Whatever." I said, "Look, the point is, I'm not going back to that life. All I want is to live my life the way I want to live it."

"Once again," He replied, "That is unacceptable."

"You put me here." I reminded him, "If it wasn't for you-"

"I left it optional." He cut me off, obviously already aware of my argument, "If you remember, I merely suggested you to live with the humans. For your own safety, of course."

"You're lying." I muttered, which seemed to surprise him.

"I'm sorry?" He asked, and this time, I shook Carlisle's hand off my shoulder.

"You're lying." I repeated, "You weren't worried about my safety. You knew the whole time that you would go find Jack, so you weren't worried about him finding me. You put me there so I would hate my family for leaving me. You found Jack, knowing exactly where he was the whole time, but made them go looking for him so they would stay away from me."

The silence was heavy after I'd flung my accusation.

"I only wanted-"

"I don't give a shit." I snapped, which also seemed to surprise him, "I don't care what you wanted. You don't care one bit what you did, do you? I'm not going with you, Aro. I won't help you, I won't belong to you. I'd kill myself first."

He sighed, "That is regrettable. I'm sorry to say, my dear Leandra, that there is very little choice."

"Really?" I snorted.

"I'm afraid so." He replied, "I think I've been patient with you."

I scoffed again, "Well, that's just not going to work for me."

"Once again," He spoke slowly but firmly this time, "I'm afraid there is very little choice."

"Once again," I repeated, "I'm not-"

"Can you please get him out of here?" Mikah spoke up from the back, cutting me off, "He's freaking me out."

I knew he was talking about Jack. I wanted to hit him, though, for interrupting. I was just about to tell Aro to go straight to the eighth circle of Hell when Mikah had decided to open his trap.

"Very well." Aro allowed, "Felix?" I looked back at them, and to my surprise, Felix wasn't immediately moving. He continued to stand there like he hadn't heard him. Jack was staring straight at me once again, but this time, it chilled me.

"Something's wrong." I whispered, mostly to myself but Carlisle heard me, looking down at me.

"Felix?" Aro tried again, obvious unhappy that he'd had to ask him twice.

"Sorry." He spoke up, "I'm sorry." I didn't like that. There was something behind that, but that wasn't what had me the most concerned.

As my heartbeat sped up in nervousness over what was happening with Felix, a strange, almost too warm wave of pain centered across my midsection. It wasn't overwhelming, but more than enough for me to notice.

"Carlisle.." I murmured, gaining his attention briefly. Esme moved to my side, probably thinking I was nervous.

"It's quite alright." Aro replied to Felix, "But would you mind too terribly getting him out of the area?"

"I'm sorry." Felix said again, and I frowned. Obviously confused, Jane made her way over to him. To my very intense surprise, and heart-stopping fear, Felix released Jack before Jane even got over to him. Just letting him go, and in even less than a second, Jack was gone.

He was now loose in the house.

"What the hell?" Mikah demanded, looking straight at Aro. I was suddenly squished. Completely enclosed on all sides behind everyone, so I really couldn't see what was going on.

"Mikah, don't." Alice called, but I couldn't see what he was doing. The direction Alice was blocking didn't show anything when I looked passed her shoulder.

I jumped, flinching at the sound of growling and shattering glass further in the room. I must have broken some sort of record with how fast I turned around to try to see passed Carlisle. I cursed my short height as I couldn't see a damn thing.

"There now." My heart dropped at the sound of Jack's smug voice, "Goddamn, he was annoying. Where were we?"

What the fuck was going on?

Nobody bothered to answer him, and I found that to be a bad sign.

"Felix." Jack growled, "Go find that scrawny white animal outside." My heart dropped again, "And kill it."

"No." I shouted, but he ignored me. Nobody would let me through, despite how hard I pushed against them. How was Jack bossing him around now? How did he get Felix to let him go? It suddenly occurred to me, despite knowing it this whole time.

His ability. His ability to manipulate others through their bond to him. All he needed was for them to know him, and he could twist things around, but it really surprised me that he could make even Felix's bond to him so strong that he would disobey a direct order from Aro. If nobody stopped Felix from letting him go, or even Jack from merely standing there free, he must have had most, if not all of them under his control now.

"Kill anything that gets in your way." Jack continued at Felix, "Shit, have some fun. Go nuts." A brief pause before he spoke again, "Now for you. I want that mouthy bitch behind you." Dammit, I couldn't see!

Behind me, I felt my arm taken and looked over at Mikah. He was going to attempt to get me out of here. I shook his hand off and moved forward, closer to Alice. He tried again and I cringed away, clinging to the back of Carlisle's shirt beside Alice.

"Like hell." Alice finally answered him, "You're outnumbered."

"And you're defensive." Jack growled in return, "Not that I can blame you. You saw first hand what I can do. Over and over again. Tell you what, cutie." I cringed at his heavily condescending tone, "Give me that bitch behind you, and I'll leave."

"That's not happening." She replied before I could say anything.

"Do you _really_ want to play this game with me?" He asked, his tone slightly darker. Mikah tried once more, but I wouldn't budge.

"Stop it." I whispered at him.

"Leandra." Mikah whispered in a command, but it was enough.

"Running won't save anybody." Jack told him, drawing his attention, "You set foot out of this house with her, I'll kill every single fucking one of these bastards. Then, I'll hunt your ass down like a dog. There is nowhere on God's green earth you can hide where I won't find that fucking bitch. I'm tired of this shit! I love the hunt as much as the next person, but my patience is _so_ fucking thin. This has dragged on for long enough!" I cringed now at his shouting voice, "What more do I have to do to prove to you fuckers? I'm not playing around!"

"I agree." Carlisle spoke up, "This has dragged on for long enough."

"You don't even start with me." Jack snapped in reply, "Or you'll end up like Aro over there." My eyes widened in disbelief at what he was implying, and I tried again to look passed the wall of people in front of me.

"I dare you." Emmett growled from Carlisle's right.

"Don't tempt me."

"The white one got away." Felix was suddenly back, obviously angry, "He's a wiley thing, but I got three of them."

"Keep trying!" Jack barked at him, "Don't come back in here until you take that fucker out. If he somehow makes it in here, though, leave him. If he comes to me, I'll be the one to take him out."

"Leave him out of it." I shoved hard at Alice, actually managing to move her half a step, but not enough to get through.

"Why the hell would I do that?" Jack asked, chuckling, "You know the rule by now."

"Call him off, Jack." I demanded, unable to help it, and he just laughed again. That pissed me off, "It's not funny!"

"You knew the fucking consequences!" His snarl echoed in the room, "No one touches what's mine."

"I'm so sick of you!" I snapped, shoving against Alice again. I wanted out of this group so I could face him directly, "Let me out!"

"Leandra, calm down." Alice told me firmly, but that just pissed me off even more. I was done.

"You're sick of me?" Jack goaded, "Look in the mirror, baby. You _are_ me."

"I hate you!"

"I know." He sounded so smug, "I made you that way." I shoved harder against Alice, trying to squeeze myself between her arm and Carlisle's arm. Behind me, I felt arms wrap around my arms, hugging me while restraining me. One split second glance told me it was Mikah, so I fought.

I wanted so bad to slap that smug right off of Jack, but I couldn't.

"Just accept it." Jack told me, "I still fucking own you, just as much as I owned your slut mama. I don't let go of what's mine."

"I'm not yours!" I wasn't even sure why I kept denying. He heard the lack of conviction in my tone. Everyone did.

"Yes, you are." He countered immediately, "You always have been, and you always will be. I left my mark on you almost ten years ago now, and I set you up to be me. Even when I'm gone, you'll carry me on in you. I'm not stupid. I know my luck will run out eventually."

"Keep talking, and that'll be today." Emmett growled.

"Right." Jack scoffed but spoke to me next, "Do you remember, you stupid bitch?" Unfortunately, I did. I calmed my struggles against Mikah, panting to catch my breath after exerting myself so much. He was trying to bait me.

"Oh, I do." Jack chuckled when I didn't reply.

"Shut up." I muttered quietly, "Mikah, let me go."

"No." Mikah told me gently, "I won't."

"I remember." I heard the grin clear in Jack's voice. The grin that made me want to throw up, "You know that's going to happen again."

"No it won't." Carlisle sounded so sure.

"I've been practicing." Jack went on, ignoring Carlisle, "Just for you."

"Shut up!" I shouted this time.

"Don't act like you haven't thought about it." He said, "I know you. I know I cross your mind daily. I can't wait to give you a refresher-"

"Shut up!" I shouted louder, "Shut up! Shut the fuck up!"

"Come over here and make me." He invited, "You know me. You tell me what hiding behind them will do."

"You won't touch her." Mikah growled, and I realized just how badly he was pissing him off as well. His job was to hold me back, though, so he couldn't go over there himself.

I stiffened again in his grip, biting my lip at a firmer pain across my belly than I felt before. That concerned me enough to distract me from whatever else might have been going on. It took me a moment to catch my breath.

"Leandra?" Mikah asked gently when I didn't immediately relax, "Are you okay?"

"No." I whispered back, and his arms loosened a bit which helped, but not enough.

"Esme?" Mikah whispered, looking over at her. She looked over at me, and I knew she could tell what my problem was the second her eyes met mine. She just knew. Given the way her expression changed, and how she touched Carlisle's arm.

"I will." Jack also sounded so sure, "You have my word on that. If that fucking wolf hadn't distracted me, I would have had her already. She might have gotten the better of me once, but that's not happening again." He paused for a moment, "Speak of the devil.."

Meaning, Andrew was coming. Jack whistled as if calling a dog, four shrill whistles under his breath before he chuckled. I easily recalled what Andrew told me before about needing to protect me. He just didn't fully realize the threat Jack posed to him.

Would he somehow know? Would those protective instincts get stronger because my labor had just started?

"Andrew!" I called as loud as I could, "Don't!" Even before the door smashed open, I knew he wasn't going to listen to me. I couldn't help the small sob at the sound of breaking glass, flinching a little against Mikah.

I finally got Mikah to let me go, but still couldn't really go anywhere. I shoved forward just enough to climb half way over Alice's shoulder to be able to see to the left. Ignoring the pain that that caused me.

"Leandra." She complained but I stayed half perched up there. One hand braced against her head, the other braced against Carlisle's shoulder. I wasn't strong enough to haul myself over, but I could just see.

I ignored the pile of pieces on the floor off to the side, refusing to even look at it.

"Andrew." I spotted him immediately, "Run. Go." I didn't like the look in Jack's eyes.

"Oh, don't panic." Jack told me, "I just want to talk with the mongrel." That was a lie. Andrew, in all his raging glory, didn't look the slightest bit ready to talk. He looked even more dangerous than he did the other night. It was probably knowing what happened between Jack and I that fueled him now.

I kicked back at Mikah as he tried to pluck me free, desperate to keep watching. It made me feel a little better as Emmett approached Andrew's side. Mikah being forced to fill in his spot.

Jack's slow smile prompted me to attempt to climb over Alice.

"Your move, Jack-ass." Emmett growled, visibly tensing.

"Leandra." Alice complained again, turning a little to move me off of her. I shoved against her the second my feet were on the floor, but that didn't do much good as her arms gently wrapped around me, restraining me now within the small group.

"I'm not stupid." Jack replied, "I think by now you've learned." He was so at ease, it was hard to believe anyone stood a chance against him. He spoke again, "Come on. I'm not after you."

In my struggle, I watched him look at Andrew.

But the second Jack looked at him, Andrew leaped forward. It was far too quick for me to see, but the loud squealing yelp struck me harder than any physical blow I'd ever felt, and I was instantly in sobbing cries.

"Get her out of here." Carlisle turned to look at us where Alice held me. I looked back over in time to see Emmett hitting the floor. Alice instantly turned me away, forcing me forward toward the kitchen.

Mikah grabbed hold of me as I resisted, lifting me off my feet. Holding me in his arms and immediately starting to run.

"Stop." I gasped through sobs, but of course, he wasn't listening. I tried again, "Stop!" The three of us were out of the house at that point, already through the trees. I had no idea where they were taking me, but obviously my words weren't getting through to them.

I waited for a moment as a different, more subtle pain stabbed at me, more centered in my lower stomach. I only sobbed harder, clutching at my stomach as a very sudden flood of warm liquid that got absolutely everywhere in just a few seconds made its appearance. I knew immediately what that was, and I knew I hadn't just peed.

" _Shit_." Mikah muttered.

"We can't stop." Alice replied, "We're almost there."

Meaning, they had a plan. I took a small amount of comfort in that. We ran through the trees as the pain in my stomach subsided, but I knew better than to consider it gone. It was about to get a lot harder.

We came to a sudden stop just outside of a small house in the middle of the trees around us. Nestled there like it'd been there the whole time. I recognized it as Edward and Bella's house. I was surprised. They were taking me _here_?

Bella instantly met us outside, took one look at Mikah and his soaked clothes, and turned.

"Come on." She urged us. She must have known that there was only one reason we were here at all. Mikah easily followed her inside the house, Alice bringing up the back.

"Get to it." Alice spoke before she shut the front door. I wasn't sure who she was speaking to, but at that point I didn't particularly care. My head was spinning with how much was going on at once.

There were no pleasantries exchanged, only constant movement. We followed her through the house, to a bedroom in the very back. She stepped into what was clearly a closet, and we paused.

"Fill me in." Bella requested urgently moving aside a whole rack of clothes hanging up.

"Aro's gone." Mikah immediately replied, and she took a second to look over at us, "Jack has most everyone else following him now."

I watched, confused as she pushed aside a thick portion of wall. Behind said wall, was a much thicker steel door that creaked as she pulled it open easily. It reminded me of a bank vault door, but even heavier. Mikah stepped through first, heading downward, down a long set of stairs, to yet another door.

My voice echoed back at me as I cried, so I guessed this stairwell was made out of concrete.

Bella stepped around us, opening this door as well, which opened into a very spacious room. I only saw that as she reached over and flipped on three light switches on the wall beside the door. I was distracted momentarily by how well stocked this room was. Metal shelves lined the walls, stocked floor to ceiling with medical supplies and further in, cans of food and linens. Towels, sheets, thin blankets, thicker blankets and comforters. Clothes on the shelves to my right. Piles and piles of folded plain t-shirts and what looked like folded shorts and sweatpants on the shelves below the shirts as well as unopened packs of socks.

Directly to my left was a small kitchen area. Complete with stove, refrigerator, and sink.

This room had a few pieces of basic furniture. A large bed against the far wall, tables on either side of it. A couple of couches towards the center of the room, but other than that, not much.

It was basically an entire studio apartment underground, but bigger than any of the ones I'd ever seen. Far more spacious.

My observation stopped at the feeling of another contraction. I had to focus on this one because it was more intense than the last one.

"Put me down." I sobbed breathlessly. This time, Mikah listened. Crossing the room to the bed. I felt cold, sticky and uncomfortable, but the bed was decent. Supportive, but not too firm.

It felt good to be able to stretch out instead of being stuck laying half-curled in his arms. Truthfully, these contractions didn't hurt too bad, but those added onto the fear of not knowing what was going on made them ten times worse. I wasn't crying over the contractions. I was crying over not knowing.

As this contraction passed, I sniffled hard and looked around again. To the right of the bed was a doorway that led into a small, dimly lit bathroom. At least I would have privacy in there.

I now understood what they had been so busy with. Building this had to have taken time and a whole lot of planning.

"Please." I looked toward Alice, "Tell me they're okay."

She took a breath, sighing it out, but didn't answer.

"We set this up for you in case we needed to hide you away." She told me instead, "There's no way anyone is going to pick up your scent here."

"Wait.." I said, "Am I staying here?"

"For as long as it takes." She replied, "I know it's a bit extreme-"

"So I'm having the baby _here_?"

"It looks like it." She replied regretfully.

"No, no, no." I mumbled, shaking my head, "I have to go to the hospital."

"It's too risky." She countered, "We cannot leave him a scent to follow. The wolves are up there as we speak covering your scent. You have, quite literally, vanished off the face of the earth."

"But.." I whimpered, "Pain meds?"

"That is one thing we didn't count on." She admitted, "We thought Carlisle would be here to administer them, or at very least Edward, but.."

"None of you know how?" I asked, now very worried. I was going to have to do this shit natural?

"Not comfortably."

" _Then Google it._ " I stressed, "There's no way I can do this without them."

"We'll do what we can." She assured me, "At this point, labor can take hours. Just.. Get as much rest as you can, okay? We'll be back as soon as we can." I whimpered again, unable to fully express my fear. Mikah moved to walk away, but I reached out and grabbed a solid handful of his t-shirt.

"Uh-uh!" I snapped, "I'm not doing this alone. Please.. _Please_ stay with me."

"It's okay." Alice told him, "You can stay here with her, Mikah. I actually think that's a better idea. We'll keep you posted."

"Where are you guys going?" I had to ask quickly while I still could.

"We're going to speak with Sam." Bella replied, "We need to know how much he already knows. We'll come back when it's safe to do so." I only had enough response in me to nod, biting my lip and breathing slowly. I was scared, but I knew there would be no arguing with them.

The fact that Mikah was encouraged to stay with me made me feel better, though.

 **A/N: Woo. Okay lol the final chapter is written out. There is a rather intense birth scene in there, so don't be surprised to see an 'ImPORTANT NOTE' at the top of it.  
I hope this chapter was worth the small wait. :) I did what I could to get it out as soon as I could.**  
 **THANK YOU to my reviewer of last chapter! You're AWESOMENESS! Pure, 100% natural AWESOMENESS!**  
 **As I said before, next chapter is already written out, and is the last. I do plan on continuing, because nobody wants me to leave it where I do. Trust me. :)**  
 **Until then, my friends!**


	17. Chapter 17

**ImPORTANT NOTE!: There is a birth scene in this chapter. I did the best I could to keep the grossest details out, but it's still worth mentioning. It's not fun. Just be prepared for that. ALSO! There are some.. Not so pleasant hints towards the end.**

 **Onward.**

 **Chapter Seventeen**

While I could, I took a shower. Getting myself out of those sticky clothes and into a clean t-shirt, and a very comfortable pair of shorts. I wasn't sure who stocked this place with clothes for me, but whoever it was, I had to thank.

I felt a little better being clean, but I knew that wouldn't last. I had Mikah pile a bunch of towels on the couch, just so I didn't accidentally get the bed all messy. I had no clue what to expect so I wanted to be prepared for whatever I could.

I had no idea how much time was passing outside the room, but I was scared. Mikah spent most of his time timing my contractions for me, looking up answers for me, and studying up as much as he could while I divided my time between slowly pacing around and laying on the couch.

"This crap is like Greek to me." He sighed, setting his cell phone to the side. I should have been surprised he had an internet connection, but I didn't find it odd.

"Don't tell me that." I grumbled, pacing over near the kitchen.

"Really." He said, "How hard could it be?"

"Fuck _you_." I countered, and he laughed.

"No, I mean how hard could it be to help you through it." He corrected, "Your job is unbelievably hard. You wouldn't believe what your body is going through right now."

"Don't tell me." I replied, "I don't want to know."

"Noted." He nodded, "But I think I know the basics."

"Good." That actually helped. I couldn't help sobbing, "It's too early."

"Oh, don't worry too much about that." He stood up, rounding the couch to come to my side, "There's less than a month to your due date. Obviously, they want you to make to your due date, but if it's three weeks early, it's not bad. I'm actually surprised you made it this far."

"Why?" I asked. I just needed a distraction at this point.

"You ran out of room a month ago." He pointed out, "The baby will be fine. Unless there are complications, you'll be fine too."

"Complications?" Bad distraction. _Bad_ distraction. I couldn't insist on his answer as another contraction stabbed at me. I winced hard, "Fuck."

This time, I had to sit down. Holding my breath, I carefully stepped forward and around the couch. Mikah followed, watching as I braced my weight against the armrest and lowered myself to sit down before letting out that deep breath in a whimper. I took another deep breath, slowly letting it out in an attempt to get through the pain.

Mikah sighed, kneeling in front of where I sat. I read the concern in his eyes.

"They're getting closer together." He pointed out once I was through that one. Each one lasted about a minute with about five minutes between them.

"I know." I whimpered, catching my breath, "Should it be doing that? Is that a good thing?"

"Yeah." He replied easily, "If they weren't, we'd have something to worry about. But.. That just means you're progressing faster than I thought."

"How long has it been?"

"Four hours." He said, "For your first, that's really.. That's really fast."

"How much longer?"

"It's really hard to tell." He answered honestly, "I don't think you want me digging around down there to check you."

"Not really." I admitted.

"Well, if they're this far apart, that means you still have some time." He said, "When you're really close, they'll be.. Maybe a minute apart." I nodded. That was helpful for me to know, but it also made me pretty nervous. I couldn't imagine this pain near constant like having them coming every minute.

"Where are they?" I asked, looking toward the door, "I'd feel so much better if it wasn't just me and you." I knew that that wasn't the right way to say that, but if he corrected me, I'd punch him in the mouth.

"I know." He replied, gently rubbing my arm. Despite trying to hold it back, I couldn't stop the tears. He continued to rub my arm, "They'll be here. Just hold on a little longer."

"I'm so scared." I cried pathetically. I hated that I cried. Shouldn't everyone be able to handle this? Nobody ever cried. I felt so stupid. This shit should be easy, shouldn't it? Natural?

"You can do this, princess." He assured me, reaching over and taking my other arm gently, "You're doing so great."

"No I'm not." I sobbed, shaking my head, "I'm so tired, and I'm not even close to done."

"You are." He corrected, "You are doing great. Everything you're going through is normal." I didn't bother replying. I just focused on catching my breath before the next contraction would come.

"Just breathe." He told me, his tone very soothing. After that, we were both silent as we waited for the impending contraction.

When it started, he knew by the look on my face, the way I tensed and the way my breathing changed. The silence definitely helped me through it. I focused all I had on staying calm, my eyes closed and breathing deep.

When it passed, I sighed deeply and laid my head back.

"Good job." He smiled, "See? You've got this."

"God, I'm so _stupid_." I started to cry more.

"What?" He asked, "No you're not."

"Why did I press him so much?"

"Who?" He frowned.

"Jack." I sobbed, "All of this.. All this is my fault."

"No it's not." He immediately replied, "Leandra, this is something he's obviously been planning for a long time. Something we never anticipated was how strong his ability has grown. He'd just been biding his time until an opportunity like this came up."

"And Edward was never there?" I asked incredulously.

"Things like this.." He gestured around the room, "Don't just build themselves. He and Bella have been working on this since we first caught him."

I didn't reply, looking around as well.

"Okay?" He asked quietly, "Don't blame yourself."

"He'll find a way." I whimpered, "I know it."

He sighed, "Don't think about that right now. Right now, it's just you and me. I won't let anything happen to you."

I frowned, confused as I felt the start of another contraction coming on. Looking to Mikah, which he understood. Concern colored his golden eyes, but he nodded. It hadn't been five minutes yet, and I was getting used to that little break.

"Something's wrong." I muttered, opening my eyes.

"No," Mikah said, "You're fine. You'll be okay."

More time passed. Minutes passed by like days between contractions, yet like seconds of dread as the contractions themselves intensified. They bounced back and forth between five minutes and four minutes apart for about an hour, then jumped to two minutes apart, really taking me off guard as my rest between them got cut in half.

The light in the room had to be dimmed, just so I could try to get a little bit of rest, and the light was bothering me. There was no way I'd be able to sleep, but I was exhausted, and I desperately needed to at least snooze.

Mikah had suggested a hot shower to help with the pain, and that did help for a bit. Walking or standing, however, made it harder, so I bounced back and forth between the hot shower and the couch. It took most of my concentration now, and I never would have guessed how tiring this could be.

I chose to snooze on my side on the couch. After the latest shower, I just left my clothes off. I knew they'd have to come off sooner or later, and it was getting too irritating to keep putting them back on, so I covered myself with a plain sheet. Just to save myself a bit of embarrassment, despite how I really didn't care at that point. I was so far beyond caring. If Mikah cared, he never let on. He stayed just as supportive as he always was, never showing an ounce of awkwardness.

I also knew I needed to stop crying, but on top of everything going on with me now in my hours of hell, I hated not knowing what was going on.

Mikah stayed with me the entire time. Not moving an inch from my side. His hand softly, soothingly smoothing my hair and gently rubbing my upper back. I appreciated his presence and his help more than I could express at the moment.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep going through this. My body wasn't letting up, contractions coming closer together, and getting even more painful. They varied between a minute or two. I was starving and nauseous at the same time. Cold, but also overheated.

So far, though, I had managed to avoid squealing like a dying animal, but I knew it wasn't far off. I cried, sobbing to myself, but I was pretty sure I was entitled to cry. I was out of breath almost this entire time from the slow breathing I forced myself through and the pounding of my heart at each wave of intense pain I was forced to endure. I would trade this for my final few weeks of achiness any day of the week.

However, the last few contractions, I couldn't help letting out a long whine of pain through each of them. I was being tortured repeatedly, and there was really only so much more I was able to take.

"Something's different." I whimpered, finally speaking to him as I uncurled from my position on my side and carefully rolled onto my back. Being on my side wasn't cutting it anymore.

"What's different?" He asked softly, coming around to the side of the couch.

"Me." I sobbed, "I feel different. I can't tell- _Shit_." I closed my eyes again, sobbing through this next contraction. The peaceful mood was so suddenly shattered, and I knew. I was just moments away. I just knew.

Seconds later, he tensed and I breathed slowly as he checked his phone.

"No way." He muttered, and he stood up, "Alice, you're brilliant." He moved to walk away, but I held onto his hand. He smiled a little at me, "It's okay. I'll be right back." I trusted him, so I whimpered and released his hand.

He walked away, and I looked over as he opened the door. He didn't have to leave, as he spoke to someone obviously on the stairs. To my intense surprise, Josh jogged into the room first. Coming straight over to me, taking my attention briefly.

"I came as soon as I could find this place." Heather's sigh had me smile a little in relief, "Do you even realize how far out of the way this place is?" Mikah closed the door behind her before she spoke again, "Alright. Details. How long has it been since her water's broken?"

"Leandra." Josh smiled a little at me, distracting me from their conversation, "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." I cried, "That was a stupid question."

"Where is Andrew?"

"How should I know?" I asked, "He's busy." I breathed for a moment before looking over at him, "Help me up."

"Up?" He asked.

"The opposite of down." I snapped, and he immediately stood up, attempting to help me move. That was instantly a nope.

"No." I said quickly, "Nope. That's not happening." Instead, he helped me readjust how I laid. It was more comfortable for me to be more stretched out, but my shoulders propped up against the armrest behind me.

Heather, shooing Josh out of the way, kneeled on the floor beside me.

"Honey, listen to me." She told me and I nodded, "I don't know what's going on, why you're here, but I can't stress enough for you to go to a hospital."

"I can't." I sniffled, "I have to stay here. Besides, I can't move." There was no way I could just pick up and move. I couldn't even move enough to make it to the bed if I wanted to. Whatever was going to happen, was going to happen right here.

"What is more important than your health and the health of the baby?"

"Long story." Mikah offered from behind the couch, "Trust me." She fell quiet, obviously thinking.

She sighed heavily, "Okay. Just relax. I'm going to take a look, okay?" I nodded, more than allowing that. I needed her help. She spoke as she moved down the couch, "Depending on where you are.." She looked under the sheet while I waited for her to continue. She pulled on rubber gloves at the speed of light, and I felt light pressure against my lower stomach.

"Yeah," She sighed again, "I'm sorry, honey, but you're progressed too far for pain meds. You're just going to have to continue naturally."

"How long?" I cried.

"It really depends on you, sweetheart." She said, "I don't want you to push yet. It's too soon for that, but you let me know when you feel the need to."

"I want to now!"

"You'll know." She told me gently, "Just-"

"Don't tell me to breathe." I sobbed, and she kneeled next to my head again.

"I know, honey." She assured me, "I've been here twice. You're doing so well."

"Can I have some water or something?" I asked, she immediately nodded.

"Water, you can have." She stood up, "I'll be right back." I nodded this time. Breathing through the start of another contraction. Mikah followed her as she walked away, but Josh returned. Carefully sitting beside me.

He spoke, "Why are you-"

"Shut up for a minute." I mumbled, focusing on the contraction. He did as I said, gently taking my hand in his. I allowed that stiffly, focusing all I had on not throwing up. I ended the contraction with a handful of desperate sobs.

"Can I talk now?" Josh asked.

"No." I grumbled.

"Why are you down here, Leandra?" He asked, "How did they even build this place?"

"Shut _up_." I repeated, my tone intensely pleading, "Shut up. For the love of fucking god, shut up."

"Josh," Heather returned, "I told you if you didn't leave her alone, I was going to make you wait upstairs."

"Sorry." He murmured, sounding sincere. Mikah took my hand again, which I appreciated. He helped me sip from the small glass, which I deeply appreciated. I was shaking too hard to hold it still myself, but the cool water inside the cup was amazing.

"Do me a huge favor, though." Heather told Josh, "Go back up there, find my purse by the door, and see if my phone is in there. I need to call your dad."

"Okay." Josh easily agreed, jumping up.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck.." Those three words seemed to be all one word as I left no space between them. The pain was unbelievable, and I was so tired, but I'd never get to really rest until this was over.

"Breathe." Mikah reminded me, smoothing my hair back again.

"How do I open this thing?" Josh asked from across the room.

"It's a door." Mikah countered sarcastically, "It opens like a door."

Seconds later, I heard it open, so I knew he'd figured it out, but Mikah's hand tensed in my own.

"No." He called, "Josh-"

"Uh.." Josh spoke, "I think we have a problem.."

"For Pete's sake, Josh." Heather sighed, standing up.

"Get away from the door." Mikah walked away. I couldn't react to that as yet another contraction stole my concentration.

This one was different. I instantly knew that. An overwhelming urge to push downward toward the pressure clawed its way up my spine, but I recognized what that meant.

"Mikah!" I called, "Get back over here!" I needed to squeeze his hand. Seconds later, he was back. Thankfully. His hand returned to mine, and I used it.

A wave of intensely burning, stabbing pain squeezed my entire body, and I cried out in the effort it took not to push. Tucking my chin and sobbing. I knew no matter what, I couldn't push yet, but my body really wanted me to. It was a struggle to deny nature right then, but I had to.

I was so sure I was dying.

" _Dammit_." I desperately hated the sound of Mikah's dread-filled voice.

"God, it reeks in here."

" _No_." I sobbed harder at the sound of Jack's voice back by the door. I couldn't breathe. I was in absolutely no position to be tough. I was supposed to be safe here. This was the worst time in the history of my life for him to show up. I literally couldn't move, much less do anything to protect myself.

"Jack?" Heather was obviously stunned. I couldn't blame her. What _else_ could go wrong? She couldn't see him that clearly, as the lights were dimmed, but I knew she knew something wasn't quite right with him. Mostly by the fact that he was here.

"I told you." Josh barked, returning to our side.

"What the hell are you doing here?" It was so strange to hear Heather curse. I _really_ couldn't blame her for being distracted, but I was freaking out over here. I needed help.

"Long time no see, sister." Jack chuckled, "Nice to see you too."

"Leandra." My eyes bolted open and I looked over at Carlisle coming to my side. I continued to cling to Mikah's hand, though, unable to let go. He knew better than to let go of my hand, as I needed him too much. Even as Jack paced behind him, his eyes on me.

"Help me." I cried hard to Carlisle, pleading as hard as I could, " _Please_. Make it stop." I was shaking, trembling with the pain. It literally felt like my entire body from my upper stomach down was being ripped apart. Even between contractions. The stabbing, burning, twisting pain I could never have imagined before tensed every muscle in my body. Those 'practice' contractions held no light against this.

"Carlisle, why is he here?" Heather demanded, "Now is not the time-"

"I'm here." He assured me, ignoring Heather, and I found his calm very calming, "Breathe. I'm going to take a look, okay?" I nodded, agreeing easily. I didn't even care. It was hard to be embarrassed when I was pretty sure I was dying, and I trusted him. There was just enough room for him at the other end of the couch, but despite my trust, I couldn't watch as he flipped the sheet away.

For a moment, Heather was able to focus on me again as well. Taking Carlisle's silent direction, she ignored Jack for the time being. I appreciated that, as I was already pretty distracted myself.

"Whoa." Josh blurted out, "Dude!"

"You're naked." I vaguely overheard Mikah state. For a moment, I thought he was talking about me, but then I glanced over and saw Andrew kneeling beside the couch as well. Nearly shoving Mikah out of the way to take my hand instead. He was, in fact, pretty naked. He must not have had time to look for something to wear.

Mikah rounded the couch to stand near my head, which I appreciated. I didn't want him to leave.

Through the pain, I sobbed in relief at seeing Andrew there. Smiling the best I could as his other hand gently smoothed my cheek. Clearing my damp hair away from my forehead and neck. I was so glad he was okay. Despite knowing that the sound he made when Jack hurt him would never leave my memory.

"You're okay." I whimpered.

"I'm fine." He replied easily.

"Unfortunately." Jack grumbled, "I should have killed the fucking rat."

Ignoring him, Andrew went on, "Thanks to Carlisle."

I knew I wasn't going to be able to talk much longer, so I closed my eyes. Bracing myself and breathing deeply in an attempt to get my focus back.

I wasn't even sure what Carlisle was doing, not even paying attention to him until he spoke.

"Okay." He told me, his tone still very calming, "Everything is fine, but you're going to skip this contraction." Somehow, I knew exactly what he meant. He meant not to push, and that was really not what I wanted to hear. I sobbed in frustration, laying my head back against the armrest of the couch. This really wasn't the most comfortable place to be doing this, but at this point, I was _not_ willing to move or be moved.

He looked over, "Heather, please go and gather everything you can from on those shelves back there."

I couldn't reply or focus on that, because my next contraction hit. Despite really wanting to be through this, I did what he said and fought the urge to push. Fighting hard. I didn't care. I just wanted this to be over.

I squeezed my eyes shut, gritting my teeth and squeezing both hands around Andrew's hand as hard as I could in my effort to resist.

"Look at you." Jack chuckled. I could only cry. Opening my eyes, spotting him standing at the other end of the couch, seeing everything, "That looks like it hurts like a bitch."

"Fuck off!" I growled at him, "What is he doing here?"

"I'm sorry." Carlisle told me, "But this is the only way he would allow me to help you. I stalled as long as I could."

"You've got this." Mikah offered, gently smoothing my hair back from my damp forehead, "Don't pay any attention to him." Andrew, still holding my hand, was busy rubbing my entire arm and shoulder in a very soothing way. Both of them easing me through the entire contraction until it faded and let me relax for a minute. All three of them were torn between being here to support me or go after Jack. Probably since Jack was keeping his distance somewhat, only standing back to watch, they chose to keep supporting me. Besides that, with Heather and Josh's presence, there was only so much they could do.

As embarrassing as it was that Jack had a front row view, everything didn't stop just because he was here. I literally had no time to stop and make him leave. I couldn't.

"Get any closer." Andrew warned, and I knew who he was talking about.

"Do it, fucking mongrel." Jack chuckled. I clung harder to Andrew's hand, hoping that would keep him here.

"Jack." Heather spoke firmly as she returned, "Really."

Jack answered, "I'm only here to watch this bitch shit out that bastard so she doesn't die in the process. Only she can fuck up something that supposed to be natural."

"Carlisle." Mikah murmured, "The others..?"

"Not now." Carlisle replied firmly, and I didn't like that, "Leandra, I know this is stressful, but I need you to focus on what you're doing." I sobbed but nodded. I would try, but with everyone talking at once, it wasn't easy. I was feeling really overwhelmed.

"Yeah." Jack piped up, "Focus, bitch."

"Everyone _please_ shut up." I couldn't help it.

"Andrew, please support her leg for her." Carlisle requested. I wasn't sure if that was necessary, but I knew giving him a job would make him less likely to go after Jack. Pulling my leg back, though, did make the pain lessen. I wasn't using as much effort to hold it myself, and the support felt awesome.

Part of me wanted to feel very awkward, but the rest of me told me not to focus on that. All I wanted right then was to just get this thing out of me however it could be done without killing me or him. The instinct to push and the instinct to end the physical and emotional torture I was in were both the same.

"Carlisle." I whimpered. I needed to know if I could push yet because I was tumbling fast toward another contraction.

"Push when you're ready." He told me, and I sighed, "Push with all you have toward the pressure."

I made the mistake of looking passed Carlisle to Jack standing there. I struggled to catch my breath as his eyes met mine, and his small smile only grew. A solid sense of vulnerability washed over whatever resolve I had before.

I couldn't help it, "He needs to leave." I sobbed, shaking my head, "Please. Make him leave."

"Don't focus on him." Mikah told me, "Just ignore him. He doesn't matter."

"I can't." I whimpered, and I attempted to get my leg loose so I could sit up. Andrew held on, though.

"At least make him move." I plead, "Get him away from me."

"Just push the stupid fucking thing out so we can get back to business." Jack scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Leandra," Carlisle spoke firmly to me, "I'm blocking most of his view. Don't focus on him."

"I don't care about his view." I replied quickly, "I care that he's _here_."

"You heard her." Josh snapped, "Back the fuck up."

Jack just laughed, "Really? That's adorable."

"Why are you even here?" Josh asked, stepping between Jack and me, "What? Last time wasn't good enough for you? Can't you just leave her alone?"

"She asked for this."

"No she didn't." Josh immediately countered, "She was asking for the _opposite_ of this. She just wants you to go away. Just go away."

"You don't know anything about her, you little shit." Jack snapped, "You're starting to piss me off."

"Good!" Josh snapped right back, "I don't care."

"Josh." Heather looked over, "Just ignore him."

"Leandra." Carlisle took my attention again.

It took me a few seconds before I realized that I'd missed the last contraction. I honestly didn't know I could do that, but having Jack standing there was upsetting me enough to make that possible. Carlisle realized this as well when I shook my head.

With a heavy sigh, Carlisle dropped the sheet over me and stood up. Rounding to look at Jack. Josh stepped back, allowing Carlisle to step around him.

"Unless you want to cause potentially life-threatening complications," Carlisle told him, "I suggest you do as she asks." Josh came to stand beside Andrew, watching Carlisle and Jack.

"Get back over there and do your fucking job." Jack replied just as firmly, "You're lucky you're here at all. If I leave this fucking room, I'll be paying your wife a good, long visit."

"What?" I squeaked, but neither of them listened. I wasn't the only one that took notice of that, either. Heather looked over sharply.

"Jack?" She demanded, "What did you do?"

"You don't want that, do you?" Jack asked, his tone now a growl, and I could only imagine the look on Carlisle's face, "Do your job, and rip that bastard out of her, before I get in there and do it myself." He pointed at me. I sobbed hard, fighting the contraction I knew was coming.

"Jack.." I cried, causing him to look passed Carlisle and right to me.

"You don't know." He grinned, "Aren't you curious why there's not a single goddamn female here?"

"Don't talk to her." Carlisle told him.

I gasped, "Don't-"

"And the big one had to die." Jack added, "He was just too much trouble."

Heather stood up this time, but Carlisle looked back at her, "Focus on her, please. Don't let him distract you from helping her. It's what he wants."

"Are you that stupid?" Jack asked him next, "I brought you here to help the stupid bitch. I don't want her to die yet."

It took me a second to understand what he meant. I did my best to ignore the start of the next contraction. My focus was absolutely everywhere at once. I looked over at Andrew desperately, searching his expression. I knew he could see in my eyes that a contraction had started.

"He's lying." Andrew immediately told me, "He's lying. Don't listen to him. He's fine. I swear he was completely fine when we left."

"Am I?" Jack grinned.

"He's lying." Carlisle confirmed for me, "Emmett is just fine. He's only trying to upset you." I believed him a little more, but I sobbed at just the thought.

"But.." I whimpered, "Esme?"

"I have plans for her later." Jack chuckled, "I like that one." I looked back to Andrew, waiting for a confirmation. He didn't deny it this time, so I knew that that one was true. My tears only increased. Carlisle spoke to Jack, but his voice was far too quiet for me to hear what was being said. I could only hear the subtle hint of a growl in his tone.

Heather tried to talk to me again, but I ignored her.

Leaning down, Mikah spoke to me in a very soothing voice, taking my attention just as that contraction ended. I'd missed another.

"We'll figure this out." Mikah murmured, "I promise. Just please, _please_ get through this." I laid my head back, closing my eyes. He leaned closer, pressing a light kiss to my forehead.

"I can't." I cried, "I can't.."

"Listen to me." His tone was still very quiet, still against my head, "Think about the baby. If you decide to give up right now, he won't live through it. Neither will you."

His cool fingers gathered my hair a little more, allowing the cool air of the room to reach my overheated neck. It was a very comforting gesture, and that combined with Andrew's continued arm and shoulder massage was enough to calm me down enough to pay attention to what he was telling me.

"I know." I forced my crying back, "I know you're right, but.."

"You're tired." Mikah told me, "It's been one hell of a shitty day, but this is one thing you _have_ to do right now. Whether you're ready or not, you have to get this done. Whether you're ready or not, whether you're okay or not, it has to be done. So take your breath, breathe, and _push_."

Doing as he said, I took a breath and I steeled my emotions. I had no choice.

I nodded. It was easy to know exactly how I needed to push, so the second I felt the first wave of the coming contraction, I took a deep breath, and curled a little, pushing downward, right toward the pressure. Using Andrew's hand as leverage, and he held firm. Giving me the support I needed with counter-pressure.

"Carlisle." Andrew called his attention. He rounded back to me and he instantly focused on me again.

"Good, Leandra." Heather smiled.

"Good job, Leandra." Carlisle praised me, so I knew I was doing it right. I wasn't screwing this up, and that gave me the confidence I needed to push harder.

They weren't telling me to stop, so I took another breath when the old one gave up, and repeated the process. My contraction was ending at that point, so I finished up that push and relaxed for a moment. As much as I could.

Just those two pushes stole a whole hell of a lot of what energy I had left in me. I wasn't prepared for that.

Andrew leaned forward, lightly pressing his forehead against the side of my head.

"You're doing so well, Leandra." He murmured softly as I sobbed in exhaustion, tears flooding my cheeks. He knew I was tired, but there was literally no going back at this point. I was extremely grateful for his encouragement, as well as Mikah's cool hand still smoothing my forehead. The pain was still so intense, I could feel it in my bones and joints, but it was now rivaling my exhaustion. Keeping me from giving up, despite how much I really wanted to.

I did everything I could to ignore Jack's movements as he took a few steps closer and to the side to watch. Thankfully, he didn't say anything.

"A few more pushes, Leandra." Carlisle reminded me, and I realized I'd been slacking off.

"I'm so tired." I cried, unable to help it.

"I know." He replied, "I know you are, but you have to keep going."

"I can't do it." I sobbed hard, literally gasping for breath now. I felt like I couldn't breathe around the pain, but I knew it was just the massive effort my body was giving without even trying.

"You can." Carlisle told me firmly, "You're so close. You're almost done."

"You're almost done." Heather confirmed, nodding, "Come on, sweetheart. You can do this. Just a few more good tries."

I took comfort in that. They were right. I was almost done. My other hand moved from holding my leg up, to grabbing hold of the back of the couch for better leverage. Mikah reached over me and held my leg back for me, which I deeply appreciated. With so much going on, it was very hard to keep it back myself. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Josh leaning over for a look.

Sniffling hard, I sucked in a deep breath and pushed with every ounce of strength I still had in my body. Crying out in my effort. It was going to take more than I'd been giving. I had to give it all I had. I owed it to the baby to give more than I had been giving.

"Good." Carlisle told me, "Good job." I wasn't really listening anymore. I sobbed out loudly the old breath I'd used up. My sobs echoing back at me from the walls as I gasped in more breath. The pain only increased as I felt progress, gasping in another, deeper breath and pushing one more time. Glancing over for a split second at Jack.

"Get him away from me!" I cried hard mid-push through clenched teeth, but they ignored that.

"Again." Carlisle instructed me, and I followed his instruction without thinking. Giving one last hard push. As hard as I could, trembling violently with the intense effort I was giving.

Suddenly, the pressure was gone. Just like that, my pushing ended. I gasped deeply at the intense emptiness I wasn't prepared for, coughing out a cry at the abruptness of it. All at once, my entire body just relaxed. The tension I didn't realize I felt just left as quickly as the baby did, and I laid back, trying to catch my breath as I clearly heard the cough of a very new infant. The next sound I heard was a loud, gurgling wail following that cough.

I sobbed out loud at the next cry from the baby, clearly hearing Andrew's quiet laugh beside me. I wasn't sure how long I laid there, as I was pretty sure I must have passed out for a moment, because I didn't remember anything until my arms instinctively came up around the very warm weight that was laid on my chest, and that was when I finally looked down. Still very messy, but a dark pink color, a squirming and squalling baby laid face down on me.

It felt like I was in a daze. Like I literally couldn't grasp what had just happened. Looking at the baby, it was suddenly very easy to ignore the pain I was still in. I studied him. He had a lot of very dark hair, and I tried to get a good look at his face, but he was too busy squalling to really give me a good look. I fought my own emotion before carefully lifting him and pulling him a little higher and held him more securely.

"Jesus." Jack laughed, but I wasn't really listening, though. Far too busy studying the thing that had just exited me in a very weird and painful way. I vaguely noticed Jack walk away toward the other side of the room.

Heather handed me more sheets, which I accepted easily, starting to clean off the baby a little more myself with trembling hands. Carefully wiping goo and blood away from him, starting at his face. He seemed to calm down as I did that, whimpering now but his squalling had quieted down. Now and then giving a single good cry or cough.

I laid my head back once I was satisfied for now, closing my eyes and breathing. I ignored everything, too wiped out to do much of anything else. Left over emotion forced tears from behind my closed eyes, but I didn't even try to stop them.

"Mikah." Andrew spoke, "Thank you. Thank you for taking care of her."

"Of course." Mikah replied, "Are you okay?"

"Still a bit sore." He said, "But I'll be okay. I came as soon as I could." I was really appreciating their civil conversation.

Mikah spoke again, "Carlisle-"

"Not now." Carlisle replied, shutting him up yet again. I gathered that I wasn't done yet, but the hard part was over. As far as I knew, my job was done.

My attention was taken by the baby again as he started squirming once more after a moment of laying there. Seeming to poke around weakly with his face.

"W-What is he doing?" I asked.

"Are you still planning on giving him away?" Carlisle asked me.

That seemed like a very odd question for the moment.

"I don't know." I murmured hesitantly. Holding him this way, I suddenly doubted my ability to let him go.

"If not," Carlisle replied, "I suggest you feed him."

"Feed?" I asked breathlessly. Of course I knew what he meant, but I didn't know I'd have to figure this out this soon. I actually hadn't planned on ever having to do that, but the circumstances tonight had changed every one of my plans already. I knew by now just to go with it.

"It would be very beneficial for both of you." He told me, mistaking my nervousness as reluctance. Heather smiled, and stepped closer, about to help me but Mikah beat her to it.

"Here." Mikah rounded the couch, and I looked over at him. Andrew moved out of the way to give him room. Picking the baby up gently, he moved the sheet away from my chest and laid him sideways across me. Heather oversaw, probably just to make sure he was giving me the right instruction.

My arm once more came up to instinctively cradle him. Now that I had him in a more secure hold, it was almost easy to figure out what he was after, but it was far from easy figuring out how to get him on there. I was just as clumsy, it seemed, as he was. It took me a moment to get him centered, but when I did, he clamped on like he was starving, and though it didn't necessarily hurt, I jumped.

"If it hurts," Mikah said, "Take him off and try again." I shook my head, watching the baby now.

"It's fine." I replied, and he nodded. I actually thought it would be more weird than it was. It was weird, no doubt, but it also seemed natural. Like this was what I was supposed to do.

"How did you know how to do that?" I asked him, and he shrugged.

"I grew up with four younger siblings, remember?" He asked, "I saw a lot of that growing up." He reached over, very gently smoothing the baby's hair with the back of two fingers.

"Now," Mikah sighed hesitantly and I looked over, "I love you, I'm proud of you, but.. I uh.."

"Go ahead." I nodded, knowing what he was getting at. There was blood absolutely everywhere. Almost my entire lower half was splattered and smeared in it. The baby was still coated in it, as well as my arms and the sheets. He was probably in agony. "Thank you."

"No problem." He replied, smoothing my hair back one more time before making his hasty retreat. Andrew returned to my side, leaning over for a closer look. He wouldn't be able to see much, but that didn't stop him from looking and lightly touching one of the baby's tiny feet.

"You did so great, Leandra." Heather smiled again, looking at the baby as well, "Once he's done, we'll get a look at him." I nodded, accepting that.

"And where the fuck do you think you're going?" I turned my head, trying to look back at Jack's incredulous tone. Heather's smile faded as she looked over as well.

"Out." Mikah snapped in reply.

"I don't fucking think so." Jack scoffed, "Get your ass back over there. Nobody leaves this room. Nobody in or out."

"You're joking." Mikah muttered flatly, "Do you not smell that?"

"Isn't it like your job to ignore it, or whatever it is you fucks do?" Jack countered, "Don't be such a pussy and suck it the fuck up. Now that the little shit has been extracted, I got plans for that bitch, and _nobody_ is going to fuck it up this time."

"Jack." Heather glared, "Really. I don't know what you think you're doing, but you need to leave."

"Shut up." Jack scoffed, "Nobody asked you to pipe up, Heather. Run your fucking mouth at someone who cares."

"Don't talk to her like that." I barked toward him.

"It doesn't bother me, honey." She assured me.

"You shut the fuck up." Jack barked back at me, "Focus on that fucking rat sucking on you, because you won't be able to much longer." Of course that made me nervous, and I looked back down at the baby.

Nervously, I looked over at Andrew. He stood up. Reaching over, I grabbed his hand. Completely ignoring the fact that he was still naked.

I needed him to be okay. If it came down to it, I needed him to be able to run with the baby onto the reservation. He would need to be the one to protect him, as I was nowhere near strong enough to defend myself, much less protect him. He had to be the strong one.

"And you." Jack noticed, looking over, "Put some goddamn clothes on, and sit your ass back down. Nobody asked you to stand up, rover. Put it away, because I don't want to see that shit."

"Sit down, sweetie." Heather told him, but I knew by her tone that she knew it wouldn't work.

"Does it bother you?" Andrew goaded him.

"No." Jack laughed, "It makes me feel sorry for you, _and_ for her. I actually can't believe you managed to knock her up with that thing."

"Can we not do this right now?" I snapped, disgusted.

"Sorry to be the one to break this to you," Jack went on, ignoring me, "But she's used to something _much_ bigger. Seriously. Did she even feel it?"

"What the hell, Jack?" Heather demanded.

"I don't need to brag to make myself feel better." Andrew countered, and before I could say anything, Mikah spoke up.

"Are you freaking kidding me right now?" Mikah asked, "Are you two _seriously_ arguing about this?"

My thoughts started working again, and I was about to ask Carlisle what he was still doing there, until I felt something else leave me.

Oh, right. The placenta. That had to come out too. Obviously that was something that couldn't be rushed.

Once that was out of there, he looked to me.

"I'm just going to press a bit to make sure it all detached and to check for any abnormal bleeding." He told me and I nodded. He reached up, pressing on my lower stomach, searching for anything out of the ordinary. I was still rather sore, but I didn't complain much. It seemed stupid to be embarrassed now that everyone in the room had seen everything, and my part was over. All I had to do was sit there and let him repair the damage, which was perfectly fine by me.

"Shut the fuck up." Jack told Mikah, "Just because you're the _one_ guy on the face of the fucking earth that that fucking whore hasn't slept with, doesn't mean you have to open your trap."

"What is even going on right now?" Josh, the silent observer, threw in. At some point, he had drifted back toward the other side of the room.

"She's not a whore." Andrew was getting pissed.

"That's right." Jack replied, "Whores charge money. Sluts fuck for free. Only a goddamn _slut_ would give it up knowing she belonged to someone else."

"She doesn't belong to you." Andrew growled.

"Um.. Yeah." Jack chuckled, "She does. Ask her."

"Andrew, stop egging him on." Heather told him. I tugged at his hand, trying to force him to sit down.

"She and I both know that the whole time she was with you, she was thinking of me."

"Probably hoping you were dead." Andrew scoffed.

"Wishing it was me." Jack corrected, "Because you just weren't doing it for her-"

"Shut the fuck up!" I flinched at Mikah's shout, looking back at him again, "Both of you, for _fuck's_ sake!"

"Mr. Jealous over here." Jack laughed, "You're just mad because she went for the fucking _dog_ before you could get your paws on her. Well, get over it. I'm sure she'll be bouncing back soon enough. Although who knows, once I'm fucking done with her. Tell you what, I'll leave you one of her hands so you can use it-"

The sound of someone's fist hitting someone else had me look over sharply. Andrew's laughter told me it was Jack that got punched. Mikah bounded back as Jack straightened up.

"Do it again!" Josh cheered him on.

"Stop it." Carlisle called, "All of you. Heather, I need your help." That seemed to remind her. She returned to his side, kneeling back down beside the couch.

"I guess I did deserve that." Jack allowed, "Not a bad hit. Don't fucking try that again, but not bad."

Still dazed, I finally paid attention to Carlisle and Heather again.

"What are you doing now?" I asked, mostly curious.

"You have some minor tearing." He replied, "I'm adding a few stitches to help with the healing process." I didn't doubt that one bit. I had zero doubts that I was a wreck down there. I was glad, though, that he said the word 'minor'. A little bit of tearing was the least of my worries after what just happened.

"Oh." I mumbled, sighing.

"Is the baby still feeding?" He asked me, and I looked down.

"No." I replied sleepily, "I think he's sleeping now."

"Okay." He nodded a little, "Andrew, would you please take him? As soon as I'm finished, she needs to rest."

"Yeah." Andrew agreed easily, grabbing a clean sheet from the pile next to me and carefully lifting the baby away from me. I watched him closely during the whole transfer and for a moment after the baby was settled in his arms. As far as I could tell, he stayed asleep. It was the weirdest feeling now being separated from him. He was a whole separate person now.

Up until now, we'd been the same person. One in the same. It was almost scary to realize that I couldn't shield him anymore, the way I had been since he was created. He was no longer in the protective little bubble of my belly, but seeing Andrew holding him protectively made me feel better about that. I knew he was in good hands.

I laid my head back, sighing as I closed my eyes.

"Shouldn't I..?" Mikah spoke up.

"It'll keep him calm." Carlisle replied simply without looking up.

"Leandra?" I looked over as Josh approached again, almost hesitantly.

"Yeah." I said, "It's safe now. I wouldn't quite say I'm human again, but.. I'm not gonna bite your head off."

"Good." He said, and to my confusion, he reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out his wallet, "Well, I'm just going to let you know now that that.. Well, watching that.. I'm scared shitless, but you need this more than I do."

Opening his wallet, he pulled out a condom and handed it to me. I looked down at it and really couldn't help laughing. Despite the pain, it was the funniest thing that he'd done in a long time.

"Ow." I laughed, "God, Josh."

"What?" He laughed a little as well, "I'm serious. Use that next time."

"It's funny that you think I'm _ever_ having sex again." I replied, "You can't imagine how bad that sucked. If anyone comes near me with one of those again, I'll rip it off and throw it in the river."

"Ahem." Andrew muttered, turning and walking a few steps away. This time Heather laughed as well, despite her tension, shaking her head. After a moment, the laughter died down, though and I sighed.

"Thank you, Josh." I said, "Not just for this, but for always being there when I needed you."

"It's my job." He replied with a small smile, "But you're welcome." He leaned down and kissed my forehead, but he lingered there for a moment. I closed my eyes, feeling the obvious sweetness of the action.

I couldn't help smiling a little as well, looking up at him as he stood back up.

"I've gotta say, though." He said, "You're way tougher than I am. That.. Was amazing. No joke."

"I thought it scared you shitless?" I lightly joked.

"It did." He replied, "It definitely did, but I can be scared shitless and admire it at the same time. I mean.. God. You just pushed a _person_ out of you."

"Thanks for reminding me." I countered, laughing sleepily, "I almost forgot." For emphasis, I gestured weakly to Heather and Carlisle still working on patching me up. They must have been using anesthetic or something, because I couldn't feel it. Which I was extremely grateful for.

"I just know I'm gonna be way more careful in the future."

"Good." Heather spoke up, "Keep that in mind. If only Zack could have been here."

"Last time I checked," I told her, "He still claimed virgin. Well, I don't actually mean 'check', but.."

"I know what you mean." She laughed a little, "And that is really relieving to hear."

"I'll make sure he knows." Josh nodded, "Trust me."

I was appreciating this banter. It was still my normal, but looking around, I could definitely see that everyone else was distracted. The firm look of tension never left Carlisle's eyes, and now Mikah mirrored him. Though Andrew had yet to look away from the baby in his arms, he seemed worried as well.

I reached out to him, though. Taking his attention. He looked at me as my slight smile faded, and between us, we communicated silently. It was the strangest thing.

I knew he understood me, and I knew he knew I understood him. No matter what, make sure the baby is safe. It was his job now to ensure he got to safety. I'd done everything I possibly could to make sure the baby got a chance. Now it was Andrew's turn.

But I also knew he knew what that would mean. It would mean he had to leave me behind. He couldn't carry both me and the baby at the same time, and I was in absolutely no condition to try to hold onto him while carrying the baby at the same time. I would only slow him down, so if he had to run, he would take the baby with him. He was way too important to risk him that way.

At that point, the baby whimpered, taking his attention. I closed my eyes, laying my head back again.

"Look," Heather spoke up, but I knew by her tone that it wasn't at me, "I don't know what you think you're doing here, Jack, but.. Nobody asked you to come back."

"So now I need an invitation?" Jack scoffed, "Good God, you're.. You're always like this."

"Can you _blame_ me?" She demanded.

"Do you have _any_ idea what I've done for you?" He demanded right back, "What I've been trying to do since you took that fucking tramp in? You should be at my feet, bitch, thanking me."

"Don't you talk to her like that." Josh barked, unable to keep it back. I opened my eyes briefly and looked back at Jack.

"You shut up." Jack pointed at him, "You're on my shitlist already. I helped raise your ass."

"You have no reason to be here." Heather ignored their small argument, "Why-"

"You don't know my reasons." He laughed humorlessly.

"I don't know what you think these poor people have done to you, but whatever happened back then was all your fault, Jack." She told him firmly, "You brought everything on yourself, and now that I can do something about it, I'll be damned if I'm going to let you torment her."

"For fuck's sake, Heather, shut the fuck up." Jack sounded bored, "You have no fucking idea what you're talking about."

"I know exactly what I'm talking about." She countered, "You're here, blaming Leandra for running away from you, and you're blaming Carlisle and his family for taking her in. I would have done the _exact_ same thing they did, so tell me. Would you be after revenge as adamantly if it'd been me?"

"I would have been more adamant about it." He growled in return, "I told you once, Heather. You don't turn your back on me."

"Or what?" She snapped, "I'm not afraid of you, Jack."

"Heather." I whimpered, but she never looked back.

"You're testing my patience." Jack was warning her, and she wasn't listening.

"Let's test your patience a little more, shall we?" She asked, her tone unwavering, "I'm _so_ sick of you, and what you consider your right to torment people. For reasons you pull out of nowhere, Jack. Your accusations are baseless. You have no real reason to blame Leandra or Carlisle for the things you brought on yourself. You're blaming them as an escape from the consequences of _your_ actions. I won't have it. If you think you're going to get to her, you'll have to go through me, you son-of-a-bitch."

Hesitantly, Mikah stepped to her side, and I knew he would do his best to protect her if Jack snapped. She noticed this as well.

"Mikah, honey, go over there." She told him quietly.

My attention was taken by Carlisle gently straightened my leg out, letting me know he was done. It felt good to stretch out. I ignored Heather and Jack's heated bantering, looking up at Carlisle as he stood up.

"Now what?" I asked fearfully.

"Now, you rest." He told me calmly.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." He assured me, "But that's the answer you're getting. Let us worry about everything else."

"Carlisle.." I whimpered, "I never wanted any of this to happen."

"I know." He repeated with a sigh, kneeling down beside the couch, "Leandra, I don't want you to think for a moment that anything he says is true. No matter what happens, we will make it right."

I really wanted to keep asking questions, but I nodded instead. I was too tired to think anymore. Just for a minute, I told myself. Closing my eyes.

I wasn't awake to hear whatever was said next. Now that everything was over, at least on my part, my consciousness just sort of shut off.

At some point, though, not long later, I was awake. Sitting up, moving, but not actually awake yet. It took me a moment to figure out why I was suddenly standing up next to the bed, when I heard the baby's cry again. At the end of the bed, sat a little white bassinet where the cries were coming from. I took brief notice of the fact that I was still naked at the chill in the room. It was very dimly lit in the room, most of the lights off aside from one near the kitchen.

I wasn't sure why they didn't think to put clothes on me, but I hated to think that it was because they didn't have time to.

I looked around myself, but couldn't find anyone else. Panic suddenly dropped my stomach, and I realized I'd have to figure this crap out on my own. I carefully stepped closer, peering into the tiny bed.

"Uh.." I mumbled over the sound of his crying, "Shit.. Uhm.." I looked around as if the answer to what he wanted would be written somewhere. I looked back down at him, and for the life of me, I couldn't find any hint of a motherly instinct in me. Wasn't this shit supposed to come naturally? God, maybe I was flawed. This stranger baby had half my DNA, yet I felt no real connection to him. Shouldn't we be like best friends already?

"Uh.." I muttered again, "Well, are you hungry? Maybe you're hungry.." I sighed, "I guess that means I have to pick you up, huh?"

I was overly aware of every movement I made while attempting to scoop him up. Like he was made of tissue paper, I made no sudden movements. Despite not having a shred of motherly instinct, I still didn't want to drop him. I at least knew dropping him wasn't very good for his overall well-being. I did inventory on what part of his tiny body to support with which finger of which hand.

"Okay.." I mumbled to myself, "That's a leg.. Gotta support the head, right? Right. No shit."

As soon as he felt himself secure in my arms, though, he stopped crying. It surprised me for a moment as I studied him for signs of him continuing to wail. He made the tiniest grunting sounds, huffing a bit as he softly wriggled in my arm. His gray eyes blinking open now and then to look up at me. He was wrapped up tightly in a blanket, and he looked even tinier than he did before with those tiny arms and legs closed up in the blanket. He was literally a little bundle.

"There." I couldn't help smiling a little, "That wasn't so hard, was it? You were just lonely." Each step was hell, but I turned. Walking slowly back to the bed, carrying him with me.

"I don't know where everyone else went," I told him, "But it wasn't the smartest move leaving someone as irresponsible as your mom in charge of you.. God, you're so small." Carefully, I laid him on the blanket of the bed, leaving room for me to painfully roll and inch myself onto the bed as well. He seemed fine now, but I picked him back up anyway. Mostly just to get myself used to doing it.

I talked lightly to him, not wanting to overwhelm him. I could imagine how weird it had to be hearing everything directly now instead of it being muffled through liquid and the walls of my stomach.

My voice seemed to calm him down, and soon enough, his breathing changed. Indicating sleep. I sat there for quite some time, just watching him. Studying his sleeping face, and recalling every uncomfortable moment I'd endured during my pregnancy and actually giving birth to him. This little creature couldn't possibly be the reason behind that amount of pain.

There was no way this little creature could possibly be like his dad, but he held the gene. In him was something not many people knew about. This little creature had protected me. Held on when most wouldn't have been able to. Adapted to having _me_ , the worst person in the world, be the one sustaining him. His fragile, sleeping face would grow up to be something much bigger than me.

The quiet of the room was soothing. I had no idea what to do when he woke up again, but for right then, I'd just keep watching him. I'd figure the rest out when the time came.

I woke again, not having realized I'd dozed off, to the sound of the door opening again. First I glanced down at the baby still secure in my arms, before I looked across the room to see who had come.

Before I could even focus, he was speaking to me.

"Put that damn thing down." Of course it had to be Jack. I was completely alone. Even more defenseless than before, so I knew. Arguing with him would only piss him off even more.

"Okay." I mumbled, knowing that was what he wanted to hear. His focus was on me, and as much as I hated that, it seemed like he was going to leave the baby out of it. Carefully, but as quickly as I could, I scooted off the bed and made my way to the bassinet. I was now even more painfully aware of the fact that I had no clothes on. Jack watched my every move as I settled the baby down, making sure he was comfortable before I turned to look at him.

As soon as I turned, though, he was there. Gripping my throat and moving me backwards to the bed. My legs hit the side of it, and were knocked out from under me. I fell back painfully as he followed, his hand never leaving my neck as he climbed over me. Surprisingly, he kept all of his weight off of me, only kneeling over me and trapping me between his knees. Pinning me effectively, even if I had been able to fight.

"I won't beg for my life." I whimpered, knowing it would do no good.

"At this point," He replied softly, "I really don't care."

"Then just do it." I told him, "Kill me. I don't care anymore, either."

He chuckled, "No.."

"Don't you get it?" I asked, "You've won. What more do you want from me, Jack?"

"You're coming with me." He replied, "This means _everything_ to me. I started this almost ten years ago, and I'm going to finish it. Ten years from the first night I left my mark on you, is the night your life ends."

"What are you going to do when I'm dead?" I asked through tightening breath.

"I never said you're going to die." He murmured.

"You just did."

"No." He corrected, "I said your life is going to end. Before your new one begins." My eyes widened in realization, "Yeah, you pissed me off, but.. I can't kill you. I can't, because like you said.. What'll I do when you're dead? I was going to leave it up to Aro to change you, but he was taking too goddamn long, and I thought about it. _I_ want to be the one. Once I do it, you'll _really_ belong to me. Forever."

"You're crazy if you think that'll work." I whispered, unable to make my tone any stronger.

"What do you think I was going to do that night before that damn dog startled me? Huh?" He asked in his own whisper. My breathing gave away my trembling as much as he felt it. He leaned down, his forehead carefully touching mine. I turned my head, unable to help the quiet sob, but he allowed that.

"You're mine." He continued in a whisper, "You've escaped me too many times."

"No." I argued as convincingly as I could.

"Yes." He replied, "You've always known. I've always been the one thing you could count on, right? Those others.. They've made promises they never kept. They promised they'd stop me, and keep you from me. Look at you now."

I just cried, so he went on.

"Think about it. This is how it was always meant to be."

I whimpered, "Carlisle will-"

"He's going to see." He cut me off, "He's fine. They all are. Well," He paused for a chuckle, "They're fine, for the most part. My goal has never been to kill them off, only to make them suffer." His whisper softened as he moved his lips closer to my ear, "And they have. They have suffered. Especially that hot little wife."

I turned my head again sharply, looking up at him. I could see the pleased expression in his dark crimson eyes. He was obviously really proud of himself. Then his words registered to me.

"You didn't." I growled at him, hating him once more.

"I did." He replied easily, "I did it well, and she has you to thank for me showing her such a good time."

"You fucking asshole!" I gave a very brief fight, trying to get him off of me, but I stopped at the intense pain that ripped through my midsection. Sobbing now in pain and frustration.

"Calm the fuck down." He pinned me harder for a moment, "I didn't hurt the bitch. She begged me for it."

"No she didn't." I spat, disgusted.

"Okay, maybe she didn't." He chuckled, "She didn't say no, though. Probably because she knew I was on my way to see you."

"Pig." I glared up at him, but he just smiled darkly.

"She has you to thank," He said, "Because you brought me into their lives. I warned you. I gave you _so_ many chances, yet you decided to stay selfish."

"You didn't have to do that!" I sobbed up at him.

"Yes I did." He chuckled quietly, "That loud-mouthed fucking blonde was about to be next, but.. You're more important to me." I fought again as much as I could as he leaned back down, "I'm sorry, but it's just how it was supposed to happen. They've sure suffered because of you and so will you, but they'll see. I've won."

I didn't bother replying this time. The more I replied, the longer he'd hold me here. At least that's what I told myself. As I looked up at him, I began to realize that he was right. He'd won. There was no way.. _No_ way to go against him with half of the Volturi guard on his side.

I took comfort in the fact that he didn't want to kill them, but what did that mean for me? This entire time, it was me he was after. Now that he had me, what now? Of course I knew his intention, but what would happen between now and then?

A suffocating sense of defeat washed over me, and I knew he could see it. I felt sick, but in a crushingly depressed sort of way. After what he just told me about Esme, and what he did to her, it became even more painfully obvious that he was right. He'd been right this whole time. I never should have brought them into this.

"I'll go with you." I whimpered, "I'm done, Jack. I'm done fighting." He smiled wider.

"Good." He replied, "Because you don't have a fucking choice."

"I know." I mumbled quietly, gasping through an escaped sob.

"You'll see them again." He assured me, "I _want_ them to see you. I want them to see just how much I own your ass. How every.. Fucking.. Ounce of their effort was for nothing. How all of this was for nothing." His thumb softly rubbed my neck.

"But.." He purred, "Because you're being so good about this, I'll tell you what.. I'll let the little bastard over there live. Even though he has personally wronged me, he's just a baby." He glanced over at the bassinet, "It's not his fault who his slut mother or his fucking father is. I don't need to kill it to make you see. I think you've already learned your lesson."

I closed my eyes again, "Thank you."

"We have to go." He murmured, "They'll be here soon to check on you, no doubt."

"We're just going to leave him?" I had to voice my concern.

"He'll be fine." He told me firmly, "Don't even worry about it. There's enough people worried about you that someone is bound to find him before he even wakes up." He was right. Taking a breath, I nodded before he continued, "But let's leave them a little something. I'm done letting him help you."

My heart dropped as his free hand started on a journey. Down my side, his fingertips tickling the skin of my side, before sliding over my leg and tucking between them. I wasn't sure what he was going to do, so I braced myself for anything. He forced them apart, and I squeezed my eyes shut and waited.

I didn't feel much of anything, mostly little stinging tugs, until I realized what he was doing. He was removing my stitches.

I wasn't stupid. I knew I wouldn't bleed to death because they were taken out. Whatever tearing I had would heal on its own, but knowing he was the one to take them out would tell them all they needed to know.

I didn't fight as he climbed off of me, or as he dragged me to the edge of the bed by my hips, picking me up. I got a look at the small pile of stitches left on the bed as well as a few drops and smears of blood on the white sheet. I got one last look at the baby sleeping in the bassinet before we were leaving everything behind.

 **A/N: Okay. So. I know I said this would be the last chapter, but there will be one more after this one. I'm sorry this took so long, but I've been pretty busy plotting how the next story's first few chapters are going to go. The next story's first few chapters depend directly on how this story ends. That, and RL has been pretty busy as well. Eight month old Little KNeu has been busy with trying to teethe, added on to trying to figure out where we're moving to when our lease ends in a few months.  
But.. Enough excuses.  
The next chapter probably won't be too soon, but you never know.  
THANK YOU to my reviewer of last chapter! You're awesome! THANK YOU!  
I am, however, going to shamefully ask for more reviewers. I would love to know what you're all thinking, as it would let me know if it would be worth it to even continue posting.  
Until next chapter, guys.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Jack had clearly thought this through. When he said he was done playing around, he obviously meant it. He never brought me to see anyone else. He wasn't out to taunt them this time. If anything, he really wanted to make sure nobody found me until he was ready for them to.

It didn't take him long to figure out that I couldn't continue to stay naked. There were certain 'feminine' issues that needed to be addressed, or I'd make a very large mess.

Having a baby was far from a neat or tidy event. He must have forgotten that from when my mom had my younger brother. Continuing to bleed was something I had no control over, and he knew that, but that didn't stop him from complaining.

So he made the decision to stop for a short time somewhere in the middle of a very large city, but that was only long enough for him to gather me some clothes and products I'd need before we were off again.

I was given a too-large jacket and pair of sweatpants, but those two things were all I had to protect myself against the chilly night.

I didn't know what his plan was with me, despite knowing his goal.

Once he'd settled on a place, I was forced to sit there and watch him work on what would be my new home for the next three months. I knew his plan now.

It really wasn't like I could get up and run away. Sitting was painful. My mind was busy, despite sitting there silently. The guilt was already eating me alive, nearly causing physical pain. Just thinking about what my family was probably going through at that time kept me still.

I could see his intention from a mile away, but there was literally nothing I could do to keep it from happening. I felt the most defeated I'd ever felt. Once he got done, I would literally be laying down and quitting. I would literally be hidden away from the rest of the world until the time came.

Deep in the forest, high up on the ledge of a sheer rock face, out in the middle of nowhere, he used his hands to dig into the solid stone. Hollowing out the earth and rock until it now had a decent little cave or burrow inside it. Long enough to give me some distance from the mouth of the cave, and just wide enough to have two sides to it. It led down and back into the rock. The 'ceiling' high enough for me to move around by crawling, but standing was out of the question.

To the front of the outside ledge was the straight drop off to the trees below. To the right was another straight drop off, but it ended abruptly in the ocean. I could hear the sound of the waves slamming themselves up against the rock below, as I tried to shield myself the best I could from the wind.

He didn't talk much the whole time, but I got the idea. As soon as he nodded and looked at me, I limped to my feet, and crawled in without a fight.

"Go on." He told me quietly, and I knew he knew where I was emotionally at that point. He didn't need to cuss me out. He didn't need to force me, or push me around. It was almost like he regretted doing this, as weird as it sounded. When I nearly stumbled, he actually helped me in by offering his hand for support. I was in debilitating pain after what I'd just gone through. Of course I accepted his help.

"I'll be back by nightfall." He told me, "Just.. Sit tight." I didn't bother replying, curling up on my side on the hard stone. It felt colder here.

I looked toward the entrance as he fit a bit of stone directly over it, one solid piece, cutting off most of the daylight. Aside from a few slivers of light, I was dropped into darkness. There was no way I'd ever be able to move that giant boulder myself. He knew this.

True to his word, he did return that night. Dropping off several large comforters and blankets, and some food.

"You're losing a lot of blood." He grumbled, surprisingly building me a bed out of the blankets across the small burrow, "Eat."

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled, my voice thick. It was true. I was more tired and depressed than I was hungry.

"Then come here." He told me firmly, so I got moving. Rolling to my hands and knees, crawling gingerly over to the pile of blankets. It felt amazing to lay on those instead of the hard rock. If I didn't know better, I'd swear it was an actual bed. It felt that good.

I curled into the soft material, closing my eyes before I could start to cry. He continued to kneel there, watching me. I ignored him the best I could, curling into the blankets for warmth.

My first night in this God forsaken place was rough. As guilty as I felt, I desperately wanted to get back to the baby I hadn't even had a chance to get to know. I knew he was in good hands, but that didn't help me any.

I could already see what Jack was doing. Keeping me in darkness until he decided to open the rock. He alone decided when the sun would rise for me. He alone decided when the endless darkness would end. Just the thought of the next few months scared me.

That was three months ago. Now the days were growing ever shorter, but the guilt never stopped.

I never learned what exactly had happened between my family and Jack. The most he ever told me was that the baby was fine, and he only told me that once. I did feel confident, though, that someone had found the baby alone and took care of him. There were too many people counting on him being okay for him to be forgotten about in any way. Just like Jack said.

I wondered what name they had decided to give him. As much as I missed him, and as much as I thought about him, my thoughts had changed. It was just like Jack was always saying. My son was better off without someone as horrible as me in his life. If I could give him peace, just by cooperating with Jack, then that was what I needed to do.

I hated to think about what they thought when they found the stitches, though.

And I did a whole lot of thinking. Stuck in my thoughts for several hours at a time. Sitting alone in the dark. Sitting on my nest of now dirty blankets. Feeling the rock all around me, considering I couldn't see a damn thing. Following the slivers of daylight as they shifted around me. The position of those slivers told me when Jack would come back for me. I'd come to depend on that.

Against my will, I adjusted.

Keeping a human alive for over three months was obviously harder than Jack thought before. Keeping one hidden for over three months was also harder than he thought. I'd made it this far stuffed and hidden away in a burrow.

I was extremely grateful, though, that he took me to a natural hot spring for a make-shift bath as often as he did. Once every other day until I recovered from giving birth, then once a week after that. It was hard to judge distance with how quickly he could run, but we weren't far from it, so he'd chosen his location carefully.

Underground in a dark, damp hole was not the way I'd imagined my life to be months before. With nothing but a pile of blankets to keep me warm and some food delivered to me now and then, wasting away in loneliness and getting eaten from the inside out by guilt.

I sometimes went a couple of days at a time without eating or seeing him, but that was no surprise to me. It was nothing outrageous. The loneliness was really getting to me, though. I was going nuts with no interaction with anyone, and it got so bad that I looked forward to him coming back. As much as I hated him, I'd take anything over the constant silence and solitude.

Sometimes he gave in and stayed with me, because I'd cry and beg. He'd always tell me that it wasn't safe for him to stay, but that hardly mattered to me. On the nights he'd stay, I'd fall asleep to lullabies of what he was going to do to me.

Often, thoughts of 'what if he never came back' crawled through my mind. As much as I vowed never to live in 'what if' land, it couldn't be avoided in this case. I needed him to come back. My life, or whatever was left of it, depended on it.

The days were colder, and the last two times I saw the outside for my 'bath', there was fresh snow around my burrow. It was getting close. I'd lost track a long time ago. He and I both knew the date he was talking about. December 24th. Christmas eve. I just had no way to know what day it was without asking, and I really didn't want to know.

It had been a few days, so I waited impatiently for him to come move the rock hiding me. I'd given up hope for the day by nightfall. Just after I'd settled in my blanket cocoon for the night, shivering to try to generate more heat, the rock was moved. Surprised he'd come by this late, I crawled forward toward the entrance of the burrow the second I heard it start to move.

"That's what I like to see." Jack chuckled the second it was out of the way, "I love when my bitches come to greet me." He stood outside the burrow, looking down at me in the hole. I waited silently, looking up at him.

He studied me for a moment before he sighed, stepping back.

"Come on out of there." He told me, and I didn't waste a second waiting for him to tell me twice. I crawled out as soon as I could, despite how intensely cold the snow was on my bare feet. I stretched hard as soon as I was standing. There wasn't much room to do so in there, and it felt good to breathe fresh air. It was very cold out tonight, my breath coming in thick puffs in front of me, but I'd long since grown accustomed to the cold. For the most part, anyway. He stood there, arms crossed as he watched me.

"I've got a surprise for you." He said, and I looked over. I instantly grew nervous. Had I miscounted the number of days left?

December 24th was going to be my last day technically alive. Given the larger piles of fresh snow around us, I wouldn't doubt that it was close. I had no idea how I survived this long without freezing to death, but I was pretty sure the piles of warm blankets helped. He never took them away once he brought them, every once in awhile giving me another to add to my little nest, so I'd spend my nights burrowed under many. Keeping myself somewhat warm with my own breath and body heat.

"What is it?" I asked hesitantly.

"You'll see when we get there." He replied with a small grin. Meaning, this 'surprise' was somewhere else. I was finally leaving the burrow, but I had to question his motives.

"Will it hurt?"

"Now, it wouldn't be a fucking surprise if I told you that, would it?" He asked in reply, "But.. Probably."

"Are you taking me home?"

"No." He scoffed, "You kidding? I haven't put up with your shit for three months to just give you back now. No. It happens tomorrow night, so you might as well just fucking get used to the idea."

Tomorrow night. I _had_ miscounted. My heart sank.

"No thanks." I mumbled, turning back to the burrow.

"Still fucking stubborn." He sighed, scooping me up off my feet. Of course I fought, but that did nothing except make me tired. After a decent struggle, he looked at me, "Are you finished?"

I sighed, defeated, "Yeah."

Without replying, he started to run. I didn't ask where he was taking me. I didn't want to know. I just closed my eyes, letting him carry me wherever he was carrying me.

Three months living in nothing but guilt and shame did things to a person. Bad things. He could literally take me to the edge of a cliff and drop kick me over, and I wouldn't even bother to scream. I'd gone over and over what exactly I'd done wrong, realizing that he'd been right the entire time. He'd given me so many chances to make it right. I was selfish. I was a disgusting person. The guilt I felt clenched in me, curled up when there was no more room, folding over on itself several times. Choking what breath I could get.

If I had just stayed, none of what happened would ever have happened. Nobody would know what kind of a person Jack was. Nobody would have gotten hurt. I couldn't help allowing a few tears loose. Jack, right then, was the only form of comfort I had. Something I ached for from the night he took me.

He stopped, and I was surprised to find that I recognized the area. It took me a minute, but I did. He _had_ taken me home. Not the Cullen's house, but my mom's trailer in Sappho. I vaguely recalled that it had caught fire several years before.

Nobody had taken it away after it burned. Most of its roof was gone, but the walls still stood. Black charring around the windows and the door. The weather had also gotten to it in our absence. It'd snowed recently, making it inside the house as well as blanketing the foliage.

I grew up in this place. Shocked that he would stoop so low, I looked over at him.

"I told you." He said, "I started this ten fucking years ago. It started here in this house, and this is where it'll end. Go inside."

"No." I mumbled, "I'm not going in there. You're fucking insane." With a sighing growl, he plucked me back up off my feet and carried me inside. I squeezed my eyes shut, hating every step he took.

The second he stepped through the door, the smell around me changed, and it threatened to turn my stomach. It was very musty, thick. Like the air in here hadn't changed a bit. The burnt walls still held a story. Fire couldn't erase that. Weather couldn't erase that.

He walked with me through the damp house, and despite how my eyes stayed shut tight, unwanted memories flowed through my mind like acid. Every step he took, I could feel my sanity slip a little further.

I felt him turn, walk a few steps before he stopped.

"Well, lookie here." He chuckled, but I refused to, "Look what made it." I knew where he was standing, and just being here made me want to vomit. Without waiting, he tossed me. I landed in what felt at first like pure snow. Until I bounced. I gasped at how cold it was against my thin clothing, scrambling to climb off.

It was my bed. My old bed with the metal frame. The thin, bare mattress still in the same spot I'd left it last. It smelled horribly of mold in here, some of the roof missing in the corner of the room above the bed against the wall shared with the bedroom next door, but most of it was still intact. The walls all still intact, as well as the door and the window. It didn't surprise me too much. My room had been the furthest room on this end. Furthest away from the fire, it seemed.

"Right there." He told me firmly, shoving me back onto the bed, "Right there is where it started. Do you remember?"

"Fuck you!" I couldn't help the sobs, "Fuck you!"

"I'll take that as a yes." He chuckled, "Good. This is where you'll be staying until tomorrow night. I'll come back for you then." He chuckled, "Nighty night." I glared after him as he left, hating him so much for bringing me back here.

It was strange, feeling something again. I tried to reject it.

I climbed off the bed, looking up at the ceiling and the snow falling through it. Jagged pieces of wood stuck out ominously, but I knew I'd never be strong enough to pull myself out of there. I tried the window, but it was very rusted shut. So I took shelter out of the snow across the room away from the bed.

I wasn't stupid. I knew what he was planning to do before he would bite me. I'd been lucky so far. He hadn't touched me in any way yet, but I'd been waiting for it. I knew he wouldn't risk it after I was turned until I was more tame, but risking it before I was turned was even more dangerous. He said he'd been practicing, but there was always that self-control thing. He didn't have what it took. I was sure of it.

Then again, he probably didn't care how badly he damaged me. As long as I was alive enough for him to turn me.

I shuddered, curling tighter in my warmth preserving ball.

I looked up at the hole in the ceiling again, really considering it now. I had to get out somehow. I wasn't going to just sit around and wait for him to come back. Three months was a long time to sit and wait. Now I could actually do something about it.

I had one last effort left in me, even if I knew it wouldn't do any good. I _had_ to try.

I stood up and looked around myself. The only thing still usable was the bed, but I couldn't lift that. I didn't even want to look at it, much less touch it.

Opening the closet, I looked around. Inside was a pile of dirty clothes. One shirt hanging up, but that was it. If I remembered right, one of the boards supporting the bar in here was loose. Reaching over, it took a bit of effort but I got it loose. I doubted it'd do the trick, but it was worth a try. Backing out of the closet, I paused.

Looking down at the pile of clothes, I slowly kneeled. It smelled very musty in here, but I couldn't help pawing the pile apart. Memories flooded back to me as I lifted one shirt in particular. It was a sweatshirt. Light blue in color, covered in ash from burning trash.

It was baggy on me back then, but I held it up and really saw how incredibly small I used to be. It hit me hard. This was the day Alice came to see me. The day before I left for California. This was my history. My past. This grimey, ashy sweatshirt that I wore the first time Alice came to check on me. The day before we left for California.

How much life had I seen since I last wore this? How much had I been through? This was what I wore when I really considered my life to change. The day Alice came to see me.. How I'd idolized her. How I'd looked up to her, counted on her without even meaning to.

The memory struck hard with me. I wasn't even sure why this particular shirt caught my attention so thoroughly. It felt like more than a trip down memory lane. Out of everything in the closet, this was the one that I couldn't look away from. It literally felt like just yesterday that I was wearing it.

I forced myself to stop crying, tossing the shirt back into the closet and standing up. I took the board and moved for the window. Swinging the board as hard as I could, the board broke but the window remained intact.

I cursed, returned to the closet, and reached for the bar. I wasn't sure I could get it down, but it was worth a try. I slid it back and forth as hard as I could, eventually just pounding a hole in the wall. Enough to slide it through and down, pulling it to me.

I wasn't quiet about getting this thing, so I knew he'd heard every bit of effort I'd put into this if he was still anywhere around.

I returned to the window, and this time, it broke with a solid swing of the bar. The glass shattered, letting in more of a thorough icy breeze, and as cold as I was, I swung again. Breaking more of the glass before dropping the pole to the side.

Now what? I blinked in the cold breeze coming through the newly opened window, and I knew by the way it stung my skin that there was no way I'd survive out there. I'd freeze to death in my quest to get free. It was tempting, though. Freezing to death was preferable over what waited for me staying here.

"Fuck it." I jumped, turning sharply as the door came slamming open behind me, "Christmas came early." I backed up several steps, my bare feet crunching in a few shards of broken glass, as he approached. He gripped my head between his hands and kissed me. I was in shock for several seconds before shoving at him. The bruising pain of the force he used made my eyes tear up.

"You just don't learn." He growled, only pulling back enough to speak. His hands balled in my hair, forcing me still as he kissed me again.

"Wait." I whimpered against his lips, "Jack, wait." He jerked me back a bit to look at me. He stared into my eyes, and I desperately tried to think. Trying to come up with some excuse. My thoughts were scattered like frightened birds as he walked me a few steps to the side and back, my legs finding the cold frame of the bed.

"W-Wait.." I whimpered, a sharper edge of desperation in my tone. My heart pounded hard as I reached back, trying to brace myself on the metal bar of the foot board. I couldn't breathe, and one good push broke my grip and I landed on the icy mattress. I bounced a bit before he was there, kneeling next to me. Blocking any escape as he cornered me against the wall.

I scrambled in desperation, trying to climb off the bed, but he took my upper arm in his hand, flipping me around and effectively pinning me face down.

"Don't do this now." I begged into the snow, my tears stinging as they met the snow against my cheek. He growled, sitting himself on my thighs as his hands trailed over my sides.

"Please.." I sobbed, staring at the wall. I pushed myself up, my nails searching for anything I could use to pull myself free. That ended with a grunt from me as he pushed me back down by my head. Solid stone holding me in place.

"Don't do this now." I cried, "Y-You don't want to ruin it." By the way he paused, I knew I was on the right track, "It'll mean more to you tomorrow. Right? Wouldn't it?"

"Dammit." He grumbled, lowering himself and laying over me, "You're right."

But his hands kept roaming. His left hand curling over my hip. Forcing itself between me and the mattress. I squirmed, trying to get away from his questing hand by pulling my knee up and under me, but unfortunately, that only helped him. Giving him more room.

His weight was just too much to free myself out from under. His broad chest pressed against my slight back, one of his arms securing itself around my neck and the other still on its quest.

I literally couldn't do anything. I wasn't sure what I was expecting before, but how real this had suddenly become scared the living hell out of me. I fought, only succeeding in frustrating myself.

"Get off of me, you cow!" I finally snapped, and he laughed, holding me tighter, "I can't- Ugh!" He flexed his arm around my neck, squeezing off my breath for just a second. It became apparent that he was playing with me. He wanted the reactions I was giving him. He wanted me to struggle, to plead with him. It was everything to him, yet I knew he also wanted me to give in. I literally couldn't win.

Only a second after I figured that out, he was climbing off of me.

"One chance." He told me firmly from across the room, "If I hear you fucking _twitch_ one muscle toward that window, we're doing it now."

Of course I laid there trembling, intensely scared now over even thinking about escape. That surely hadn't gone the way I thought it would, but I thought of something. As he closed the door behind himself, I started hatching a plan.

As far as I knew, none of the Cullens had ever seen the inside of my bedroom. I didn't think it would be too much to ask to talk with them one last time. Cell phones nowadays had the option to 'video chat' with someone. They could see me as well as hear me. That included the room behind me.

Jack was set on doing this here. If I ruined that plan, I would have to be smart about it, but it was the last chance I had. Perhaps I was in a moment of insanity, but I was probably entitled to it.

It was a pretty simple plan, but it was all I had. It was all I had to get me through the freezing cold night and the dark room around me.

The most I did was move off the bed, and scurried across the room. I hated it, but the only cover I had was inside my closet, under the small pile of clothing in there. It must have been acceptable, because he didn't come back in.

So I laid curled up under the pile of clothing, much like I'd always been in my burrow under the blankets. I plotted while I waited until Jack returned in the morning. Coming in to feed me. I decided then to make my request.

I was too nervous to eat, but I tried for just long enough for it to be believable. Slowly gathering up the courage I needed to ask what I needed to ask. Was this really a good idea?

"Please.." I finally mumbled as he watched me, "Just once. Can I talk to them? With video so I can see them? Before you.. Do this?" I waited nervously as he stared at me from where he crouched beside the door. No acknowledgement at first that he'd even heard me.

"I won't try to pull anything." I went on quieter, "We can even leave this room, so they don't recognize it." He finally moved. Breathing in sharply as he stood up, but I could tell he wasn't mad. Just thinking about it. He obviously gave it some serious thought, so I added more to it, "I promise. If you let me do this, I won't complain anymore."

He just couldn't resist shoving it in their faces before it was actually done, and it was the first time I'd outright asked.

"Fine." He barked, and I carefully moved to stand up, "But I promise if they show up, you'll regret it."

I nodded anyway. I knew if they showed up, they wouldn't be alone.

"I won't say anything about where I am, and I'll do whatever you say." I murmured my promise, and he nodded as well. Turning to leave the room. I followed him easily out into the little alcove outside my room, waiting as he looked around. Just as I hoped he would, he shoved me into the bathroom. This was the same bathroom that I'd stood in to clean the ash off my face. Alice would recognize it easily.

He handed me his cell phone, shoving himself into the bathroom with me and closing the door. The room fell into pitch darkness, and I saw a flaw in my plan. All they would have to see by was the light from the screen, and even then, there wasn't much they could see. I was standing in the space between the sink and toilet, facing the sink and door. It was such an awkward angle, with nothing really identifiable behind me.

"Go." He told me firmly, and with fingers trembling, I dialed Carlisle's number. I wasn't sure if he knew how to chat with video, but I could only hope at this point. I would have to call him first and see if he had the program on his phone to do so.

"Hello?" He answered tensely, as if an unknown number calling him made him nervous. I'd already been gone over three months at this point. No word, no contact. Just gone without a trace. They probably all expected me to be dead.

"Carlisle." I whimpered, and I couldn't help the emotion, "I'm sorry." God, why couldn't I just keep it together for five seconds? I didn't have time for this.

"Leandra, where are you?" He asked.

"I can't say." I replied, "I can't tell you that, but.. He.. He let me call you to say goodbye. I only have this one chance to tell you that."

"Has he hurt you?" Yes. In more than one way.

"No." I said, "Not yet. I have until tonight, but after that.." Carlisle knew my story. He knew what day it was, and he knew that tonight would mean something to Jack. I took a trembling breath, "I need to know if you can video chat." I prayed he knew what that meant, but I couldn't help doubting that he would ever need to use that feature.

"I can." I immediately heard Rosalie say from beside him.

"Call Rose." He told me, and my hope got brighter. He carefully gave me her number, and all the information I needed.

"Okay." I mumbled, "In a minute." I hung up and got everything set up on Jack's phone. He waited, watching my every move from beside me. Ensuring I stayed in my corner. Practically pressed up against the wall.

It hardly rang once before it was suddenly answered. The first one I saw was Rose, of course, before I focused on my own image. I really didn't look well.

Months of living underground had taken its toll on my skin, and I honestly looked like total dog shit warmed over. Dark circles under my eyes, the skin of my face and neck pale but blotchy red. My eyes red-rimmed from exhaustion and emotion, my nose and the skin around my nose pink. My lips pale before I bit my lip. That helped a little bit, bringing some sort of color to them. My hair was messy and limp, falling into my face from where I looked down at the phone in my hand.

I also looked like I lost weight. Not too much, but the skin of my cheeks and part of my slightly bruised neck was sallow and sunken.

I looked sick. Very ill, and it took me a few seconds to realize that I looked almost as bad on the outside as I felt on the inside. I took my gaze off of my own image, and looked back to theirs.

Of course Emmett was crowded beside Rosalie, looking at me as well. As much as I didn't want them to see me like this, it was just good to see them. Jack was easily visible beside me, keeping me trapped, so after getting their good look at me, I could tell when they spotted him. Rose's expression darkened in record time.

"I'm hunting you down." She told him, and he chuckled as I looked over at him.

"Bring it, baby." He said, "I haven't forgotten about you." She glared heatedly, but spoke again.

"Look at her." She snapped.

"I see her." He replied simply, "She's still alive, isn't she?"

"Barely." Emmett countered, and Jack just smiled.

"Honestly, Leandra." Rose was talking to me again, so I looked back to the phone, "Where have you been?"

"Don't answer that." Jack told me before I could even think about it. It stopped my voice right in my throat.

"I can't tell you." I muttered after a moment, "Somewhere cold." That seemed to be acceptable as he didn't hit me.

"Hurry it up." Jack told me, his hand coming up and placing itself on the back of my neck. I winced a little, unable to help it.

"Emmett." I couldn't help smiling through my emotion, "You're okay." That was an amazing relief after what Jack had told me the night the baby was born.

"I'm fine, shorty." He assured me, "Worried sick about you, though."

"I'm alive." I whimpered through increasing tears, "God, I'm so sorry."

"Please don't be sorry." He replied, "We're going to find you."

"Not in time." I sobbed, "And I.. Don't want you to." Jack's hand lightly squeezed the back of my neck, so I knew he approved. Jack moved on to gathering my hair gently and lightly tugging on it.

"What?" Emmett frowned.

"Stay away." I sniffled hard, "I'm staying. I'm staying with him. I won't let anyone else get hurt because of me."

"Good girl." Jack chuckled beside me.

"You can't be serious." Rose muttered with a frown.

"Let me talk to her." Carlisle murmured from the side.

Rosalie looked over, "Here. Talk some sense into her." She handed the phone over to Carlisle. He was suddenly there, and naturally, I started to cry. I cursed internally, realizing that with Jack there, they really couldn't see anything behind me.

"I don't have long." I cried, "But.. I need to know first. Is the baby okay?"

"He's fine." He assured me. Jack slid his arm around my neck, and I closed my eyes as he crowded me.

"Long time no talk, Carlisle." He chuckled, kissing my cheek roughly. I winced.

"Ow." I mumbled, trying to push him away, "Stop, Jack."

"You won't be saying that tonight." He told me and I looked over at him. His hand came up and gripped my jaw to keep me steady, and he kissed me again.

"Stop!" I snapped, turning my head away as much as I could, "God. Just.. Go over there for a second. Please." He chuckled, but astonishingly, did as I asked. Jerking my head a bit as he half shoved me away, I watched him as he walked away.

"Leandra," Carlisle spoke again, "Where have you been?"

"Don't answer that." Jack told me from the side and I glanced over briefly.

"I can't answer that." I replied, sniffling, "But.. Um.. He let me call you, because after tonight, I won't see any of you for a long time. I promised I would go along with whatever he wanted if I could.." I paused for the emotion, "If I could just see everyone one last time."

"We will find you." He told me, but I shook my head. I was changing my mind about all this through each passing second.

"Don't." I whimpered, my voice hardly above a whisper, "Carlisle, I just.. I just wanted to tell you thank you. I'm-"

"Leandra," He was firmer, "We're not giving up on you." I ignored Jack's scoff off to the side.

"You have to." I replied, "I wanted to thank you. For everything you've done for me. How much you tried." I could see the emotion behind his frown and furrowed brow. He knew what this was. He knew what I was trying to say, just in case this didn't work.

Jack showed back up at my side, "And don't even think about trying to find her, Carlisle. Remember what happened the last time you fucked with what I wanted. I'm only letting her do this so she'll shut the fuck up." I was still torn, so I made my request.

"Alice." I spoke, shutting Jack up, "I need to see her. While I can."

"I'm on it, shorty." Emmett spoke from the background. Beside Carlisle, Esme showed up. I immediately looked down, sobs choking my breath. I couldn't even look at her, the guilt tearing me up. She could obviously read the anguish in my eyes.

"Leandra," She spoke gently, "It's okay."

"Look at her, slut." Jack told me from the side, "She's a good reminder." I looked over at him in the dark.

"Don't listen to him, honey." Esme said, "No matter what he's told you, you are _not_ responsible for anything he's done."

"I am." I cried hard now, and part of me actually wanted to give up and end the call. That was a very poisonous thought to have. I didn't have to face what I'd done. I didn't have to face any of it. Jack decided to reinforce that.

"I said," Jack reached over, "Look at her." He gripped my face again, forcing it forward. Jerking the phone from my hand and holding it steady. Making sure they could see me as well. He spoke quietly to me now, his clenched teeth maybe half an inch from the side of my face, "Look at what you've done. Look at her and tell her how sorry you are."

"I'm sorry." I said, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't listen to him." Rose slid over on the couch as well, all of them barely managing to fit in the image, "He's nothing but a pig, not man enough to come find me instead of you."

"Now promise her." Jack told me, ignoring her, "Promise her that you'll be a good little bitch and stay your ass with me."

"I promise." I whimpered, still averting my eyes.

"Better." Jack replied, releasing me.

"What happened wasn't your fault." Esme completely ignored him, "Don't think for one second it was."

"He's right." I replied, "If I had just stayed with him from the start, none of this would have ever happened. If I stay with him, he'll leave you alone. I just.. I need you to promise me that whatever happens to me, the baby will be okay."

"He's fine." She told me, "He's being very well taken care of by his family. Leandra, I promise you, sweetheart. You will see him again."

"Leandra." I jumped a little at Mikah suddenly calling from the side. Carlisle handed him the phone, but that just made it harder. He got a good look at me, and I got a good look at him. I could instantly see the worry replace the slight relief he'd had before.

"God," He murmured, "Where have you been?" Before I could even tell him I couldn't tell him where I'd been, my voice got stuck again.

"Leandra." I heard Alice's voice in the background, "I'm here." That seemed to do it. It was too much. In a split second, I remembered how much I cared about her, even right from the start. How much she meant to me. How hard she tried. How hard they all tried, and I knew that this would be no different. They wouldn't stop.

I gasped in a sob, "I can't do it."

I had a choice to make. In a very short period of time. Instinct had me drop the phone down, covering the screen against my stomach. I stood there, sobbing for a moment. I couldn't be the reason behind their suffering anymore. I felt myself putting the breaks on this plan of mine.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked, frowning.

"I can't do it, Jack." I cried, looking over at him.

"Leandra." Alice's voice was demanding, so I looked back down at the phone. Keeping it mostly hidden. I could clearly see my own emotion in the light from the phone. She could obviously see it too as she took the phone from Mikah, "Talk to me."

Mikah peered over her shoulder, so I could see them both. Mikah looked half like he wanted to kill everything in sight, and half like his entire world was just destroyed. Alice was staying firm.

"I can't take any of it back." I sobbed.

"You have absolutely nothing you need to take back." She replied simply, "Do you really believe after all this time that we would ever hold you accountable for _any_ of it?"

"You don't." I replied, "I do." She seemed to understand, but I went on anyway, "I don't think you blame me for anything. I don't think any of you hold me accountable for anything he's done, and that's the whole problem. You don't see it. You want so bad to protect me from him, but what you don't get, is you can't do that without putting everything you love and care about in the middle of it too. It just doesn't work like that."

Jack's chuckle had me closing my eyes briefly, trying to steel myself as I went on.

"I've been under his boot for my entire life." I mumbled, "No matter where I was, what I was doing, or how much you think I'm wrong, he's always held the leash. From the second he met me, my life was over. I don't think you really get what that's like, but that means that no matter what you do, it won't change. I _knew_ I was on the right track last time, before Eli made me come back here."

I took a breath, shaking my head.

"You all might not think that what he's done is my fault, but I do." I went on, quieter, "I knew back then that running away was selfish, and it's about time I crawl back to him."

"No." Mikah told me firmly.

I ignored that, "If I keep my promise, he'll keep his promise. That's all that matters to me. I can't take it back. I'd give anything to just take it back."

"You really think we're just gonna let you give up?" Mikah asked, "Just tell me where you are. I'll take care of the rest."

"It's not your choice." I countered, shaking my head.

"Don't listen to him." Alice said, "Don't let Jack win."

"I'm not listening to him." I replied through tears, "I'm finally listening to me." Before she could argue with that, I looked over at Jack as a tear fell from my eye, "I can't do this."

"Do what?" He asked, obviously now suspicious.

"Leandra?" Alice was trying to get my attention again.

"What are you doing?" Jack demanded this time. When I didn't reply, he strode over and gripped the wrist of the hand holding the phone. Pulling it back enough for me to get a look. I could just see the concern in her eyes, and that made up my mind for me. I looked away, over at Jack standing there.

"I can't do it." I sobbed up at him, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"Leandra." Mikah was the firm one now, demanding my attention. I glanced to the phone again.

"I'm sorry." I told him now, "Just.. Remember how I always was." He jerked the phone back from Alice, and for a second, I hesitated. I would have given anything to put an end to the anguish I saw in his eyes in that brief glance.

"Don't do it." He told me, "You hear me? Don't you-"

"Someone hug Andrew for me." I requested, "Please, and.." I choked off, tears blurring my vision, "And please make sure my son knows how much I loved him."

"Stop it." Mikah nearly plead.

"I am." I replied, "I'm putting a stop to it right now."

"Out with it, bitch." Jack barked, taking my attention again.

"She's seen it before." I cried to him, confessing everything, "Alice has seen where we are."

"Leandra, no." Carlisle sounded as if he couldn't believe I'd do that. I'd just completely ruined whatever chance I had at rescue, but I did it for them.

"Leandra." Mikah gasped in the same tone Carlisle had used.

"Repeat that." Jack snapped his hand out, gripping my neck. One glance over told me they could see this too.

"She's seen where we are." I told him through tightening breath, "The first time she ever came looking for me, she was here. She saw this room."

"Sappho." Alice snapped off to the side, "Go." Half a second later, I heard the front door slam open over the phone.

"I wanted to try to let her see it now, so she'll know where we are." I continued at Jack, "I'm sorry."

"You just lost a day." Jack growled, jerking the phone from my hand. He dropped it on the floor and stepped on it. Smashing it to pieces effortlessly. He whipped me up off my feet and we ran. Leaving that place behind. I honestly couldn't remember him ever running so fast.

I lost track of how long we ran, but all of his sudden direction changes were making me dizzy, and the grief was making me sick. I didn't dare complain, though. I was already in enough trouble. Whatever direction we were going, the snow increased.

It was snowing hard this way, and by the time we got back to the burrow, I was soaked to the skin and freezing cold.

"The snow will cover your scent before they can follow it up here." He growled, dropping me onto the pile of blankets. I sobbed, shivering as I slowly curled into a ball of despair.

It was slowly dawning on me what I had just done, but before I could dwell too much on it, my reasons quickly followed. I would have given anything to take everything back. To just go back and make everything right. The pain and grief I caused them weighed on me hard. Shoving my decisions in one straight direction. I wasn't even trying to look for a way out anymore.

"I'm sorry." I told him, and he growled again, dropping the boulder back into place. Trapping us both in here.

"You fucked it up!" He snarled at me, and I covered my ears, "You stupid fucking bitch! It was supposed to happen there!"

"I'm tired!" I cried, "I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm cold, Jack. Please.. I-I wasn't thinking."

He growled loudly in irritation before he took a breath and sighed.

"Well." He grumbled, "You did come to your senses. Something you've never fucking done before." I stayed quiet, watching him, "Okay. We'll just have to do it here, then. I'm not risking everything by going back there."

He continued to study me before he sighed again. I watched as he sat down next to me.

"First things first." He said, reaching over and grabbing my arm, "I need to prepare." I whimpered as he pulled me over and onto his lap. Forcing me back until my back was against his chest.

"I'm already cold, Jack." I pointed out quietly, "What are you doing?"

"I'm desensitizing myself." He replied, "Now shut the fuck up."

I had no choice but to do as he told me. I was sure he planned it this way, but I was cold, weak and tired. Mentally numb, quickly growing emotionally numb, and fully aware of the fact that any resistance was pointless.

I could feel it changing in me. The way I felt.

That lack of resistance would never mean compliance. It was more like defeat. I was so tired of fighting at this point, if I didn't give up now, I would snap and smash my head against the nearest wall over and over until I couldn't anymore.

I had a good run, I told myself. It took him this long to officially break me. I lost all forms of hope that day, forced to sit there on his lap, shivering as my body tried desperately to warm itself up.

He was right. The entire time we sat there, nobody came. Despite my warnings, I knew they had to still be looking, but they never came. Meaning, they couldn't find us.

I retreated into my mind, but refused to let my thoughts wander. To him, it would probably seem like I was asleep, but there was no way I could sleep. He spoke to me now and then, but he didn't sound mean. Like what I was doing was exactly what he wanted. He finally approved.

All thoughts aside, every single one of them, his hands roaming could almost feel like a light massage. From my fingers to my shoulders, shoulders down my back, back up to my neck and back again. It was like he knew exactly where I was in my giving up process, as he didn't venture anywhere that would make me freak out.

During those hours, I felt myself letting go. Letting go of my life before. Mourning the loss, but knowing there was no way to keep it. I started to cry near nightfall, having held it back as long as I could.

Nobody would ever fully understand how hard for me this was. I'd always been a fighter. To give up now seemed so impossible just a few months ago. Now that it was my only choice, it was so hard to let go.

All Jack had needed was a few uninterrupted hours alone with me, and given the way his touch lightened, it was working. With my thoughts refusing to wander, it was a very comforting thing. Like he was trying to draw more of my tears out without causing me more pain. It was the strangest thing, but I didn't give it much thought.

It never occurred to me what he was doing during those silent hours until it was too late. I remembered all I knew about his ability, and suddenly, all the changes in me made sense, but by that time, there was nothing I could do to resist it.

Doing internal inventory, I could still feel the hatred I always felt for him, but it had branched out. Finally shedding light on all the complicated parts of what I felt for him. Hating him in many, many different ways, but I also knew that that hatred, in all it's many forms, was what tied me to him. I finally began to understand what he'd been telling me all this time.

Holding onto that hatred and fear of him, it kept me tied to him. All these years, he and I still had a connection. It was that connection that he was using now to sway me, to reinforce in his favor. I never would have thought it would have been possible, but it was.

He never let up, with either the physical pressure of his hands or the changes his ability was causing. Not once did I ever get a break, and that in itself was what broke me so thoroughly. Overwhelming all of my senses and tangling my thoughts in exactly the way he wanted.

However, somewhere toward the evening, he tensed hard under me, nearly snapping me out of my defeat for a second.

"Oh," He growled to himself, "How I fucking hate solicitors." Seconds later, the boulder was moved. Picked up violently, and moved to the side. The fading evening light made it impossible for me to clearly see who it was, even as I lifelessly looked over.

"Shorty," It was Emmett, "Are you okay?" I didn't answer. Jack stood up easily, dumping me off his lap. I felt nothing. No hope, no joy at being found. I just curled up where I'd fallen. I did have a horrible feeling in my stomach, though.

"Go." I whimpered, pushing myself up with my arms, "You shouldn't be here." He paid no attention to that when I knew he really should have.

"You're alone?" Jack asked him, straightening his shirt, "That was stupid." Somehow I knew Jack was feeling cornered. There would be nothing he wouldn't do to keep me away from them, and that worried me even more. The process had already begun.

"Not for long." Emmett replied with a growl, turning to look back behind him. He gave a shrill whistle, but Jack darted forward. My heart sank as I tried to follow what happened next.

For a split second, Emmett had gained the advantage. He'd turned, knocking Jack back and facing him, but Jack quickly came back. Emmett caught hold of him, but it wasn't enough. Jack punched him back, which only pissed him off.

"Go." I sobbed through emotion, "Emmett, _please_." Emmett punched Jack backwards, ducking into the burrow with me. He scooped me up, but suddenly dropped me as Jack yanked him out with an echoing snarl.

I hit the rock, my head bouncing once and disorienting me. It all happened so fast, and I could no longer follow what was going on.

When I finally could look over, it was just in time to see as Jack finally overwhelmed him. Winning the upper hand.

I thawed out, and reacted when Emmett hit the ground, laying half over the edge of the cliff and didn't get back up. To my horror, I realized what had happened.

"No!" My voice broke around me, but before I could even start to cry, I was scooped up, and we were falling. Jack leaped over the edge, plummeting toward the ocean below. The icy water swallowing my entire body stole whatever breath I had left, and stupidly, my body tried to breathe in again.

I started to fight as the water filled my lungs, and sensing I was in trouble, Jack pushed me back up to the surface. I coughed hard as soon as my head broke free. My throat and chest were on fire as I fought hard for a breath.

We were moving, though. Jack, still having a hold of me, was swimming along the face of the cliff we'd just jumped off of. I sobbed when I could, ignoring the physical pain for now. That sight would always be burned in my memory.

He stopped just long enough to tell me to hold my breath. Not wanting to drown, I took as deep a breath as I could. He pulled me under the water, and as soon as I felt the water close over the top of my head, I nearly sobbed again.

Underneath the surface of the water was a small enclave in the rock. He pulled me through it, but I couldn't see a damn thing. Through the enclave, was a hole in the rock leading upward into a cave. A small cavern having been eroded and carved out over time by the waves, it was small and cramped, but there was enough room.

He boosted me upwards, out of the water and through the small hole into the tiny cave. There was one ledge in here, almost not enough room to sit upright, but I climbed up onto the ledge, the calmer water's movements causing a bit of water to wash over the ledge. It was far from dry in here, pitch dark, wet and claustrophobic, but I could hardly pay attention to that.

"Why?" I demanded as soon as I heard him pull himself in next to me, tears pouring from my eyes.

"Shut up." He snapped at me over the sound of the water falling off of both of us, "He's fine."

"No he's-" I cut off at a rough slap from him, my small cry echoing back at me. Before I could even recover from that, he was grabbing hold of me. He forced me down, pulling me under him and laid over top of me. Pinning me with his weight.

"Now you listen to me." He growled, "That is not your life anymore. You shed one more tear over that stupid bastard, and I'll make you watch while I kill every last one of them." I sobbed loudly through clenched teeth, fighting against him. I only then realized exactly his position on top of me when I couldn't use my legs for leverage.

I wasn't ready for this yet, and he knew that. One thing he couldn't steal from me was my sense of self-preservation, but that was nowhere near enough to free myself. All it did was make him chuckle quietly at my futile attempts to get him off of me. The sound just as dark as the cavern around us, just as cold as the rock beneath me.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, my panting breaths thick and painful. Laying like this with him reminded me way too much of all the years I spent with him in this same position, but just like before, there was nothing I could do about it.

"Shh.." He hissed into my ear with a soft chuckle, "I think it's about time." Before I could reply, he readjusted, smashing me a bit more into the rock as he laid his upper body over mine, his elbows the only thing keeping him from laying completely on me.

The desensitizing process started all over again.

It was worse now, because I was soaking wet, shivering violently against him. The sound of my sobs of despair echoing around us, feeling the water lapping at my back. I wasn't sure if I should even bother fighting, but that didn't stop me from trying. After what he'd done, I couldn't help it.

"Shut up." He finally growled at me, pinning my neck with his arm, cutting my cries off into silence, speaking in a growling whisper now, "This is happening whether you accept it or not. I've waited way too long. It'll be better if you just close your eyes and pretend it's all a dream." I could feel each beat of my heart between us, shaking now with fear as well as the numbing cold all around me.

Staring up into the dark.

Nobody came.

That entire night, nobody else came to find me. I tried as hard as I could to fight him off, but no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, it never got me anywhere. He finally got what he'd been wanting from me for so long, and it lasted for hours. Well into the night, nearest the dawn. On the night this first began ten years before, he ended it. Just like he said he would.

The smell around me would always live with me. The scent of salt water and cold. The rock against my back, the stone smashing me into it. It was this point that everything changed for me.

I would have lived. I would have made it out of this relatively unharmed, but he decided to bite me anyway. Just as the light of the new day started to lighten the water next to us, he forced my head to the side and he bit me.

Being pinned under him while his teeth pierced my skin changed me more than his venom ever would. It changed me in ways his venom couldn't touch, and he knew that. Begging to the rocky walls of the cavern in the earth, begging for him to stop, to reconsider, to not do this to me changed me in ways I could never describe. Even while burning alive, there was only him. Everything I felt, saw, smelled, and heard was him. He was everywhere, and there was literally nowhere I could go to get away from it.

The third breath I took to sob got stuck. I physically felt myself flinch as the intense pain suddenly shifted. At first I thought it was supposed to happen that way, but it changed. Twisting around me, shifting into something more.

For a blissful moment, I stopped paying attention to what Jack was still doing to me.

I couldn't believe it at first, but I recognized this feeling. It had already happened to me once before. The change in consciousness, the almost physical sensation of another part of my mind beginning to wake up while the one I was using now started to fade. It hurt behind my eyes, spreading through the top of my head, down my neck before blending into another type of pain.

I was waking up.

It was different this time, though. I knew this time, I would remember everything. I would remember everything about absolutely everything I'd just lived through. I would get to keep it this time. I grasped for it desperately, closing my eyes to the pain I was being put through.

In the time it took me to take a deep breath, it felt different. The memory of the pain of the venom lingered a bit, but it was gone. Instead, my entire body ached in a different way.

It was now silent around me. No echoing sound of water or my cries. I was warm again, and I was dry. There was no venom in my veins.

I forced my tired eyes to open, and at first I couldn't see anything. I looked around me, my breath hitching against the intense pain mainly centered along my back. It didn't take me longer than a few seconds to recall that I was buried under a thin blanket. Jack was nowhere to be seen, and I laid alone on a soft surface.

In a burst of energy I hadn't had in awhile, I fought my way out from under the blanket and sat up. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was _home_.

I wasn't pinned under Jack anymore. I was home. I wasn't freezing to death in some underwater cave anymore. I was home. I was on the couch I remembered so well.

I went to get up with another burst of energy, grateful now that I could, but the blankets were tangled around my feet. I struggled for a moment, still really disoriented, until I managed to flip off the couch and land on my shoulder. The pain knocked the breath out of me, and I nearly threw up.

Instantly in crying tears, I shook hard through left over emotion and confusion.

"Leandra." Esme came striding in, obviously very concerned.

I sobbed, righting myself as soon as I could. I patted myself, though, looking down and around. I was human, and still very young. My clothes were rather ratty, and I had a very bad feeling I knew when this was.

I knew exactly when this was, but more importantly, I knew where I was. I was back home. I was safe, and I wasn't in the beginning stages of being turned.

"Leandra, honey.." Esme helped me to sit up as I scooted back. I watched her through wide, tearing eyes as she untangled my feet for me. Once my feet were free, she looked over at me. The second I realized that she was okay, I sobbed, suddenly clinging to her. I couldn't help it.

"How old am I?" I cried into her shoulder.

"What's going on?" Alice came in, deep concern etched on her face.

"How old am I?" I cried again. I needed to know.

"Honey, you're nine." Esme answered, which only made me cry harder. I couldn't do it all again. The only thought making it through my extremely disoriented mind was all of that had been a dream. All of it.

"I can't." I cried, releasing her, "I can't."

"Leandra, calm down." Alice told me, stepping closer and kneeling beside me.

"Wait.." I suddenly gasped, fresh tears still coating my cheeks as I forced myself to my feet. Groaning in pain, and doubling over briefly before striding for the bathroom. I wasn't used to this pain anymore, and it was messing me up.

"Leandra?" Alice followed, "What's going on?" I closed the door in her face before staring at myself in the mirror. Sure enough, my nine-year-old self stared back at me. The image of myself I had in my mind really did not match the one staring back at me. It was a massive adjustment I had to make.

My wide green eyes matching a memory I had once. My dark auburn hair framed my small face, the bruises still plain as day. The field trip I'd taken, having met Alice for the very first time, had only been two days ago. My mom was still in rehab. Jack was still human. None of it had happened yet. Tomorrow, I would be going to California to meet Ken for the first time. I hadn't yet had a chance to run away.

As I stood there watching myself, my mind slowly started working again. All of it. Everything I remembered from this point forward was a dream. Again. Nobody in the world could understand how disorienting it was moving years forward, only to be yanked right back here. Every bit of progress, every achievement, wiped clean in the time it took for me to open my eyes.

Only I could remember it this time.

Everything, including the first vision I had, and exactly when last night's started. Both timelines, almost stuck together. I could see exactly when and where and how much everything changed between the two from where I was now. I had more of a perspective on them both. Like my mind was getting used to this.

All the pain I would feel in my head while the last vision was going on suddenly made sense. It was my mind getting stronger. Safely getting stronger while I slept.

I shook my head, trying to focus again. I could just remember the day before like it was years ago. Alice had brought me back here after convincing me to come here and meet everyone. I'd fallen asleep on the couch while refusing to answer their questions. Something that happened either now, or after this, is what I had to fix.

It suddenly occurred to me with that thought. I could fix it. This would change literally everything I knew about what happened.

"I can fix it." I gasped out loud, forcing the door back open and walking passed Alice, "I can fix it, Alice. It doesn't have to happen that way."

 **END - TO BE CONTINUED.  
**

 **A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. RL has been eating up almost all of my time and concentration lately. We've been planning a big move, and with Little KNeu, that's not as easy as it sounds.**  
 **BUT ANYHOO!**  
 **THANK YOU to my one reviewer of last chapter! You're still amazing! THANK YOU! And to those that still refuse to review.. Any chance you can leave a review telling me why? That would be nice.**  
 **Next story shouldn't take long. I have a lot of it written out. I'm hoping at least a few of you stick around to see how different things can be.  
Until next story, my beautiful readers!**


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